Crazy Good Coconut Oil "Chocolate" Bark

by Angela (Oh She Glows) on March 18, 2015

 

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Do you have any kitchen quirks? What about your partner or roommates?

Maybe you are wondering what I mean by a kitchen quirk. Basically it’s anything that drives your significant other batshit crazy.

I’ll offer some examples:

– Always sticking produce stickers on the counter despite your husband’s pleas not to (my long-time readers will get this, if you don’t, see Part 1 and Part 2)

– Loading the dishwasher in a very specific way (spoiler alert)

– Only wanting the cutlery drawer to be perfectly stacked with everything facing the same direction

– Organizing the fridge or pantry in a certain way and insisting that it’s kept in this precise order

– Debating with your partner/roommate about whether certain foods should be refrigerated or not

– Turning cans so that the label always faces the same way, are arranged by alphabet/colour/etc

I like to think of myself as a recipe creating tornado and I frequently drive Eric nuts because he is so much more organized than I am. When you are with someone for almost 15 years you learn every one of their little (and big) quirks. Day by day….by day.

Want to know what Eric’s biggest kitchen quirk is?

Aside from me, it’s the dishwasher.

The guy has a thing for dishwasher organization. It’s his pride and joy. And it’s actually impressive, the dedication that he puts into carefully loading and stacking the dishwasher every day. He has refined his technique over the years too, always improving. Impressive. At first glance, you might think that he’s just a normal guy unloading or loading the dishwasher, but you’d be wrong, very wrong. He is not normal. Eric has been trying to enlighten me with his genius dishwasher short-cuts ever since we got together. I stubbornly refused for years until I recently discovered how amusing it is to see him so proud when I use his “tricks”. He beams with pride.

My sister was over yesterday and after dinner we got talking about how her husband/my brother-in-law insists that the dishwasher is loaded in a certain way. Hmm sounds familiar. So began a hilarious conversation with us and the guys talking about how a dishwasher should be loaded. She said, “Steve will actually UNLOAD the dishes that I have loaded and then reload the machine!” Well, that rings a bell. I hear Eric tinkering away with unloading and reloading my dishes every night. He also has a system of loading my measuring spoons (because I typically use about 20+ on any given day of recipe testing). We have a dishwasher with a narrow top tray for cutlery and he has created this whole system of how to load the measuring spoons and other utensils so that they don’t collect/pool any water…right down to which direction they face for optimum drying. Like I said, not normal…but impressive.

I should also mention that we had a 10+ year ongoing debate about whether ketchup should be refrigerated or not. I said that, yes, ketchup should be refrigerated and he always said it shouldn’t (just a personal preference on his part). One day I pointed out the label which reads “Keep refrigerated” and it’s been in the fridge ever since! Case closed. Mystery solved. He finally gave in (even if it’s perfectly fine at room temperature).

Of course, this story wouldn’t be complete without Eric weighing in on my biggest kitchen quirk.

Without even blinking an eye he said, “chaos.”

Nailed it. Martha would so not approve of my kitchen ways.

Ok, it’s your turn to spill the beans. What are your kitchen quirks? What about your partner or roommates’ quirks?

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Crazy Good Coconut Oil "Chocolate" Bark

Vegan, gluten-free, grain-free, no bake/raw, refined sugar-free, soy-free

By

This homemade chocolate is made with just a few essential ingredients - virgin coconut oil, cocoa or cacao powder, and pure maple syrup. (Feel free to use whichever liquid sweetener you prefer). The virgin coconut oil replaces the cocoa butter found in traditional chocolate so while it needs to be kept in the freezer, it’s a great way to sneak some coconut oil into your day. You can also use any toppings you'd like - dried fruit, nuts, + seeds all work lovely. It melts much faster than regular chocolate, so be sure to keep it chilled until ready to enjoy. I prefer it straight from the freezer.

Yield
20 pieces
Prep time
Cook time
0 Minutes
Chill time
15 minutes

Ingredients:

  • 1/4 cup raw hazelnuts
  • 1/4 cup raw almonds
  • 1/3 cup large flake dried coconut
  • 1/2 cup virgin coconut oil
  • 1/2 cup cocoa or cacao powder, sifted if necessary
  • 1/4 cup pure maple syrup
  • 1 tablespoon smooth almond butter, optional
  • pinch fine sea salt

Directions:

  1. Preheat oven to 300F. Line a 9" square pan or a small baking sheet with two pieces of parchment paper, one going each way. Set aside.
  2. Add hazelnuts and almonds on a baking sheet and roast in the oven for 10 minutes. Remove baking sheet and add the coconut flakes and spread out. Continue roasting the nuts and coconut flakes for another 3-4 minutes, or until the coconut is lightly golden. Watch closely to avoid burning - coconut burns fast!
  3. Place hazelnuts on several sheets of damp paper towel. Wrap the hazelnuts and rub them vigorously with the paper towel until the skins fall off. It’s ok if some skins don’t come off. Discard the skins and roughly chop the hazelnuts and almonds.
  4. In a medium saucepan, melt the coconut oil over low heat. Remove from heat and whisk in the cocoa (or cacao) powder, maple syrup, and almond butter (if using) until smooth. Add a pinch of sea salt to taste. Stir in half of the almonds and hazelnuts.
  5. With a spatula, spoon the chocolate mixture onto the prepared parchment-lined pan or sheet and smooth out until it's about 1/4-1/2 inch thick. Sprinkle on the remaining nuts and all of the coconut flakes. Place into freezer on a flat surface for about 15 minutes, until frozen solid.
  6. Once frozen, break apart into bark. Store in the freezer until ready to eat. I don't recommend keeping it out on the counter long because it melts fast.

Nutrition Information

Tips:

Tip: To make this nut-free, simply omit the almond butter, hazelnuts, and almonds. It will still turn out just fine! You can try adding toasted sunflower seeds on top for a little crunch.

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Enjoy!

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{ 55 comments… read them below or add one }

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Meghan March 18, 2015 at 4:21 pm

Hi Angela,

My boyfriend is the exact same way with me and the dishwasher. Without fail, every time he goes to unload it after I have loaded it he exclaims in frustration, “This is isn’t how I told you to do it!” Maybe it’s a guy thing? Strange obsession to have for man that doesn’t seem to care that much about the cleanliness of the rest of the house!
Anyway, the chocolate bark looks amazing. Just what I needed for my sweet craving right now! Thanks for another great recipe! I’ve been following your blog for a while and this is my first time commenting. You should know that your recipes consistently make up the bulk of my weekly meal plans! I can’t wait for your next cookbook! :)

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Peter March 22, 2015 at 5:05 pm
Recipe Rating:

This looks amazing!

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Peter March 22, 2015 at 5:06 pm

Check out http://juiceandfeast.com for more great recipes!

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Matea March 18, 2015 at 4:23 pm

That’s so funny about his dishwasher routine! My kitchen quirk is definitely cleanliness: I can’t stand a dirty counter; I’m constantly wiping down our :)
I have got to try this chocolate bark! Coconut oil is the BEST!

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Tom ~ Raise Your Garden March 19, 2015 at 8:23 am

This chocolate bark looks marvelous, like these florentine almond/chocolate cookies we always order at our special restaurant (the place where I proposed to my wife).

My biggest kitchen quirk, oh my, my wife and the recycling! We are big recyclers and she just throws all our recyclables on the floor next to the garage inside the house! The floor I have you, for me, apparently the bottle fairy / recycle fairy to pick up.

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Laura ~ Raise Your Garden March 19, 2015 at 10:00 am

Ok dear….you seem to forgetting that I read this blog too! And yes, I’m guilty of just chucking the recycling by the door, but you never squeeze out the sponges leaving them sopping on the countertop! Ewwww. And they smell like pickles when you use them

But I forgive you because you always clean up the cat puke and change the litter box.

You are right about these lovely desserts, they do look like the ones we order at “our restaurant” and we’ve been wanting to make them at home for ages now =)

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Julie March 20, 2015 at 10:15 am

Ha ha! Busted! :P

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Cassie March 18, 2015 at 5:05 pm

This looks so good!

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Queenoffitness March 18, 2015 at 5:11 pm

my kitchen quirk; stacking the dishes that we hand wash a “certain” way for optimum drying and space-saving. we hand wash pots, pans, cooking utensils, sharp knives, and my lunch dishes since I use them everyday. i go batty if they are not stacked “correctly.” i also get irritated when things are not put back they way they were found. My husband is terrible at this. when he puts away clean dishes i can never find anything! i once had to search for 30 minutes for my rolling pin only to find it in the aluminum foil/saran wrap/sandwich baggie drawer after a desperate phone call to him.

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Natalie October 5, 2017 at 10:28 am

Hey! At least he does dishes!! Hee hee :-)

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Queenoffitness March 18, 2015 at 5:13 pm

…oh and he also likes to put every single piece of silverware in the first slot because i mean there aren’t like 10 others.

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Sarah March 18, 2015 at 5:16 pm

Your husband sounds completely normal! (And by that, I mean he sounds just like me, and you sound suspiciously like my spouse….do you leave the hummus out after using it, too??)

I was buying a new dishwasher, and the salesman was telling me that he doesn’t let his wife anywhere near their dishwasher, as she has no loading technique. He shook his head like it was a moral failing somewhere between blasphemy and kicking puppies. :)

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Abbey @ thesonomalife March 18, 2015 at 5:39 pm

I just made some Elvis bars, but I will be making this bark as soon as those are gone! (so… in maybe a few hours?)
There are kitchen quirks in this household. I definitely don’t get picky about cleaning though, as I am usually just glad to have some extra help. One major thing my husband does (did actually! haha) was use SO MANY cutting boards. And knives. Like separate boards and knives for each stage of the cooking process. It was maddening! But we have both moved past it. :) I’m not totally sure what my quirk is, which probably means I do multiple weird things of which I am completely unaware.

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Sam @ PancakeWarriors March 18, 2015 at 5:46 pm

I’m cracking up reading this. I don’t tighten the kids on containers all the way, put the stickers from veggies in the cutting boards and am pretty chaotic as well. I just get into my creative place and things go everywhere. Love that your hubs is all about the dishwasher I try to be good at it but I’m not. Lol. Love love love this chocolate bark!!

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Tonya March 18, 2015 at 6:09 pm

My kitchen quirk: dry sponge. do not leave a wet, full of water, pick up and it’s heavy from water, sponge. it collects germs. I constantly want to put a sign up that says “A dry sponge is a happy sponge” That is truly my only quirk.

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Nicole {VeganShowOff.com} March 19, 2015 at 1:39 pm

OMG the wet sponge thing drives me nuts too! It’s so gross and even starts smelling after a day! Yuck!

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Maria May 20, 2015 at 1:54 pm

Have you guys tried the norwex dish cloth. I LOVE it and it’s design allows you to leave it in a ball in the sink and it does not smell.

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Jessica March 19, 2015 at 10:19 pm

Oh yes I totally agree. My husband always leaves a soggy sponge in the sink and its disgusting! I’m pretty paranoid about damp tea towels too =)

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Ceilidh March 18, 2015 at 6:54 pm

Dishwasher problems must be a common thing in all long-term relationships. I found this cartoon on “How to perfectly load a dishwasher” a while ago and it pretty much sums up my relationship:

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/dishwasher

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Angela (Oh She Glows) March 19, 2015 at 3:43 pm

OMG that’s hilarious! I love The Oatmeal.

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Meghan March 18, 2015 at 6:55 pm

My husband also unloads and reloads the dishwasher any time I try to do that. My own biggest quirk is that all the jars for dry goods have to “match.” So no leftover mustard jars or anything like that for seeds, nuts., etc. Lentils and all the types of dry beans have to be in a certain size container; quinoa, millet, barley, etc. have to be in a certain type; oats, flour, sugar have to be in a certain type – you get the picture. Also matching mason jars in the fridge hold nuts, seeds, and spoil-prone things. My husband is also driven completely insane that I have sourdough starter on the counter so often.

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Kathryn March 18, 2015 at 6:57 pm

You sound just like me. My guy cleans the kitchen, and I…well, I demolish it. My friends have always joked that I leave a trail of destruction in my wake wherever I go–even though I try to be neat! I really do!

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Jenna March 18, 2015 at 7:09 pm

Did you know that fruit stickers are edible? They’re made from food grade paper and glue. Not sure if they are vegan or not…
My husband leaves a water glass on the counter beside the fridge, yet can never remember to refill the Brita. Not sure how quirky that is but it annoys the crap outta me.
-Jenna
Http://loveabibliophile.com

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Maryea {happy healthy mama} March 18, 2015 at 7:12 pm

I’m in love with this recipe and I haven’t even tried it yet!

I’m chaos in the kitchen as well. I think my brain is just working so fast that my body can’t keep up and the result is an absolute disaster. :)

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Lynn | The Road to Honey March 18, 2015 at 7:42 pm

Ooooh! I need your hubby to come to my place and organize my dishwasher every night. Organizing cans so all the labels are facing forward and lined up is normal not a quirk, right? The bark looks tasty. I love that you threw some almond butter in there. Everything is better with a spoonful of almond butter, after all.

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KZ March 18, 2015 at 7:56 pm

Wow I wish I had a dishwasher to have packing problems with! My fiancé has a lot of issues with stuff I do, like not fully rinsing (washing) the dishes before I stack them to be washed, and other things like that. I personally can’t stand when he opens a cabinet — and leaves it OPEN after he is done? How could you forget to shut a cabinet? More than once? Ever???

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Eden March 18, 2015 at 7:59 pm

These look amazing, can’t wait to make them!

http://www.mintnotion.com

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[email protected]elperBlog March 18, 2015 at 8:34 pm

LOVE that you included hazelnuts in this!! They are my nut of choice with chocolate so I can only imagine how amazing this is!

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Sam March 18, 2015 at 8:58 pm

This is too funny – earlier today my husband and I were debating about which foods to put in the fridge!

I am pretty chaotic in the kitchen as well, and I always seem to find a way to use nearly every appliance, dish, and piece of cutlery that we have! I just get too excited for my own good :)

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Jen March 18, 2015 at 9:01 pm

My husband leaves random kitchen cupboards open (just the upper ones, never the lower cupboards). It drives me nuts. I’ll hear him open and close, say, 4, cupboards, then I’ll go into the kitchen later and find that the one on the end is wide open. Why?! Who does that?!

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Leanne March 19, 2015 at 8:34 am

See the story I posted lower down. You might get a kick from it!

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Kelly P March 19, 2015 at 8:39 am

I do that, too! It drives my husband nuts, lol. It happens with dresser drawers and bathroom cabinets as well. I have no explanation for it…just absent minded-ness, I suppose. :-)

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Anna Lee March 19, 2015 at 1:54 pm

So do I! I don’t know why, but taking the extra second to close them doesn’t even cross my mind. When I’m cooking something, it’s very common for at least 3 to be open at once lol.

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S Lauren | Modern Granola March 18, 2015 at 11:00 pm

Oh man, this looks so darn good! I need a chocolate fix, and this will definitely do the trick!

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Jamie March 18, 2015 at 11:54 pm

This is honestly too funny… my husband is sooo particular about the dishwasher organization too! He is always rearranging the dishes I have put in the dishwasher. Funny to hear Eric is the same way :)

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Susanne March 19, 2015 at 12:50 am

I really enjoyed this post. I once read a book (unfortunately forgot the title) that stated, the only reason we live with others is to keep from getting too many odd quirks as we get older.

Your chocolate recipe sounds amazing. The roasted nuts look great.

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Mario Bertulli March 19, 2015 at 5:06 am

Really nice recipe! I will for sure try to do something similar!

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Lauren March 19, 2015 at 5:07 am

MMMM yes, I love recipes like this – chocolate bark is so darn delicious and tastes amazing!

Lauren x
Britton Loves | Lifestyle Food Fashion Beauty – www.brittonloves.blogspot.co.uk

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Charlene March 19, 2015 at 6:39 am

Oh quirks…love them! Mine is having a “strong desire” (ha!) to ensure the kitchen is clean before heading to bed as I find it too over whelming to look at the chaos of teenagers in the morning! My husband seems to have the “leave the kitchen door(s) open” syndrome many have described and has passed this on to our teenaged boys…a sure fire recipe for driving the lone female in the house nutty! Bark was awesome Angela, thanks for sharing.

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Nina Vrolijk March 19, 2015 at 6:51 am

This is so funny! In our house it’s the other way around. I am very very organised and my husband is like ‘chaotic’. I have a thing with the dishwasher as well. I drive my husband crazy with it. And still he is kind enough to now and then fill the dishwasher for me. Just last night he was and I was sitting at the table watching him. I know I’m awful and I try to keep my mouth shut, but I just can’t :’)… And then when he goes upstairs I try to silently rearrange hahaha. I also have everything in my cupboards labeled and in a certain place. My spices have there own drawer and the are in alphabetical order….. Just last week I asked my husband to get me a certain spice and I said ‘ you don’t have to worry, they are in alphabetical order, you’ll find it’. He made this face, rolled his eyes and said ‘of course they are’…. I enjoyed your post so much I haven’t even looked at the recipe haha.

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Nina Vrolijk March 19, 2015 at 7:14 am

It looks delicious! Making this right now ;)

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[email protected] March 19, 2015 at 7:46 am

If anything ends my marriage, it will be loading the dishwasher! My husband is similarly dedicated to loading it “his” way (aka the “right” way), and never shall we meet. For my part, I’ll be keeping the tomatoes, avocados, and basil at room temperature, no matter what he says :)

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Jessica March 19, 2015 at 7:48 am

That’s so funny about the dishwasher quirk. My husband is the complete opposite and I’m always having to reload the dishwasher when he puts his dishes in. I’m all for optimum space to make sure everything gets clean and he just likes to put things in the first free spot that he sees – usually without even opening the door all the way!

If I had to guess my quirk, it’s that I like our dishes and bowls to be stacked a certain way in the cupboards. Small cereal bowls on top, larger bowls at the bottom, etc. It drives me nuts when I see them mixed up! I once caught my husband rolling his eyes at me while I rearranged the cupboards after he emptied the dishwasher.

Come to think about it, maybe my kitchen quirk is actually rearranging everything? :)

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els @ahealthyartist March 19, 2015 at 7:52 am

Love this! Totally gonna make this!

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Lindsey @ Simply Lindsey March 19, 2015 at 7:53 am

This recipe looks SO good! My Mom loves making chocolate bark, so I’ll have to share this recipe with her! :)

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Stacy @ Nourishing Health March 19, 2015 at 7:55 am

Hilarious! I love this post!!

The biggest kitchen quick I have for my hubby is when he leaves the dish water in the sink – so cold and gross the next morning! (But….he does dishes for me, so how can I complain!)

Apparently my biggest quirk is apparently when I saute veggies – I tend to forget about them….clearly irksome for my dishwashing hubby. ;)

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Cindy March 26, 2015 at 6:40 pm

Gah! That drives me crazy! Or he stacks everything in the sink instead of to the side so that I then have to move it all to wash. I also only like to clean up once a day because I don’t want to live in the kitchen and feel that it wastes a lot of water. That said, there are only two of us. However, you’d think 20 people were eating here… When I cook, all of the veggie drawers and half the fridge come out because I make everything from scratch and often experiment. It definitely looks like a kitchen tornado has come through.

As for the dishwasher, well, we just disagree. It also drives me nuts that when he does the dishes and “cleans” the kitchen, he’ll do ALMOST all of it – usually doesn’t wipe the counters or table and it drives me insane! Seriously, he is a wonderful man.

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Cece Leskova March 19, 2015 at 8:03 am

Yum, this looks tasty :)

My biggest kitchen quirk is probably that I’m super neurotic about putting certain foods in specific tupperwares to go into the refrigerator. If someone else (my sister for example) decides to put things away after lunch or dinner and puts rice in, say, the veggies tupperware I go and change it. And in the refrigerator there’s a certain way I like the tupperwares organized – rice and beans in the back of the top shelf, veggies in the front, etc. This is probably why she and mum always leave the cleaning up for me to do…

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Leanne March 19, 2015 at 8:32 am

Funny story. I am probably a chaos cooker and it doesn’t bother me to have things a bit out of place. Including cupboard doors (overhead ones, not at shin level. ouch). It drove my husband crazy, when we first got married, that the cupboard doors were left open. He repeatedly would ask me to close the doors. So one day, on my way out of the house, I opened EVERY SINGLE CUPBOARD! Apparently, when he first saw it he didn’t get the joke and was a bit pissed off that they were all open. Then he realized that they were ALL open and it must be a joke. We laugh about it now and I have since gotten better at closing the cupboards.

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Cara March 19, 2015 at 12:37 pm

My husband did that to me once. He’s notorious for leaving open drawers, doors, cabinets, etc…. I walked into the kitchen one day and he’s sitting at the table eating something reading the paper with every single cabinet door and drawer open. All I could do was laugh. I look at this way – it’s his way of always keeping his options open – you know the saying, when a door closes, a window opens. Well, he’s just reinforcing this.

My quirk: do not put in the dishwasher what I will need the next day (measuring cups, handheld cheese grater, cutting board etc.) I do not have more than one of these, and I hate when I have to stop and wash something while I’m in the middle of cooking.

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Kelli March 19, 2015 at 8:55 am

Too funny! My husband & I have our own quirks, too. We have actually struck a deal… he will abide by my rule that the dishtowel must be NEATLY hanging (not shoved in a clump) on horizontal oven handle. In return, if I’m doing dishes alone, I will dry the knives & put them away immediately instead of allowing them to air-dry. He his convinced that allowing water to sit on them is bad… that sounds silly to me, but in the spirit on compromise, we stick to the deal!

Thanks for the funny read & the yummy-looking recipe!

Kelli

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Jill @ Champagne for Everyday March 19, 2015 at 9:02 am

This looks so delicious! It was life changing for me to learn that you can make chocolate out of coconut oil, but I hadn’t thought of doing bark. I tried replacing the sugar/syrup with stevia and it actually turned out amazing!

xx Jill
Latest post: Hips Don’t Lie! 3 Quick Moves to Keep ‘Em Fit for Life!

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Olivia March 19, 2015 at 9:16 am

I am just like Eric! It drives me CRAZY when people load the dishwasher inefficiently. I used to have the worst roommates who would only half fill the dishwasher and then run it, or put in things which really shouldn’t go in (like cast iron frying pans! who does that!). But the most I have ever been angered by someone else’s lack of kitchen etiquette was by this boyfriend of my ex-roommate. When he ate peanut butter on his toast in the morning, he would leave the knife lying around covered in peanut butter! He didn’t wipe it off on his toast (like a normal person), but just left his knife on the counter with peanut butter all over it. To this day, I feel genuinely angry when I think about it.

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Fiona March 19, 2015 at 9:21 am

Yum yum yum!
If I substitute cacao butter, will it stay solid at room temperature? And how would you recommend doing that?

Thanks!

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Hannah March 19, 2015 at 9:32 am

It seems like everyone is in one of two camps: AMAZING at loading the dishwasher or TERRIBLE at it…quite amusing! My husband is in the latter camp, and I sometimes catch him putting something in there (in the worst possible place) and then running away before I can see him…like I wouldn’t notice later anyway!

I second another commenter about the sourdough starter, along with sprouting seeds, soaking beans and nuts, rising dough…all of that stuff drives him crazy. The best way to win out on that argument, though, is to just threaten to stop cooking all together. You have the upper hand if you’re the one with the kitchen skills!

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