Aside from my current career in the food business, many of you may not know that I also moonlight as a Barber. The job is not to be taken lightly as it requires a fine attention to detail and precision, something I have no place in assuming much skill. However, I’ve had some practice in this area with recipe development and I figure it’s always wise to develop a new skill set for the resume.
Every month, Eric calls me into the bathroom where I find him stripped down to his boxers with his Deluxe hair trimming set splayed about, clutching the large electric trimmer in one hand. This is when I transform into Barber Extraordinaire cutting his hair while catching up on the day’s gossip just like any good stylist would.
The most difficult aspect of this task is by far the point at which I have to trim the base of his hairline and make a very, very, very straight line. The first time I did it, I felt like I was trying to pipe a gingerbread cookie, my hands shaky and my pulse escalating. But now that I’ve been cutting his hair for over 10 years, I swear I could do it in my sleep. It’s really fool proof!!
“Looks good to me”, I say with a nod then disappear from the room.
Except this time Eric returned home from work with some rather upsetting news.
“Pete had a good laugh today.”
“Oh yea?”
“We were out for lunch and Pete gave a couple glances at the back of my hair. He said ‘Man, who cut your hair…Did you cut it yourself?’”
“I said ‘No, Ange did.’”
That’s when I piped in, “He loved it, right?”
“Then Pete said ‘Did you look at it? Man, you better go take a look at the back of your hair in the mirror. It’s so crooked it looks like a ski slope.’”
I took one look at Eric’s hair and it looked like a 2 year old set loose on it. Pete was right, I botched that cut almost worse than the time I cut off my best friends beautiful long hair as a 5 year old.
“Oh my Goooood. How did I…”
I burst out laughing and could not stop. Tears came, from laughing so hard.
“You’re fired.”
I tell you, the first day back at the job (he was desperate), was rather anxiety-provoking. I trimmed that hair so straight you could’ve put a laser level on it and it would pass with flying colours. So far, no more comments from Pete, but I might have a few choice words for him next time he’s over.
As for our professional relationship, I’m happy to say that Eric and I have put this matter behind us.
Thankfully, smoothies, do not require such precision and attention to detail; after all, I make them first thing in the morning when I’m still half asleep. I’ve only had a couple explosions so far.
Back on Track Green Monster (Banana Free)
Yield
3 cups
Prep time
Cook time
0 minutes
Total time
This Green Monster is great for getting your healthy eating back on track after a series of indulgences. It sets your day on the right tone and instantly makes you feel ah-mazing. For the banana haters out there, you’ll be pleased to know that this one is banana-free. As with any smoothie, feel free to play around with the ingredients to suit your own taste buds. You might like more or less lemon, ginger, apple, etc.
Ingredients
- 1 cup kale
- 1 large Gala apple (or other sweet apple), roughly chopped
- 1 English cucumber, peeled and roughly chopped
- 1 tbsp fresh lemon juice
- 1 tsp fresh grated ginger
- 1/2 tbsp coconut oil
- Maple syrup, to taste (I used 1/2 tbsp or so)
- 4-5 Ice cubes
- Protein powder, optional
Directions
- Place all ingredients except maple syrup and ice into a high-speed blender and blend on high until very smooth. Blend in ice and maple syrup to taste.
- Guzzle.
- Feel amazing.
Nutrition Information
(click to expand)
Happy Thanksgiving to all my readers in the US! I hope you have a fun, safe, and happy holiday weekend.
How cool, I actually have a very similar green smoothie recipe! I also do not like bananas, breplt does add a bit of something to smoothies. I have found the best texture replacements are avocados or oatmeal. Hope that helps – also, Bob’s Red Mill sells a gluten free oatmeal for those on the GF diet :)
Thank you so much for this amazing looking recipe! I love healthy recipes and I will look forward to trying it out and sharing it with my followers at TianaGustafson.com. As Arnold says “I’ll be back” :) Thanks again!
Great way to start the New Year, so had it for breakfast today. Delicious.
Hi there! Love, love your recipes! Have you ever added protein powder to your green monster smoothie? I have been making a green smoothie for breakfast for 7 months now, I’ve lost 75 lbs, I’ve been doing Advocare along with a very clean diet, pretty much a mix of Paleo and gluten free, and I’m always looking fir new smoothie recipes. My current one is 1 cup water, 2 cups spinach, 1scoop protein powder, 8 ice cubes, 1 packet stevia. I would love some new ideas.
This sounds great and i can’t wait to try it! A question- Is 3 cups the serving size or does this make multiple servings?
Just found this post and got a fun laugh out of it as I both cut my husband’s hair and drink green drinks. Great photos!
Hello –
Would this be okay without the maple syrup? I’m doing the Whole30 challenge and although smoothies are technically not recommended I’m incorportaing a few because I’m a vegetarian and often need extra protein and sides with my meal to keep me full. The syrup is the only ingredient that is not Whole30 compliant.
Thanks!
Go green. I’ll drink anything green. Mmmmm. Powerful. Remember citrus disables phyto’s. Sugar interferes with nutrient absorption.
So, our paleo ancestors had blenders? (And didn’t care about getting fiber by eating whole plants, rather than pulverizing them.)
One of my favorites!!
Is this to make one serving? 3 cups?
angela I am not much for oil, could I do flax oil or seeds in this for the same effect.
OMG can I just say that this EXACT thing happened to me and my husband last monthly! We just got married 4 months ago, so I’m still getting used to it! Thanks for making me feel better :)
I love the Green monster, especially that it does not have banana, as I feel uncomfortable after the banana, I can add half a avocado and I like the coconut oil bit as I have dry skin, and add some cashews too and water for a looser texture, fills me up and I feel so energetic, thanks
As for cutting hair, I cut all my family’s hair but nobody to cut mine so I pay 60.00 dollars for a hair cut , but he is the greatest hairdresser I have had for over 20 years, and that is every four weeks as my hair is thick and grows so fast.
Love it, I too occupy the part time barber – Hubby has the exact same requirements of a straighter than straight back of the neck hair line! Great recipe too
Hi,
I came across your blog about 2 years ago when I was wanting to loose some weight and looking for healthy recipies. I checked your blog regularly but never made any of the recipeies.
I did loose weight and became fit by exercising and eating only homemade food (staple north indian food) and now I am fit. But I want to progress to being my fitest, which is around 6.9kg lower than current weight and run a marathon( I already did a half marathon) and also have a flat belly, so some changes in food are needed, as I was slowly moving to my munchine habits again.
Long story short, I decided to try your green monster, went to shoping mall and got most indegrients and I made it yesterday. I cannot believe it was tasty! A little different as I am not used to the taste of Kale, but it was so much better than what I thought.
Now I’m going to have a green monster everyday after my workout with some soy protein in it.
Will try some other quick recipies too… :)
Thrilled to see other anti-banana folks. I whimper whenever I see a recipe calling for mashed banana. This is perfect for segueing out of a juice detox. Fun site!
Hi Angela!
I just have a quick question. I came to this recipe because my stomach and bananas don’t exactly agree, so I was excited to see a banana free Green Monster recipe. However, apples and my stomach don’t agree either. Do you think that substituting with some berries would be fine? Or do you have any other alternative suggestions?
Thanks!
This was my second ever green smoothie that I made and for a ‘green smoothie beginner’ this was easy to make and tasted great! Thanks for creating and sharing this recipe!
Please check out DIY Natural for the importance of steaming Kale before using in your Smoothies. To help people from getting sick from the Kale. Effects the Kidneys.
Hi Angela!
Love this and your pink detox smoothies! Wanted to let you know I featured both on my post about Breakfast smoothies.
evergreenevergrey.blogspot.com/2014/06/top-5-favorite-breakfast-smoothies.html
-Ana Luiza
Has anyone ever made a bit extra or tried saving a bit to have later (ie within 24 hrs)? I know fresh is best, but when pressed for time, or not near appliances, just grabbing the extra from the fridge and shaking it up to revive it would be a great snack option at work.
How long will this last in the fridge? I’m a busy a “cook once every few days” kinda girl and I like things that will last. The yield says 3 cups? Will it last 2 – 3 days in the fridge?
Anyone who knows pretty please let me know! :)
I used apple cider as my liquid and coconut agave syrup instead of maple syrup. It tastes delicious. I will definitely make this again!!
does adding vanilla protein powder change the overall taste?
So happy to have found this recipe and your blog :). Have you found a protein powder you love? I’ve been working out consistently in the mornings and would love to make this drink (with extra protein) before my workout. I don’t eat soy btw. Thanks so much!
This will be my go-to green smoothie when I’m out of bananas! It’s delicious. Thank you!
This was really delicious Angela. I added 1 banana and a valencia orange to it to add some more sweetness and used 1 tbsp maple syrup and a cup of coconut water to make it easy to blend. I omitted the ice as well. :) Hope that helps anyone who doesn’t like super cold drinks!
Oops! I forgot to mention I also added a handful of parsley to this. Great way to use then up!
This smoothie is amazing and I try to make it at least once a week! it’s delicious and healthy! When I don’t have cucumber, I use frozen celery. Chocolate protein poweder makes it taste like dessert!
thank you so much!
Hi, Love the story, but wondering about the green smoothie, what does it do?? is it for energy?? Sorry, I want to start drinking healthy smoothies and would like to know what this one does.
Thanks,
Maria
Love that this doesn’t need banana. Having a latex fruit allergy, I find it so hard to make good smoothies without banana and/or avocado. Can’t wait to try this!
About two years ago, I (almost suddenly) realized that I absolutely detested bananas. It was very strange, but my Green Monster habit went right out the door with said bananas. No more green smoothies for me. Thank you for creating a (delicious) banana-free recipe that has me craving smoothies again. I always keep these ingredients on hand too – my favorite kind of recipes. I did have to add a bit of coconut water since my even my indesctructable Vitamix had some trouble blending this up. Maybe I need to put the apple at the top next time?
What’s a good substitute for apples if you’re allergic to that? :\
Hi Angela!
I tried this recipe today and loved it! The ingredients don’t mention the amount of liquid so I added in 1/2cup of water for half the recipe. I used a green apple and omitted the ginger and it was still plenty sweet for me. Thank you!
Forgot to mention I swapped spinach for the kale and it was still great, in case anyone is wondering.
1 whole cucumber?
Hey Dave, I think I used a medium English cucumber here, but feel free to start with half of one and add from there if you’d like!
Can I make this ahead? Maybe in a big batch for a couple days?
Hey Liz, Oh good question! I can’t recall if I’ve ever stored it in the fridge before so I can’t say for sure. I think the odds of it lasting in the fridge for 24 hours are better since it doesn’t have banana in it. :) If you try anything I’d love to hear how it goes!