Aside from my current career in the food business, many of you may not know that I also moonlight as a Barber. The job is not to be taken lightly as it requires a fine attention to detail and precision, something I have no place in assuming much skill. However, I’ve had some practice in this area with recipe development and I figure it’s always wise to develop a new skill set for the resume.
Every month, Eric calls me into the bathroom where I find him stripped down to his boxers with his Deluxe hair trimming set splayed about, clutching the large electric trimmer in one hand. This is when I transform into Barber Extraordinaire cutting his hair while catching up on the day’s gossip just like any good stylist would.
The most difficult aspect of this task is by far the point at which I have to trim the base of his hairline and make a very, very, very straight line. The first time I did it, I felt like I was trying to pipe a gingerbread cookie, my hands shaky and my pulse escalating. But now that I’ve been cutting his hair for over 10 years, I swear I could do it in my sleep. It’s really fool proof!!
“Looks good to me”, I say with a nod then disappear from the room.
Except this time Eric returned home from work with some rather upsetting news.
“Pete had a good laugh today.”
“Oh yea?”
“We were out for lunch and Pete gave a couple glances at the back of my hair. He said ‘Man, who cut your hair…Did you cut it yourself?’”
“I said ‘No, Ange did.’”
That’s when I piped in, “He loved it, right?”
“Then Pete said ‘Did you look at it? Man, you better go take a look at the back of your hair in the mirror. It’s so crooked it looks like a ski slope.’”
I took one look at Eric’s hair and it looked like a 2 year old set loose on it. Pete was right, I botched that cut almost worse than the time I cut off my best friends beautiful long hair as a 5 year old.
“Oh my Goooood. How did I…”
I burst out laughing and could not stop. Tears came, from laughing so hard.
“You’re fired.”
I tell you, the first day back at the job (he was desperate), was rather anxiety-provoking. I trimmed that hair so straight you could’ve put a laser level on it and it would pass with flying colours. So far, no more comments from Pete, but I might have a few choice words for him next time he’s over.
As for our professional relationship, I’m happy to say that Eric and I have put this matter behind us.
Thankfully, smoothies, do not require such precision and attention to detail; after all, I make them first thing in the morning when I’m still half asleep. I’ve only had a couple explosions so far.
Featuring all new, protein-packed salads, hearty toppers, flavour boosters, and dressings you'll want to drink, my new cookbook will transform the way you think about salads. Oh, and be sure to flip to the back for a surprise dessert chapter!
Back on Track Green Monster (Banana Free)
Yield
3 cups
Prep time
Cook time
0 minutes
Total time
This Green Monster is great for getting your healthy eating back on track after a series of indulgences. It sets your day on the right tone and instantly makes you feel ah-mazing. For the banana haters out there, you’ll be pleased to know that this one is banana-free. As with any smoothie, feel free to play around with the ingredients to suit your own taste buds. You might like more or less lemon, ginger, apple, etc.
Ingredients
- 1 cup kale
- 1 large Gala apple (or other sweet apple), roughly chopped
- 1 English cucumber, peeled and roughly chopped
- 1 tbsp fresh lemon juice
- 1 tsp fresh grated ginger
- 1/2 tbsp coconut oil
- Maple syrup, to taste (I used 1/2 tbsp or so)
- 4-5 Ice cubes
- Protein powder, optional
Directions
- Place all ingredients except maple syrup and ice into a high-speed blender and blend on high until very smooth. Blend in ice and maple syrup to taste.
- Guzzle.
- Feel amazing.
Happy Thanksgiving to all my readers in the US! I hope you have a fun, safe, and happy holiday weekend.
Hi Angela! This looks delicious and I would like to try it soon. My only question is that there doesn’t seem to be a lot of liquid (i.e. no almond milk) in this smoothie. Does it blend/come together okay even without the extra liquid?
I added a bit of coconut water to make it come together, but you can use water too! It should be in there now. Enjoy!
I don’t like cold drinks. How much water is needed to replace the ice? Love this whole list!!
Hello, Wanderingi, I don’t like cold drinks either so I usually throw in a banana/yogurt for thickening. I would also probably use honey instead of maple syrup. Hope that helps.
If you have a strong mixer, like a vitamix, it will blend. You can add water or what ever liquid you like if you want it thinner though!
It needs a bit of liquid if, like myself, you’re dealing with a 15+ y-o blender.
I’ve only botched my husband’s hair once or twice but luckily it wasn’t too noticeable. Thank goodness he went to a barber for our wedding!
hah I cut his hair for our wedding too. Now that was stressful!
I was sooooooo hoping you were sharing a secret that I could use for trimming my husband’s neckline. I hate to do that part!
Enjoy your day and I do SO thank you for this ‘back on track’ recipe! Got any more up your sleeve? :)
I cut Tyler’s hair!! The first time I did I was nervous but also excited cause I had made sure to pay close attention to how the hairdresser did it. Right now though I’m boycotting cutting his hair until after the baby comes because he didn’t want me to highlight mine until then…so we both will look super special in baby’s first pictures haha.
I am completely addicted to green smoothies. I’ve been guzzling them after my morning workouts for months now and can’t imagine a day without :)
I don’t think I could cut my husbands hair… my mom is a hair dresser and could probably teach me but I’d be too freaked out. Although now that he is growing out his hair, he refuses to even get it trimmed, LOL… I do love the curls so I won’t make him… yet. ;)
Yay! Banana-free! So excited to try this out within the next couple of days :) delish
Hahahaha I adore your Eric stories. You got me hooked on Green Monsters about two years ago and I’ve never looked back, although every time I drink the green my friends and family give me a look. Sigh, the nonbelievers. They don’t understand. Can you make a Green Monster recipe to help boost your mood?? I would LOVE to see an emotional elixir type GM :)
you know I love a good challenge…I’ll have to see what I can do. Im thinking something citrus-y
Oooh that sounds delicious! I wonder if some vanilla would be nice in there too? But citrus scents are some of my favorite for aromatherapy mood boosters :)
As far as a mood booster, I had heard that 2 handfuls of raw cashews equals a prozac. Maybe you could throw them in there as well?
Oh, this was a good post! My dad gets Mom to cut his hair and this summer it was HIDEOUS on the back. I DIED. TEARS. Even now, I chuckle just thinking about it.
This made me smile. My mum used to trim Dad’s hair and when he’d complain, her response would be “well you get what you pay for! ” :)
I will have to use that next time! ;)
That is hilarious! My bf always asked me to cut his hair and I totally understand what you mean by trying to get the back straight. The first (and last time) I tried cutting his hair my hand kinda slipped while I was trying to shave the back line and I shaved off a huge chunk in the back! He was not happy. PS- can’t wait to try this smoothie, I got sooo many people hooked on green monster smoothies, my bf can never start his day without one! Thank you for posting such awesome, reliable recipes!
Thank you for the kind feedback, I appreciate it! Hope you enjoy this one too.
Gahhh!! My mum did the same thing to my dad – only it was a case of the buzz head falling off up top. So he had a destinct shave right down the middle of his head. Opps :)
Thanks for the smoothie recipe. Just a question: why do you put coconut oil in your green smoothie?
I would also like to know why. :)
For the health benefits and also for a bit of coconut flavour. My sis got me hooked on it.
I’ve tried adding coconut oil to cold smoothies and it always turns into little chunks during the blending process. Doesn’t incorporate well at all. Am I missing something here? Would like to add it successfully as it def adds a nutritional boost!
Plus, coconut oil helps with absorption of nutrients in raw fruits and veggies! Learned this from Wise Woman Susun Weed… :)
Which trimmer set do you use? Do you recommend investing in a good clipper? I just starting cutting my partner’s hair, and was thinking about getting one of those hard core clippers by Oster, like the Classic 76 that has the metal heads. Or maybe the Fast Feed.
I will have to go check the brand for you, but I think he got it from Costco?
That is so funny! My friend assumed that because I am an esthetician MUST know how to cut hair (hint: NOT!), and I absolutely ruined it! It was so embarrassing for both, he didn’t want to show how upset he was and I was so angry at my self! I should have said no! hahahaa awww… felt so horrible! lol his curls poofed into a horrible triangular ‘fro..
Oh man I can only imagine how difficult it is to cut curly hair! I have it easy just buzzing and trimming Eric’s hair.
haha That story is awesome! I would be terrified to cut my boyfriend’s hair.
However, for Halloween he went as Tin Tin, so we died his regular black hair, to orange, and I was responsible for that. First we had to bleach it and then a few days later, add the orange. When his mom saw it (who use to be a hairdresser), she pulled me aside and was like, “What did you do to his hair?!” thinking that I had bleached it so badly that it had turned orange. Clearly my talent set does not include being a hairdresser.
I’m a wimp so have held out from trying green smoothies because I don’t want to have a gross breakfast. All these comments are bolstering up my courage though.. maybe tomorrow
I was trying to convince Eric to let me bleach his hair for Halloween a while ago. No dice yet…
I bet that orange was fun :) Did it wash out ok?
We (unfortunately) used a permenant dye. And he made me wait a couple of weeks before he would let me re-dye it. So he just had really orange hair (with black roots) for a couple of weeks. Next time I would use a wash out colour!
About two weeks ago, I started having your classic green monster for breakfast in the morning and I LOVE IT SO MUCH. I seriously go to bed at night excited to wake up and have my smoothie! Once the excitement of that one wears off, maybe I’ll try this new one :)
hah I love that you enjoy it so much! I get excited over them too :)
Great post and cute story :) I’m go glad I found your green monster site. I’ve been having one almost every day since the summer now and I love them! I haven’t tried one with kale yet, only baby spinach, but I think I’ll give it a go!
Love the barber and hair stories :)
And the light bouncing off these jars, the pretty green inside them, they look positively fabulous and healthy and green and good and just a good thing to have amidst all the holiday goodies!
Thanks Averie :) Happy Thanksgiving!
Haha. My husband doesn’t let me near with scissors! Eric is such a trouper :)
I don’t really like bananas anymore (shocker, I know), yet I haven’t been able to make a good smoothie without one. Cannot wait to try this one!
this looks totally delicious !!!
www.alexavoncanisius.com/blog/
Thanks for posting this recipe! I’m allergic to bananas and finding banana-free healthy recipes is always a chore.
Also allergic to bananas here (raw ones, can eat cooked ones like in banana bread and such), and became discouraged when I recently became interested in trying green monsters and realized most recipes have bananas in them! Excited when I saw this recipe. I am hoping to get a vitamix in the next few months (maybe Christmas?!) so I can really do decent green monsters with kale and other hard to blend things. My little blender is barely cutting it with spinach! Hope to find more no-banana recipes like this. Thanks for the recipe, Angela!
I used to get debilitating migraines so bad until someone told me to try cutting out uncooked bananas. I did and voila…..no more headaches. I am now so fearful of uncooked bananas. Anyway, I want to make more smoothies but I miss the banana texture and sweetness. Have you found any more smoothie recipes that are sweet and satisfying but do not have bananas in them? Thanks!!! :-)
I wonder if avocado would mimic the banana texture?
I will give avocado a try. Good idea :-)