It’s been awhile since I did a Life with a Baby update – 2 months in fact! This is for a couple reasons. First, my cookbook creation has been taking up all of my time when I’m not with Adriana. And second, after the reaction to my post about Adriana’s diet, I questioned whether I wanted to write about her on the baby blog in the future. I don’t mind that my post created debate, but what got to me was that I inadvertently put her under this scrutiny that she didn’t ask for. I felt HUGE guilt. So I went into this “protective mommy defensive mode”, and I removed every. single. picture. of her face from my blog and social media. Call it rash, call it being overprotective, call it hormonal, but it was something I felt compelled to do after the hateful words that were being directed to my family. Obviously, I never knew that it would cause such a hateful reaction by a select few people, but as they say, live and learn. Some of you noticed and applauded my decision, some of you said you wished that I would continue to share. I get both sides, I really do.
I think many families today struggle with the question of how much to share about their children online. It’s something we’ve discussed at great length. How much is too much? Should her pictures be online at all? And if so, until what age? We don’t have all the answers or even many, but we’re just trying to be aware and make the best decisions for our family. We’ve always erred on the side of “less is more”, but lately even more so. Our views will likely change and evolve over the years, I’m sure.
I don’t think I have to abandon these updates all together though. They are, I feel, an amazing way to document milestones in her life and to connect with all of you. I love reading your stories and comments. Plus, I don’t want this blog to be impersonal or robotic; what made my blog successful from the beginning was my ability to share my story honestly and candidly. Writing is a huge part of who I am. But as the blog has grown, I’ve felt this internal conflict between what to share and what not to share. I think it’s something many bloggers can relate to. You go from having one reader to thousands of readers and suddenly you scrutinize every word on the page. I know a lot of bloggers chose not to share anything about their personal lives, which I respect entirely, but that has never felt like a good fit for my own style. I love to write and share about daily life. I guess it’s a balance that I’ll struggle with daily.
I’d love to hear your thoughts below on this topic of sharing and social media. Do you struggle with how much to share online?
I hope you continue to share updates, but like many commenters, I agree with removing pictures. I have two little ones and really enjoy reading other people’s experience raising children. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with sharing your parenting journey, but I feel like sharing pictures with the world is too much. I’m a hypocrite though, because I love seeing pics of other people’s kids, especially when the photography is so good, like yours! But I totally understand not wanting your child’s face all over the internet!
Agreed! I’m totally guilty of appreciating other people’s cute picture when I refuse to post my own :-) (I don’t blog or Facebook, but every time I share a picture over email with friends and family, or when we’re with others who post I have to specify–just last week I had to ask a new friend to please take down a cute picture of my daughter he had taken (baby + dog = irresistible).)
But all that is to say–I really respect this decision, Angela, and I love hearing about your life, as much as you are comfortable sharing, but it’s nice to know I’m not the only “crazy” parent who doesn’t want my babies to have an online presence.
Yep, there’s a whole new world of etiquette out there now that everyone should abide by. It’s definitely not cool to post pics of other people’s kids without their permission. Even with adults. I’m not on Facebook and I’ve gotten upset with a friend in the past for posting pictures of me. Unfortunately, so many users of social media these days seem to have no desire for any privacy whatsoever, and therefore don’t even consider others’. The times, they are a changin’! It is comforting to know that not everyone on Earth wants to broadcast every moment of their life. Cheers!
I’ve seen several bloggers close the comments on sensitive posts. People can still interact with you on Facebook, but their name and picture will be attached to the post. I feel like a lot of people will write anonymous comments, but would be pretty embarrassed if the comments popped up in their newsfeed for friends and families to see.
I’ve been reading your blog for many years now, and I love how honest you’re and that this trait has not changed a bit in all these years. You’ve inspired me with your cooking and your attitude to life immensely. Thank you!
With regards to displaying baby’s face on the blog, I think that until your baby can express her will whether she wishes the whole world to see her face or not, just like with her diet, I think it’s best not to impose your choices on her and post photos like in this post. But it would be wonderful if you could continue to share her milestones and progress with us. I don’t have a baby yet, so I learn what to prepare myself for and also try to learn to adopt your wonderful attitude to life in my everyday life!
I am also very private about what i share on social media especially regarding my daughter. I think you have a Beautiful style of writing that is very enjoyable to read. How sad that people have made you scrutinize what you write. Keep doing what you do, there are so many that love and support your work! Xxx.
I love reading your updates and was appalled by the reaction you got on how you are choosing to raise your daughter. Being a parent is sometimes extremely difficult. Someone will always try to make you feel like you are doing something wrong. Trust your gut and believe in yourself. Keep the updates coming they bring a smile to my heart and although I love to see her beautiful face I completely understand. Consider yourself ahead of time in parenting because as they age they do not allow you to share. Mine are late teens early twenties and Im never allowed to post anything anymore. It was hard to learn to respect their privacy after so many years of sharing and talking about their accomplishments but they are their own person.
Grrrrrr, PLEASE don’t stop!! i love the baby updates–i check them everyday!! F the haters!!
I’ve read your blog for awhile but never commented until now. I love your stories and have read your baby & pregnancy posts multiple times. I also agree with removing the photos and think you should do whatever makes you feel most comfortable. Photos of your daughter on the internet might not be it but that doesn’t diminish your blog at all. Those comments you received were awful and uncalled for but I hope you won’t stop writing about being a mom. It’s a big part of what makes your blog such a pleasure to read!
For what it is worth, my husband and I also decided not to put photos of our child on social media. We have several close friends and family who only post photos in which you can’t see their children’s face. I figure that’s a fair compromise. Blogs that use their children as advertisements makes me very uncomfortable and i’ve stopped reading a few for this reason. Not that you ever did that, but there’s a line there and I know which side I’d rather been on!
Dear Angela,
Your blog is fantastic, with and without baby pictures and stories. Your creative expression in your writing and recipes has helped so many people around the world (I’m from the Netherlands for example), that whatever you decide to share will be loved by many. Keep on sharing from your heart, whether that includes stories of your beautiful girl or not, I’m convinced that your blog will remain pure awesomeness!
I enjoy reading your blog since 4 years. And the reasons are not only the recipes but even more the personal little things you share. Oh – how much i loved when you posted about your gardening experience, about birthdays, when you had friends over for dinner, vacations etc. I think it is so awesome, so real and fun to read. Your advice and stories are important! Angela, you are an extraordanary person, your are beautiful, smart and strong – so of course there are haters and envier. I really hope you won’t stop sharing.
Angela, I love your blog. Especially the baby part. My baby is only a few weeks older than yours and it has been interesting to read you. Not to make comparisons, just to see another baby. I’m so sorry that some people responded badly about your choice of including animal products in Adriana diet. Your blog is really nice to read, even for me, a person who eats a paleo diet. I was toying with vegetarianism in the past (that’s how I came across to your blog) but it became clear that I don’t do well on grains and pulses, so I had to increase my meat and fish consumption in order not to starve. This means that I can’t make most of your recipes (not many are vegan and paleo), but I’m still a huge fan of you. Keep up the good work!
I was wondering where your baby updates had gotten to! I’m a vegan with a 4-month old baby who I’m also planning on bringing up vegetarian. I was enjoying reading your updates, partly as they seemed to correlate very closely with my baby’s developments so it was a good insight into what was coming up!
I hope you will feel able to share more about your lovely baby, but I totally understand why you would want to protect her (and yourself) if not. xx
I was absolutely shocked and horrified when I first read all the hateful comments you received when you wrote about not raising Adriana a vegan, but allowing her to decide for herself when she gets older. It was nothing but an attempt at public shaming – and shame on them. I thought you were reasoned and sensible, and that your decision would encourage her to see that there are choices people can make – while protecting her from not looking at her father or anyone else as if they are doing something which deserved her disapproval. It felt to me as if the reaction was kind of like a swarming. It seemed a very organized (really, where have we seen any comments by these strangers before in reaction to anything you’ve written about before?) and aimed at hurting you – for what? For having an opinion about how you want to raise your child? Really?
My heart went out to you because you (and Eric) are brand new parents, likely very sleep deprived, and working so hard to make this web-site a go-to place for people who are veggie-curious – like me – and I have totally jumped on the bandwagon (at 65!) I found you by lucky accident a couple of years ago, was hooked by your breezy writing style and have rapidly morphed from Meatless Mondays to vegetarian, to sometimes pescetarian, but mostly vegetarian – and I am so grateful for the health benefits I’m enjoying and for all your delicious and easy to make recipes. Have I bought your book? – you bet – and I’ve given several to friends and relatives as well. My husband will eat anything if it’s one of your recipes! We trust you.
Whatever decision you make regarding photos of Adriana will be the right one.
Now I’m off to make (I’m not kidding! The family is coming for dinner tonight!) your Veggie Kabobs with Green Goddess dressing, your Smashed Potatoes with Garlic Avocado Aioli, your “Our Favourite Veggie Burgers” and for dessert, I’m trying for the first time, your Beat the Heat Frozen Dessert Pizza. And in my fridge right now I have Almond Milk, and your Present Glo Bars. Addicted? Maybe. Thanks for that!
All the very best.
This is a lovely comment!
Agreed, wonderful comment!!
As far as sharing photos of your little sweetie, I have to say I do not share any of my son (18 months) either. My husband was the one who first was completely against it, and I thought, “goodness, someone’s overprotective!” but I am now very glad he insisted :-) I only email family and close friends pictures/videos so I can share his milestones with those I want and no one else.
I am very glad you chose to continue your updates, as I very much enjoy reading them!
Be well!
Thank you so much for sharing. I have a little one just a few weeks behind your’s (she s also our first) and I have loved reading your updates. I found them comforting/re-assuring that having a baby, being a mom, is not easy. It repulses me to hear that some people an be so judgmental and vial towards other’s parenting choices. 99.99999% of parents agonize over doing what is best for their child/family. While I’m not a blogger, I struggle with hoe many pictures to put on social media. I don’t know if there is a right answer! Thank you for sharing your journey into motherhood. I hope you continue to share; I know I would continue to respectfully and silently read. Thank you.
I’m so glad you are back! I have absolutely loved and looked forward to your baby posts. Whatever you decide to do, I will read. I think you are an awesome mother, writer, cook, etc. and I hope you don’t let a few negative people keep you from sharing and doing what you love. xo
First let me say that I absolutely love your recipe blog. I have had so much fun exploring all your offerings and sharing them with my family. I admire your talents so much!
I was dismayed to see the direction things were going with that particular post about “being vegan”… but also not surprised.
I am old enough to be your mom… and yet when I read your posts about the wondrous things your daughter is doing, as well as the struggles you have as a new mom, it takes me right back to being a new mom to my own daughter, who will be 28 this month. It seems like yesterday. I like to think things are the same now as they were back then, but this latest exchange of views illustrates that they most definitely are not.
When my daughter was born, there was no internet, no blogs, no home computers. No social media, no cellphones. I could go on, and you’ve probably heard it from your own parents… but 28 years ago, people did not communicate in the way they do now.
Just think of how our communications have changed from a certain way for so long. The written word on paper, delivered by some physical means was pretty much the only way to send a message for hundreds of years. The telephone was around for another few decades… and then we have the explosion of electronic media. Just look at how things have changed in the last ten years alone!
People have not had a chance to adopt universal codes of conduct, or to even formulate a framework of how to approach sharing. Social media has washed over all of us in an overwhelming tide. Our small circle of friends and family has expanded to a worldwide audience. How is it possible to have a seamless, conflict-free interaction with absolutely everyone we reach?
I think at first, when we first begin to share and put ourselves out there, and get a bit of positive feedback, it is rewarding and exciting. (How many people constantly check facebook to see how many likes they get on a post?) It is natural to think that those we are writing to have the same view and thought process. There is an unspoken trust we have when we share on blogs, or social media. We trust that our words will be taken as we mean them, that we will be treated as we would treat others, and when that trust is violated, it hurts. Because you are writing to the world, and yet completely isolated from your audience in the physical sense, you are not able to interpret the body language of the reader. In turn, the reader is not able to ask for clarification or discuss something as the blog unfolds, allowing misunderstandings to deepen.
I think electronic communication allows for a false sense of intimacy. It is easy to imagine that readers are of the same value and mindset, that they are all nice people, that nobody has an axe to grind. The unfortunate reality is that there are people who are quick to take offense, or to condemn those who do not live or think as they do, and they are not shy about going for the jugular. After all, they are enjoying the same kind of physical isolation from their audience that makes it possible for you to write to millions of strangers! Social media, the internet, all that, has suddenly made it easy to publicly shame anyone we choose, justified or not. Careers have been destroyed and even lives!
I imagine that for someone like you, a good person, giving and helpful and full of love of life,
the dark side of all of this cuts deeply. And it certainly is worse when your daughter is inadvertently brought into it. Suddenly the reality of the fact that there are people out there happy to hide online and condemn those whose views differ from their own is all too plain.
I think you are wise to shield your child from the online world. If things continue to progress as they have been, she will be making her own decisions about what she chooses to share on her own. And hopefully by then we will have evolved some sort of social framework or etiquette about how much to share, and how to respond.
Probably alot of blather from an out of touch 54 year old….but I hope this gives you another way of thinking about it. I hope the experience does not stop you from posting… I will admit to being old fashioned and encourage you to continue to protect your daughter’s privacy.
I just remembered that I refused to allow a videotape of our wedding in 1984 because it was “too crass and pushy”….. kind of regret that now, but then who has VHS anymore, anyway??
All the best to you.
The picture you’ve put up is so cute!! What a little sweetie! And good on you for protecting her. In the end whatever you decide will be right because you put so much thought and care into your decision. It’s a sacred trust being her parent, there will be a million things you can’t control as she gets older so good on you for doing what you feel is right whilst she is small.
Angela,
Your blog is amazing, I’ve been reading it ever since friends and I used to browse your recipes during boring lectures and plan our girls night dinners.
I think sharing online is always a bit of a gamble- whether it be personal stories or photos. I think you really have to develop a thick skin in order to do so. I know I personally couldn’t handle the negative comments. So kudos to you!
I think what I’ve enjoyed most about your blog is your transparency- the way you write about your real-life experiences in a most humble way without generalizing or shaming the rest of us for doing things differently. I would be really torn (but understanding) to see you change that heartfelt writing style. However, while your beautiful photography often conveys similar sentiments to your writing, I think whatever choice you make about Adriana will be the correct one. Protecting her (and you) from hateful comments is very important. It will also become increasingly important as she gains more of her own personality and more agency over her choices. While I love looking at photos of people’s sweet children, I also understand when they choose not to share. I think that sometimes looking at celebrities and how they handle photos of their children provides good examples. Beyonce and Jay Z have avoided posting Ivy Blue’s face on social media (at least until recently, now that she’s a bit older). The Beckhams have also been protective about posting photos of their children until the children are older. They find creative ways to include their children without showing much of their face.
Long story short, go all mama-bear on social media – erase photos, avoid sharing stories of Adriana-if you need to. As with other aspects in life, it’s about finding the balance that makes you happy. And it takes time and practice to achieve what feels balanced for ourselves and our families. So while my vote would be to follow in the footsteps of Beyonce and the Beckhams and include your child in your writing and posts, while protecting her, I also understand any other option you choose to take.
People have wrote lots of beautiful and insightful comments so I’ll just say “You do you girl!” Your real fans will be here supporting you and the decisions YOU and the decisions you make for YOUR family.
Sorry to hear how hurtful those comments ended up being.
I happen to think the internet is a nastier version of the in-person world. In day-to-day in-person interactions, folks often keep their thoughts to themselves. But the blog world is a wild west anything-goes with your opinion. I believe you keep your personal life out of the public eye. Follow the pattern of the Royals – a few select, agreed photos for public consumption, and that’s it. Add on to that some of the creepier aspects, and I say keep your kids out of easy viewing. And frankly, I just don’t get why you want to share intimate details with complete strangers. If you wouldn’t show the photo/tell the story to everyone in the check-out line, then don’t put it online.
That said, I don’t think our little ones will view social media and internet the same as we do. Their sense of self will probably be different with so much photo sharing from birth onward. So, for those that are sharing/posting, I don’t think it’s that big of a deal in the end.
My baby is a month older than Adriana and my husband and I chose not to share photos of our daughter online. Your Mama instinct is always right when it comes to protecting your baby and your family. It’s ok if others don’t understand.