It’s been awhile since I did a Life with a Baby update – 2 months in fact! This is for a couple reasons. First, my cookbook creation has been taking up all of my time when I’m not with Adriana. And second, after the reaction to my post about Adriana’s diet, I questioned whether I wanted to write about her on the baby blog in the future. I don’t mind that my post created debate, but what got to me was that I inadvertently put her under this scrutiny that she didn’t ask for. I felt HUGE guilt. So I went into this “protective mommy defensive mode”, and I removed every. single. picture. of her face from my blog and social media. Call it rash, call it being overprotective, call it hormonal, but it was something I felt compelled to do after the hateful words that were being directed to my family. Obviously, I never knew that it would cause such a hateful reaction by a select few people, but as they say, live and learn. Some of you noticed and applauded my decision, some of you said you wished that I would continue to share. I get both sides, I really do.
I think many families today struggle with the question of how much to share about their children online. It’s something we’ve discussed at great length. How much is too much? Should her pictures be online at all? And if so, until what age? We don’t have all the answers or even many, but we’re just trying to be aware and make the best decisions for our family. We’ve always erred on the side of “less is more”, but lately even more so. Our views will likely change and evolve over the years, I’m sure.
I don’t think I have to abandon these updates all together though. They are, I feel, an amazing way to document milestones in her life and to connect with all of you. I love reading your stories and comments. Plus, I don’t want this blog to be impersonal or robotic; what made my blog successful from the beginning was my ability to share my story honestly and candidly. Writing is a huge part of who I am. But as the blog has grown, I’ve felt this internal conflict between what to share and what not to share. I think it’s something many bloggers can relate to. You go from having one reader to thousands of readers and suddenly you scrutinize every word on the page. I know a lot of bloggers chose not to share anything about their personal lives, which I respect entirely, but that has never felt like a good fit for my own style. I love to write and share about daily life. I guess it’s a balance that I’ll struggle with daily.
I’d love to hear your thoughts below on this topic of sharing and social media. Do you struggle with how much to share online?
It seems like every time I share too much personal information I get a backlash of unsolicited opinions, so I speak in general terms about my family. They are definitely more sacred than my blog, and I choose to not talk about it rather than try to develop a thick skin. It’s really too bad that a few nasty people have to ruin it, but that seems to be the way of the world any more.
Tough call!
I’ve never been comfortable posting photos of my daughter but find myself doing it more and more. It’s so easy to get caught up in feelings of want – to show the world you live, to meet others’ expectations that they can see it, to be open and comfortable online..
You’ve managed to take photos they describe how you see you daughter without showing her face, which is lovely.
Parenting choices expressed by women continue to be under so much scrutiny.. It really is a shame. As a vegan mom I can relate somewhat, and instead of explaining and engaging with people’s food related questions I usually answer them dismissively. I’ve been hurt by strangers and loved ones too many times to be vulnerable about that for now. Food is so key to who we are, and how we relate, that it deserves to be protected.
Thank you for sharing everything you do, our family has eaten well BECAUSE OF YOU!
Keep on strong mama.
Hi Angela! So glad you’re back to posting. I read your post about raising your daughter and her diet when you first posted it, thought it was wonderful, and moved on. After reading this post, I went back to read the comments, and wow, the comments really turned dark at times. I would have reacted the same way as you and instantly pulled every photo of her sweet face. Although I am not a blogger, I am careful not to share too much information of my sweet girl on Facebook since people can share my posts and save her photos. I am a little less cautious on instagram (no photo sharing, etc). I love seeing sweet photos of your girl since ours is the same age and reaching similar milestones, but I would understand the cautiousness that comes with being more exposed to the public. Anyway, just thought I would let you know that I support the reaction to the earlier comments, as well as any choice you make. Hopefully, you’ll still continue posting sweet girl’s milestones and personality quirks. I love reading those :) And she’s a beauty, just like her mama :)
Just as a reminder- anything you put out on the internet can be shared by others. There are “regram” apps and screen shots that allow others to take your photos and share them. I do agree that facebook and other social media makes it easier to do this than instagram, but nothing is ever “yours” online.
Agreed Alyssa!
I get it, I really do. A big reason why I stopped blogging and erased my blog was that I felt uncomfortable enough on a random basis that I wasn’t sure what to share but felt insincere if I wasn’t fully open. I am sorry that a few folks crossed the line and may or may not have realized it or cared. I think it is easier for people to be rude on the internet but as comfortable as it is to dish it, it actually still feels really awful on the receiving end. Hope you find a comfortable middle ground again, I agree that part of your “brand” is your transparency. Thanks for sharing!
Ah, the sharing debate. With social media, it’s easy to share what you enjoy. Unfortunately, there’s always a line somewhere. Some have it drawn themselves, and others get it drawn by readers. I share cooking, my cats, my adventures of exploring my new state, and my artwork. I get silly comments from close friends that all I’m missing in my food is bacon, which I actually find quite entertaining, especially the bacon pictures they reply with. I do not, however, share any pictures of myself. Or any people for that matter. I also don’t mention my job much, which I do love, but it’s a personal choice. Personally, I love reading about your baby. I’d love to have one of my own, which may or may not be feasible for a few reasons. I won’t add to the debate, since I believe my lack of raising a child certainly makes me no expert on the subject of a baby’s diet. I enjoyed reading the post, as it gave me another perspective.
I’ve been reading your blog for years but never comment, but this completely resonates with me because I feel the exact same way.
When I became pregnant my husband and I had a serious conversation about sharing our baby on social media, and we decided against it completely. I feel so strongly about allowing my child to grow up without being broadcast to the world and to people I don’t know that could inadvertently “like” a picture, that baby just isn’t on there.
We never made any mention on even being pregnant on Facebook, and politely told people who did mention in a private conversation why we weren’t doing it. Since having baby, we share pictutes with friends and family on a private app, so they can still watch baby grow, but on our terms.
I’m vegetarian, but my husband isn’t, so we had the same conversation about baby’s future diet. We decided the same thing, so you’re not alone!
It’s refreshing that you’re taking the stance you are on privacy for your baby, and I applaud you for doing it. I love reading the updates because we’re right behind you, and I’m excited to know what my baby has to look forward to! Keep up the great work!!
This is absolutely something I struggle with. Writing about life online opens me up to criticism and I’ve become ok with that, but when others insult my family, I feel very mama bearish too. The tough part is that my blog is highly personal And that’s the writing I enjoy, but if the day comes where it just doesn’t feel right I will stop. Good luck with your decision and selfishly I hope you keep sharing! <3 :)
My favorite bloggers are the ones that do share personal stories, otherwise I feel like I can’t connect with them! It’s a hard balance… I have a small blog that’s mostly about hiking, and I try to contain stuff about the baby to posts about our hikes with her, but…she’s just so adorable, and I want to share more, but then I feel guilty. In one way, I feel like it’s okay to share more stuff now that she’s just a baby, but once she starts to really grow into her personality and have more of a life of her own, I’ll dial it back.
I will certainly miss the photos of your sweet daughter. I loved following your journey as we were pregnant at the same time, both had natural childbirth etc. My son is 6 months old and I’ve so appreciated your honesty on struggles with sleep, bottles, breastfeeding because it made me feel not so alone in these early struggles! With all that said, I’m super protective and my son has no online presence, so I completely understand how you feel and the decision you’ve made! You’re doing a great job Momma!!
I agree with removing pictures of your daughter/her face. I have already made the conscious decision not to share photos of my children on social media, once I have children that is. It is the child’s choice. Even as a baby, that’s not my decision to make. I respect you as a blogger, a woman, a mother, a human being. I relate to you on so many levels. You’ve changed my life for the better. For real. I hope you keep sharing with us. It will probably be a struggle for awhile for you to decide what to share and how much to share. Just know that your readers understand and will always be here for you.
I have a lot of respect for you for doing that. It’s so hard and so sad at times. You are just trying to share your love and enthusiasm and your own learning along the way – and people are going to want to bring in hate, negativity and ignorance as well. I guess if you put yourself out there online, you now have to expect that. It’s something I’ve been mulling over as I would like to start a blog/site to share my own story and help others struggling with the same…but honestly, I am afraid of being so personal and open to anyone/everyone; and the negativity and backlash that can come with it. That’s hard enough in itself without even exposing other family members! I think the idea of a personal IG account for your friends and family if you want to still ‘share’ Adriana is a great idea. It’s sad you have to hide, but it is what it is. My own IG account is private; if I had a business, it would be public but I would still block users that weren’t right for me. The internet you can’t do that. People are vulnerable everyday and life is short, so don’t stress too much. The sad part is that people follow you for YOU, not just for your recipes or cookbook.
Please keep in mind that people’s harsh reactions often have nothing to do with YOU. It is the only way they know how to respond – with anger. That is an issue they will ultimately have to face themselves.
As a long time reader, one of the things I really enjoyed about your blog over the years was how candid and open you were in your writing. Although I don’t have kids now (we’re in the “thinking about it for the not-so distant future” stage), I loved reading your updates about your pregnancy and now about your life as a new mom.
At first I was a little surprised that you were posting photos of your daughter early on as I remember waaay back you mentioned something about not posting kid photos on your blog (this was years and years ago). However, it was a nice personal touch and I always like seeing the “real life” side of my favourite food bloggers. When you took them down, I figured something was up and I understood completely when I read some of those horrible comments. Sometimes you just have to do what’s best for your family and I completely respect that.
My blog is still pretty small, so I’m not sure what I’ll do when I have kids. I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. :)
Please keep sharing but agree about keeping pictures private. We have a 3 month old and also plan to not raise her vegan (her father isn’t although I am) but more default, since we eat vegan at home. I was glad to hear your perspective and don’t want you to stop sharing! We are also not sharing pictures online (but we’ll see how that goes since its only been 3 months).
Haters gone hate. Sorry you had to deal with that.
I relate to this so well. I don’t have kids, but I started a blog this year and my number of Facebook friends has grown and grown. I feel like any time I post something I am opening myself up to comments. They are not always nice comments. In fact, often they are the opposite of what I need to hear. It is especially hard with your daughter because she is so young and innocent. You don’t want her brought into this. Thanks for your honesty.
Angela, I have always loved that you write about your personal experiences. It’s a huge part of your charm, and it has certainly made me feel as though I can connect with you as a reader. Some people are jerks, and I’m so sorry that they felt they could say such awful things to you. Just remember that there are lots of supportive readers out there! I love your baby posts and hope you keep writing about little Adriana. Your honesty about life with a new baby is truly refreshing.
I appreciate you all sharing your perspectives – really enjoying really everyone’s opinions. Glad I’m not alone in my struggles with it.
I know I’m echoing what a lot of people have already said, but I was so disappointed by all the nasty comments you were receiving on that post. I can’t imagine how it must feel to put yourself out there like that and have people react like that. I totally understand needing to avoid posting for a while.
Just so you know, I really enjoy your blog. I have a daughter who’s a month younger than yours so I appreciated the “glimpses into the future”. Lol
Keep up the great work! I think you have way more supporters than haters, so Yay!
I can’t begin to tell you how much I enjoy your blog, recipes and your cookbook! It’s truly a shame that a good person such as yourself is thrown into the den of anonymous, faceless people who spread hatred as a result of their own opinions. My husband and I have experienced it ourselves and it does throw you for a loop…because it has some sort of lasting effect, simply because it was launched into the blogosphere for so many people to read. But take comfort in knowing that good people, like your fans, friends & family, don’t pay a damn bit of attention to the haters. I’m so glad to see that you’ve brushed yourself off and are back to making all of us followers happy campers!!! Hang tough and enjoy being a great mom and a wonderful source of enjoyment for all of us!
I completely understand and agree why you removed pictures of Adriana. I gave birth to my son just two weeks before Adriana was born, and I looooooooooooooooved reading your pregnancy updates as well as your honest/sincere posts about Adriana and your new life as a mommy! I can’t imagine how you felt when you read all these horrible and bitter comments, I would have done exactly what you did, and I am soooo sorry that you had to face that kind of scrutinization over your personal belief.
We have a lot of relatives across the world with whom we could easily share pictures on FB/Instagram but we decided not to share them for now on any social media.
I’d love to read more of your updates on Adriana, especially how its going with solids! :-)
Angela, it’s great to see you back up posting here! I’ve enjoyed reading your baby posts since you began posted them! Love these wonderful little updates you share with us!!!