
I’m currently fighting a terrible sore throat and cold that crept up on me all week and hit me full force yesterday. My appetite is shot. My kitchen tools weep. I sound like Kermit the Frog. And the most I can manage to get down is banana soft serve, Green Monsters, and other cold liquids to soothe my throat. I’m also trying to gargle with salt water, but nothing seems to be helping that much!
Yesterday, I used my lack of mobility to get caught up on emails while planted at my desk with a blanket and Kleenex. Many of my emails are from readers who struggle with weight, self-acceptance, happiness, and eating disorders. I also receive emails from readers who are making positive changes in their lives such as career changes, finding love in fitness, or entering recovery for an eating disorder. Sometimes I am so inspired by these stories I want to hug the screen!
I thought I would take a moment to talk about lessons I have learned since I began my road to health. Many of these are ‘light bulb moments’ that stick with me and keep me on the right track in times of difficulty. I hope they will help you too!
Lessons in Self-Love
1. Self-love is a work in progress…there is no finish line!
For me, accepting myself can be hard work. I didn’t just wake up one day and exclaim that I loved everything about myself. I still don’t, but I work at it. It was a lot of work to build up my confidence after years of destroying it. I still have days when my confidence is shaky and I feel down about myself, but I feel like those days are much less frequent now. My goal is not to eliminate negative thoughts, but to reduce the frequency of those thoughts and to counter them with positive ones.
Negative thought –> ‘I wish my thighs were thinner.’
Counter thought –> ‘Those thighs helped you run a half marathon in 1 hour 55 minutes, so beat it!’
2. Not having a crutch can be scary…but positive coping mechanisms help
For most of my life whenever something stressful happened to me, I would rely on negative habits like starving myself to numb the pain or anxiety. I had to learn how to turn negative crutches into positive coping mechanisms. Instead of internalizing negativity, I now try to talk about it with a loved one or write my thoughts down. Sometimes all I need is a walk or run outdoors to change my mood around. It also helps if I see the stressor as just a bump in the road and that this too shall pass.

3. Food is not just about calories or fat grams.
I used to think food was the enemy because I was either over-eating or I was starving myself for punishment. Over the past few years, I have created a very good balance. I have not binged in probably 3 years, which I think is a record for me since it all began (for my 3 binge eating posts, see here). Instead of focusing on calories, I now focus on eating food that makes me feel great and I experiment with all kinds of healthy recipes. Over time, food and I became BFFs!

4. Eating a vegan diet gave me a greater purpose in my life.
Becoming a vegan allowed me to put my focus on something outside myself. I finally was able to get out of my own head and connect with something I believed in. While some people assume that a vegan diet would be restrictive, I have found that it has been very freeing and I’m a more compassionate person than I used to be.
5. Eating intuitively can take a long time to figure out.
One of the questions I get asked the most is how I stopped counting calories and learned to eat intuitively. When you tell your hunger signals NO, NO, NO for many years, it is very difficult to turn that around, but it is not impossible! I needed patience and determination when learning how to eat intuitively. When I first tried to stop counting calories, I still did it subconsciously for months and it was very hard to stop, but eventually I was able to stop 100%. I never hear the rambling of calorie or exercise numbers in my head anymore and that is very freeing.
Listening to my hunger signals comes natural to me now and I am able to eat until satisfied and stop before becoming too full. I used to eat based on how many calories I had allotted, but if I listen to my hunger signals I can maintain my weight in a much more easy going manner.
6. I am responsible for my own happiness and no one else.
I used to play the victim role and I didn’t believe that I was in charge of my happiness. Ultimately, for a change to happen I had to take responsibility for my own happiness. No one was going to be able to help me if I was not ready to embrace change.
7. Weight fluctuations are normal.
Some days my pants feel loose, some days they feel a bit tight, and some days they feel just right. I don’t freak out about this anymore because as long as I stay committed to eating right and exercise it will balance out. I can usually tell if I am not eating great by how I feel and that is usually motivation to clean up my diet a bit. Nothing extreme. No deprivation. No freak outs. No negative self-talk. I’m in this for the long haul and I would take happiness and a healthy body any day over the alternative.

8. Create hobbies in your life.
I used to think that going to the gym each day was a hobby. In job interviews, I would be asked what my hobbies were and I never knew what to say. Weighing myself? Counting calories? Drooling over rail-thin models in magazines? Working out and healthy eating were usually my answers, but I knew deep down I didn’t have any real hobbies that were positive at that time. I don’t mean to imply that working out or going to the gym can’t be a hobby, but for me at that time, it was an obsession and a punishment when I overate.
Over the past few years, I have created so many hobbies that I enjoy almost every single day! The first hobby that started everything was this blog. When I started writing here, something clicked inside of me. I was able to talk about my struggles and triumphs and connect with others. I truly believe that once the happiness flood gate opens, you will seek it out more and more. Happiness becomes a habit over time, just like unhappiness.
I soon discovered a passion for cooking, baking, inspirational writing, hiking, recipe creation, racing, and photography and I was able to turn some of those hobbies into a career. Now I am getting into vegetable gardening as another hobby. Instead of searching for answers when asked what my hobbies are, I now think to myself, ‘Where do I start…there are so many things I love to do!’

9. You can be happy or you can be unhappy, the work is about the same.
I would rather work hard for something positive than for something negative. If you are struggling with self-love you can always take positive steps to change your situation. Talk to your loved ones, see a therapist, join a support group, find a mentor, check out Operation Beautiful, see a Registered Dietitian, make a list of your goals, read self-help books, etc. You can always change!

‘Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.’ – Groucho Marx
Can you relate to any of these lessons or have you learned other things along your journey?
Beautifully written. Thank you for this post. You are so inspirational for those in recovery from ED’s because you seem so perfectly happy and balanced and healthy!
Beautiful post! Just what I needed to hear and be reminded of…self love is a journey. Life will have its ups and downs, but embracing life and putting my health first is so important.
i don’t think cold liquid would do any good to a sore throat! try warm honey water with a bit of lemon! always work for my family! :)
I’m so glad I checked your blog today! When I read #9 ‘If you are struggling with self-love you can always take positive steps to change your situation,’ I just decided to get up, get outside and go walking. I needed the exercise and the fresh air & I will make a first step out of the funk I’ve been in and into momentum for feeling healthy again. So thanks:-)
Thank you so much for this post! I am still on my “journey,” but reading this just brought me one step closer. Thanks!
This is so inspiring! Thank you so much for this post today. I’ve been having a really stressful, tiring week and was really starting to feel down on myself. This post really helped me to start thinking a little more positively again!
What a great post! Thank you so much for sharing. This was so inspirational, and I think everyone can relate! :)
Thank you for this post (and the other linked posts about binge eating). Since choosing a vegetarian diet, I’ve found that my relationship with food has been transformed – I’m more aware of what I’m eating and am learning to intuitively eat. I’m not 100% there, especially during times of extreme stress, but I’m moving forward, and your blog is always so inspirational.
I’m not sure if it’s the three shots of tequila + the amazing portobello mushroom tacos with homemade salsa verde talking, but I truly love your blog and posts like these. They are very motivating for me. I am currently working a job that makes me feel like it’s not even worth it to get up in the mornings, and your story (combined with inspirational posts like these) provides me with real hope that things will eventually work out.
Keep on, keepin’ on. :)
What a wonderful post Angela! I can definitely relate to number 6. I used to think that everything around me was causing me to feel down on myself and in turn, I lacked so much confidence. Once I got myself on track and started making myself happy, everything else around me just clicked. I have never felt so good about myself as I do now. And it took me YEARS to feel that way.
Perfect timing for this post. Been in a funk recently and needed a little, “do something about it. duh!” kind of push. Thank you!
I love it when you post articles on topics like these. I read your Binge Eating: Why You Shouldn’t Feel Ashamed, and I got a lot of information. I should eat when I’m hungry, not eat a whole bunch, store it, then go feel guilty and ashamed of it, then deprive myself for days on end (even though I’ve never done that, sometimes, I wouldn’t eat for 18+ hrs). Your blog is so inspirational, and I’m so happy that I found out about it! I still suffer with that though, I eat a lot then feel bad and don’t eat for awhile (I use to eat a whole bunch at 11 in the morning, then I refused to eat until the next day). The thing is, during my study classes, they don’t allow food so I have set times to eat and when I get home, guess what? I binge eat. I’m still trying to learn to stop, but in the meantime, if I binge eat, it might as well involve carrots, green monsters, and milk/cheese, right? Although, stopping it altogether is better. I really wish I could just eat 5 or so crackers and stop instead of eating one after the next even if I’m saying, “Okay, this is the LAST cracker” when I know it rarely ever is…
What a great post! I can absolutely relate to much of what you’ve written here. I’m at a happy, healthy weight FINALLY and find maintaining it to be very easy, but that wasn’t always the case. I have a long history of disordered eating but in 2007 I stopped dieting, stopped the madness, and spent the whole year finding my intuitive eating voice and listening to my body. Now I can enjoy the foods I love guilt-free and have found an amazing balance with it all. I love how you say you’re in it for the long haul- YES! Eating intuitively can take a very long time to figure out, but some hard work, soul-searching and determination can help to make it become second nature once again. Stay committed and TRUST YOURSELF.
Also, people think I’m always happy and love every inch of myself because I’m at a healthy weight- not so. Thank you for sharing that you, too, have bad days where you’re down on yourself. I think that’s normal, and it’s all about what you DO with those thoughts that matters.
Hugs!
Sara
Great post, Angela! I really love a lot of the things you have to say here, and I find your story so inspirational! I do just want to add, though, that some people have legitimate illness (e.g., depression) that just deciding to be happy won’t cure. I know you said to see a counselor and stuff but I just thought I would add that. It can get frustrating to keep trying to be happy but it not working if you have an actual medical problem. I hope that makes sense? I don’t mean any insult to you by saying that. I just thought I would put it out there in case other readers are experiencing that. :)
you know that I adore you. this, was incredibly, well-timed. thank you for this. It’s bookmarked and has run through my head the whole day. As you know kicking the diet/body image monster is hard..it gets easier. Everything you wrote about is exactly truth. It’s day by day, sometimes minute by minute and they grow into a chain of strength and change. You’re such a light..thank you. So thankful you wrote this..you’re helping more than you know.
rest up sweetie.
M
I never had any hobbies until my late 30s. Then I started playing tennis which became my one and only hobby and obsession. Last year, I hurt my shoulder and couldn’t play. I became very depressed as I had no other outlets. My husband bought me a bicycle (one of the few things I could do without hurting my shoulder) andI fell in love with cycling. About that same time, I went to a doctor who suggested that I stop eating dairy products and refined foods (white sugar & white flour). I ended up searching the internet for dairy free recipes. I found your blog. I fell in love with your recipes, your stories and your photos. Your blog became my new hobby…along with cycling and cooking. My shoulder has finally healed and I’m back to playing tennis (after a year). I have never felt better since I started eating healthy ALL the time and am now Vegan too. So I have all these new hobbies now and ironically it’s all because of a limitation and your blog. Thank you for the inspiration!
This was such a great article. As a seventeen-year-old recovering from an Eating Disorder, this is exactly the kind of article I need to read and take notice of. I hope you don’t mind I linked it to my tumblr. As most of my followers have Eating Disorders or are attempted other weight loss, hopefully they will also read it and feel inspired.
This is just what I needed to read today.
Thank you, thank you, thank you xxx
Thanks for this! Yours was the first healthy living blog I came across (it was a total fluke; I had googled “Oakville Half Marathon & 10K” looking for my results and I came across your race recap!) and reading about your struggle really resonated with me. After a year of counting and restricting calories, I could relate to a lot of what you’d written and it made me change my attitude towards what it meant to be healthy. I realized that I was heading down a path where managing my calories was becoming an all consuming hobby and I didn’t want that… after reading your blog and discovering other healthy living blogs, I gradually became more relaxed about my diet. I still have a vague idea of how many calories I eat every day (it’s hard not to when you’ve been doing it for so long) but I no longer feel anxious if I go over my daily limit or if I eat something and don’t know it’s calorie content. So thanks again for your honesty and for sharing your struggles :)
This is such a great post! Thank you so much. I have finally moved on from the counting calories as well and happy that I did!