Thank you Glo Bar Lovers!
Together we sold a whopping 1100 Glo Bars yesterday! As I mentioned 10% of my sales will be donated to Haiti Relief via The Humanitarian Coalition. That would be a donation of $212.00!!!
I will be presenting the donation receipt on the blog tomorrow.
Binge Eating: Why You Shouldn’t Feel Ashamed
Each week I receive emails from readers who are struggling to let go of an eating disorder. A large number of these emails are emails about binge eating.
Binge Eating, or compulsive eating, is often triggered by chronic dieting and involves periods of overeating, often in secret and often carried out as a means of deriving comfort. Symptoms include:
- periods of uncontrolled, impulsive or continuous eating
- sporadic fasts or repetitive diets
[Source]
I wanted to take a moment today to discuss my experience with binge eating as I think it is a topic that is often swept under the rug due to feelings of shame and embarrassment.
If you have read my series on Binge Eating (The Unspoken Issue Part 1 and The Unspoken Issue Part 2), you may know that I struggled with it for many years.
My struggles with binge eating began shortly after I started to restrict my food intake. Before this, I had no prior problems with binge eating. I struggled with disordered eating for many years. I would starve myself, over-exercise, and count calories obsessively. It is no surprise to me now that I also struggled with strong urges to binge. Typically once a week (on the weekends) I would get the urge to binge. Sometimes this binge would consist of several hundred calories and sometimes over a thousand. However, the amount never mattered, it was the feeling that was associated with it.
I felt completely out of control.
Afterwards, I would feel so ashamed, I would cry, and I would vow to restrict my intake the next day- and weeks after. During this time, I was also dating Eric and I remember being so scared that he would find out. I was so ashamed I couldn’t tell him because I was worried what he might think. After a few years of dating, I finally got the courage to tell him why I was in a bad mood, and I just told him that ‘I really overate and now I feel badly.’ Of course, he didn’t quite understand the gist of what I was telling him, and I couldn’t expect him to because I wasn’t fully honest about it. It really put up a wall between us for a long time.
It took me a very long time to realize that I would always have problems with binge eating as long as I was still depriving my body of what it needed. In an evolutionary psychology course we learned that it is an adaptive response for our bodies to seek out large amounts of food when in a deprived state. It makes total sense to me now that my body was just trying to get food in any way possible!
You can only deprive your body for so long before it acts out in protest. My weekend binges were in fact a protest against my weekday deprivation.
My body had ENOUGH.
And so this cycle continued for a long time. It is such a hard cycle to break because after a binge the guilt is so high that the only comfort you can think of is feeling empty again and restricting your intake. The cycle repeats itself over and over and the person who struggles with it, sinks deeper and deeper into isolation.
I am here today to tell you that it doesn’t have to be like this. You don’t have to live your life with cycles of deprivation and compulsive eating. It is possible to beat it and to eat in a steady cycle.
How did I beat binge eating?
Two things were pivotal to me beating Binge eating:
1) I sought counseling for my eating disorder.
I tried and tried and tried to beat it on my own but I couldn’t. It is so powerful and the emotions and habits tied to an eating disorder are extremely hard to overcome without help. I always, always encourage anyone who is struggling to seek out a counselor. It was a major turning point in my life. The counselor I saw in university made a huge impact on my life. To this day, I remember fondly the nice things she said about me. I should write her and thank her, actually.
2) I stopped restricting what I ate
I honestly do not think that I could have beat binge eating if I didn’t stop restricting my intake. This took me a long, long time to realize and I hope to be able to save some of you some time too. When I finally stopped restricting my intake, I allowed myself to eat when hungry and I stopped counting calories and weighing myself. The hardest part was that I still suffered from binges even though I was not restricting my food! You know why this was? Because old habits die hard. My body did not want to trust me. I had deprived it for so long that I couldn’t be trusted, so even though I was now eating enough food, I still struggled with binges now and then.
This was extremely frustrating for me and I will admit, I relapsed a few times because of this.
However, the body CAN learn new tricks. It took me about a year to finally stop the binges even when eating normally. My body finally learned to trust me again and it didn’t feel the need to ‘store up on food’. I know for a fact if I was still restricting my intake, I would still be struggling with binges. It is an adaptive response, don’t forget.
Another thing I had to realize was that the goal weight that I wanted to be was not realistic. It is obvious to me now that the weight I wanted to be at could not be achieved in a healthy manner because obviously I had to starve myself to get there!
Ultimately I had to pick one of two choices for myself:
1) To starve and try to achieve my goal weight and struggle with binges and all the horrible emotions that come with an ED,
OR
2) To let the ED go and to give my body what it needed. This meant that I would likely gain some weight and I would have to learn to love myself as I was meant to be.
This was no easy task, but I chose 2.
I can confidently tell you today that I am happier than I have ever been in my life and I know I would not be at this place had I not decided to turn a new leaf. Am I as thin as I once wanted to be? No, but I can tell you the happiness I now feel is better than any other feeling in the world.
We have to realize that each and everyone of us are different. Our bodies are different. Some people are meant to be muscular, some bigger, some smaller, some taller, some curvier, some shorter.
We have to find out where our body will be happiest. I believe that is one of the hardest things for a woman to figure out, but once you do you will never go back.
We are all beautiful in our own UNIQUE way!
Updates
- Steph is running the NYC Half Marathon and is raising money for TnT Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Feeling generous? Visit Steph’s Fundraising Page to make a donation.
If you really put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price.
Author Unknown
I talk about binge eating disorder openly on my blog and have a secton dedicated to it..
it’s not an easy thing to overcome…thats for sure. There are always those thoughts and feelings in the back of your head and it triggers it..
I hope some day I can get to my goal weight and feel comfortable enough to not go back and forth!
Thanks for this post Angela. This is one of the most honest, informative posts I have ever read about binge eating. Thank you for sharing!
ciao angela again
sorry if im writing too much but i just like so much all the things youre doing to help and just everything bout your site THANKS a lot for such an inspiring post Im really focused now on beating my eating disorders theyre just life ruiners and I just have got one life so I better beat them now .
GRAZIE MILE
I think that is most inspirational, true, and honest post I have ever read anywhere in the blog world. Thank you for opening up and sharing your personal experience, I know that must be so hard. Binge eating is an awful thing to have to live with and I know so many people struggle with it and suffer alone in silence. It should not be like this. I wish this world was not the kind of place it is in that unhealthily and unrealistically skinny women are considered “beautiful” and everyone is “supposed” to look like that. Of course so many women (and men) are going to end up with eating disorders and struggles emotionally and physically when they compare themselves to this crazy ideal image and that is unattainable without killing yourself (for most people). Like you said, everyone is different!! We have to learn to love our bodies as they are because we only have this one body, we should treat it right.
And it’s also good to know that there is scientific reasoning behind binge eating – it’s out of our control sometimes!
This is so inspirational and true. There is no reason to be ashamed about something, especially when so many people suffer from it.
Great post!
Do you think that becoming a vegan has helped you with this? To me, becoming a vegan would be the MOST restricting diet out there, so I find it interesting how it has helped you!
I know that many people would assume this as well. I actually eat many, many more foods now as a vegan than I did as a non vegan. It opened my world up to so many new foods and recipes and I am forever grateful for that.
This is eerily timely for me. Just last week I decided to get help to stop binge eating. I developed it exactly the way you did. I’m so relieved that there’s a way out that doesn’t involve more calorie counting!
Good for you!!! :)
Thanks so much for this post. I, too have struggled for years with the binge/restriction cycle, and I am just getting to the point of full recovery. And it feels amazing!
xoxo
Kris
This is why I love your blog Ang! I had totally felt alone in my binge eating and deprivation until you had talked about it on here – like you said it feels shameful and embarassing when you are going though it. I am now eating PROPERLY – have been for better part of a year – although as you noted its hard to break old binging habits – I have had less and less of these moments as the months have marched on. Its been the last months or so that I haven’t wanted to binge at all like I used to. I don’t stress over my food like I used to as I know I am putting the right nutritious eats in me!
Such a great post. So honest and real! I too have been struggling with ED and body dismorphia. I made the first huge step and told my husband & mom after Thanksgiving. This Friday, I am seeing a counselor for the first time.
This is one of the scariest things I have ever had to admit or do. It’s so nice to know that you can change your thinking. Thanks so much for being an inspiration.
Maybe one day I can write openly and honestly about it in my blog.
Good luck!! I wish you the best!
Good luck — and congratulations. For me, just talking about it, and telling someone was a big part of getting to a healthy place. The secretiveness ate (pardon the pun) away at me. . . honesty and openess became my friend.
Good luck! Admitting it to yourself and to others is the hardest first step. :)
angela~ great post on binge eating. i think this post is something several of us can relate to! thanks for sharing your story.
i also clicked out of reader to let you know that TODAY is national granola bar day! and hey~ they never said WHAT nation.. so let’s pretend it is the USA and canada :)
xoxo
aw i love this post! thank you! i have/do struggle with this and it’s such an awkward/uncomfortable subject for some reason… i like how you framed the 2 choices.. i want #2 as well! its so weird to me that you can know one thing yet your emotions can lead you to forget it all and choose a harmful thing like a binge grr
Great post.
I struggled with this for about 2 years. My boyfriend (husband now) helped set me up with a good counselor. I remember being so angry at him for figuring out what was going on. But I did want to get over my eating disorder, so I said I’d trust him to get me set up with someone. My eating disorder — and it took me some time before I’d admit it was an eating disorder — was a result of other trauma, and it took me some time to work through both the symptom (binge eating) and the cause (the painful past). It took me about two years to really get to a “good” place with food.
This is such a wonderful and motivational post. I struggled with binge eating for a while as well, and I found that instead of focusing on weight loss, I decided to focus on making my body strong. That even meant gaining some weight (muscle weighs more than fat, after all) but by loving my body I am ending up sleeker and toner than I would by restricting my calories. Your story is along these same lines, and truly inspirational! Thank you :)
Thank you for being so open and honest. I started a post on my blog about this yesterday but then put it in my “drafts” and have not published it yet. I to struggle with this especially after years of anorexia and bulimia. I do notice that when I restrict my calories during the day my body wants everything and anything I will put into it. I am working on stopping this cycle for good also. First step is the breakfast I just finished…no more skipping meals!
Thank you for posting this. I still struggle with binge eating, although not as much now that I try to not restrict. I feel like it will always be a challenge though.
I used to binge eat a lot and now it’s only occasional, usually when I’m really stressed.
When I did binge it was always on chocolate and fatening foods, nothing healthy. I still find that habit hard to break.
How do you overcome that? restricting myself of those foods only makes me want them more and binge more when I do have them.
I’d love to be able to reduce my intake of fatty foods without feeling like I’m missing out and bringing on a binge.
Thanks x
Even though I’m at a “good” place with food, sometimes I struggle with past behaviors. I started calling myself a “healthy person who is learning” a little while ago. For me, binge eating is an impulsive, out-of-control, driven feeling, and I’m trying to learn how to handle those feelings.
I start by saying out loud: “I’m stressed out” (or angry, or sad). I actually say it quite loud and emphatically (if no one is around). Then I pretend I’m in a classroom and say (out loud, because this helps for some reason): “What am I going to do about it?” I usually then put on some kind of music — this helps me the most — or I drink some tea. Both activities calm me down and make me pause long enough to think about what is going on. The “urgent/driven” feeling dissipates.
ASG-Those are pretty much my tricks too!
N – I’d like to add. When I first started trying to recover, I would binge quite frequently, as angela was saying. But I knew I was on the right track. And honestly as time past, the binges became less and less frequent.
Although I’ve eaten too much (usually for good reasons like Christmas, or fun times with friends) I honestly don’t think I’ve “binged” in a very long time.
And important thing is to let go of the guilt after a binge, just carry on like a normal day, if you can.
Thanks for the tips! xx
So great of you to share your story for those suffering this terrible problem! I hope others can overcome binge eating as well as you did.
Thanks so much for your honesty. I have never struggled with eating disorders (thankfully), but could easily hedge toward some form of eating disorder simply by trying to eat healthy. There are so many, should eats, don’t eats, can’t eats, out there. I mean, can we even eat anything that won’t harm us in one way or another??? Same with exercise, I lean towards overtraining in an attempt to maintain health. So many fine lines out there.
Such an amazing post, Angela!! It’s true — if only we, as women, weren’t wired — in this day and age — to think that all of us are supposed to weigh the same amount, have the same measurements, the same pants size, etc….society has made it seem like all women should weigh ____ or wear this certain size pant…and that is just not the way it is. Everyone is beautiful in their own way.
fantastic post, angela! Per usual, you continue to inspire all those around you ;)
Thank you for sharing your story! I can definitely relate to a lifetime of dieting, restricting calories and binge eating. It does bring with it feelings of shame and self-deprecation. But, I agree with you- your body CAN learn new tricks to overcome this inner battle! Glad you sought help and were able to get yourself to a wonderful place – inside and out :)