Some not so happy news this morning.
Eric and I are off to a funeral up north this morning for my Great Aunt Bun.
We heard of her passing earlier this week. I didn’t know her very well as we moved around a lot when I was growing up, but what I do remember of her is that she was a vibrant, outgoing, smiling, and loving person with the biggest heart that you have ever seen. She had a long and happy life.
I guess that is all that we can ask for.
I think my mom is taking it quite hard as she grew up with Aunt Bun and was very close to her. Luckily, during my mom’s last visit only a month ago, she was able to see Aunt Bun and visit with her. My mom knew that her condition was deteriorating so she wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. Aunt Bun was having a good day and felt well too, so my mom was especially happy about this. Most people don’t have this opportunity to say goodbye.
So rather than omitting this part of my life from you all, I decided to talk about it even though I admit, it does make me feel anxious.
I find that the subject of death is so very often considered taboo in our society. And I wonder why.
What is so taboo about death? Why is it uncomfortable to talk about?
I will be the first to admit that I have a hard time talking openly about my feelings. Sure, I may seem pretty good at it on this blog, but when it comes to a face to face discussion, I am often lost for words.
Last summer, our family lost a dear friend, Chris, who was only in his 20’s when he passed away to cancer. I often find myself afraid to talk about him for fear of upsetting people all over again.
The other day Eric and I were going through our memory box (it is a wooden box I gave to Eric as a gift that we put all of our letters and cards in) and Chris’s obituary fell out. I saved the obituary that was given out at his funeral. It was a picture of him on the cover with details about his life on the inside.
It fell out, in plain view, Chris was looking at us with his beautiful eyes. Silence both fell over us and I felt myself welling up with tears.
And you know what? We never said anything. I guess we were both afraid of the emotions that we felt inside us. Perhaps, the wound is still too fresh.
But at the same time, I was mad at myself for not being able to talk about it. What am I so afraid of? And why was I afraid to post about our funeral today?
I guess one of my goals for 2009 is to learn to embrace my feelings and not be afraid of them.
Do you find it hard to talk about death? Why do you think this is so?
So, off we go. I am looking forward to seeing my mom and being there for her today. I think she is relieved to have me there for support.
The happy news is that I get to spend Friday and Saturday with my mom and stepdad as they are staying over here at our place. It will be nice to visit with them.
My mom and I already have a huge ‘bake-off’ planned for Friday. :) That should be a blast.
I will be posting again sometime late this afternoon/early evening. My mom is staying up north for the night so I will have some time to kill before her return.
“The idea of death, the fear of it, haunts the human animal like nothing else; it is a mainspring of human activity – designed largely to avoid the fatality of death, to overcome it by denying in some way that it is the final destiny of man.” ~Ernest Becker