Some not so happy news this morning.
Eric and I are off to a funeral up north this morning for my Great Aunt Bun.
We heard of her passing earlier this week. I didn’t know her very well as we moved around a lot when I was growing up, but what I do remember of her is that she was a vibrant, outgoing, smiling, and loving person with the biggest heart that you have ever seen. She had a long and happy life.
I guess that is all that we can ask for.
I think my mom is taking it quite hard as she grew up with Aunt Bun and was very close to her. Luckily, during my mom’s last visit only a month ago, she was able to see Aunt Bun and visit with her. My mom knew that her condition was deteriorating so she wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. Aunt Bun was having a good day and felt well too, so my mom was especially happy about this. Most people don’t have this opportunity to say goodbye.
So rather than omitting this part of my life from you all, I decided to talk about it even though I admit, it does make me feel anxious.
I find that the subject of death is so very often considered taboo in our society. And I wonder why.
What is so taboo about death? Why is it uncomfortable to talk about?
I will be the first to admit that I have a hard time talking openly about my feelings. Sure, I may seem pretty good at it on this blog, but when it comes to a face to face discussion, I am often lost for words.
Last summer, our family lost a dear friend, Chris, who was only in his 20’s when he passed away to cancer. I often find myself afraid to talk about him for fear of upsetting people all over again.
The other day Eric and I were going through our memory box (it is a wooden box I gave to Eric as a gift that we put all of our letters and cards in) and Chris’s obituary fell out. I saved the obituary that was given out at his funeral. It was a picture of him on the cover with details about his life on the inside.
It fell out, in plain view, Chris was looking at us with his beautiful eyes. Silence both fell over us and I felt myself welling up with tears.
And you know what? We never said anything. I guess we were both afraid of the emotions that we felt inside us. Perhaps, the wound is still too fresh.
But at the same time, I was mad at myself for not being able to talk about it. What am I so afraid of? And why was I afraid to post about our funeral today?
I guess one of my goals for 2009 is to learn to embrace my feelings and not be afraid of them.
Do you find it hard to talk about death? Why do you think this is so?
So, off we go. I am looking forward to seeing my mom and being there for her today. I think she is relieved to have me there for support.
The happy news is that I get to spend Friday and Saturday with my mom and stepdad as they are staying over here at our place. It will be nice to visit with them.
My mom and I already have a huge ‘bake-off’ planned for Friday. :) That should be a blast.
I will be posting again sometime late this afternoon/early evening. My mom is staying up north for the night so I will have some time to kill before her return.
“The idea of death, the fear of it, haunts the human animal like nothing else; it is a mainspring of human activity – designed largely to avoid the fatality of death, to overcome it by denying in some way that it is the final destiny of man.” ~Ernest Becker
i’m sorry about your aunt and your friend. i think people are afraid of death because no one really knows what comes with it — people have their beliefs, but those are just guesses. i hope your aunt and friend are resting peacefully wherever they may be.
xoxo
Angela, I’m terribly sorry about your loss – stay strong and hang in there.
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I know it can be very difficult for people to talk about death. My mom always told me that people WANT to talk about their lost loved ones. Although it may make them upset, in a way, they enjoy talking about them. They enjoy thinking back, looking at the memories they shared. You never want to ignore it and not talk about it, because then family members may think you’ve forgotten. Think of someone close to you who you have lost. I’m sure you think about them often, and would probably want to talk to people about your memories/emotions. And if you bring something up, and people shut you down, never feel bad. At least they know that you care and are thinking about them. You can never go wrong telling someone that you miss a loved one.
This is a very tough topic for everyone. Again, I’m very sorry for your family’s loss.
sorry about your (and your mom’s) loss. death sucks and it sucks that it is something we have to face again and again.
a year and a half into our relationship, an old girlfriend of my partner’s died suddenly of some acute form of leukemia (she was diagnosed on sunday and died on wed). she was only 22 and 4 months away from getting her engineering degree. it was so sad and it was hard for me to deal with let alone help jon get through even though i didn’t know her well at all. talking helps so much. i definitely think that these things strengthen our relationship.
I am terribly sorry about the loss Angela! Take care of your mom, you and your mom are brave women and with you by her side she will tide over this day!
I’m sorry hun, I had no idea she had passed away.
So sorry for your loss Angela! Funerals are So hard! I am sure this will be a tough day for you…hang in there!
Oh Angela – I’m so sorry! For both your recent losses! :(
Deepest condolences to you for the loss of your great Aunt, Angela. I am so sorry to hear that. I don’t know why we are so afriad of death and afraid to talk about it…it really is part of life. I am glad that your aunt had a long and happy life and I hope you are able to celebrate that life at her service. Hugs!
I’m sorry to hear about that!
I think it’s always hard to talk about death or someone you’ve lost, regardless how long it’s been. It’s such a painful territory for people, to remember people that are no longer here, and it takes a long time to be able to talk about people you’ve lost without getting super emotional (or it is for me, at least).
I’m so sorry hon… losing a friend or relative is hard no matter how close you were in life. Losing my grandmother was one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through… HUGS
I’m sorry for your loss.
I find it difficult to talk about death just because of losing my grandma two and a half years ago. She was the first person to die that I was really close with and I took it very hard, so it kind of reminds me of her passing. Before that, I didn’t really have a specific family member/friend to associate with the concept of death and it wasn’t a big deal to talk about it, but when death suddenly equals my grandma passing away, it’s more difficult to think about.
Dear Angela,
My father died when I was just 14. After his passing, I was overwhelmed by the acts of kindness from my friends, family, and random strangers. People were not afraid to acknowledge my loss, offer their condolences, and share their favorite memories of my father. It made me feel so loved and also honored to be his daughter. So, please do not be afraid to talk about those who have passed with their loved ones – I can say from experience that that was integral to my healing.
I hope you are doing well and you enjoy your weekend with your family.
Sorry for your loss.
I don’t speak about loved ones or friends passing on because there are no words to adequately describe the way I feel about people I’ve lost. Their lives were so much more than any few words I can cobble together. For me, it’s not about not wanting to talk about death…it’s the belief that some experiences (like births and deaths) and some people are so much bigger than words.
so sorry Angela..I empathize with you and your family deeply. I think that many people are ready for death when they go, and it (hopefully) isn’t a scary place..but it’s just so hard for the people left behind that have to go on and live and learn to cope with a feeling of emptiness and sadness and their lives. I guess that’s why we have ourloved ones to support us during that time, and hopefully gives us extra reason to hold them closer and appreciate each other :)
Sorry to hear about your Aunt. I used to find it difficult to talk about death, but after the passing of a very close aunt (a second mom of sorts) I found it much easier because when talking about someone who has passed I was talking more of the great life they lived and the times spent with them rather than their death.
Hi Angela,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your aunt and your friend. I’ve dealt with a lot of loss in my life, beginning with the loss of my father over 21 years ago (when I was 8 1/2). We talk about him and everyone else who we’ve lost, but we don’t really dwell on it. And sometimes I want to ask my family more questions about people (such as my father) because I don’t remember a lot. Sometimes I don’t because I, like you, don’t want to upset anyone. But I find when we do talk about them, even if we cry, everyone is happy because we’re remembering people we love. Yes, it’s hard, and I do find death scary, but it’s nice to think that by talking about people, you’re celebrating someone’s life.
Take care,
Sara
Death is always so hard to cope with and we are all afraid to face the idea of our immortality. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.
I am so sorry for your loss.