What To Do About A Jealous Friend


Good morning!

Wednesday already. :)

I have been baking since 5:45am this morning, as I have a bunch of orders to get out before noon today. I started my morning off with some strong Japanese Sencha tea and then later on in the morning I had this juice composed of 1/2 cuke, 1 apple, 1 piece ginger, 1/4 lemon.


Breakfast this morning was Banana Soft Serve vegan Overnight Oats (recipe found here). I cannot even begin to tell you how much I love this breakfast!!

So I won’t. I’ll just show you the goods!




I seriously could not handle how good this was this morning. IMG_6108

I sprinkled the top with a few cacao nibs too.


As you can see below, today is NOT a Wordless Wednesday! :mrgreen: more like, Verbal Diarrhea Wednesday…but hey it all balances out, right? ;)

What To Do About A Jealous Friend

I received this email from a blog reader named ‘Amy’. Amy would like your opinion on the situation below.  I too thought it would be a great topic for discussion!


[Image source]

“Hi Angela!

I have been struggling with something for awhile now and didn’t know if you had any advice/done a post about this, or might be willing to.  I have a friend who is competitive with me when it comes to pretty much anything: exercise, diet, money, new gadgets/toys, etc.  I don’t want to sound like I have a big ego, but honestly, I get the feeling that she is jealous of me and that is why she brags or makes comments that make me feel badly about myself.

To give you a little background, this friend (I will call her B) actually used to have an eating disorder.  She was very thin when we were in college together, and never sought help for her ED.  Flash forward 9 years later, and now B has 2 small children and is struggling to lose about 10-15 pounds from her pregnancies.  My weight has fluctuated a little bit in the last 10 years, but currently I’m at the lower end of a healthy weight for my height.  But I really feel like, because B never dealt with the issue of her ED, she has a way to bring out the ED tendencies in me – does that make sense? 

Back in college I got a little more attention from guys than B. I guess that’s why I think B might be jealous, though I promise I have never brought that stuff up or "flaunted it" around her!

B also teases me in front of other people for eating healthy.  For example, our friends get together a couple times a month and they usually bring a lot of sweets.  If I bring something healthy or pass on the sweets, B will remark in front of everyone how she could never "deprive" herself of things like that.  She’s said things like, "Well, I worked out for 2 hours today so I can have those things," or a couple of times she’s mentioned how she skipped a meal that day so she doesn’t feel guilty. 

I feel conflicted because I don’t want to place all of the blame on her – I know I have some things I need to work on in my ED recovery.  But also, because she never sought treatment for her ED and I feel as though she might be jealous, I feel like she’s putting me down/making remarks just so she can feel better about herself.  And that’s not okay, either, right?

I know the easy solution would be to stop being friends with her, but we’ve been friends for over 10 years.  Also, we have many mutual friends, including my 2 sisters.  And sometimes we really do have a great time together – it’s just the comments she’ll throw in here or there that make me feel badly. 

So I guess my question is – do you or your readers have any insight/advice (other than ending the friendship) on how to deal with friends like this?”


I think this a problem that SO many women experience. Our relationships with other women are so complex whether it be relationships with female coworkers, classmates, sisters, mothers, or friends. Expectations are so high for women in today’s world. We are expected to have it all: a great job, a great relationship, a great body, great kids, a fancy car, while juggling all of it with a big smile on our face. I think this pressure can create a competitive atmosphere between women, especially women you have frequent contact with (friends, family members, coworkers).

My Jealousy Story

I used to be jealous of my happy friends who I thought had the perfect life.  While I was never the type to externalize my feelings onto others, the jealousy ate me alive on the inside. No matter how thin I was, I was never good enough, and the grass was always greener on the other side. These feelings are bound to impact one’s relationships in one form or another, whether it is passive or overt.

My big turning point was realizing that jealousy was only setting me back in my progress to a better life. Sure there are things I cannot change about myself, but I realized I could be happy by being good to myself.

I often remind myself of this quote:

Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value.  Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point – that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you.  There is only one alternative – self-value.  If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved.  You will always think it’s a mistake or luck.  Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within.  Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences.  Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security.  Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them.  ~Jennifer James

I was that girl who scanned for evidence to feed my jealousy. I truly don’t believe I could have gotten past it, had I not recovered from my eating disorder because then, and only then, did I believe that I had value. This doesn’t just apply to eating disorders, but it can apply to any struggle that we have in our lives. Only after I started seeing my value, did I realize that nothing about my friends or surroundings had changed. I didn’t suddenly have a stroke of good luck. The only thing that changed was my perspective. Everything else was the same, but everything was so different simply by changing how I viewed the world around me.

Because of my past, I can see where B gets her insecurities from, however that does not justify her actions. It is really difficult when you love a friend dearly, yet you feel like they bring negative influences into your life.  Who wants to say to a friend, ‘I think you are jealous of me.’? Who wants to break-up with a long-time friend? I would probably ask my friend where the comments are coming from and if they wanted to talk about anything that is bothering them. Sometimes, if you probe a little, you find out that people just want to talk about something that is bothering them, but they can’t find a way to express it in a non-hurtful manner. Honesty is not always an easy thing for people, but I think if we all communicated a little bit more, many of our problems would go away.

If talking with your friend doesn’t help, there is really only so much you can do. Remember that good friends will be happy for you and your successes. Be wary of anyone who is trying to diminish your light. Sometimes no matter how hard you try, a person isn’t ready to change. How long you are willing to put up with B’s treatment is something only you can decide.

Today’s questions- Have you ever been in Amy’s shoes? Do you struggle with jealous friends or feeling jealous of other people? Have you ever had to ‘break-up’ with a friend?


Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.  ~Josh Billings

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{ 92 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Sana May 5, 2010

Wow. Friendships are HARD! I think they are harder than (gf/bf) relationships!


2 Jessica @ How Sweet May 5, 2010

That’s it – I’m trying the oats tomorrow! As for the jealousy issue, I just think that no good can come out of it. It is rare that we know what someone’s life is truly like, and the grass is always greener. I have definitely broke up with negative friends.


3 RhodeyGirl May 5, 2010

As I get older I realize I don’t have room in my life for friends who are not really friends. B is not being a friend to Amy in my opinion. I have had to distance myself from a few friends who were always negative and making passive aggressive comments towards me out of jealousy for whatever reason. I am over it. My life is too full and too happy to include them any more, as awful as that sounds.


4 AGS May 5, 2010

I absolutely agree with this. I have quite lmited time in my life for negative individuals. I see setting boundaries, reducing contact, with difficut friends as a normal adult activity. Also, as we mature, we change: our expectations for ourselves and others change; our needs change; our passions and joys change. Sometimes, friendships are “set aside” or are less prioritized in the course of life’s changes. It is neither good nor bad, but a natural progression of life.

To Amy. Perhaps consider simplified scenario. If you arranged for your child to have regular play-dates with a little friend, and saw the friend regularly mistreating your child, you would probably first see if there was some practical course of action to adjust the poor interactions, and then — if that didn’t produce results — simply stop the play-dates. Perhaps at a later time, the two kids would play better together, but for now, it doesn’t work well.

Good luck in this difficult situation!


5 francis August 31, 2012

thanks for your comment


6 Beth @ Beth's Journey to Thin May 5, 2010

I’m going to have to try those banana softserve overnight banana oats!! They look soooo good. I actually have overnight oats for breakfast today with chia seeds for the first time ever!

And for Amy, I think she really just needs to talk to her friend straight up. Maybe she doesn’t realize just how negative of an effect shes having on Amy, and the best way to phrase it, in my opinion, is to make it less of an attack like “You are jealous of me” but rather “I feel uncomfortable when you make comments about my eating decisions in front of others.” Maybe not quite so formal but you get the idea :)


7 Jenn @ LiveWellFitNow May 5, 2010

Relationships with friends (with anyone really!) can be so complex. Throw in an issue such as jealousy..those are tough waters.

As I have grown and watched many of my friendships change, ultimately valuing myself and the friend that I am has allowed me to better my friendships. Honesty brought us closer, even if not at first. Consideration for one another’s feelings allow us to grow, even if not at first.

I know how difficult this feels. Know that you are strong Amy and both you and B deserve to feel value in your friendship.


8 Tracey @ I'm Not Superhuman May 5, 2010

I’m so thankful that my friends and I love each other and are proud of each other without ever being jealous. That can eat you up and drive a wedge in your friendship from both sides. I think it’s important to remember that no one has a perfect life. And while your friend may seem on the ball with the perfect job, husband, and life, there are probably things she doesn’t share that she hates about her life. We all have ’em.

As for the Amy and B story, I think the best friendships are built on honesty. I wouldn’t bring up the jealousy issue since, really, it’s just masking something else and it may make B defensive to hear Amy call her jealous. But I’d talk to B and tell her my worries–when you say X or Y it bothers me. Are you sure you’re OK with your eating. And so on.


9 Heather (Heather's Dish) May 5, 2010

when i was in college i had a friend (she was my roommate) who got jealous of my boyfriend (now husband) because we were spending so much time together. she knew that i struggled with disordered eating and would say horrible things to me to INSTIGATE that over and over again in my life! after about a year of toxic “friendship” we moved out and never spoke again. just recently we’ve been able to come together and she’s apologized, but there comes a point where, if a friend is causing you emotional and/or physical harm, they’re not actually a friend and you have to break it off. we all deserve to live a happy, HEALTHY life…after all, it’s the only one we have! every second should be seeking joy.


10 Diana May 5, 2010

I’ve had a friend jealous of my progress in terms of weight loss, etc. We did have a few fights and at times we didn’t even speak very much. Fortunately, she grew out of it. She’s pretty much accepted who she is and does the best she can with what she’s got.
As for me being jealous of other people, well, I’m human and sometimes I am but at the end of the day, I do not let it consume me, they’re only fleeting thoughts.


11 megan May 5, 2010

I agree with the commenter who said she should talk to her friend. Her friend probably doesn’t even realize she’s doing it, she’s just subconsciously trying to make herself feel better. a friendship of 10 years is very important, and if her friend is really struggling as much as it seems, i think amy should try to be there for her. although, she needs her own health to come first, I guess. But if she can handle it, I’d say confront her in a loving manner and take it from there.


12 Daniel May 5, 2010

I used to be extremely jealous of one of my friends, which is partly what lead me to end up with my ED, but basically he’s an excellent athlete – fastest kid in the school and going to college backed up by his talents. He practically ate whatever he wanted (pizza, chips, sodas, etc.) and had a nice set of abs and I wanted to be able to do all of that. I’m happy to say that I did get the abs, but I realize now how silly it was to be envious when his diet really isn’t doing much for his health and now I see myself as eating much healthier and feeling better anyways!


13 Life Lite May 5, 2010

I had a very similar situation, although eating disorders were not involved. We were friends from the time we were 6 years old until college and were even roommates our freshmen year. We met playing softball and became great friends through the sport but as we got into high school every time I was around her I felt like she was trying to be competitive either with the guys she had asking her out, the clothes she was wearing, how well she was doing in sports, etc…

Her biggest focus, and where she placed her value, was in men. Throughout highschool it wasn’t uncommon for her to ask me to come along as the third wheel on a first date or something. I usually had a boyfriend and assumed she just didn’t want to be stuck in an uncomfortable position alone so I obliged. I went with her every year on her birthday vacation that her Dad treated her too and we finally hit a boiling point. She was dating someone, I wasn’t, we met a guy on the cruise, she wanted him, he wanted me and it made for a huge mess. She ended up breaking down about it all, and I simply told her that I loved her and valued our friendship but that the constant competition was wearing on me. She understood but said she didn’t know how to change it.

Fast forward a year or so, it was our first year of college. She had always prided herself on being a virgin and not drinking, even used it as a pickup line for guys. But after realizing that college guys are not so impressed with that she immediately started throwing herself at guys. It got to a point where there was a different guy every night just so she wouldn’t be alone. The end of our friendship was when I told her that I loved her and respected her, but she wasn’t respecting herself. I told her she deserved better and should demand better but she responded telling me that she didn’t care about being that kind of person and that she was fine with what she was.

I felt I tried my best to talk to her and tell her my feelings and eventually had to move on. I do miss her from time to time, but the drama and constant competition weren’t healthy for me or her. Now she is in a healthy and solid relationship and seems to be happy, as am I, just unfortunately we aren’t able to celebrate this together.

Good luck!


14 Chelsea @ One Healthy Munchkin May 5, 2010

I’ve never been in Amy’s situation, but it sounds like it would be tough! I think it’s worth it to try to work on the friendship though, because it just sounds like a case of her friend’s insecurities. If she can help her friend work though that, it might help resolve the jealousy problem.

I’ve only had to “break up” with a friend once back in high school, but that was because of different lifestyle choices. She got into drugs and that just wasn’t my cup of tea.


15 midgetkeeper May 5, 2010

That’s such a hard situation. I think that Amy should have an open and honest conversation with her friend, it’s time to lay it all out there and see how her friend responds. I know it’s a tricky issue but a true friend would understand and respond accordingly. If not I would break the friendship :(

Jealousy can be an awful, and really destructive on both ends.


16 Shauna May 5, 2010

As far as Amy’s situation- It is possible that her friend is saying those things to make herself comfortable with her decision to not restrict her food intake. It may be that Amy is taking the comments as directed at her when they are not necessarily directed at anyone or not meant as an insult.

I think too often we let what other people are saying become about us when really it has nothing to do with us. Besides, we can control how we react to something but we cannot control other people’s actions. I think the best strategy would be for Amy to start thinking those comments have nothing to do with her and even if they are directed at her when her friend see’s that she is not getting a reaction then she will probably give up or maybe even realize they are about herself more than anything. It is probably she doesn’t even realize she is doing it.

BTW the breakfast looks delicious! I need a food processor stat!


17 Faith May 5, 2010

Wow, that’s an intense issue. Up until last weekend, for two years I’d lived with a girl who I also felt was jealous of me. We both had fiercely competitive personalities, so EVERYTHING was a competition – exercise, eating, academics, and even our social lives…it was so draining. She was intent on being the “alpha female” and our strong personalities clashed immensely, yet in the interest of preserving the peace in our suite we generally kept the bickering in the form of sarcastic yet pointed banter. I genuinely hated the tension that caused.

For your original reader, it’s a hard position. I’m sure she wants to both save the friendship but not at the cost of triggering her health. However, sometimes in toxic relationships like that, it is more beneficial to distance yourselves entirely. I’ve been so much happier just in this one week without constantly being exposed to D’s negativity and biting comments.


18 Paige @ Running Around Normal May 5, 2010

Eek, that sounds like a not so good situation. It almost seems like her friend is way more competitive than she is jealous. Seems like she makes everything a competition. Thankfully, I don’t have any friends who try and compete with me…I’ve weeded those types out over the years, and now surround myself with those who will lift me up, not bring me down – and me to them as well.


19 Bella (Stilettos on the Streetcar) May 5, 2010

I’ve been in a similar situation and it is tough. In the end, I confronted my friend (as gently as I could). She was completely unaware of how she was making me feel. Her comments weren’t actually about me at all. They were about her trying to justify her life choices. From then on, I’d gently point out when she was putting me (or herself) down. It was awkward for a few months, but I’m happy to report we are still friends. In fact, we’re better friends now because we’re honest with each other.

I’d recommend addressing the issue head on. It’s scary, but much better than losing a friend.


20 Scott from YourInnerSkinny May 5, 2010

This is not just an issue that women deal with, men do as well.

A lot of my guy friends are guys I’ve been friends with for 20+ years. I’ve been told by a few of these childhood friends (always after a few beers) that they’re jealous of my success. I never quite understood that as they all make more money than I do and all own homes and all seem quite happy and in all honesty, I don’t feel like I’m a huge success, I’m just very happy with myself and what I do and maybe that’s what they’re jealous of.

I DO see their jealous come out though and it’s mostly when we’re together as a group. They lash out or try very hard to put me down in front of the other “boys” and it’s ALWAYS about how I dress, me eating healthy or me not having a drink when they’re all having beers. It use to REALLY bother me, but I’ve realized that I can shrug it off now and that what they say or think has no real barring on my life. These are guys who have been my “friends” for over 20 years (and I’m only 29) and they’ll always be there if I need them, so for the greater good of our friendships, I’ve just learned to shrug off their hurtful comments and live my life how it makes ME happy. And you know what, I am!


21 Abby May 5, 2010

Yea, I think I know where Amy is at! I had a friend in high school that got some dirty body image thoughts in my head because she had them of herself. I think she was jealous of me and some circumstances in my life. We “broke up” because one day she hated me! After that, I lost weight..she lost weight..and it’s just like she never could remove herself from me, and I’ve always felt the sting of it. Now I know, 4 years later) that she’s not someone that I ever want to be friends with again. Friendships never should be held together by jealousy or competition. I think Amy shouldn’t disown her, but create her own boundaries and let B know that some things are just inappropriate between friends (if they really are “friends”).
Tough situation! My prayers are with Amy, I know the struggle and pain!


22 Ameena May 5, 2010

I think we have all had friends who we were jealous of or who were jealous of us…I realized that instead of investing time in toxic relationships like that I simply had to cut those people out of my life. No need to waste time trying to get along with people who you just can’t get along with!


23 Morgan @ Life After Bagels May 5, 2010

I get really jealous of any of my friends who don’t work weekends like I do. Then I get mad at them for going out on Saturday’s for, let’s say brunch for example. I wish they would schedule things better so that I could participate, but I also know it’s not their fault that my schedule is the only different one.


24 Staceyhttp://stacey-healthylife.blogspot.com/ May 5, 2010

I have been their. I think just being confident in who you are and the choices you have made in your life including being healthy. The other person tries to put you down to cover up their own insecurities.


25 Wei-Wei May 5, 2010

I feel bad, because I’ve (sort of) been in B’s situation. I used to always be jealous of my best friend; she was thinner, fitter, smarter, got better grades, quieter, more “mature”, everything I wanted to be. I was insanely jealous; she would always get the A* (an A+ in British school systems) and I would always get the A, just one step behind. I knew I was good, but I wasn’t as good as HER. I hated her for a very long while; we called her “Miss Perfect” to her back AND to her face, and shunned her when she got good results, instead of congratulating her. Notice I’m saying “we”; yes, I was so jealous that I spread it to all of the girls in our four-person group as well.

I know now that I was very insecure back then. I’d do things for attention, and whenever we got into an argument I’d always ask the same question: “Well, what am *I* good at? You’re better than me in EVERYTHING.” And then she’d list what she thought I was good at, like writing, or drawing, and I’d just pass those off as things that had no importance. In my eyes, she was good at everything useful, and the few things I was “good” at? They meant nothing. I couldn’t see my self-worth, at all.

It’s a lot easier being friends with her now that we’re in different schools; there are no more grades to compare and I don’t see her as often. But I still suffer from the same problem; I’m susceptible to being jealous and sometimes find myself purposefully sabotaging other people. I do try to act happy for other people’s successes, but sometimes… Jealousy gets the better of me, and I become very upset. I don’t act out jealousy anymore, but even just being jealous in my head and keeping it to myself… it hurts.

Oh, God. Writing this comment makes me want to cry. Sometimes I want to ask myself… Why do we hate ourselves so much? It’s not fair.

Amy, I wish you good luck with this situation… I hope you understand that it’s your friend who has insecurities, and you shouldn’t let that bother you. It’s her problem, one she has to face herself… so talk to her. She’ll deny it at first; who wants to admit to being jealous and making hurtful comments on purpose? Maybe she’s not doing it on purpose, but… talk to her, just the same. I wish my best friend had just talked to me instead of enduring being teased for being “Miss Perfect” all the time. And I wish that I could have listened.



26 Marcia May 5, 2010

This was a very interesting post. I wonder how much of this tendency is nature vs. nurture. How you can train yourself out of it.

I’ve always been competitive, but rarely jealous. I can look at my friend with a fabulous house and an enormous kitchen and say “I wish…ah well”. And I’m over it. I’ve always been that way. I work hard. I recognize that everyone is different.

I can train and run and run and I’m not ever going to run a half marathon in under a 9 min mile like my friends. I can study and study, and I’m a very good engineer, but I’m not going to ever be smarter than my boss.

My brother, on the other hand, has had serious issues with jealousy his whole life. I prefer action to reaction I guess.

Thank you for your honesty.


27 kalli@fitandfortysomething May 5, 2010

love your breakfast! looks like dessert :) oh i try to hang with only supportive friends now…..i am too old to deal with jeolous or intimidated friends!


28 Kristin May 5, 2010

I’ve had to end several friendships because ultimately the relationships were toxic for me. Yes, it absolutely hurt – I was VERY close to at least two of them – but in the long run I’m much better off, and considerably more at peace w/o them. Much as it stinks, oftentimes we’re better off ending these types of relationships than we would be if we tried to repair them.

Incidentally, the last time this happened I ended things pretty much because the other woman refused to allow herself to heal from some past issues. She had every resource at her disposal and was VERY aware of what was going on – but she also apparently really enjoyed being the victim. Her garbage was fueling mine, and amazingly enough as soon as I dumped her my life started to improve dramatically.


29 Jessica @ The Process of Healing May 5, 2010

Wow. That is a really tough situation.. I do think if B had gotten past her ED, things might be a bit different for her. But it’s still no excuse for her to treat you the way she does.


30 kiki May 5, 2010

yes I have! well…it was actually the cause of my weight gaining…I’ve always been a “natural” skinny girl for the greatest part of my life but since my “best” (don’t know if I can still call her like that after what she did) friend G began to do exactly what Amy was describing (such as doing stupid comments in front of other people about me and my way of living/eating, or literaly making me feel the worst person in the whole world)…this made me feel “guilty” (for what?) and alienated like a fish out of water…and now she is the thin one (she lost pounds while I was gaining!).
I began to set things right 6 months ago and I am trying to go back to the cheerful person I used to be…
I can definitely relate to Amy’s situation…I think it is quiet normal in “women’s world”…I broke up the relationship with my now-ex-best-friend and I am feeling so much better since I did…but, why doesn’t she try to talk with her BEFORE?


31 Samantha Angela @ Bikini Birthday May 5, 2010

Amy should confront B and tell B to stop taking out her frustrations on Amy. B probably doesn’t realize how much her jealousy is affecting Amy and that should be brought out into the open.
It’s a lot like bullying, if you don’t stand up for yourself you’ll keep being victimized.


32 Kristi W. @ Life at the Chateau Whitman May 5, 2010

That’s a tough one, but I think an honest conversation might help. If B really values the friendship, then she should take it to heart if Amy were to say something like “Hey, when you say certain things, it hurts me. I would never say anything to intentionally hurt you, so I wanted to make you aware of the situation. We have different situations, and I don’t think we should compare ourselves to each other. I’d prefer it if we just supported and encouraged each other. I think that’s what I need from my friendships.” Who can argue with that logic, right?


33 Ellen May 5, 2010

I think that there is some resentment going on for both individuals. B is resentful of the author’s thinness. the author is resentful that B has fueled her eating disorder, held her back, and maybe even makes her feel as if she shouldn’t recover from her eating disorder. If the friendship is valued, I think the only way to overcome this is to break down this barrier of resentment. Someone will have to make the first move and bring it up (having been there, may I recommend wine? things go much more smoothly!) I have a feeling the author will be glad she at least tried to work this out. B doesn’t sound like a bad person, just struggling herself. I don’t think now’s a time to abandon a good friend. If nothing is resolved, then by all means, distance yourself from her, but it seems like resolution is not far off. I’m sure both parties are aware of the tension, someone just has to openly acknowledge it so you can move on.


34 Courtney (Pancakes & Postcards) May 5, 2010

In my life, I have found myself on both sides of the issue (and they both suck). I have found myself being jealous and comparing myself to others so often–“if only I had her body, I would be happy.” It took me so long to realize that what I was doing wasn´t just destructive, but that it had become some kind of defense mechanism. I didn´t want to let it all go and accept myself for who I was, because it felt like I was settling, because I was so unhappy with MYSELF. I realized that trying to concentrate on positive feelings about myself, made negative feelings towards others just fade away. It is horrible to feel like you need to continue being a friend to someone who brings you down, but maybe just try to see what you can do to build her up–maybe if she started liking herself more for who she was, she wouldn´t need to cut you down.


35 Camille May 5, 2010

I love love love the presentation of breakfast! It looks like when you order a milkshake at a diner :)


36 Grace aka Triathlonbabe May 5, 2010

I have got to purchase a food processor for some of these recipes! I see the recipe for the VOO, which I am addicted to, but not the Banana Soft Serve or did I miss something? :)

As for the jealousy thing, I have had experiences with a few friends in the past, but I pretty much just blow them off because I know who I am and I love myself too much to allow someone to belittle me. However, I do have a niece…I know, weird, she’s only 7 years younger than I and we used to be best buds when she was growing up. For some reason, she took a different direction in her life than I, she got married very early and had 4 children right away. I, on the other hand stayed single for a long while and have led an active and very fulfilling life. She is a lot like this friend of B’s. I love her dearly and have gone out of my way to continue our positive relationship, however, she’s done nothing but ridicule me in my efforts to be healthy, also has made fun of the way I wear my hair, the way I dress, etc. I’ve never confronted her about it, but I really need to because just recently she embarrassed me in front of several friends and it really got to me this time. Like I said earlier, I am truly comfortable with myself, but for some reason this is different…and I don’t know why.

So with the same advice that others have offered, I agree, talking to this person might shed some light on there maybe being some other underlying problem, maybe not specifically jealousy. I hope she approaches and B responds in a positive manner just like I hope my niece does when I finally confront her.


37 Ruby at Ruby, She Wrote May 5, 2010

Thank you for such a wonderful post!


38 Erin (Travel, Eat, Repeat) May 5, 2010

I *love* how you make breakfast look so special every morning. It *should* be special. Definitely the best meal of the day.


39 Bee May 5, 2010

Oh wow this post is about something so close to me. I have a jealous friend and I’ve been (still am?) the jealous one. Although to be fair to me, I never ever made rude remarks and comments because I know this is my problem and my problem alone.

As far as the friend goes… there really is no way to solve this. I have learned to ignore it, although sometimes that doesn’t work. I really wish people thought more before speaking because while their relationship with food might be different than mine (and in my case my friend’s relationship with food is unhealthy although she won’t admit it) they really should respect it.

I’ve almost lost it a couple of times though, so I can totally sympathize with Amy and her problems (no solution though)


40 Keri@kerirunsslow May 5, 2010

Angela, you give such good advice!

Both my sister and I have struggled with eating disorders in the past. She was way deeper into it than I was, and though she’s been at a healthy weight for more than 5 years now, she still focuses on food and likes to criticize what I eat. I obviously can’t ‘divorce’ my sister, so whenever she comments on what I’m eating or not eating, I just smile at her and remind myself that what I eat is my business, and what she eats is her business. When I flash a huge smile and keep doing what I was doing before she made the comment, she gets really frustrated. It might sound kind of mean, but it feels really good to be able to turn that negative energy back on her and know that she’s only making herself feel bad.


41 Therese May 5, 2010

I have to say, I agree with you Angela on what to do. If Amy can talk to her friend that’s the best thing to do. I wouldn’t accuse B of jealousy but just bring to the forefront that her words hurt and if there’s something Amy can do to help her. If it doesn’t work or talking to her just isn’t going to happen then, I agree, there’s not much else you can do.

I have definitely broken up a friendship. This person wasn’t jealous of me but his negativity was sooo toxic and I was at a point in my life where I was trying to get out of my own negative mindset and so felt the only thing I could do was remove myself from the situation. He wasn’t too keen on it but I had to do it and I am MUCH better off. The people in my life are some of the most positive people you’ll ever meet and that’s totally rubbed off on me!


42 Lauren @ Health on the Run May 5, 2010

This is a huge issue that is so prevalent in relationships — and it’s so easy to get caught on either end. I’ve read through the comments and there are a lot of really great ones already! So I will just echo others and say that I think Amy should really sit down and talk with B. It might be hard for Amy to admit to B’s face that her comments are hurtful and tear her down. But unless the issue is brought out in the open, I don’t think the jealousy/resentment will ever go away, and the friendship will only continue to become more and more toxic.

If they do talk, and nothing changes, then I think Amy will have no choice but to put some distance between herself and B. She can’t keep holding on to a toxic relationship, even despite their past history. And especially because she’s struggling with her own ED. She needs to surround herself with people who will help her recovery, not fuel the problem.

Best of luck dealing with this situation ‘Amy’!! I really hope everything works out and you are able to salvage your relationship with your friend!


43 JJ May 5, 2010

What a hard situation Amy has with her friend. I agree that the best thing to do is talk to B and let her know that the comments are having a really negative effect, the worst thing about jealousy – having it and being the object of it – is that like an ED it is secretive. You have to bring that monster out in the open. The other thing I would suggest, because it works for me, is when someone calls you out in public about “not indulging,” tell everyone why you are doing what you are doing. Let them know that the decision not to eat sugary or processed or junk foods comes from a place of happiness. Let them know that eating well makes you feel great and you look forward to having a green monster in the morning, a fresh salad for lunch, and healthy snacks throughout the day. Honestly, if someone brings it up I am only TOO happy to go on and on and on and on… you get the idea. My friends just roll their eyes now, but they are smiling, because they support me, which is what friends do. If a friendship is affecting your health, you need to be honest with the other person, try to fix it, set clear boundaries about what is not acceptable, but in the end – move on if you have to. You can maintain the same kindness but none of the bad feelings.

I can’t wait to have my oats tomorrow morning!!!


44 Layla May 5, 2010

I had a coworker that would do that to me… and we weren’t friends. We barely knew each other, actually. But we both attended meetings on Thursday mornings and she would seriously sit there and eat five cheerios for breakfast, and brag about how she ran 12 miles that morning, and ran 12-15 miles every morning (getting up at 4am) and then when I’d eat something, she’d make nasty comments about it. One time, our company ordered pizzas for us. I had two slices on my plate. When I walked past her, she said (really loudly), “oh TWO pieces of pizza?? Feeling ambitious today, huh?” and laughed. I was like… what?!!? I was naturally skinny back then, because I was 24 years old and had a very high metabolism. Times have changed since I’ve aged, but I always felt that she was projecting her issues onto me, and I never understood why.


45 Jane May 5, 2010

I am going to have those oats tomorrow.

I have been consumed with jealousy for longer than I can remember. My jealousy centres on family relationships (sisters) Angela your quote really struck home with me and I hope to elimate jealousy completely from my life.

Thanks to everyone for sharing and for being so honest.



46 Violet May 5, 2010

Amy, you already know the answer to your dilemma, you just don’t want to face it. “Friends” like this are not worth the effort and you don’t need them in your life. Lose her.


47 Kelly Michelle May 5, 2010

I love overnight oats but still need to try them with the banana. By the way they totally stay in the fridge just fine for a few days so you can make 2-3 batches at once while you already have all the ingredients out and just store them in covered containers.


48 Rachel May 5, 2010

You are so right that these comments stem from her own insecurities. I find that coming back with a compliment can be helpful in two ways–it helps your friend feel more secure and it also sets an example of the way to treat people.

If she says “I worked out for two hours so I could eat this,” come back with “I can tell, you look really great.” Or even offer a compliment before she has a chance to make a jab at you. I haven’t struggled with an eating disorder, but I would suggest not only complimenting her looks, but other things, too, so she doesn’t equate her value with her appearance.

If that doesn’t work, then a direct conversation may be needed. Or simply saying “Ouch, that hurts when you say things like that, especially considering that you know my history of struggling with eating disorders. I’d appreciate it if you were a little more sensitive with me when it comes to food. I’m working really hard to have a healthy relationship with food and your comments can really set me back. Could we agree to be more encouraging to each other?”

Best of luck “Amy.”


49 Lisa May 5, 2010

I like the idea of offering her a compliment in response to her negative remarks. It could either cause “B” to re-evaluate what she is saying, or fuel her further…but it’s an interesting idea!


50 Kavita May 5, 2010

Hey Angela!

I’ve been wanting to leave a comment for awhile, so I am going to leave it here, though it is completely unrelated to the topic at hand! Hope you don’t mind!

I love your website and read it everyday (its the only subscription on my google reader that doesn’t have a backup of new posts to read!) You have really helped me get into my running and strength training!

I wanted to tell you about a book called “Born to Run” by Christopher McDouggal. The book is about many things, including the Tarahumara tribe in Mexico who run up to 60 miles at a time, basically barefoot, through canyons and mountains. The book also talks about UltraMarathoners, who are marathoners who run 60-100 mile RACES through high altitudes or Death Valley (the hottest place ever!).

I think you’d really enjoy the read! Its an amazing novel and its major point is that we, as humans, ARE born to RUN! Not just walk. :) It talks a lot about how new shoe technology has played a role in comforting our pain, but not our feet.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy it! And please continue writing!! :)


51 Tami May 5, 2010

as i get older, i have find it very hard to have “difficult” friends. i have chosen not to be friends with several people over the last few years, we send emails and see each other very now and then but we are not as close as we once were. i do not have time nor the energy to deal with some of the issues they were having or put themselves in.


52 Rachel May 5, 2010

I’ll just say this, the only thing you have control over in this world is yourself and your attitude.

Changing your perspective just a little bit can make a WORLD of difference, just like you said.

Find the greatness in YOU and quit wasting time thinking the grass is greaner on the other side. It may be, but your flowers are prettier and your dog is cuter.

So there!


53 Lauren May 5, 2010

If was was Amy, I would have a face-to-face conversation with her and bring it all out in the open. If she is not the kind to listen, or blows up in arguments, then she could try writing a letter. If she fails to see her impact on you, then she is not worth having as a friend. It is sad to say, but you cannot be around someone who is so destructive to your sense of self. Especially since you are moving forward, and getting past your ED. I know how easy it is for comments to trigger you once again into the downward spiral- you have to be strong and stay on your healthy path. If you’re brave, you could even try to respond back to the comments she makes at a party for example. I’m not saying make a big scene or anything, but just say something understated to let her know that what she said was not ok. It’s a tough situation, but no one is worth sacrificing yourself and your health- mentally and physically. Good luck with everything!!


54 Lily @ Lily's Health Pad May 5, 2010

I’ve never experienced a jealous friend. I simply couldn’t tolerate being around someone who acted like the friend written about above! I have had to break up with friends for other reasons though. It is not easy! These particular friends had been in my life since I was a child. We have so many memories together, and every so often, I will hear a song or be in a location that give me a ping of remembrance. It is very sad. But in the end, it’s not worth it to put up with friends who do not treat you right! I just try to remind myself that our relationship has evolved and if we were to remain friends, there is nothing positive to be gained from it. Nonetheless, it’s important to remember them as a part of my past and appreciate the fun times we did have.


55 Melissa May 5, 2010

those oats look amazing…and love that glass too!

As for jealous friends, I haven’t had any lately but I did have them when I was younger and it was hard because I’m not one to say something to that person. Yet, I believe that simoply sitting down and having a heart to heart would help to get all the issues on the table. If the friend still doesn’t want to let go of her jealousy then its time to rethink the friendship (in my opinion)


56 Sarah May 5, 2010

Oh, this is a tough one. I’m going through the same thing with a friend. She’s had the same job, a great job, for several years, and has just been accepted to grad school. She’s independent and I’m so proud of her.

But… she’s in her thirties and has never had a relationship. She also had to struggle in school just to make a passing grade. She has a severe learning disability and has spent her life feeling stupid. She tends to take these things out on myself and our mutual friend. Twice, she’s humiliated this friend in public, in front of said friend’s husband, about being a “slut” in school. She’s always making comments about how I’m scatterbrained and forgetful and stupid, even though I got excellent grades/awards throughout school. It hurts.

I don’t know what advice to give because I’m not sure how to handle my own situation. I think talking to jealous friends is a good idea, for those of us who can muster up the courage. Another thought I had is that maybe our friends can learn from our example. I intend to contact my own jealous friend and congratulate her and tell her how proud I am of her. Maybe she’ll learn from my example that this is how friends behave. They’re happy for each other, even if they find certain areas of their own lives lacking (I’d love to go to grad school and have an awesome job, and I can’t see that happening — but I’m still happy for her!).

Good luck, Amy!


57 Lisa May 5, 2010

I really know where “Amy” is coming from…I had a similar experience with my mother, of all people. She did not enter my life until I was a pre-teen (for various reasons) and when she did, it was as though she was always competing with me – sometimes even for guys (in my teen years)! She would make remarks about my body and I felt she was jealous of my youth. I found it extremely disturbing. There were MANY other issues, but this was one aspect of it.

It was very, very difficult for me to confront her and it actually took me about 10 years to muster up the courage. I eventually told her how I felt about her behaviour and actions toward me, and the situation did not improve, so I ceased all contact with her.

I know that “Amy” doesn’t want to end the friendship, and I understand that, but at what point are you just holding onto a friendship that isn’t beneficial for either party?

I would really try approaching “B” and express your concerns. I wouldn’t say “you are jealous of me” or anything accusatory, but talk about the tangible behaviors i.e. her comments and rude remarks. Ask her if YOU have done something to hurt her and if that is why she makes those comments? I find by casting the emphasis unto yourself as opposed to her, she will feel less threatened. Talk about how the remarks make YOU feel poorly about yourself.

I would give it a few months to see if the relationship improves. If not, just slowly distance yourself. You do not necessarily need to “break-up” in the sense that you explicitly tell her that “we are no longer friends,” but make a point to hang out with her only in situations where other people are there, or not at all.

You only have ONE LIFE….why spend it with people who make you feel you’re not worthy?


58 Lisa May 5, 2010

I lost a few friends when I lost my weight. Sometimes you just have to move on. If they are REALLY friends, they will be supportive and understanding–without conditions. Don’t absorb their anger or jealousy and make it your own.


59 Hallie May 5, 2010

I don’t really have advice, but I can totally relate to this statement about how the friend will say, “Well, I worked out for 2 hours today so I can have those things, or a couple of times she’s mentioned how she skipped a meal that day so she doesn’t feel guilty.” I hear that ALL THE TIME from friends, people at work, my boyfriend’s mom, etc. “Well, I can have this cookie, all I’ve had to eat today is yogurt and an apple.” And that drives me BATTY…partly, I’ll be honest, because I don’t deprive myself like that, so I wonder if there’s something wrong with me eating the treat even though I did have breakfast and lunch, or whatever. I just feel like so many women feel the need to act superior to other women all the time, and I don’t get it!


60 Stephanie May 5, 2010

I’m mad because I absolutely cannot get the banana soft serve to work! (Mad at myself that is) It keeps coming out brown and icky tasting. I’m freezing fresh bananas, but they turn brown in the freezer somehow before they get all the way frozen? Advice??


61 Angela (Oh She Glows) May 5, 2010

hmm strange! I have never encountered this before. Are you putting them in a ziplock bag or sealed contained?


62 Kate @ Soupasana May 5, 2010

Some people think it’s strange that I think of friendships as relationships. Just like in romantic relationships, it’s possible to grow apart and to break up. I have definitely broken up with certain friends, and while it was very painful, I can’t say that I’ve ever regretted my decision.


63 zoe May 5, 2010

ugh. our “women culture” breeds just as much negativity as it does positivity. “amy” — honesty is truly the BEST policy. next time she throws a demeaning comment in your direction, wait for a moment where you can pull her aside and ask her about it. tell her it hurt your feelings. ask her WHY she said it and WHY she says things like that period. ask her why she cannot just RESPECT the fact that you pass on sweets and tend to eat healthier than most. “b” CANNOT READ YOUR MIND. she has NO idea you’re thinking all these things! let her know and see if her behavior changes. if it does, then i’m sorry to say the next best step to securing your personal happiness would be to end the friendship, or at least distance yourself substantially. negativity breeds negativity and i KNOW you don’t want that. so try playing the honesty card and see where it gets you. hope that helped some!

great post, angela. i struggle with being the “jealous girl.” i never say anything out loud but internalizing it literally tears me apart. it’s a daily struggle but i’m really trying to practice some good old fashioned self-love. you make it seem SO easy though! (and trust me, i know it’s not). i just feel silly whenever i tell myself “you are BEAUTIFUL. you are STRONG! you are *insert positive remark here*. the little voice in the back of my head never seems to go away, even when i’m trying so hard to squash it down.


64 Angela (Oh She Glows) May 5, 2010

I think you can tell yourself all the compliments in the world, but unless you get at the root of the issue (why you don’t value yourself) those words wont mean a thing.


65 Sonia May 5, 2010

Mmm that breakfast looks amazing :)

I can totally relate to how Amy is feeling about her friend. I had a friend and workout buddy who would ask me, “oh, what are you eating for dinner today” after we worked out in the evenings. I would usually tell her something like a salad with garbanzo beans and nuts, and an apple for dessert. I have always been a pretty healthy eater, and she knew that. Then she would respond, “oh that’s not enough! You don’t eat enough, you need to eat more!” Then when I’d ask her what she was having for dinner, she would say, “I don’t usually eat dinner. I’m not hungry after I work out.” She would try to make me feel bad in TWO ways- 1) that I “didn’t eat enough” and 2) that I ate TOO MUCH, because she didn’t eat after working out!
She was a very negative person in general, always putting others down, commenting on how “fat” or “lazy” our friends and acquaintances were. It was a toxic friendship and for some reason I let her make me feel horrible about myself! Eventually I got sick of it and just had to stop spending time with her, and stop answering her calls.
I know that Amy can’t do that with her friend- since they’ve been friends for so long- so she may need to talk to her. I wish I had talked to my friend about the way she made me feel because it is pretty awkward when we run into each other now!


66 Jenny May 5, 2010

Girls definetly do that to each other (bring out ED) Heck, my mom does it sometimes, too! Jealousy is a terrible thing, especially its combo with lack of self worth


67 Paige (Two Runners And A Brown Dog) May 5, 2010

I don’t have any advice, but I can really relate to the words from Jennifer James.


68 Jil May 5, 2010

I can totally relate to this. Women really have a tendency to bring each other down to build themselves up…but in the end it’s not fulfilling. To me, being jealous and especially ACTING on jealousy is a lose/lose situation. You don’t end up feeling any better for making someone else feel like crap.


69 Angela (Oh She Glows) May 5, 2010

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories!!!


70 Mary @ What's Cookin' with Mary May 5, 2010

I’ve had to break up with a few negative friends over the last 5 years… As I’ve gotten older, it has become easier to see who my true friends are. B is not being a friend and when I have been in that situation, it has been best to just put as much distance in that relationship as possible. Don’t ‘nuke the bridge’, just don’t be as avail… ease out of it a little at a time. Just bc you have known some one for a long time does not give them the right to mistreat you ;)


71 Maureen May 5, 2010

I must try the oats they look so good and I need a change from my standard breakfast.
The jealousy issue, we cannot change how others feel or react to what we do or say, have you tried to just letting it roll off and not affect you? Just smile and change the subject, I do not believe you need to respond or explain why you have refused a treat. I would also say though that she is not really a friend if she purposely tries to make you feel bad about yourself.


72 s May 5, 2010

I think the original poster should contact a professional counsellor about dealing with this problem.


73 Amanda@Thegrainsofparadise May 5, 2010

Yes, In fact I just “broke up” with a friend a couple of days ago…..It sucks. However, I’m at an age now ( 34 ) that I no longer have the patience to deal or have this BS ( jealous friends ) in my life….I’d rather be alone:)


74 Anne @ Food Loving Polar Bear May 5, 2010

Been there, done that. It’s a stressfull situation and I found my way out of it by breaking up the relationships with people who were hideous to me. I hope Amy will find a way to talk to her friend, so that she won’t lose her but in the end if someone is not ready to change it’s not your problem. Good Luck!!!!


75 Bethany May 5, 2010

Sometimes I find myself feeling a tinge of jealousy over a friend for something like a job promotion, amazing hair or skin, or success in losing weight. The easiest way for me to deal with it is to just tell them. I’ll tell them how jealous I am, but also how happy I am for their success. If I truly care aobut them as a friend, the happiness always outweighs the jealousy. And if they are truly my friend, they always have encouraging words that I can use for motivation.

It’s important for us to build each other up and not tear each other down!


76 Megan @ Healthy Hoggin May 5, 2010

I’ve been there, too! I still feel like I have have a bit of a competitive relationship with a couple close women in my life, but I’ve grown to accept that the jealousy/competitiveness is just going to come and go with time. I think it’s common and normal– to a point– and I just try to keep my wits about me when I feel the need to compete. Sometimes it lights a fire in me to take better care of myself, too! So that’s a perk, I guess.

I have, however, had an un-healthy relationship with a girlfriend, and it finally got to the point where I did have to break it off! It was hard, but I was very confident with my decision. In fact, I felt so free and happy, I knew I had made the right choice! Fortunately, I don’t have to run into that person anymore, so it was a pretty smooth transition, but I’m sure it would be harder if you have to see them more often! Good luck!


77 Amber K May 5, 2010

That is definitely a great idea, asking if there is something that is bothering her friend. Sometimes some honest communication can make things worse at first, but then open up new possibilities.


78 Mel May 5, 2010

That’s a tough situation for Amy. I would say to limit contact bit by bit and try saying things like “Everybody’s different”, or “we all have different tastes”, when B (or anyone) makes such comments. B is probably talking to her former self – not Amy. B probably HATES how she used to deprive herself of things and may think Amy is doing the same thing. Sometimes former ED gals are the hardest on others who struggle/or have struggled with ED. We want SOMEONE to blame the pain on. Most of the time when someone is mean to me, I just remind myself, its the pain talking, not them. This makes it easier to move on and not feel hurt and its usually true :-) *Hugs* all around!!


79 collegeveggie May 5, 2010

I have felt this way a LOT! I don’t know if it’s stemming from jealousy or what, but I’m in college and have roommates (who are also my best friends) who often make fun of the things I eat. I’m very open about my health consciousness, and I’m a vegetarian, but I never try to push my ways on them. When I make myself a healthy lunch, they will point to something like my hummus and comment about how gross it is. Or they’ll ask why I am putting spinach in my smoothie in a judgmental tone. Lately I’ve found myself “hiding” my food or trying to eat when they aren’t home so I don’t have to face their ridicule! When we go out, I will order just a gin and tonic or vodka water and I get made fun of by all my friends for not going the typical syrupy mixer route (like their favorite cherry vodka sour).

I know this is ridiculous seeing as I’m just trying to be the best and healthiest version of myself, but I don’t know what to do because I feel like it’s two against one..anyone else in college dealing with this?


80 Kristin (Cook, Bake and Nibble) May 5, 2010

I have not experienced this specifically, but I WAS that jealous girl once. It took me a long time to accept my life for the amazing, wonderful one that it is, and not think the grass was greener when I was thinner, or more like one of my friends… it isn’t! My life is perfect as it is :)

Great, great advice!



81 ayla May 5, 2010

Im de-lurking to say hi- love your blog! Keep up the great writing and inspiration
I remember some posts back you gave some advice on startingt blogs, right? I cant find that post!


82 Jolene May 5, 2010

I have 1 acquaintance who is insanely jealous of everything in my life, and others lives as well. She constantly tries to cut me down or what I do down. She brags, lies, and is a complete drama queen. It is exhausting.


83 Becka @Studio222 May 5, 2010

End it. Toxic relationships are no good. And she doens’t have to split on bad terms. Just start phasing that friendship out and if the girl asks her about it she can be honest. Or be honest up front and say she won’t be able to spend as much time with her because of how she’s acting. The friend will either get the message and work on being less competitive and jealous or will transition out of her life. I had to let go of an entire group of toxic friends who I considered as close as family. It was hard but the BEST decision I’ve ever made and my friendships and relationships now are SO MUCH better!


84 Cherie May 5, 2010

I think on the situation with B, that she probably doesn’t realize how negative her comments are. I hear a lot of things like that (I could never deprive myself) from numerous people in my life and my interpretation is that they know they should be eating better and on some level feel guilty about that and are just trying to make themselves feel better.
Trying to work things out with people is always a better option than ending the relationship (unless of course it is abusive, creepy, etc.), and I think the best approach Amy could take is to choose to take the comments in a different light than she has previously or talk to B about how she feels when B says things like that.


85 Amy May 5, 2010

My mom has a “tree face” on her huge oak tree in the back yard. It always freaks out my sister’s son…he’s only 2 and points at the tree and says “tree should not have face”…it’s hilarious! And he’s right! lol


86 Ashleigh May 6, 2010

I don’t know if I’ve been dealing with jealousy or not, but I have been dealing with a huge lack of support by my family and friends. For the past year or so I have been trying to really workout hard and eat healthy. I even started my own “Whittle My Middle” group with some friends who were interested (that fell apart because they all lost interest and lacked any kind of motivation).

Now, you have to understand that I have always been a smaller girl, never have I struggled with my weight. Both of my sisters have been jealous of me because as they put it, “I’m the skinny one”. I really wanted to start focusing on my health though, and getting fit, not skinny. I was really hurt when people started putting me down for wanting to workout and be healthy. I’d tell them about my workouts and about the new food I was eating and I’d get comments like, “You’re fine, you don’t need to eat like that.” or “Why do you care so much about that? You don’t need to get any skinnier.” I’d get really excited about my workouts and they would just roll their eyes.

I’m a mother of 2 and just found out I’m preggo with #3. I’ve been wanting to get into shape with this 3rd pregnancy but it’s hard when nobody will give you their support. My older sister gained A LOT of weight with all 3 of her pregnancies and didn’t lose much of it afterwards. She finally decided enough was enough and jumped into a healthy lifestyle. Now she works out everyday and is extremely fit. Everybody has been so supportive to her and cheering her on the whole way. I just don’t understand why it was okay for her to be concerned about her health just because she was overweight. Shouldn’t getting healthier be a good thing, period?

Sorry for the rant, but it’s been a sore subject for me. Anyone else struggle with this?


87 Karly (Becoming My Best Self) May 6, 2010

Hi Angela,

I am so glad you and Amy addressed this issue! I have had to break up with a group of girlfriends before which was not an easy thing to do. We were friends from high school but over the years these ladies became toxic influences in my life. There were serious jealousy issues within the group, they all talked about each other behind their backs and I never felt like these women would celebrate my success with me. They would have wanted to diminish my light instead of encourage me to shine.

After a couple rough months I decided I was done. I could no longer see myself being friends with these ladies. It’s funny that with a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship there is the expectation that there could be a break up. People enter into these types of relationships knowing that it could end. However, I feel like with friendships there is this unspoken assumption that your friendship will never end.

As much as it was hard to break free from that group of women, I wouldn’t have done anything differently. Now that I don’t have these people in my life that were dragging me down and making me unhappy, I have more time to focus on my true friends – the one’s that build me up, challenge me, encourage me and love me for who I am.

End of essay :)


88 Natalie @ cinnamonbums May 6, 2010

your banana soft serve/overnight oats parfait looks to-die-for!!!!! ahhh i can’t wait to try that out.

i loved this post.. so relevant, to all women, everywhere! you have so many good things to say =)


89 Reema June 10, 2010

Angela this is my first comment i loveeeee ur blog all the way from egypt so im ur number one fan in egypt lol im passing it on to all my friends :-)

i have to comment on this i hv a friend like that but her prob was different she is totally in love with a common friend who is a major player and since he hits on everyone i was one of the girls she hated on

she wld make snide remarks abt everything she wld exclude me from events with our other friends and it annoyed the hell out of me

at first i tried helping with her insecurities by telling her for instance (she hates her teeth) i proposed that she cld have braces done or have her teeth bleached and that there are so many options these days

the thing is that this completely failed because sometimes ur friend will resent you even more for being wiser and helping them

the other option which kinda worked i tell her my own insecurities and show her that the grass isn’t greener but without making it into a whine fest just sharing the difficulties i have too and i also compliment her alot to help build her esteem


90 Amelia Gardner September 24, 2013

I will say I had a friend actually BF who was my maid of honor. We went to nursing school together. We did most everything together. We had a lot of fun. We would study, go to dinners, go out dancing and flirting with men til all hours of night and go home and crash at my place usually since I had my own apartment. There was something I never could quite put my finger on, but was off. Everything I did she did. She wouldn’t really want to ever shop with me. And I found she really had no hobbies other than an occasional walk or exercise at the gym. She really just wanted to go out and drink. Later, I noticed she would constantly have one thing planned after next and never felt like she could stay the morning after going out and relax have some breakfast and talk about the night. She started to say things to me that made me question myself. As in am I a good friend? We would go out with my friends because actually she didn’t have any other friends or high school friends that I knew if except one female she went out with and then all of a sudden they were no longer friends. My friend has an eating disorder I later learned and I remember her throwing up but I just associated it with the alcohol. I met my boyfriend ( future husband) and she became extremely angry with for wanting to spend time with him and accused me of using her for her pool. Not to mention she told me her Dad said that I was and that I was going to stop hanging out with her. She clung on for dear life and asked me to go out so much and called non stop. When we were with my friends( that I always included her) she would get there numbers and sometimes only talk to “my friends” as if I wasn’t even there? Kinda odd. I can go into detail how she tried to make out with my brother and leave and go to hotel with him. And she constantly would ask me questions like aren’t you lonely? When she finally got a boyfriend I was never allowed to meet him for I we two years I guess they dated and she would call me to let me know that a couple of our mutual college friends were coming over for a cook out and how she was going to dinner with so and so and NEVER invited me. Yet, somehow I was always made to feel guilty for ” not being a good friend.” It’s been about 8 years and I’m now married with two kids and she just got married and has one child. She wants another one.. She has really said some hurtful things and left me out and punished me for a very long time for meeting my husband. She would come into my house and look around and notice anything new I got and make comments on it. She would jokingly make fun of my child. She was never there for me and basically the day I got my boyfriend she spent years punishing me, yet I never knew it. I always thought it was me or guilty. I’m now moving and couldn’t make it to her reception of her wedding, but bought her shower stuff with another friend and went out for her bachelorette party. She gave me HE’LL for not coming to reception and I said you know what leave me alone! All you ever do is give me grief! And this was after I have her a ton of my sons old toys free as well.. I said you have held a grudge and punished me for so long and that’s all you do and her comment to me was well how can I hold a grudge against you now that your moving? OMG! The saddest moment of my life- she was NEVER really a friend.


91 Sparkleluv May 25, 2015

That’s horrible. Glad that u broke away from her tho


92 Sparkleluv May 25, 2015

I looked this up because I am facing a problem too. My friend is jealous and mad because I may be on tv for my baking skills. We own a mini baking business together, and if I bring it up at all, she fairies the comments. ” ( my name) we know, we are all very proud!” Or ” that’s nice” on our blog people post things like ” you can do it!!!” And she said that if I didn’t want her in the business then she would quit. She also said that I was always the main owner. She is mad at me, no I don’t know what to do. If we need any orders, I can’t bake for a week because of all of the baking that I did for the show. I can’t tell her I can’t get the orders . Then next time that B comments on something Amy should ask if something is wrong. She may or at not say anything, just a thought!


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