I will not deprive you any longer of The Story Of The Green Monster. It should have been told many moons ago…
Early in January 2009, I sustained a pelvic injury that took me out of my marathon training. In addition to this, I was also experiencing chronic stress in my job that seemed to be getting worse and worse. In fact, it was at an all time high. As you may have read in my A Year Can Change A Lot series, during this time I was going through a really tough emotional time even though I could not talk about it on the blog.
The stress was eating away at me.
I lost my glow, my hair and nails were dry, and my eating disorder was starting to resurface. I consider myself to be recovered from my eating disorder, however, from time to time, my disordered eating behaviours resurface when the stress got to be too much. Off and on in December and January, I started restricting my food intake and counting calories which I had not done in months.
This really scared me.
I hated what the stress was doing to me. I felt so empty inside and some days so…dead. I felt so torn. I had Oh She Glows that gave me such an inner peace and happiness, but I felt like I couldn’t fully enjoy it because my full-time gig was casting a dark storm cloud over my entire life.
You probably don’t realize this, but the reason I started making green monsters was because of this void I felt in my life early in 2009. I had no energy. I was often up late at night until 3 or 4 in the morning worrying about work. I dragged all day long and I was turning into someone I didn’t recognize anymore.
After reading Kris Carr’s Crazy Sexy Cancer book for the third time, I was inspired by her Goddess juices that she made. If Kris was drinking green juice, then so would I.
I love that girl. Ever since the first time I saw her on the Crazy Sexy Cancer series on TLC.
So much in fact, I ended up interviewing her on OSG back in March 2009!!! The first celebrity on OSG, aside from Sketchie of course…;)
Back to the story…
It was a frigid, yet sunny day on January 20th 2009. Despite the cool and crisp weather outside, my disposition was not very sunny on the inside…
However, on this day, the Green Monster as we know it was born.
Determined to feel alive once again, I crammed the healthiest foods into my blender and I blended my little heart out. Of course, the first few attempts looked horrific and they tasted no better. But, I didn’t care. I drank every last drop of those green monsters before I made the long commute to work each morning. The green monster not only gave me energy, but it represented something much deeper than that- inner peace and self-love. I knew that the stress I had put myself through over the past few years was nothing short of damaging to every cell in my body. I created the Green Monsters as a way to take time out for my health. Even if I knew it was going to be a hellish day, getting in my Green Monster in the morning provided me with a sense of calm in my life.
This was one of my first concoctions:
No almond milk, nothing. Just veggies. ;)
Many of you were super grossed out. I had to be strong for all of us…
Trust me, I had attempts way worse than that…
Classic Blueberry Gelification, right there folks…
Things at work got worse, until I had reached my limit one day.
On January 26, 2009, I gave my two weeks notice at my job. It was a very, very bad week. I drank those green monsters every single morning despite everything going on. I imagined that I was Popeye with superhuman strength. And boy did I need it.
Here is what I blogged about that night when I got home:
“I did it guys. It took every ounce of courage inside me and every ounce of strength and nerve, but I did it.
I gave my two weeks notice today.
I know, I still can’t believe it. I was in shock before, during, and after. I think my body knew something big was happening because I haven’t slept in the past few days and this morning I felt so sick to my stomach before leaving for work. I knew what I needed to do. I was at my breaking point and I knew that I finally, finally needed to put my happiness first after a long and hard year.
I feel relieved, I really do. I want to be doing something that I feel fulfilled in. I think we all want that. I have heard so many of your stories over the past few months and you all gave me hope. Why do I, or anyone else, deserve to be miserable in a job? We don’t, and the fact is, we can take steps to get there one way or another. I now have hope that I will find something that is my true calling. My passions have been awakened with this website and it has really made me realize that I come alive when I am helping others with respect to well-being, health, nutrition, fitness, and self-esteem. It makes me get up in the morning so to speak. And I need to find that in a job as well.
It was scary as hell today and I’m still not quite sure how I mustered up the courage. Sometimes we surprise ourselves and sometimes our own bodies tell us when enough is enough. We all know when we have personally hit out ‘limit’. I truly do feel like a million pounds have been lifted off my shoulder though.
My last day is Feb 6th- only 9 working days away! Here is to a less stressful and happier time ahead!!!!
We only get one crack at this life- why waste it being unhappy???
I know that I am going to look back on this time in my life and see it as a big turning point.
Wow…I can’t read that without crying because I remember how scared and afraid I felt that night.
This is the quote that I left in that post on January 26th:
“Today is not yesterday: we ourselves change; how can our works and thoughts, if they are always to be the fittest, continue always the same? Change, indeed is painful; yet ever needful; and if memory have its force and worth, so also has hope.”
So as you can see the Green Monster is not just a drink that I have every morning.
It represents strength, self-confidence, inner peace, and a healthy glow.
It taught me to stop and breathe and to remember that there is only one ME and I had to take care of me…or no one else would.
It represents a new beginning.
Each morning when I drink my Green Monster, I feel like it is a fresh start. A new day filled with many possibilities.
It represents health and self-love.
I no longer starve myself or skip breakfast in the morning. I don’t count calories or look in the mirror and cringe.
It represents the journey and not the destination.
What’s your Green Monster story?