Letter To My Past & Current Self:
Dear Ange,
Looking back over the years, I have realized how far you have grown. You have been through some really rocky times in your life, yet somehow you managed to keep the faith. There were days when you hit rock bottom and didn’t think that you could face the day, but you kept on no matter how hard things were or how bad things were going.
You have always been good at being a positive person even when things were falling apart. Although I think you hid far too much and kept your problems to yourself. You guarded yourself from others and pretended like everything was ok when it wasn’t. You were afraid of opening up and being vulnerable to others. You were scared of what they might think.
But now, I see a woman who has blossomed into what she was meant to be. You finally decided to open up and show your true self to the world. For so long, you kept your true self hidden because you didn’t like what you saw or you thought that who you were was not valuable or unique.
Why did you think this?
Was it because you could never let go of mean things that were said to you?
Why did you ever let someone take away your self-love?
I guess you didn’t know any better.
Over the years, you struggled so much and all you did was blame yourself, which made things worse.
I wish that you could have seen that your internal struggle was a SIGN that your true self was being suffocated because you wouldn’t let who you were really shine to the world.
You tried to be everything everyone wanted you to be and you didn’t give much thought as to what YOU wanted to be. All you cared about what how a certain career might make others proud of you, but you didn’t truly think long and hard about what your passions were or what you wanted out of life.
Today, I am so very proud of you.
In the past year you have grown more than you ever have and you have never been happier. You no longer have unbearable anxiety or depressive thoughts like you used to.
Why?
Because you listened to your heart! Finally, after all these years!
Starting Oh She Glows was the best thing you have ever done, and you know it. What started as something that you thought wouldn’t last soon became a huge source of pleasure in your life. You felt alive again and it gave you a glimmer of hope that you could do something that you enjoyed! You found your inner MOJO!!!!
The hardest decision you have ever made was walking away from your job. I remember all those nights that you cried with your head buried in Eric’s strong shoulder asking him for answers.
But you knew that no one could give you the answers.
You finally realized that this is your life and the only one who is going to be able to make you happy is YOU.
Not Eric, not your boss, not your friends, or your family.
YOU.
You did some major soul-searching and were wrought with anxiety every night. You couldn’t sleep and you knew why.
You knew the answer of what you should do but you were absolutely terrified to do it.
Your heart was telling you what you had to do to be happy, but your mind was trying to talk you out of it because it wasn’t what society saw as right. No one leaves a good paying job to follow their passions! What would people think? What would Eric think? What would I think?
It just wasn’t status quo.
And you followed the status quo your entire life, always a good little girl, and doing what was expected of you. You got good grades, held a job from the age of 14, didn’t get into too much trouble, went to university, got the scholarships, etc.
But you finally realized that none of that would ever make you happy if it wasn’t who you really were!
You finally realized that you were going to let the real you out and you didn’t give a damn what anyone thought about it.
And the most bittersweet part of all was that you found out that you really liked yourself.
All these years you were afraid to show the world who you were…
and all along you were a GOOD PERSON.
Why did you hide for so long?
You have a good heart.
You are sweet and kind.
You are silly, goofy, funny.
You have a smile that can warm a stranger’s heart in the street.
You are shy.
You hated this about yourself for so long. But now you embrace your shyness. Don’t fight who you are to be something you’re not.
You’re athletic and while girlly, you’ve always been somewhat of a tom boy.
I leave you with some words of advice:
1) Don’t live your life for what you think will please others. Remember what happened when you did that? You got no where. Follow your heart. You can never go wrong.
2) Your weight will always go up in the winter and down in the summer. Get over it. Not even Sketchie’s weight stays the same from vet appointment to vet appointment!
3) Don’t be scared of a difference of opinion or challenging remarks. Don’t see it as an attack, but as another way of looking at the world.
4) Keep in mind that you will never please everyone and while it is in your personality to damn well try to do so, it is a false illusion. Use your energy elsewhere!
5) You used to call yourself a perfectionist with pride, but now you realize that it is healthier to be somewhere in the middle. Being a perfectionist made you bat shit crazy and you know it.
6) Continue to set short and long term goals. Those rock. You truly come alive when you have goals in life so I suggest that you always have some on your radar. They make life fun, adventurous, and satisfying.
7) Keep giving to charity. In fact, do it more. Donate your time. Help others in need. Remember how alive you feel when you are helping people on OSG or raising money for charity. Nothing makes you feel better than helping others.
8.) Try not to hold others to the impossible standards that you held for yourself for so long. You have a tendency to expect only perfection from loved ones in your life and this is a tragic, tragic mistake. Learn to appreciate people for how they are NOW, not what they should be.
9) Love, laugh, play, and cry without holding back. Don’t feel like you have to hide tears…ever. Tears are not shameful and the fact that you are a sensitive and emotional person is not something to hide like you did for all those years.
10) Embrace moments of each and every day. The most simple moments are often the most remarkable.
11) Friends may come and go, but family will always be there for you. Never lose sight of this. Nurture your relationships with your family.
Most of all, be true to yourself and you will never go wrong…
Wow I’m not going to lie that was an emotional letter…
Have you written your letter to your current self yet? What would you say?
Do you relate to anything in my letter?
wow that’s pretty amazing letter to yourself…you should be proud! Congrats on your bakery success and just a quick question…when you do your treadmill incline walks do you hold on to the top of the machine or do you keep your arms moving?
Hi Michelle, Nope I don’t hold on…sometimes for a second when I take a drink from my water bottle, but that’s about it :) ~A
your letter is truly amazing!!!!!
Wow!! What an amazing letter. I’m adding this as a MUST DO for me. I think one of the hardest lessons I learned was that no matter how hard I tried to be like so many different people…I was still just me. And that’s okay, in fact, its great because we’re all “Mes”. And guess what? If we just follow those things that make us unique, they also bring us happiness. How simple is that: Do what makes you happy and you’ll be happy. Duh, LOL!
Oh my gosh, the part of that letter about trying to be what other people wanted you to be…I so know that feeling! I took a job that I thought would make other people happy: with the state, great benefits, good pay; all I was ever “supposed” to want. I was already crying by the first week because I knew it was so wrong for me. But THANK GOD I did it, because it forced me to own up to my real self: I’m a writer and a healer, and it was my calling to be self-employed, to reach out and help others through life coaching and writing. I’ve only been on this journey about a year, and it’s not always easy, but I have never, ever regretted following my heart. Great letter, Angela!
Your letter is incredibly touching to me. I, too, feel I am at a crossroads in my life and I am beginning to really do the soul searching you went through. It’s so hard to accept that the only person who will have the answers is myself, and I might not even have them yet. I just have to wait, have faith and do the work on myself that I can do. I’m planning to do a post when I write my full letter and I’ll definitely be linking back to you as my inspiration!
I wish I could give past-Ang a hug and tell her how great she’s going to be and what a difference she’ll be making in 2009 and certainly beyond!!
Angela, this post was so awesome and inspiring! I love the letter to yourself; and you have inspired me to try vegan baking, as well. I am not a vegan or vegetarian (but close), however, I got VCTOTW at my library this afternoon and baked a whole bunch for my step dad (for Father’s day). I am incredibly pleased with the way they came out. Baking isn’t my forte, I prefer cooking, but you have inspired me! Check out my blog later for some cupcake pics…of course, they don’t look as pretty or fancy as yours, but taste delicious! My boyfriend’s mom got me some piping bags for Christmas, so this was my first time using them…and Mirza (bf) helped too! hehe.
Thanks again for being an awesome person. you make me want to be a happier and brighter person too.
This post has inspired me to delurk, to let you know how much I appreciate your honesty and wisdom. The body obsession video has been very thought provoking for me. I am working to find my way to a better body image, and happier self, and your words rang so true for me. Thank you for showing me that it’s OK to take the leap!
Wow, what a great letter! I think the advice can be used by almost everyone. Thanks Angela!
This is great ange. I feel like we have a lot in common, but you are further along in your journey than I am. You’ve inspired me though, and I’m so thankful for your blog, not to mention how often you update! I hope I can be as inspiring as you are.
Have a great day girl!
-Jessica
What a strong message and how inspiring! Like the other readers here, I will be writing a letter to myself and planning a reflection very soon.
Thank you for sharing with all of us out here in the blogosphere!
Lovely post and very good letter.
I never thought about writing a letter to myself, but you just inspired my post tomorrow!
Simply amazing…I am going to print this and put it on my fridge! You are wise beyond your years and I am so happy you are living your life for you instead of looking back with regret years down the road :)
Way to go!!!!
Wonderful post! Your blog is SO inspiring, I read it faithfully and slowly I am learning to strive for health rather than the size society prescribes. Thank you so much!
I love how you wrote that Sketchie’s weight changed from vet visit to vet visit. Somehow, I used to freak out if I didn’t fit into a certain pair of pants anymore but I applaud when my dog outgrows an old Halloween costume.
I’m honoured that you shared that Ange :)
Love it. :-)
What a great letter to yourself. I love the part about how your pet’s weight fluctuates. I took my rabbit in just today and he was down .2 of a pound. I wonder if he was excited. ;)
Great post.
Wow! Thank you for sharing your letter with us. I have felt simiilar MANY MANY times. I think it is great that you wrote a letter to yourself. I haven’t ever done that before, but your letter was very eye-opening and inspiring. I know there have been times in my own life where I have had to stop, take a step back, and ask myself… who am I trying to please?
You are insiring! I love reading your blog, it is so uplifting! Thanks :)
What a powerful post! And inspiring. It’s great to see how much people grow and change :)
I’ve found Korres products at Sephora. Their mascara is AMAZING.
As for your letter, I love it. I really resonate with the bit about “money not buying happiness”. My fiance and I were just talking about this the other day. There are so many more gifts and wonderful things in life that money just can’t buy: health, love & happiness for starters and I feel so blessed to have those things in my life right now.
Hands down this is the most moving post I’ve read in a long time. Congratulations on making these important changes in your life! More importantly, congratulations on being able to verbalize your changes in a way that others will inspire others. Thank you for shairing “glow”.