We survived the first 5 weeks! I feel like so much has changed since my last update 3 weeks ago. I’ve lived a hundred lives…hahah. This post is probably going to be long winded because I’ve been jotting down random thoughts for the past 3 weeks. Bear with me.
Morning is officially my favourite time of the day. I know this sounds strange given that it follows a night of little sleep, but waking up in the morning means one thing: we made it through another night. I’m sure many of you moms can relate to this feeling of relief in the morning. Those overnight hours are zombie-like. But they are also sweet and innocent all at the same time. Even though I’m sleep deprived, sometimes I just cuddle and stare at Adriana while she sleeps at the end of a feed because I know one day I’ll wish I had these moments back. When she is a year old, I know I won’t regret those few extra hours of sleep that I missed out on. Watching her fall asleep in my arms with her head resting on my chest is the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen. When she’s in my arms I feel like time is frozen and nothing else matters. She sleeps in our room with us right now and I absolutely love having her close by. It’s going to be so hard when we have to transition her to her crib in future months. But I won’t worry about that just yet!
We’ve been feeding on demand since the beginning. Sometimes that means she wants to feed every hour (or less if she is needing her mama more or going through a growth spurt) and sometimes she’ll go a few hours at a time. Every day is different and I’m ok with that. I’m trying to trust my instincts more than anything and let her be my guide. Some days she naps great and other days she goes on a nap strike. There is no pattern to it. I’m just trying to roll with it. She tends to wake up 2-3 times per night to feed. I always feel rough at first, but then I wake up and it’s not so bad. I’m quickly learning that just as you get used to something it changes up again. So who knows what tonight, next week, or next month will bring! We have friends whose 6 week old started a growth spurt and cluster fed every half hour all night long (when he had been on a great schedule prior), so I’m sure we will encounter those changes in patterns too. Just knowing that nothing stays the same has helped me mentally prepare for these changes and go with the flow. We haven’t introduced a bottle yet due to our struggles with breastfeeding, but when we do introduce a bottle we’re going to try out this paced bottle feeding method. It seems like a good way to try to mimic the pace of breastfeeding and also prevent overfeeding. Have any of you tried this before? Our LC really recommended it. I’ll report back after we try it out, but it probably won’t be for a little while yet.
Speaking of breastfeeding, I feel like I could write 10 pages on this topic since the last post! I’m hanging in there, but I have to be honest with you that weeks 3-4 were hella rough (did I just write hella rough? let’s go with it). There were some tears and a lot of pain. The chomping and latching issues took their toll and I started to get vasospasms, blanching, and a ton of burning pain in my breasts on and off all day long. It was excruciating some days just putting on a t-shirt, forget about wearing an actual bra. Our lactation consultant recommended that we check Adriana for a tongue or lip tie (and many of you did too). This is something we talked about during the first week, but we opted to wait and see if we could work out the breastfeeding issues on our own. Well, unfortunately they did not improve even though we were working on it daily. I figured it was worth getting a consult just to rule it out and we did a lot of research on the topic before our appointment.
We were referred to the Newman Clinic in Toronto. The doctor found that Adriana had a tongue tie which did not come as a surprise. This explains, at least partly, why we were having so many feeding issues. We opted to have the tie released and we’ve been working with our LC to re-train her latch. It’s a common assumption that the release will automatically fix the latching/feeding issue, but as we learned you often have to work to re-train the baby how to use their “new” tongue. So the LC came over the next day and showed me an exercise to do with her before each feed. We also had to do stretches 6 times a day (for 10 days or so) on the release area to ensure that it doesn’t re-attach. Initially, I was disappointed because I didn’t notice an improvement with her latch issues after the release, but my LC assured me that it could take some time. Well, after 1.5 weeks I finally noticed an improvement! I am so grateful. I’m not pain free, but it’s definitely gotten much better. I’m hopeful things will continue to improve with time. All we can do is keep working at it and hope for the best. I’ve spoken with a lot of moms and heard from many of you who said the breastfeeding issues eventually worked themselves out and I’m really hoping that is the case with us. I really do enjoy breastfeeding her, despite the challenges we’ve faced.
Anyway, I just wanted to be honest about our experience because I know how alone I felt in the early weeks when we were struggling so much. I remember being at the hospital in our shared room and the woman next to us had a newborn that (seemingly) latched perfectly and fed like a champ. I felt so sad that we couldn’t get Adriana to latch and I wondered what I was doing wrong. Of course at the time, I really had no idea just how many women struggled with breastfeeding. All of the women I’ve talked to in my family have told me about their own struggles, all stories I never heard before opening up about my own experience. Even though I don’t wish breastfeeding issues on anyone, it was comforting to hear that so many women went through similar things. It was like, “Oh that happened to me too!” and “Oh my gosh that’s exactly how I felt for weeks!” Obviously, not everyone struggles with breastfeeding (I’ve heard many positive stories too), but I wish I knew both sides of the coin before I began because I would’ve been more mentally prepared. But that’s just me. And of course, everyone says if it doesn’t work out in the end (and there are tons of reasons why it might not work out) let go of the guilt and just do what you can. I totally agree. Being a mama is hard enough without all the guilt.
Another improvement a couple weeks ago: our lactation consultant showed us how to nurse in the seated up position. Small victories, folks. We tried it during the first week, but it didn’t work out for us and we opted for the side-lying position. Anyway, the seated up position is my new favourite way to feed her now. I was initially trying to sit up super straight (and ended up hunching over) with the Boppy pillow. What was happening was that gravity was pulling her down and we couldn’t get her high enough since she was so small. So the LC showed me how to semi-recline back in our glider chair (I lock it in place at first) and when I recline this gives Adriana a comfortable spot to rest on my body so gravity isn’t pulling her off the boob. I don’t even need the Boppy pillow in this position. I’m not sure if this explanation makes much sense, but it just feels a million times better! The other bonus is that she doesn’t swallow as much air in this position (compared to the side lying position) and her body is on a nice incline which is great for preventing reflux. Two thumbs up for making progress! We’re getting there slowly but surely…
This article gave me hope during week 3 when I was really struggling so I thought I’d pass it along: 24 tips from breastfeeding veterans. I think it goes to show how unique everyone’s situation is. Like anything, take the advice with a grain of salt and do what works for you.
I’m also reading about baby growth spurts (1 and 2) this week.
Speaking of growth, our little monkey has gained over 2 pounds since birth and she’s outgrown all of her newborn sized clothing. Our pediatrician says she is gaining weight like a champ. The squishy arms and legs are the best! I folded up some of her outgrown onesies the other week and my eyes got all watery. I felt embarrassed for myself…haha, but I can’t help it.
How am I feeling physically? I’m improving each week, but like I mentioned earlier, the recovery process has been a lot slower than I expected it to be. My doula referred me to a pelvic floor physiotherapist (she recommended going at 4 weeks if I could) so I went in last week. To be honest, I didn’t even know pelvic floor physiotherapists existed, but I am so glad they do. I have to admit, I was super nervous before the appointment since part of it involved an internal exam and I wasn’t thrilled about the idea of someone being up in my business so soon after delivery (hah), but it wasn’t as bad as I thought and I learned so much about pelvic floor health. She said everything is healing great. Now, I feel like I can finally start taking my recovery into my own hands. She also assessed my ab muscles for separation. I have some minor separation near my belly button, but she said it wasn’t bad and should heal up. I’m not to do crunches or planks (or strain the ab muscles when getting up out of a chair/bed, etc) for a couple more months to give it the best chance of healing. She also reminded me to stick with kegels – here is a great video she passed along for tips. The added bonus is that I find the exercise doubles as a relaxation technique due to all the deep breathing. Anyway, I am glad that I went. It definitely made me feel less anxious about it all.
Exercise: Well, formal exercise is not happening and I’m in no rush to start. I did take Adriana on some (slow) walks during the first couple weeks, but things were so up and down during weeks 3+4 I haven’t been able to get out more than a couple times. I have a walk date with a new mom friend I met in our neighbourhood this week though. That should be really nice!
I am giving some thought as to what kind of exercise I’d like to do over the winter months and I keep coming back to some kind of group exercise class. I always love classes and I think it’s good to get out of the house in the dead of winter. The energy and motivation is so inspiring and it’s a great way to meet people. I’m thinking of doing a combo of things…maybe weight training, spinning, yoga/Barre. I think my plan of attack will be changing it up a lot to keep my body guessing. I’ll keep you posted on what I end up doing. On the days when I can’t get out of the house, I’ll probably do some workout videos online (there are so many good ones out there for free, such as on the Fitsugar website). Feel free to let me know what you are enjoying lately. Any new classes or videos to recommend? Hopefully we can inspire each other to stay active during the long winter months! It’s usually when my motivation wanes the most.
Ok, that’s all for now. I’d love to hear from you in the comments – let me know how you are doing, vent, share a story or where you are at currently, anything!
You are an amazing women! Your recipes are fantastic! Your blog is really the only one I use on a regular basis. I love tea and think your new business will be super successful. Onto the reason I started this message….I have 3 children and struggled with breastfeeding my first child. I visited Dr. Newman a couple of times a week, following him from hospital to hospital. In my mind, I needed to breastfeed as I wasn’t prepared to offer formula to my child and that was a lot of pressure to put on myself. Breastfeeding got so much easier with lots of practice and also having my son’s tongue snipped. Now I feel like I could breastfeed anywhere I became such a pro. Often watching other people have babies, breastfeeding, etc. it’s made to look easy. Seeing other couples, you only see the good things. Yet everyone has struggles and challenges. There will come a time in the future where you will look back fondly and realize how well you really did during the first month. Now I think perhaps I didn’t produce a huge amount of milk and perhaps my son was a little hungry hence all the crying but he survived and so did I. To be clear my son was gaining weight so there was never a real concern but he sure did cry a lot but that too improved with time. Trusting your instincts is key. Anything worth doing doesn’t come easily or everyone would be a success storey. There is another way to feed your baby without using a bottle or a cup. I use to finger feed, using a feeding tube. I didn’t read every comment so maybe this was mentioned already. I found that method to be the closest to breast feeding and it gave my breasts a rest. I suggest taking advantage of any help that your husband, family or friends offer. Don’t try and do everything yourself. Rest whenever you can. It takes a village to raise a child. Today it is physically challenging and tomorrow will bring mental challenges…each step of the way is to be savoured and enjoyed. Children are the greatest gift in life. May you have tons of health, happiness and safety always.
No advice, but your baby is so cute! I’m due in a few weeks and am half terrified, but mostly excited!!
I am pretty sure you are in the GTA area, not sure how close you are to Oakville but Quad Spinning has a location in Oakville that I recommend trying out! I go to the Quad downtown location and love it. If you do end up going, try a class by Micheline – she’s the owner and she has a pretty fun vibe. It’s a tough 45 minutes but of course you can adjust the tension to your liking. Good luck!
If you are thinking about Barre classes, try the Barre Life studio in Oakville! I know they offer Mommy and Me classes (not sure how old baby has to be) and the rest of their classes are incredible too! If you’re looking for something easier to begin, try the Flow and Stretch class. Ballet Floor Barre and the Pilatesstick classes are also great and a bit lower impact that the Classic, Sculpt and Cardio barre classes.
Thanks so much…off to check it out!
I was looking forward to your next update! Let me just say how much I (and I’m sure many of your readers, too) appreciate your candor and openness. So many women feel like they are doing everything wrong when they have a baby and they’re the only ones who haven’t figured it out. I can assure you that you are not alone in your struggles! I didn’t have a clue what I was doing when I had my first baby. And you are asking for help, which is awesome.
My due date for #4 is a week from today. Despite having been down this road before, I’m scared! And excited!
Hey Angela! You’re doing a great job with the breastfeeding. My little guy will be 1 on the 11th of November. We struggled like woah with breastfeeding. For me, quiting was never an option. I met with lactation consultants, midwives, other mommas, etc. We found out very late that my guy had a severe lip tie and pretty bad tongue tie as well. At 6 months we had them lasered. We also went through a phase of nipple confusion (and now only use NUK bottles and only 1 per day when I’m at work). There were times where I was ready to quit my job so that I could be home with him all day and “fix” our breastfeeding relationship. I’m happy to say that we are still breastfeeding 6-7 times in a 24 hour period. Although, my guy has a high preference for only one boob. I think his ties and the other boob were not a match, so he rejected that one. Thankfully we made it with the other one! I know your background is research. I too have a career in research. So when I read through your post and comments, I see that you’ve come across a lot of the same information that I did. So I won’t share any of that info. However, there is one thing I didn’t come across online that may help you. Pretty early on in the first weeks I was so focused on getting the pillows and the boppy and rolled towels, etc. just right. We tried countless positions and concoctions of pillow towers and mounds. All those pillows were so hard to manage and keep him properly supported and I felt like I had no control and he was constantly “slipping” like you described. One day I had enough and I went “rouge”. My guy was around 10 lbs, and I thought, that’s not heavy. So, I got rid of all of it and I simply held him in my arms. It was such a relief and I was able to position him perfectly. It was one of those, that’s how they did it in the hospital and I have to do it the same, it was a huge weight off my shoulders to take control and let go of how everyone else was doing it. I would walk around the house feeding him. Stand and sway back and forth while he ate. And it is also a much easier transition into a crib/bassinet/etc. Anyways, sorry so long, just thought I’d add that to your ideas to try and to encourage you that you can do this! It’s how our bodies were made. And just like your body formed and nourished her in your womb, it knows how and what to do now too. It’s all very miraculous. I still tell my guy he’s a miracle…because he is. Of course no mommy guilt if you go an alternate route. But I am confident that you can do this and have a long (as long as you desire) healthy breastfeeding relationship with your daughter.
Keep hanging in there! Breastfeeding will continue to get easier in leaps and bounds. My babe is 12 weeks, we found 6 weeks to be the point where things really started to improve, I hope you find the same. I too wish I’d known more about why breastfeeding can be difficult ahead of time.
I don’t know how popular/available it is in Canada, but Pilates classes are the best! It was originated in the 20’s as a form of physical therapy and rehabilitation for returning WWII veterans, and has been gaining popularity since. Great form of workout that builds up overall strength in a way that works with your natural alignment and support system, so it isn’t just another exercise fad on its way out.
Hi Angela!
I admire your dedication to breastfeeding. I am a nurse in a pediatric office and actually in the middle of lactation training. So many Moms tap out of breastfeeding or pump exclusively. I am 19 weeks along and so thankful for your in depth account of being a new Mom. Loved the “how I get my protein” post. I am still having quite a bit of aversions and found it really helpful.
Tracy Anderson’s post-natal workout dvd is simple and effective. It’s easy to try all the exercises without going full-out, and gradually increase your intensity. Great for days when you don’t want to get out of the house!
Hi Angela,
If you still have any trouble with your pelvic floor after the physiotherapist, don’t give up: you can find an osteopath who will do pelvic floor work. I’ve had this done twice, and it had amazing results for releasing tension, improving alinement, and getting rid of bizarre pains in my stomach and pelvic region.
Also, for a workout: try OULA! https://www.oulafitness.com/ I was skeptical, but it is so much fun!!!
I could have written this post about my experience: extremely painful latches, poor weight gain for baby, vasospasms , constant lc and doctors appointments etc. It was not how I pictured my first 6 weeks of motherhood- barely being able to leave the house except for appointments and prettymuch flashing all of my neighbours because wearing anything on top was terrible. I was devastated at the thought that I would not be able to breast feed. So much for themost ‘natural thing’,being easy! I persevered through the pain, cried through nursing and and now 7 months in breastfeeding is going well. My son also had tongue/lip tie that we had lasered at 3 weeks out of desperation. Two weeks after the procedure we saw benefits, thank god. Stick with it, it does get better.
I’m so glad you shared your stories of your breastfeeding issues. Both of my daughters were born with a cleft of the soft palate. From day one, my oldest was just not interested in eating and very lazy. My LC kept saying that she would eat when she was hungry and that if she fell asleep at the breast, then she was full. I had no idea how it should feel or how my breasts should feel so I thought all was ok. Thankfully, her pediatrician had us coming in daily for her to be weighed because babies with clefts often have feeding problems. After just a week, he became alarmed at her weight loss and she went into the hospital. She was force fed for 5 days through a nasal tube before gaining enough weight to go home, and had to take a high calorie formula from a special bottle for the next several months. I found out that she had not gotten anything from me and that in fact, my milk had dried up.
Many people made me feel terrible for not knowing what was going on and for not giving up right away and giving her a bottle, but on the other hand my LC didn’t ask the questions that she should have for a new mom with our situation.
Thankfully, my second daughter was a voracious eater despite the cleft, and I also knew to only let her nurse a few minutes and then give her a bottle that I had pre-pumped so that she didn’t burn more calories than she was taking in.
Congrats to you Angela, you’re doing everything right! Our little one is almost 14 months (sniff sniff) and in the beginning we had a terrible time nursing. She didn’t latch properly in the hospital, and so we had to work on fixing our bad habits while dealing with the extreme pain from a bad latch-ouch! But right around six weeks, it all clicked. And reading your comment about surviving another night made me LOL, because we’ve totally been through those thoughts (and still are sometimes). You’re right to trust your instincts and let baby lead the way, she’ll tell you what she needs!
You are right to enjoy these moments. I have stayed at home with my son, who will be 1-year-old on Nov 30, and I have no clue how the year went by so quickly. I mean, I have spent at least 95% of his waking hours with him!
I am loving reliving the newborn days with you and find myself constantly nodding, smiling and thinking “oh yeah, I remember that.” And my daughter is only 21 months! Ha, it is amazing the changes that come in just two years. I am glad to hear you are really just focusing on taking things as they come because she is definitely her own person and regardless of what you have read, planned, think, or even want…she will do what she wants (my daughter is asleep before 11pm for only the seventh time in HER LIFE tonight. And that is only because of the time change. She has an internal clock that will not budge regardless of what we do). So keep that mindset! It will help a lot with all that will come.
I recommend mommy connections for getting out and trying new things. It gives you ideas of different activities to do with your baby such as yoga and mother funkers dance class. I started the class when my baby was 6 weeks old.
Thanks for the awesome post! Read every single comment too and it is so inspiring and encouraging!
One of the best things for me as a new mom (my daughter just turned one), has been the support and encouragement of other moms. Breastfeeding was so hard when I started out. By the end of week 1 my nipples were sore, cracked, and starting to bleed. My sweet husband saw me beginning yet another painful feed and held me as I cried and cried. Then he said, “You need to take a break. Both of you need it. Just stop for 24hrs and I will feed her while you pump and then you can start again.”
So, that’s what we did except the 24hr break turned into 3 days. I was too scared to start up again! The day we started again a fabulous LC came to my house and assessed the situation. She gave me some super helpful tips and then invited me to a breastfeeding support group. She must have been heaven sent! Between the LC and that support group I think they saved my breastfeeding effort.
It was also helpful to be able to go to the group and tell the moms: ” I don’t know why I did this! My world feels so contracted right now, as if I am in a tunnel of diapers and crying and feeding. I love my baby tremendously and I feel so bad that I’m not enjoying every single moment like all of the other mothers I hear comments from. I feel like I am a terrible mother for not enjoying this!”
Do you know what they said? :) That’s normal. We’ve all been there or had times of feeling like that and guess what?! It gets better.
Motherhood is an adventure like no other, which you surely know. It has tested me and challenged me in ways I didn’t even know existed. I have been a tired, frustrated, grouchy bitch quite frankly. But I have also been loving and tender and sacrificed in ways that I could never have imagined.
Whatever happens don’t beat yourself up. The best advice like so many of you have said definitely seems to be: Take one day at a time.
xoxo
Helloooo
I just wanted to say that I am so proud of you overcoming the breastfeeding challenges. When I first had my daughter I had her on my senior year of college spring break (classy right?) my professors were so supportive but two days a week I had long days away from her and it was so hard because I was pumping and when I came home I would feed her breast to mouth (it wore me out lol) but I would cry because I missed her and it was a great way to connect…I felt like one with her again haha
Anyways I have graduated about a year ago and I now have a safety director position…it’s full time and she is off the tit so to speak lol but it’s still so hard to be away from her until evening…sometimes I feel like a horrible mother and I don’t get that breast feeding connection I once had. Now I embrace my evenings and weekends with my toddler (she will be two in February) and I can’t help but think how badly I want to be with her all the time. Your story is inspiring and I know you had a job right after your masters that you were miserable at and had the courage to quit your job for your happiness. That is truly inspiring to have that courage.
And now that you are a momma going on more fun business excursions is even more inspiring!
I have been wanting to create a blog for so long now on fitness and health (I haven’t eaten meat for five years! And use soooooo many of your yummy recipes!). Could you please shed some light on how you went about starting your blog? I know it’s a lot to ask for because you are so busy but if ever you find the time it would help tremendously!
Thanks again!
Thank you Kaylaaa for your lovely comment! :)
I first started my blog at wordpress.com – its free and sooo easy to set up!
Congratulations for the new baby and thanks for sharing your story. I have a 17 month old boy. I really enjoy flip through his pictures when he was a new born. Babies are great and they bring so much joy to our lives. Enjoy the moment being a mom with the sweet baby girl. Good Luck!