It probably sounds silly, but I already feel nostalgic for the passing days of this super sweet newborn stage. Everyone is warning me about how fast the newborn stage goes and I want to cry when I think about how quickly the days are flying by. There’s just something incredibly beautiful about a tiny human being entirely dependent on their parents. I’m trying to soak up and imprint into memory every snuggle, kiss, silly face, and squeak. I had a moment the other day when I had to pack away a few newborn sleepers that are too small for Adriana now. Sniff.
It’s hard being a new mom though. Shocker, I know. And so humbling. Life is crazier than ever and some days I feel like nothing more than a weepy milk maid, but I’ve never felt so very lucky and happy at the same time. This new role is a bit like my experience with labour – I didn’t really know how crazy hard it would be until I was in the thick of it (which is probably a good thing).
The first week was so, so hard. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so much self-doubt about everything all at once. There is so much to learn right off the bat. And the hormones…oh my gosh. I would go from feeling elated on a total high to feeling completely overwhelmed. I wasn’t prepared for the challenges of breastfeeding, for starters. Sure, I watched lots of videos and we met with our lactation consultant before I delivered, but my experience was nothing like the happy breastfeeding moms I saw in the videos. They made it look so effortless with their babies demonstrating picture perfect latches, and the moms changing up positions like a pro. Adriana didn’t latch for the first day at all, and not much at all the second day, despite a team of us in the hospital trying to make it happen. I felt like I was failing at something I wanted to happen so badly. I could see her getting more and more frustrated with each attempt at feeding and I knew if I didn’t make it happen soon she would be losing more weight. I felt defeated. Adriana hadn’t developed her sucking reflex yet, so she tended to “chomp” on my nipple. My nipples were raw for the first several days, despite using every nipple cream under the sun. Luckily, our lactation consultant met with us the first night we got home from the hospital and she suggested that we try the side-lying position in bed or on the couch. Well, it was sooo much easier in this position. Adriana latched so much easier. Day by day, things started to fall into place after that. Many times I wanted to give up, but I thought of you all saying to give breastfeeding two weeks (or 6 weeks or 2 months!), so I kept at it. Here we are two weeks later and I’m happy to say that breastfeeding is coming along great. I feel like we’ve gotten over the most difficult part now. We’re still trying to master the seated positions, but I’m confident that we will get it in time. Lately, we’ve been logging around 5 hours per day of breastfeeding. I had no idea it would take up this much time (it feels like a full time job!), but I’m sure some day in the not so distant future I’ll be longing for this precious bonding time again. My advice is don’t lose hope or feel like you are alone if you are struggling with breastfeeding because you certainly aren’t the only one. Knowing that other moms struggled during the early days really helped reassure me that we could work past it too. I recommend finding a good lactation consultant and checking out the breastfeeding website called Kelly Mom.
Because we struggled with feeding during the first several days, our lactation consultant and nurses recommended that we write down all of Adriana’s feedings to keep track of things until she got the hang of feeding. For a few days we were writing everything on a pen and paper which wasn’t overly convenient and we found ourselves forgetting to log overnight. So I decided to search for an app and came across the free Baby Tracker App. Well, it has simplified things so much. You can track feedings (the time, which boob you started on, and how long per side), diaper changes, sleep, pumping, and more. There is a detail list view of the entire day so you can easily see the whole day at a glance. Genius!! I can’t say enough good things about this app! I don’t plan on tracking forever (I’ve already stopped tracking diaper changes since everything is on track), but I think it can be very helpful in the early stages for a new mom. A reader also said it’s a great way to determine when they are going through a growth spurt (you can compare total daily feeding time across days and easily spot when there is a spike).
It’s true what our pediatrician told us – days 4 and 5 were the hardest. I’m so glad she told us this at our first appointment because we were ready for it. I read that newborns go through their first growth spurt shortly after coming home from the hospital and I think Adriana did too. She was so fussy for a few days and some nights she cluster fed until 4:30am (she was basically feeding every 30 minutes for hours on end). I was trying to get by on 1-2 hours of sleep. But after those few hard days things got so much better. The past several nights I’ve been getting a total of 5-6 hours of (broken up) sleep and I feel so much more like myself. I’m surprised by how little sleep I can function on. The body really does adapt.
Side note: This swaddleme sleeper is a game changer. When we started putting this on her before bed at night she went from sleeping 30-60 minute intervals to 2-3 hour stretches. We were swaddling her previously with a normal swaddle blanket, but she would always wiggle it off and then wake up because she got cold. The Velcro swaddlers are where it’s at.
Week 2…was sooo much better! Honestly, it’s like night and day. We both feel so much more confident as parents this past week.
I’m enjoying…journaling, both written and with photographs. I bought this Mom’s One Line a Day book to record memories. The first 3 days it was blank and I started to question whether I could keep up with it! But I got caught up and I’m really enjoying writing a memory down from each day. It will be a miracle if I can do it for 5 years, especially if we have another baby in a couple years. But here’s hoping I can at least do the first year?
Our cat Sketchie…isn’t overly happy that there is a new creature in the house that is louder, poopier, needier, and more dramatic than he is. At first he was terrified of Adriana, but he has warmed up to her now and likes to be in the same room as us again. We’ve been trying to give him lots of affection so he doesn’t feel left out. I think he’s starting to come around slowly but surely.
The first time I laughed after labour…was when I was handed my first “monster pad” after delivery. They are HUGE! I was expecting a slightly bigger version of an overnight pad, but oh no. God no. These monster pads are about 2 feet long and 3/4 of a foot wide. Friggin hilarious. The nurse said, “Don’t you have any underwear bigger than those??” Tip: When they say bring huge granny panties, they mean it! Then the nurse stuck a frozen padsicle (just pads soaked in witch hazel and frozen) on top of the monster pad and I waddled to my room.
I’ve never been so…thirsty!!! I honestly can’t get enough fluids into me. I’m also eating like crazy. Two breakfasts, two lunches…you get the idea. This mama needs her fuel!
My recovery has been…slower than I would’ve hoped. I honestly didn’t expect to be this sore after birth (not sure why!). I think the side-lying breastfeeding position has been great for my recovery though because it’s forced me to be completely off my feet for hours each day. Now that I’m at the 2 week mark, I am seeing a big improvement. I’m no longer waddling around like I have a pole shoved up my butt (lol) and I’m feeling more like myself each day. Time heals all wounds!
To pump or not to pump…I wasn’t sure if I would need a breast pump right away, but I ended up having to buy one almost immediately since Adriana wasn’t latching on very well and my breasts become engorged and painful when my milk came in. Oye. The pump wasn’t as scary as I thought though and I was so happy to have some relief.
I’m thankful for…a healthy baby. I’m so grateful she is doing well. Also, I’m thankful for Eric and his general awesomeness. He’s a great dad and has taken such an active role in her care.
Our second pediatrician visit…We met with our pediatrician for the second appointment and I was thrilled to find out that Adriana had already surpassed her birth weight. She is gaining on average 45 grams per day (the doctor said 15-30 grams a day is great) which made this new nursing mama very happy to see that we are on track. Her next appointment is at the 1 month mark.
Nothing beats a…hot shower in the morning. Hot showers have taken on a whole new meaning of joy in my life!!
Nicknames…Adriana’s current nickname is “monkey” or “milk monster”
Adriana lights up when… I sing her “Your Song” – the one we played to her while she was in my belly (we love the Ellie Goulding version). She also loves Eric playing the guitar for her. She also lights up after letting out some gas (lol) and loves to crack a silly smile! Often when she hears my voice she starts making eating motions with her mouth. She sure knows who her milk maid is!
V.I.P’s…We were all spoiled to have “Mimi” (my mom) here for a full week. My stepdad (“Papa”) came later in the week too. Not going to lie, I was so bummed when they went back home to Alberta. Adriana also got to meet her “Babcha” “Babcia” and “Granddad” (Eric’s mom and dad), “Gigi” (my grandma), second cousins, great aunts, aunts, uncles, and more.
She made it through her first…newborn photo shoot! It was a long shoot – about 3.5 hours and I had to feed her multiple times during it to keep her nice and sleepy. She also pooped all over her mom and dad, lol. We got some family photos (including some 3 generation photos with my mom). Here are a couple sneak peeks from behind the scenes…
Thank you for all your congrats and kind words on my birth announcement post! We are so thankful to have such an amazing group of people reading this blog.
If you’d like to see more pictures from the past two weeks, you can see them on my personal Instagram account: @theglowspot
I am so happy to hear that breastfeeding has caught on for both of you. Even when things go “perfectly” it isn’t always easy. Natural does not always equate to easy. And there are often problems at later points. Please be gentle with yourself. So many groups advocate positions so strongly – and certainly I have my own strong opinions – but no one is you, no one knows your child like you, and no one can live your life. Breastfeeding my son and daughter were just completely different things, and I still consider both scenarios “successes” – you are doing beautifully!
I found your site about 3 months ago and have been loving the recipes and your posts. This post is so true in every form of how you feel as New mom and all the highs and struggles and waddling around. Life of gets better and so ma mmHg y little things they do just surprise and delight your day. Your doing Awesome. Look forward to seeing more and how the house updates are doing.
Love the pumpkin pancakes best recipe in general I’ve found for no eggs and fluffyness. The pumpkin butter is awesome by itself or with them.
Thank you for all the recipes.
Emily
She’s so gorgeous, Angela! I’m glad week 2 was a little less stressful :)
Hi Angela, I’ve been reading your blog off and on for over 5 years—in fact you met my friend Eliana when you came to Florida several years ago. Anyway, I just had my first baby at the beginning of September so I can completely empathize with your situation. Breastfeeding *is* hard but awesome at the same time. Such a conundrum! Times I would love nothing more than to do something for myself only there’s a baby looking for his next meal—already! (didn’t you just eat???) I’m starting week 5—it does get easier. There’s just always a different challenge to thrown your way.
I love how honest and beautiful this post is. I know I am slighlty in la la land when people tell us how hard it is going to be hard the 1st 2 weeks and how we are going to need help, and i keep thinking, it will be fine, we’ll be okay. but after reading your post I think I need to be a little more open to the reality of craziness that is coming our way lol. Even with the breast feeding, I have heard so many different stories of success, failure, sore nipples to no sore nipple lol It will be an wonderful journey whatever comes our way. 4 weeks i will be in the shoes of new mama and look forward to reading about your experiences, as I begin my journey through mine. Adriana is beyond beautiful, and I cant wait for what comes next. I also will be making your pumpkin bars this week and cannot wait, i’ve had an random sweet tooth but not overly sweet and i believe me and these pumpkin bars will make a great snacking couple :)
Congratulations on your baby.
Has anyone checked her for tongue or lip ties? I thought this might be helpful for you if you continue to have breastfeeding issues:
http://www.mommypotamus.com/a-step-by-step-guide-to-diagnosing-tonguelip-ties/
Angela, I neglected to mention in my first comment…if you don’t have one yet, get a My Brest Friend nursing pillow…they aren’t cheap but worth every penny! They help you position the baby more easily in seated positions and give your arms support as you hold the baby. Also gives back support. This pillow was a Godsend with my second baby. I still had to support my breast with one hand because she couldn’t maintain her latch if I didn’t but it enabled us to sit upright and use the football and cross-cradle hold. One more thing…I just made the pumpkin pie pecan butter from the cookbook and I had to hide it as I was tempted to eat the entire batch with a spoon!
Oh my gosh, Angela, reading your post brought back so many memories! From chewed on nipples that bled, to what I call “porno boobs”, to writing down when they eat/sleep/poop. Mine are now almost 10 and almost 5, so it does seem like a distant memory. Feel secure in the notion that there will be many memories ahead for you to soak up. I had almost forgotten the huge pads they give you after delivery – the ones they stick in the freezer! Thanks for bringing back those memories. :-)
Well done on getting through the first couple of weeks. The breastfeeding videos really irritated me because they made it look so easy, and I remember cussing them because it was not that $@&!% easy! It does get better. Soooo much better. By month 4, we were goig everywhere, nursing in public (wih a cover) and taking 10 minutes or less. Those marathon cluster feeding sessions seem like a lifetime ago, and I’m missing them already even though my daughter just self-weaned about a month ago at 20 months. It’s crazy how it’s so hard to get everything figured out, but you miss it so much when it’s over!
One of the things that I remember being told on one of the really hard days was not to think about the long term, but to focus on the short term. There were days I couldn’t imagine how anyone made it to a year, much less beyond that. Those days, just focus in giving her that next meal. The hard part really isn’t hard for that long- 6 weeks in, I realized I had it waaaaaay easier than my formula feeding sister. Good luck, mama!
Awww Angela!!
Your blog is just the best! I always read all of your posts and admit I skim through everyone elses. When you write you come from the heart and I love that about your posts. I’m so happy to hear that Adriana finally latched and everything is going smoothly now.
Your story reminds me of mine. Sore nipples, laying down while feeding, baby gaining weight quickly, being stressed out at the beginning and just being a bit over whelmed!
But time does go by so fast. Our little cutesy, kiwi, is already a year and a half. So sad! But we are enjoying every moment of course. I have two older ones as well. Thanks for sharing your experiences with us! You never disappoint. ♥
Mandy Dugas from MandysHealthyLife.com
Awesome!! Congrats!!
Angela! Adriana is gorgeous! She’s absolutely adorable and looks like a tiny little doll. Thanks for posting the Kelly Mom link – I’m almost 37 weeks pregnant and have just realized how close this baby is to coming to meet us! That link is totally perfect for the information I needed. Enjoy every minute :)
Yes! the SwaddleMe was such a game changer for us too! I was so thankful to find that! And she enjoyed that for many months! Later we transitioned into sleep sacks and eventually nothing but sleepers. But the swaddleme certainly helped control the startle reflext that kept waking our baby girl up. Glad you found it!
We also had tons of BF struggles – despite being born 7lbs, my daughter fell into the 2nd percentile for weight around week2-3 because of all our problems (tongue and lip tie for her which led to a double frenectomy, thrush twice, mastitis twice, not enough milk, etc, etc….Glad it is working out better for you now!
all the best to the GLOWing fam! xo
Wow, you are absolutely GLOWING in that last shot of you and Adriana!
Angela– congrats!! Keep up with that side-lying positions. Don’t even stress about the other ones. Even now (14 months) that’s the only position I use. Breastfeeding is super hard, but that position makes it easier. So happy for you. Love your site.
I loved reading your update – it brought me right back. And you’re so right that it takes a surprisingly long time to physically recover from labour. The first time, it was many weeks before I started to feel normal; the second time, I felt great after a week. Listen to your body and take the time you need. :) Hope bf’ing continues to improve – I did it, but never really enjoyed it, though I’m glad I was able to nurse my babies.
You’re still glowing! :-)
Sorry to hear you had some troubles early on with breastfeeding, but I’m glad that things are getting better. Kudos for sticking with it! Life with a newborn is unpredictable (this I will learn VERY soon myself since I’m just 4 days from my due date). I hope you continue to enjoy your days with little Adriana. She’s beautiful and I’m sure you’re loving being a new mom.
I cannot believe how good you look! Thanks for sharing this! My little guy is 2 and a half now, and I’ll happily admit that I love this age so much more than the newborn age. I felt guilty talking about the struggles of those first weeks, the lack of sleep was so so hard. All the best and a big congrats!
I’m so glad you updated, lol. I’m just a few weeks ahead of you (my second daughter was born Sept. 3) and sometimes during the tough moments, it helps a little to know other new moms are feeling like weepy milk maids too!
I had more trouble breastfeeding this time than I did with my older daughter so I had to seek more information and help than before and in that process, I discovered a position I had never tried before, the “biological nursing” or “laidback” position. I really enjoyed that for a while, but now that we’ve got things a little more situated, other positions are becoming easier too. I really do agree, breastfeeding requires some time to really get the hang of. But it’s great once you do!
And I second the swaddleme blankets and baby tracker app! Life savers, I tell ya!
Big hugs to you Angela!
Breast feeding is hard. Cracked nipples, exhaustion. I remember my daughter would get so anxious, breast feed frantically, then throw up…the tanks were empty. Hang in. It is so worth it…breast feeding boosts immunity! Do you have a La Leche League meeting group in your area? support from other mons really an help. Check out the website too. Adriana is beautiful…so are you!