Ah, childhood memories.
I enjoy looking at old pictures, notes, and artwork in a memory box that my mom gave me a couple years ago. It never fails to take me back to those days.
The quote on the front reads, ‘Angela, Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.’
Sometimes I think about how I have changed over the years.
While I have grown up and matured, I still maintain my childlike innocence and love of laughter. I still giggle, find time to ‘play’, and make jokes. I act silly and do embarrassing things. I am a klutz and it is not uncommon for me to trip over invisible objects. I am shy, sensitive, anxious, and a bit neurotic at times. Really, I was always this way.
No matter how I felt about myself over the years, my mom always saw the good (even when I was a crazy teenager and she probably wanted to disown me!).
I got my love for the written word from my mom.
I still have a love for fashionable workout clothes (oversized red tee and pink sneakers, anyone?), frills and lace, poetic dancing, tutus, and furry friends, much like I did when I was young…
Pink polka dot outfits and rollerskate performances rocked my world…
And still do…
And my love for NEON clothing lives on (much to OSGMOM’s chagrin). You can ask my mom about the time, early 1990’s, when she bought me a neon pink and green spandex outfit at the mall and I insisted that I change into it in the mall bathroom so I could wear it immediately. And it was the only thing I wanted to wear for weeks. ;)
A love of writing, inspired by my mom.
…and the realization that all of us deserve to find happiness in our own unique way.
While our personalities often stay the same, our thought processes, feelings, and actions tend to evolve. To grow we need to constantly challenge ourselves and find new meaning in things.
I used to be a bad friend to myself. While I was easy-going and loving by nature, for many years I did not show this to myself. Instead, I was very utilitarian and dogmatic. I treated myself as if I was in some kind of boot camp, constantly striving for perfection and often tripping up. When the goal is perfection you will find failures with everything you do. So I kept trying hoping some day to gain my acceptance.
What I learned is that I held the power all along to accept myself for who I was. Losing weight would not make me love myself just as it wouldn’t make me love my family or friends any more when their weight changed. I love them for who they are and that is exactly what I had to realize about my relationship with myself. Sometimes the things we perceive as faults or character flaws are things other people come to love about us.
Self-love is a package deal.
If I were to tell my younger self some things I have learned along the way they would be:
- Accept the total package and not compartments: Honour and love who you are, your personality, your talent, and all your less desirable traits.
- Repair from within: Losing weight or changing your appearance will not fix the broken relationship with yourself.
- Get rid of the chip on your shoulder: When you perceive yourself and others as the enemy, your life becomes a battleground. Instead choose love and keep the faith despite the inevitable experiences and people that will hurt you.
- FORGIVE. Yourself. Others. Often. Move on. Life is short.
- Cultivate Childhood Passions: Those hobbies you loved as a kid might be clues to your future success. As a child mine were baking, outdoors/nature, health, sports, writing, animals. When I reintroduced these passions into my life I became much happier.
- This too shall pass. With each year that I age, I am happier. if you are in a hard time, hold on. I used to think my high school days would never end (yes, I got my share of teasing!), but life gets so much better.
What ‘tips’ would you give to your younger self? Is your personality similar to how it was when you were a child?
You might also want to check out my previous posts on this topic: A Letter To My Former Self & A Letter To My Current Self.
is it fair to ditto everything you said? i would let myself know that the best kind of earthly love would come from my husband, and that he would teach me in turn to really love myself. I would tell myself that i was beautiful every single day. i would have shown restraint in being vengeful in relationships, and i would always tell myself to buy clothes that fit me now, not clothes that “MIGHT” fit me later…i could’ve saved a lot of money that way :)
You were such a cute little kiddie! I think one of my biggest lessons I’d like to teach my younger self is not to wish time away.
Thank you so much for this post! I’ve had a tough few years and have finally begun learning how to be my own support system (my boyfriend is the most wonderful person I could ask for, but you gotta learn to be there for yourself so you can be there for others). A big part of that was letting music back into my life—I recently reconnected with my old harp teacher, and the harp I learned to play on as a kid is here in my apartment now. We’re both having fun connecting with it. I think I would have told my younger self to make more time for pleasure. Haha I still need help with that one!
wow the harp is such a beautiful instrument to know how to play!
Angela, you are such an inspiration to me. These posts of yours always help me realize that something inside me has to change.
The ones that hit home the hardest: accept yourself as a total package, and losing weight will not make you happy. I need to keep reminding myself of this last one. I keep thinking that after I lose those last “5 lbs” or whatever, I will be happier. Even though I know that my weight does not affect my happiness, deep down I sstill have that lingering thought in my head.
And accepting myself.. I love myself in terms of my personality, my caring nature, my silliness, etc. But I don’t treat myself as though I love myself, because I don’t accept the “whole package”. This has to do with the paragraph above about accepting my weight. I know I am healthy, and that I have the power to accept myself for who I am. What am I waiting for?
Thanks for always writing such beautiful and honest posts.
Thanks for your comment. I think many of us can relate to your struggles…take it one day at a time :)
When people invite you to do something, say “yes” more often!
Angela, this is a very interesting topic!
What I would tell my younger self… well first of all, enjoy the good times now as much as you can because soon you will face events that will change your life forever. It will be hard, but you’ll get through it, become stronger than you knew you could and eventually get to know what true happiness is.
Also, stop worrying so much about boys because you will marry the man of your dreams one day and don’t pluck your eyebrows so thin, you’ll have a hard time growing them out later!!! LOL
lol u are awesome!
Agree about the boys part…it all works out in the end…although it doesnt feel that way at the time.
Treat yourself as good as your treat others.
great post Angela.. i think my personality is pretty similar to when i was younger with the exception of becoming more confident which i think for all of us comes naturally.. some tips that i would share with my younger self are:
– everything always works out in the end, even when it feels like there’s no end in sight
– be kind to everyone you meet
– be patient about life and what’s next
– love yourself more then anything in the world
– do not compare yourself to others
What a great post Angela – we are basically the same person as I continue to read your posts about having such a straining internal relationship for so many years.
I would tell myself to…
– love myself and my body. I only have one life and was given one body… why would I be so cruel to it?
– everything really does happen for a reason.
– accept the past and move forward.
Your mom has a beautiful gift. I can see where you get it from!
I would tell my younger self that I should value myself and treat my body like the wonderful thing that it is. I was always overweight as a kid/teenager and let that dictate a lot of my life. I used it as an excuse for why I couldn’t do things, and why I ate badly and didn’t take care of myself. I would also tell a young me to work on being more confident!
My personality is really similar as it was when I was younger: stubborn but sweet, introspective, silly. What I value in life and what is important to me is completely different though. I used to be success-driven, and now I am happiness-driven (though surprisingly I feel more successful than ever!)
I just LOVE that your mother did that for you. Such a wonderful thing to do for your children… I know that I’ll do the same thing for my children (if I ever get to have any… in my state I doubt it) and try to raise them with this knowledge in mind.
Angela! You should frame the second letter & put it somewhere in your house… maybe a special spot where you enjoy writing? Or near your bed? I love the idea of using old letters or letters of importance as art… & that way you get to see it often!
I love your blog!
Such a great idea!
*Don’t worry so much about what others thnk of you. Be the best YOU that you can be and others will notice.
*Make your own “luck”. You decide how your life evolves.
*No boyfriend will make or break you.
*All of the bitchy girls in high school will be obese at your reunion and you will be fit and radiant.
*Low-Carb/High Fat won’t work for you …and neither does Bud Ice.
*Don’t allow people to smoke in your dorm room.
*Someday, you will have a lovely baby girl that will change your life for the better in so many ways!
Angela this is a great post — and your pics are so cute! I could tell it was you by the smile — it is still the same!
I would tell my younger self to not take life so seriously, to have fun and that it is ok to giggle and laugh. I would also tell myself to not compare myself to anyone, and to love myself and be my own best friend.
awww :) thank you!
I would tell my younger self not to worry so much – everything will work out as it should, and most things aren’t as big of a deal as you think they are.
if I could give my younger self a tip I would say to not take life so seriously and let loose more! I was so serious about grades and sports I let it control my life and didnt have as much fun as I would have liked.
Aww, I love finding old notes that my mom wrote me when I was a child! Aren’t mom’s the greatest?
Considering I’m only 20, I haven’t really had the time to reflect on my life. However, what I would tell my early teen self is to stop being so jealous of other girls and to not compare myself to everyone, thinking that I’m not good enough. We ARE enough, just the way we are :)
i’d tell myself to just live life! and not to be so stressed about school and grades… everything always works out in the end.
lovely post :)
I used to stress about grades so much too but really one test isn’t going to make or break me. I actually bombed one portion of my GRE exam and I still got into grad school even though I thought it was ‘over’ for me. But now I see that had I not gotten into grad school I still would have found my way somehow.
love the bullet saying “this too shall pass”. those are words to live by. whenever i am in a tough spot i feel like a can think of those words and know that getting through anything is possible. Thank you for the inspirational, thought provoking writing.
Your Mom is a wonderful writer, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
If I were to give my childhood self advice it would be to love myself and have confidence in my abilities. I put on a front for too many years; it took me a long time to accept myself as I was.
I really loved reading this post, thank you for sharing these thoughts and memories :)