Last week I met a lovely woman named Charlene.
Charlene lives in a nearby town and was coming to pick up a box of Glo Bars that she purchased for family down in Texas.
I was struck by Charlene’s enthusiasm and her generosity in helping spread the word about my business. One thing I have learned since starting this business is that there are many people who are willing to go out of their way to help. Charlene is definitely one of those people.
Charlene asked me about ‘my story’- how I left my research job and, on a whim, started the bakery shortly after. She commended me for finding my path so early on in life and for being able to listen to my heart at such a young age. Charlene, who is married with children and in her early 40’s, recently made a career change in recent years and was so much happier as a result.
She said, “The 20’s weren’t great. The 30’s were child-bearing years, but the 40’s are awesome!”, implying that a woman’s life only improves with age. We grow in confidence, wisdom, and courage to follow our dreams and take a risk.
Even research demonstrates that one’s happiness increases with age!
Is this because we are more secure in ourselves?
Personally, I have made huge gains in self-confidence since my late teens and early twenties. Today, I wouldn’t dream of saying some of the nasty things to myself like I used to. I don’t beat myself up anymore, or at least I keep it to a minimum whenever possible.
I tell myself that I can do what I dream to do. The only barriers to my goals are the ones I tell myself in my own mind.
I know I am still not quite there yet, which makes me excited for the future. I am looking forward to the day when I can truly scream at the top of my lungs,
“I AM A WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR”
…and truly embrace the words with every aspect of my being and not hold back.
But I can’t help but wonder, must we wait until we are half way through our lives until we harness this hidden power? Is this ‘delayed happiness’ simply a generational constraint of The Boomer generation? If it is, why do young women in their 20’s and 30’s still feel its’ lingering effects?
Old habits die hard, of course.
In university, I stuck with psychology even though I didn’t see many career options out there for myself. I really wanted to be in the health or writing fields. I disliked grad school even more, but I denied my own happiness and gut feelings. I kept putting off my happiness for a later date. Of course that doesn’t mean that there won’t be some unhappy times! Unhappiness is a part of the ebb and flow of life, just like happiness is.
As women, I think that we need to stop delaying our happiness for a later date. When will this madness end? You tell me that you are going to settle for being happy when you retire? After the kids move out? When you win the lottery? After you graduate?
Of course, we must delay our happiness some of the time. We might not reach for that slice of cake after a hard workout even though we really want to. Or we stay up through the night looking after a sick child. We struggle to pay the bills while paying for night school. Sometimes delaying happiness is necessary and sometimes it isn’t. Telling the difference between the two isn’t easy and is something that I assume gets easier with age.
I do think life gets better as we age, but I also think that there are ways in which we can speed up the process. Self reflection and ‘inner work’ on a weekly, if not daily, basis will remind us that happiness is not a destination, but a journey.
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Do you tend to put off happiness for a later date?
Do you think that life gets better with age and have you seen any changes in yourself?
I’d love to hear from older readers as well- tell me your experience!
The only journey is the journey within.
Rainer Maria Rilke
It’s probably hard for me to say because I am 24 and really, really happy. I think it’s really important to seize the day and go for your dreams. A friend recently resigned from a wonderful job with wonderful benefits to go back to school for nursing — something he really wanted to do. I am so proud of him for taking a leap of faith, and I would encourage others to do the same. For themselves, not others.
I dunno, I’m currently going through a “quarter life crisis.” I feel like I’m stuck in this age where I still want to be young and care-free, but at the same time I want to be a stable adult with a nice home, dog, and normal schedule.
I think a lot of people my age (almost 24) tend to think it’s time to grow up, so they get engaged, married, have kids, and fall into the same old patterns. Then suddenly wake up in their 40s and can’t remember where the time went or when they lost control of their life.
I’m trying really hard to live in the moment and not do things just because it’s expected of me. That’s why I quit my stable job to follow my dreams of working in the fitness field. People may think I’m crazy, but I’m also a million times happier :D
Susan,
I love this post–it is so dead-on with how I feel at the moment. I’ve been with my fiance for 7 years and always thought we’d have the big wedding with the church and all of that. Then one day after being engaged for a year, we woke up and realized that we didn’t have to do everything that was expected of us just because “everyone else does it.” We decided to get married outside of the church with a smaller reception–my parents weren’t thrilled, but it’s so much more “us.” I’ll be 23 when I get married next year and since I took my college years too seriously, all I want to do is get out of the corporate world and LIVE instead of wasting my years away behind a desk. People think I’m crazy too–for being ready for the married life, but not the corporate life. To each his own, I say! Some people can sacrifice true career happiness for a paycheck; for me, I’d rather be broke than doing something that doesn’t motivate me!
Great post! Such an interesting topic! I’m a college student and I always hate when people say our life is easy. Middle school, high school, college.. they’re all not easy. You might have less responsibility but most teens/young adults face insecurity, peer and parental pressure, etc. I think as I get older I’m definitely happier. I was never really insecure, but I used to be very shy when I was younger, and as I get older I have seen changes in my self and confidence and am not as shy as I once was. I can’t wait to graduate and get into the professional world and start life on my own, I know it’s only going to get better from here!
I am a 40 year old woman, so I have, perhaps, a different perspective than many of you. I believe that things do become somewhat easier as we age. In my opinion, this is due in part to the fact that as I have aged, my definition of what makes me happy has changed. Decisions I made and paths I traveled in my early 20’s, when I was a young, single new attorney, were not the same things that provided the same satisfaction as time went on and I married and had two children. It’s not that I delayed happiness so much as my priorities changed. I was happy at the time, but as I matured, evolved and progressed, I needed different things to find fulfillment.
Amazing thoughts! Gosh I love this, ‘as I have aged, my definition of what makes me happy has changed’
Thank you. The important thing to remember is not to regret the decisions that you made when you were young. If you are happy now, you have your prior decisions (whether they were “good”, “bad”, “right” or “wrong”) to thank for getting you to that place! Kuddos to you Angela for figuring it out at such a young age!
This is the perfect answer. I’m turning 40 next year, and I feel just the same. Life keeps getting better and better. Can’t imagine my life without my son, and it’s easier for me to say “no” at work. Which is where a lot of the happiness comes in. Refreshing to know I’m not going to get fired for working 40 instead of 50 hrs/week.
I want to be happy as well and don’t know which direction to turn. I am going through a divorce at 29, which sucks, but I know there are great things out there for me. That said, I know MUCH more than I did in my early twenties and have grown an amazing amount… for that I am proud of myself. I look to inspiring women like you to help me get out of my rut. Thanks!
You are right there are GREAT things out there for you- keep the faith!
I used to always put my happiness on hold and think that “I can’t wait to start life” when really life was happening. I have learned that when I want something – I will go for it now, instead of thinking that someday I will have what I want.
For the first 1.25 years of my graduate program, I was unhappy. I kept telling myself to give it a chance and maybe it will grow on me. Well, it actually did grow on me!! I am now happier in my program, and am 1.5 years into it! It was almost just like a lightbulb went off in me and I realized that it is what I want to do! :)
My child bearing year came early:) The change in my perspective after having a child has changed my approach to life, which has made me be much more proactive in grabbing hold of my happiness. I realized how fast the years pass and my priorities have shifted. Not that one has to have a child to know how to be happy, just how things worked out for me . . .
Really great post.
You’re so right. I always think… if I do this and that now, I’ll be happy later. we really do need to stop delaying our happiness for a later date.
We should do everything we can to be happy NOW, always. :)
Your post reminds me of a quote from sex and the city:
“Enjoy yourself. That’s what your 20s are for. Your 30s are to learn the lessons and your 40s are to pay for the drinks”.
Sometimes I do tend to put off happiness, but I really try not to. I think it’s so important to do things now, while we are alive and healthy. We never know what the next day, week, or year may bring.
This is a great topic and I agree with a comment made earlier that what makes you happy changes as you go through life. I believe as you get older you live more in the moment instead of always looking for the next thing or event in life that will make you happy. You have enough stuff and have learned that things do not make you happy. In my forties I lived through both my parents passing and a divorce but I also graduated college at the top of my class and watched my children go off to university. I was more than ready for my 50’s. I have children I adore a daughter in law I am grateful for as she loves and treats my son well and this year they gave us a beautiful grandson who is the light of our lives. I am going on here but what I want to say is that I even though some days have challenges I am happy everyday. When I think of my parents and feel sad because they are no longer here I remember times we shared and cannot help but to smile. If I am having a bad day I look at a picture of my children or have a conversation with them but every night I am grateful for my life. The lesson is to find the moments in the journey that make you happy instead of feeling like you are just not there yet and if only ….. then you will be happy. Enjoy the journey
this brought tears to my eyes- truly touching! Thank you
I think it’s so interesting to write this. I have heard this. I have also heard that sex gets better as you get older–WOO HOO!
I can say that when I turned 25 I thought my life was over (ha) and then I turned 26 and I thought to myself ‘Hell Yes!’ I finally get to start living my life for me. There’s so many times when we live our lives for outside forces which are real and/or percieved. So to have the freedom to do whatever the hellz bellz I want and feel free in my heart is so empowering.
In the past couple of weeks I’ve realise that getting to where I feel comfortable in my skin is really facing down the demons of bingeing, overeating, and the emotional attachments which define all of those. It’s not about being skinny that is going to motivate this. It’s about having a healthy relationship with food, exercise, sleep…etc. This, for me, directly impacts my life and relationships.
Thanks for writing. HAPPY AGEING!
I think this is going to be my goal for 2010. Try not to put off what I can be happy about today, for the future! I’ve been really happy lately and I think it’s because I’m learning to live more in the present and enjoy the little, itty, bitty things. And not stress too much about the future. I’m linking back to this post!
Great post! I was talking about this with my co-worker the other day. I’m 27 and getting married next year and she is 34, married with two children and a nice house. I’m not sure how the topic came up, but she commented that she would never go back to her twenties- she loves her thirties because she has the life she has always wanted: kids, enough money to afford a house, etc. As a late twenty-something, I don’t think I feel happier than I did in my early twenties (I’ve always been a happy person), but I definitely feel more established and secure. I have a career, a source of income and a general sense of where my life is heading (barring any unforeseen circumstances!) I think a lot of people fear the unknown and it seems that the unknown is what your twenties is all about… finding yourself and figuring out who you will become. I agree that our happiness should not be put on hold- life is too short!
Great post Angie! I agree we need to be happy now, in the present moment, not wait till we are older. I do agree though as we age we do become more wiser and more confident, which makes it easy to be happy. Learning to live in the present moment and enjoy life is hard to do but something worth trying : )
Beautiful post, Angela! I would be willing to bet that a VERY large part of women our age – if not MOST of us – at times have put off happiness until we are married, have a better job, lose weight, etc.
Like you, I feel like I have come a LONG way in this regard but I still sometimes find myself trapped in that vicious cycle that’s so hard to get out of. Gratitude is such a simple concept, but I think it’s so much harder to actually put it into practice.
By the way, where is that picture taken with you standing on the hill? What a stunning view!
it was taken on our honeymoon in Athens. :)
you went to Athens…jealous. I love the pic as well.
I always tell myself that things will be better when I get finished with school. I am looking forward to watching my daughter grow as that is what brings me happiness now. I know a lot of women who claim to be happiest in their 40’s. I love that because it makes me feel good about getting older. My mom is in her late 40’s and is the happiest I have ever seen her. She is a Humane Investigator and Chair Of Chihuahua Rescue USA.
First of all, the picture of you in front of that big city is marvelous and sums your whole post up.
I feel like I’ve spent my whole life believing that If I were thinner, things would be better. In my teens I said, in my 20’s I’ll be happier, there’s no way I could still not like myself then. Time passes so quick and things do not change unless you work for it. I’m almost 29 and do not want to wait any longer. I am so ready to make that change for myself. It is people like you who have been there, and moved forward, that make it seem possible. For that I thank you.
I don’t think that we put off happiness – everyone would like to be happy right now and most of us do what we can. When we are younger there are just some things in life we have to do – for some those are higher education years, or childbearing/rearing years. Not too many people want to delay those kinds of things. Those are all happy AND learning experiences. Just because we leave our parents’ home does not mean we are done “growing up”. That process continues pretty much for the rest of our lives. I think it’s not so much that women are happier as they get older – it’s a different kind of happiness that comes with the satisfaction of life experience. There’s just no way to rush that! Just savor it as you go!
what a great post, angela. so uplifting.