Last week I met a lovely woman named Charlene.
Charlene lives in a nearby town and was coming to pick up a box of Glo Bars that she purchased for family down in Texas.
I was struck by Charlene’s enthusiasm and her generosity in helping spread the word about my business. One thing I have learned since starting this business is that there are many people who are willing to go out of their way to help. Charlene is definitely one of those people.
Charlene asked me about ‘my story’- how I left my research job and, on a whim, started the bakery shortly after. She commended me for finding my path so early on in life and for being able to listen to my heart at such a young age. Charlene, who is married with children and in her early 40’s, recently made a career change in recent years and was so much happier as a result.
She said, “The 20’s weren’t great. The 30’s were child-bearing years, but the 40’s are awesome!”, implying that a woman’s life only improves with age. We grow in confidence, wisdom, and courage to follow our dreams and take a risk.
Even research demonstrates that one’s happiness increases with age!
Is this because we are more secure in ourselves?
Personally, I have made huge gains in self-confidence since my late teens and early twenties. Today, I wouldn’t dream of saying some of the nasty things to myself like I used to. I don’t beat myself up anymore, or at least I keep it to a minimum whenever possible.
I tell myself that I can do what I dream to do. The only barriers to my goals are the ones I tell myself in my own mind.
I know I am still not quite there yet, which makes me excited for the future. I am looking forward to the day when I can truly scream at the top of my lungs,
“I AM A WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR”
…and truly embrace the words with every aspect of my being and not hold back.
But I can’t help but wonder, must we wait until we are half way through our lives until we harness this hidden power? Is this ‘delayed happiness’ simply a generational constraint of The Boomer generation? If it is, why do young women in their 20’s and 30’s still feel its’ lingering effects?
Old habits die hard, of course.
In university, I stuck with psychology even though I didn’t see many career options out there for myself. I really wanted to be in the health or writing fields. I disliked grad school even more, but I denied my own happiness and gut feelings. I kept putting off my happiness for a later date. Of course that doesn’t mean that there won’t be some unhappy times! Unhappiness is a part of the ebb and flow of life, just like happiness is.
As women, I think that we need to stop delaying our happiness for a later date. When will this madness end? You tell me that you are going to settle for being happy when you retire? After the kids move out? When you win the lottery? After you graduate?
Of course, we must delay our happiness some of the time. We might not reach for that slice of cake after a hard workout even though we really want to. Or we stay up through the night looking after a sick child. We struggle to pay the bills while paying for night school. Sometimes delaying happiness is necessary and sometimes it isn’t. Telling the difference between the two isn’t easy and is something that I assume gets easier with age.
I do think life gets better as we age, but I also think that there are ways in which we can speed up the process. Self reflection and ‘inner work’ on a weekly, if not daily, basis will remind us that happiness is not a destination, but a journey.
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Do you tend to put off happiness for a later date?
Do you think that life gets better with age and have you seen any changes in yourself?
I’d love to hear from older readers as well- tell me your experience!
The only journey is the journey within.
Rainer Maria Rilke
i am really reconsidering some career moves because I’M TIRED of putting my happiness on hold. if i went back to grad school, i know i’m putting my life on hold for four more years. i’m just tired of doing that to myself! i could die tomorrow. i really could. i don’t want to wait to be happy… i want to be happy RIGHT NOW.
I can understand how you feel – I was actually talking to my therapist recently about how I feel like I’m just “stuck” at school doing my PhD while my friends are out having “real” jobs, but she pointed out that my life is *not* “on hold” while I’m doing my PhD. I *am* living my life; I just happen to be at grad school. I think once you realise that you aren’t deferring “real” life and just learn to experience each day fully no matter what you’re doing, you stop feeling like you’re in a big rush and trying to constantly tick things off on some invisible list. It’s very freeing! :)
truth!! i agree 100%
I think it’s relly getting to your core. What makes you happy? What makes you feel fulfilled. Answer that and then go for it. Who cares if it makes money, if you have to shut other doors. You’re very right about the length of life being unknown. That’s why I am doing nursing. Who cares about the damn debt..it’s what is at my core. Seize Catilin…go kick a–.
This is an inspiring story. Happiness means something different to everyone, and there cannot be an “objective” definition. However, I had a shot at trying to define it in a more “scientific” or “objective” way, despite it being a subjective feeeling: What is happiness?
I would love to hear your thoughts!
Thank you, Nick
I absolutely think life gets better with age. I will be 30 in March and would never be 19 or 20 again if I had the choice! I have so much more security now and perspective to know that I have been through some REALLY tough times but I was able to survive and thrive. My friends and I are kicking off the year of the 30’s on January 1. It is going to be a great year and a start to a confident, fun decade!
It’s true! I will be 37 in February – and though I’m one of those who feels stuck & want to leave my career in Financial Planning, to do something in the natural foods realm – I would never go back to my twenties – I love the self discovery and acceptance that comes with age. I look forward to my 40s!!
I’m only 24, but I’ve been through some pretty rough stuff — and I can say, even at my age, that life juzt keeps getting better…I can only imagine the happiness to come!
I know that I am the one who makes sure everyone is doing well before I take care of myself, and I think that’s true for a lot of women. My boyfriend, family, and work all come before my mental health, and I’m trying to change that, but old habits do die hard.
I think one of my goals for 2010 is to focus more on myself and my inner happiness and peace. I’ve finally come to the conclusion that I need help with things I can’t control, and am willing to seek that help.
I also think that as women age they tend to learn these lessons and then put them into practice. Saying and doing are not the same thing, but I believe as we get older we move more towards doing.
Great post Ange, very though provoking & inspiring!
I tend to put off happiness until a later date – it’s always when I’ve done this, or finished that, then I can be happy.
To a large degree, yes, I think that happiness does come with age, if only because of the greater self-awareness and self-confidence that one learns by getting older.
I agree with what Chloe said about how women tend to learn the lessons of taking care of themselves and their happiness as they age and then put them into practice.
Fr most all of us, experience is the best teacher. I think thats why many of us in our 30’s and beyond can clearly look back on the rest of our lives with the wisdom of today and see the things we could have done differently. Maybe you can speed it up, but not 100%. I think for the most part its ones life experiences that make all the difference.
I too think life gets better with age. I know that’s how it’s been for me. I do tend to put off happiness though too. As a college student, sometimes I just grin and bear it through busy weeks looking forward to when I finally have a job, etc.
I try not to put off happiness but sometimes I find myself just going through the motions of life- if that makes sense. I think everyone should be more proactive about making themselves happy. My mom is in her 40s and just recently went back to school to become a nurse because it’s what she’s always wanted to do but other things got in the way. I’m really proud of her and it’s taught me to go after what I want :)
Great post, Angela! Thankfully, waiting for happiness is something that I’ve never had a problem with. If I’m unhappy, I just spend time thinking about where I need to make a change. And then I DO IT!
I think happiness increases with age simply because the older we get, the easier it is to bring good things our way. We’re typically more financially secure, we know more people, and we’ve been around long enough to figure out how to navigate through life.
I don’t know if life gets easier as we age; but we do become more willing to accept the consequences of the “what if’s”. The willingness to do what makes us happy of course makes things better.
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Mark Twain”
What a great post. I always find myself feeling like I am waiting for something better to come along. I am waiting to finish my masters then get a job and then once I have money, go off and have fun and do something I love. How did I get myself to this place where I am merely surviving through each day, instead of living it? I must say that I have learned so much and have grown so much as a person during my early 20’s. I am enjoying life much more, I am a much healthier (mentally and physically) person.
I believe that life gets sweeter as we live longer. We learn to appreciate everything and therefore, we learn how to appreciate ourselves.
Thank you!
Love this post because it’s so relevant to my life right now as I attempt to launch a writing career. I think a lot of us have the mindset that to be successful, we need to be struggling. It seems almost crazy to think we could actually follow our dreams and do something we love…for a living. We look at people who’ve done this and think ‘Oh, that’s so great for them. I could never do that, though.’ Maybe more of us need to stop telling ourselves we can’t do it…and start doing it! Perhaps that would help “speed up the process” of gaining happiness as we age???
I think that for some people (myself included), happiness definitely comes with age. I went through medical school and residency and was miserable. I kept thinking “If I just make it through this, everything will get better” each step of the way. Well, it didn’t get better. I made a change (still in medicine) and am so happy with what I am doing now. However, knowing all of this now, I still think that if I went back and told my 20 year-old self not to go to medical school, I still would have done it. I wouldn’t have let anyone change my mind because I was so determined to “succeed” at something. I think that happiness comes with age because sometimes you have to figure out what you don’t want to find what you want. Great, thought-provoking post!
I love this! “sometimes you have to figure out what you don’t want to find what you want.”
For me, I think it’s a matter of learning to love the journey, rather than focusing on the destination. I started my career change over 4 years ago, and won’t be done for another 3. I have to try to appreciate these moments and find the happiness that I do have now. Yoga is so much about being ‘present’ and that’s a goal for me right now.
I’m not sure really if things get easier with age – change is hard at any age I think – but I’ve had time to try more things, and make more mistakes, and figure out my strengths.
I definitely don’t want to put off happiness, but lately I’ve been noticing that that’s exactly what I was doing. I think it’s mostly because I just didn’t know what exactly I wanted to do with my life. I’m single now, and just had the most amazing trip ever, and somehow that’s helped me realized that I want to work for the foreign service. So that’s what I’m going to be working on now :) I think it will bring me happiness! Great post :)
I definitely postponed (and will postpone) much of my personal happiness for the month of December. But all of the things that happen in December are part of a larger career that brings me incredible satisfaction and opportunity to thrive and grow. Acheiving great things that bring happiness and satisfaction, usually requires setting aside some other things (even if some of those things bring some happiness with them).
Perhaps as we grow older, we have more opportunity to focus on those things that bring a sustained happiness — and the frustrations and postponements are merely a function of something larger. I hope so.
I really think that happiness is a state of mind. If you are a happy person, you will be happy. If you are an unhappy person, you will always be unhappy. I think that our way of thinking just gets better as we age. We learn that knocking ourselves down does nothing but waste energy. I’m glad I figured this out in my 20’s! ;)
I am in my early 40’s and have to agree with Charlene. I am so much happier now than I was in my 20’s. I got married at 22 and had 3 children right way. My first marriage was not so great. But I felt the need to stay in that relationshp for the kids. But at 30, I realized how truly unhappy I was and made the effort to make it better. Unfortunately, my ex wasn’t interested it making it better. So, I got the courage to leave him and was a single mom for 3 years. I met my soul mate when I was 35. We have been married for 3 years and he has shown me true happiness. I thank God every day for him. He has helped me over come some self esteem issues and helped raise my kids to be responsible teenagers. This is the happiest time of my life. I think as we get older we learn to love ourselves for who we are…we quit trying to be the perfect mother, daughter, sister, wife and accept ourselves for being human.
Thanks for the great post Ange!
ahhh such a lovely story, thank you for sharing!!
Very inspiring!
ange, this is a fantastic post! i love the topic and the way you wrote about it. i have been guilty of putting off happiness for various reasons, and that is something i am really working on changing. i think there is definitely a balance, where you can plan for the future but still enjoy the now.
i agree though that life improves as we age – which i think is wonderful! it means we have so much to look forward to, with wiser and wiser perspectives as the years go on. (not that my twentysomething status is giving me the experience to back this up haha). but my outlook on life has changed so much in the past few years, and i have become so much more accepting of myself and confident in myself. i can only imagine how that will grow in the future, and it makes the future seem very bright.
i was just writing about this yesterday! nearing 30 (in 6 months!) i’ve been thinking about this a lot. i actually feel pretty at peace with ‘now’ . . .now.
yesterday i wrote at the end of my year-end review: “i think we’ve both reached a point in life where we’re just more comfortable with doing what feels right, rather than answering to someone else’s ideas about how to live.”
great topic & post!