Baby Talk 101

by Angela (Oh She Glows) on February 3, 2010

supermom

I know it is not Mother’s Day but I loved this cartoon too much. [Source]

In the words of Stephanie Tanner, WHOA BABY!

You guys set a new record for the most commented Hot Topic post ever on OSG. I think that was the most fun I have ever had reading comments. Between you and I, I caught ERIC reading through the comments last night!! :mrgreen:

I was also thrilled to see a few men comment, including my Brother in Law (‘glowingBIL’).

As many of you noticed I did not offer my own opinion on the question in yesterday’s post! That was on purpose, of course!

Sometimes I find that it is difficult to deal with sensitive issues on the blog without coming across the wrong way. As many of you noted, the question is a very personal and sensitive topic and I did not want to diminish anyone’s situation in any way. I respect where all of you are right now and I respect all of your opinions on the matter. Whether you have them at 22, 38, adopt, or decide that you won’t have them…only YOU can know what is best for you!

Women have a huge amount of pressure in this area and many women feel pressured to either have kids or feel badly about themselves when they decide that kids are not for them. It can be a very judgmental topic, so you can imagine my absolute delight when I read through the comments and realized that everyone was so polite, understanding, and supportive of one another.

You all are a classy bunch. But I knew that already.

MY STORY:

I used to say that I didn’t want children when I was a teenager. I was always met with the ‘oh you will someday’ responses and I started to feel like maybe something was wrong with me because I didn’t want kids. To be completely honest with you, I have always been a bit scared of children! I always felt like I was going to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing when they were around. I know that my fear about children swayed my opinion of whether I wanted children myself.

When I entered my twenties my opinion slowly started to change. I started to toy around with the idea. Eric and I have been together since I was 17 (him 18) and I started to think about it, even though I knew I was years from being ready.

Everything changed for me when I saw my sisters have children.

I could relate so much to what Lindsay said in the comments, ‘At first I didn’t want kids. Then my sister had a baby and something inside happened! 2 months later I conceived my son.’

When I met my nephews and nieces, I knew right away that I wanted to experience that same kind of love one day. The love I feel for them is so strong and seeing my sisters raise beautiful children who love them and adore them so much, is quite a sight to witness.

I think about Sketchie and how much I love him and then I try and fathom what the love for my own child would feel like…and I just can’t comprehend it. I think that it would be a feeling like no other.

Eric and I do not have a particular age in mind when we want to have our first child, but we do want kids. I knew when I didn’t want them- while in university and during my Master’s career. However had it happened, we would have gotten by regardless. We are really happy right now and we take each day as it comes. We also have plans to do some traveling before we batten down the hatches. ;) I’m 26 and most days I still feel so young.

Given the diversity of your comments, there is obviously no right answer or wrong answer. I think it is important that we are supportive of other women, regardless what their choice may be. I can only imagine how annoying it is for women who chose not to have children and are faced with negative comments their whole lives. No one should have to be judged like that.

I think it is a given that women face a lot of pressure and this topic is an area where women face lots of it.  So in that respect…

Do you feel pressured to have kids or did you…and by whom? Do you feel pressure to have them by a certain age, or a certain number of kids? Are you judged because you don’t want kids?

For the moms out there, do you feel pressure to be that ‘Super Mom’?

PS- I have already changed my Spring Training Plan around! I am super busy in the bakery this week and also sore from yesterday’s Booty Camp so I will be skipping my run today. No biggie though! I will re-work this week a bit and update the schedule as needed.

PSS- See you tomorrow for the lunch that changed my life!!

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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

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The HealthyHostess February 4, 2010 at 10:08 am

I am 26 and we are having our first baby in April! I think (I hope) I was born to be a mom! I am sooo excited I can’t wait! I love your post because I love to see how others feel about this! I just posted a picture of my growing belly at 30 weeks last night! Check it out here: http://thehealthyhostess.com/?p=3501.
I have been working out the whole time but I am excited to get my body back after this! I think that will be a challenge :)

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Krista February 4, 2010 at 10:12 am

Your comment about Sketchie made me smile. Before we had Sarah, Octavius was our baby. Big time. I loved that cat to death and still do. Can you believe I was nervous to “introduce” him to the baby? LOL!!! Anyways, love for your child is obviously different than love for an animal, but it’s still the bottom line. Does that even make sense??? HA!

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Lisa February 4, 2010 at 10:44 am

I also didn’t believe I would want kids. But, then I got married @ age 30 then had a child a year later and another 3 yrs. after that. I was also scared I wouldn’t know what to do with them. Now I can’t imagine life without them. It’s up to each person if and when they are ever ready for kids. It’s a huge committment but worth every bit of it.

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*Andrea* February 4, 2010 at 11:38 am

i’m only 21 but lately i’ve been thinking i couldn’t handle kids. like i don’t feel responsible enough and totally relate to you with messing them up or saying the wrong thing!? i feel like opinions change though when you get to a certain age or see the joy a child brings to siblings etc. plus i think you’d be a WONDERFUL mother :)

ps did you see the post today on zen habits? reminds me of you!

http://zenhabits.net/2010/02/unconventional-business/

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Lindsey @ Eat, Read, Run February 4, 2010 at 11:45 am

Tons of pressure – people were asking us when we were going to have kids before we even got married! We live in NYC and want to move back closer to home and buy a house before we start trying. People just don’t seem to understand that and I think they see us as being selfish. Sometimes I say back – “Have you tried having and raising a baby while living in a 5-story walk up – on the top floor – in a 550 square foot apartment?!” And until they come back to me and say yes, then they really have no argument.

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Tasha - The Clean Eating Mama February 4, 2010 at 12:59 pm

I’m 26 and have a 15 month old. There are many days where I still feel “too young” to be a mom. BUT I love him to pieces and wouldn’t trade him for anything!
There is never a right time for children, you can always have an excuse as to why you should wait. It is something that you and your H will have to agree on together – when it’s right for both of you. =)

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Kristy February 4, 2010 at 1:03 pm

I wish there were more people like you in the world.
“only YOU can know what is best for you!” – Well Said! It is so easy to judge, few people understand when someone chooses to travel the uncommon path.

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Kristin February 4, 2010 at 1:56 pm

Do you feel pressured to have kids?
YES. By everyone — the people I work with, the people I go to church with, my family, my husband’s family. His family is the worst. His father has told me my biological clock is ticking (I’m 30) and has wished me a Happy Mother’s Day “for future mothers.” (I said I’d tell any I saw.)

Are you judged because you don’t want kids?
YEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!! And saying “Oh, you’ll change your mind” makes me want to punch you in the face. How dare you insinuate you know more about what I want out of my life than I do! Not wanting kids doesn’t make me a monster, or selfish (thanks, Gramma), or a child-hater, and it doesn’t mean I had a terrible childhood (thanks, Mom)! Could it possibly be nothing more than my life being DIFFERENT than yours?

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C.I.M. February 4, 2010 at 3:20 pm

I am 13 weeks pregnant, due this summer. I am not married – my boyfriend and I have been dating almost 5 years and have lived together over 2. The pregnancy was a complete surprise and honestly, the timing was terrible. We were at a crossroads in our relationship and had just decided to split when we learned of the pregnancy. In the end, we decided to make a go of it. We do plan to get married – maybe a year or two after the baby is born.

I cannot tell you how judgemental people have been since we announced the news to our families and friends. They run the gamut from not understanding how we could be so “careless” at a precarious time in our relationship, to advising against staying together “just because” of a baby, to wanting to know if we’re getting married and encouraging us to do it ASAP.

Both the decision to stay together and the decision to hold off on marriage were not ones that we took lightly. The situation was complex, of course, as situations usually are, and I didn’t share every detail of our discussions, much less our own thoughts and feelings, to anyone. I feel like I’m being punished for that now, because many people have made assumptions, which have led to judgements.

I have never in my life been more excited for anything than I am to experience pregnancy, to be a mom, and to start a family…and to do it with the man I’m with. The moment I saw the positive pregnancy test…well, that first moment was shock and disbelief :) But that SECOND moment filled me with a thrill that I really can’t put into words. My boyfriend shares my excitement, although I can’t say that he felt the same thing I did upon knowing there was life growing inside of me. I feel like that feeling is unique to women. I’m kind of getting all teary just writing about it…probably the hormones ;)

Anyway. Sorry for the novel! I just wish people would embrace the whole “to each their own” ideal a little more!!!

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Guen February 4, 2010 at 4:48 pm

I get tremendous pressure from my mother-in-law about having children. She started making comments while we were engaged and really went full tilt 2 months after we were married and ran into her at a family function. Luckily, she lives in TX and I’m in NJ. I try to ignore her as much as I can. I can’t even tell her to St.Fu and mind her own business because she is basically crazy. She means well most of the time, but she doesn’t have a very good mental filter.
My family doesn’t pressure me at all. My mother has even told me that if someone asks me/us when we will have children I should respond “about 9 months after I get pregnant”. They trust us to move foward with steps in our lives when we are ready. Complete opposite of the in-laws.
Because of some medical things, I may not even be able to have children. I became aware of the possibility when I was 18, so since then I’ve had a blase attitude about it. If I can have kids, great. If not, that’s ok with me too. My husband is on board with me. We feel that invitro or any type of intervention is not for us. Adoption might be a possibility. We figure we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. For now we are both 28 and we’ll see what happens.

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krista February 4, 2010 at 5:17 pm

We were married young and we had pressure from people NOT to have children-to wait-get education etc. We did both!!(We were always self sufficent)
We both got degrees and now I work from home part time. We have 4 children, and I had my fourth by age 28.
Started at 18.
We love the way we did it-and are very happy. Maddening that people try to tell others what to do. Every person has their own shot at life, and how they want to do it.

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[email protected] February 5, 2010 at 2:57 am

My partner and I get a little pressure from the family because we have been together going on 4 yrs now. He’s 39 and I’m almost 34. I think I’m pretty ready but it’s been really bad timing with the current recession of course. (However, my 34 year old overies don’t know about the economy lol!)
Anyway, we are not married ( I did that once and I’m not sure I want to do it again ) and I’ve been shocked by some harsh comments I have receive when I have mentioned that, “I think I’m ready to think about babies…” I totally understand that everyone is entitled to their opinions but seriously?? Does this make us bad parents even before we conceived?
Anyway, It’s pretty interesting……So, I guess to answer your question I’m feeling the pressure of marriage first/ baby second on top of all the other things I’m worried about in my mid thirties….awesome.

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Jenna Z February 5, 2010 at 2:25 pm

My husband and I (married 10 years this month!) are lucky enough to have no pressure from our families. But the place I feel pressure is from work and casual acquaintances, they can sometimes ask the most inappropriate questions. After you say you don’t have any kids, they say things like “Oh, you’d be a great mom”, “Are you trying?”, “”Why the heck not?”, “You will someday” etc. Ours is a personal choice but what I think about when I hear these questions is what about the couples that HAVE tried and for one reason or another it just hasn’t happened yet or are having trouble. That can be some serious emotional drama and comments like those are SO RUDE!!!

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