"The work you do while you procrastinate is probably the work you should be doing for the rest of your life." -Jessica Hische

Aside from delicious vegan food, there isn’t a topic I enjoy discussing more than career happiness. It’s something I’m deeply passionate about and thrilled when I can throw ideas around with other people.

I could talk about it until I’m blue in the face. But, I guess that is pretty evident below.

Keep in mind, I really have no idea what I’m doing most days and I’m not here to give you advice on your unique academic or career situation. I can offer insight from my own experiences and lessons learned along the way. My goal for this post is to create a place for discussion so everyone can join in and offer their input, stories, and insight. That’s when the magic happens!

My story in short:

I graduated in October 2006 with a BAH degree in Psychology and minor in Family and Child Studies. In October 2008, I graduated with a Master’s Degree w/ Honours in Social Psychology. Prior to graduating, I interviewed for a full-time research position during Spring 2008. It was offered to me and I took it even though my gut told me that the timing wasn’t right. I was already a full-time grad student and part-time teaching assistant which kept me very busy.

But I took the job anyways even though every instinct I had was saying DON’T DO IT.

Lesson #1: Listen to your gut.

Eric and I were also planning our wedding to be held on Aug. 31, 2008. Stress was at an all-time high as I juggled courses, my thesis, a new demanding job, and wedding planning. My eating disorder got bad during this time and I often starved myself or over-exercised to deal with my emotions.

In October 2008, I was happy to be graduating, but I still wasn’t enjoying my career as a researcher like I thought I should be. While the money flowed, it didn’t matter.

On October 31, 2008 I started Oh She Glows as a hobby in an effort to add some joy back into my life.

Oh, and joy it brought!

This blog was in essence, ‘the work I did while I procrastinated’, as the opening quote mentions above. I blogged at breakfast, during my lunch break, and after dinner, for months. It was a lot of work, but looking back, it was the best positive escape I could’ve had to get me through that time.

This blog gave me the courage to pursue my passions full-time so I planned my actual escape and in early 2009, I quit.

It was the scariest, yet best thing I could have done.

Below are some of your career change questions that you posed on facebook last week.

How did you find your passion?

1. Get rid of life toxins

Until I was about 24-25 years old, my hobbies were calorie counting, the scale, and exercising. I didn’t have any real hobbies aside from playing sports throughout school and if you asked me what my passions were I would have stared at you blankly. To find my passions, I had to get rid of life toxins that weighed me down. Once I entered recovery for my eating disorder, I was able to add positivity back into my life such as finding new hobbies and activities. We need to get rid of things weighing us down to make room for inspiration, creativity, and authenticity.

2. Give yourself Me Time

It’s easy to say ‘I don’t have time right now’, but this is when it’s especially important to take time out for yourself. I gave myself permission to do things I enjoyed whether it be hanging out with friends, baking, reading, or spending time with Eric. Even if it was only 30 minutes a day, it was my time to do what I wanted and slowly discover activities that I enjoyed. ‘Me time’ allows us to figure out what it is that makes us happy.

3. Allow creativity to flow

Shortly after graduating, I started my blog which turned out to be the real gateway to discovering my passions. What better creative outlet than having a blank slate each day to write whatever inspires me? As a creative person, I consider my blog a virtual vision board.  I can write about whatever I want which was a stark contrast to my role as a researcher. Overtime, I discovered that I had tapped into a huge passion in my life. (Another creative outlet I love is Pinterest). If there’s a voice inside you that suggests you try something out, give it a shot because it could be your hidden passion!

4. Look to your childhood

Look back to your childhood and ask yourself what activities you enjoyed. The passions we have as children are clues to what we might enjoy as adults.

As a child I loved:

• Playing house and school with all kinds of characters, names, and story-telling
• Playing with Barbie’s & Lego and creating stories about the ‘people’
• Polaroid, disposable, and film cameras !!!
• Writing Fiction stories
• Drawing, painting, crafting
• Baking & easy-bake ovens
• Playing with friends and animals
• The outdoors, playing outside for hours, skipping, building snow forts
• Track & Field, softball

My passions today seem to have the same underlying characteristics, albeit through different forms and expressions!

How did you know that your career was the right choice long-term?

Nothing in life is a sure bet, but my instincts told me I was on the right path. Sometimes hope, a good feeling, and a positive outlook are the only things we have. If I told myself I couldn’t do it, I would probably still be at my old job. Oh She Glows started out as a hobby while I did my ‘real work’. It turned out that I not only enjoyed blogging, but I fell in love with it. The blog and bakery brought together my passions like inspirational writing, healthy food, cooking/baking, fitness, and helping others.

When I couldn’t imagine myself not doing it, I knew I had found something special. It’s sort of like knowing you’ve met the person you want to spend your life with. I knew Eric was the one for me because I couldn’t imagine us apart. I felt the same way with my new career.

How did you deal with a severe pay cut?

Not getting a regular pay check in the bank every two weeks was difficult to deal with. I struggled with an identity-crisis (who was I now that I didn’t have a full-time job and steady income?) and insecurity (what would others think of me?). I had to make financial cutbacks in every aspect of my life. I only spent money on essentials like food and bills. I didn’t spend money on entertainment, eating out, clothing, or anything that I didn’t think was a necessity at the time. I got used to the cutbacks after a couple months and many of my money-saving habits stuck with me.

Do you think you would have taken that leap if it was just you taking care of you? I admire what you do and would give a kidney to be in your shoes, but just don’t feel that it’s possible for me. I’m not pessimistic–I am proud and satisfied with what I’ve done–but I’m realistic.

I would’ve left my research position eventually, but probably not as quickly had I been single. I saved consistently for almost a year before I left my research position so I could cover my share of the bills for the first while, but if I was single I probably would’ve stayed in the field for another 2-3 years so I could save up enough to feel stable financially. I knew in my heart that I wasn’t meant to be a researcher so I would’ve done what was necessary to change my career path even if it wasn’t as soon as I wanted. I’m a firm believer that planning and preparation is crucial if you are serious about making a career change. If you think it will never happen, you are probably right.

How did you take the leap with a career change?

Quitting my job was not an impulsive decision even though it may seem that way. It was a calculated decision that I planned for months before actually quitting. I flip flopped back and forth all the time, but ultimately, I knew in my heart that I had to go through with it. The day that I quit was not planned though. It just happened to be a really bad day that fueled my fire.

How do I know what my strengths are?

Growing up, I never really considered myself good at much. In my late teens, when I was trying to figure out what career I would enjoy, I asked Eric what I was good at because I had no clue. If you are lost about your own strengths, ask your family members or your partner. Most people can identify strengths in other people much easier than they can in themselves. Also, think about things that you do well. Are you an expert Sudoku player? Maybe you have a strength in problem solving. Are you great at knitting? Maybe you have a strong attention to detail and lots of patience. Do you love making lists and hosting parties? Maybe you have strengths in event planning. Do you love to bake? Maybe you have a sweet tooth like me. heheh…

Oddly enough, I went to see a Career Counselor during my first year of university because I was having doubts about my career path. After answering a battery of tests, I was told that I was suited for a creative field, such as teaching, writing, culinary arts, fashion design, or photography. A test could detect my strengths when I couldn’t detect them in myself. I highly recommend seeing a Career Counselor if you can.

I want to change careers, but my fear of other family members judging me is paralyzing. How did you get over worrying about what others thought?

This was my biggest hurdle of all. I think most of us care deeply about what our loved ones think, whether we like to admit it or not. I had so much anxiety to tell my friends and family that I quit. It almost kept me from quitting at all.

Ultimately, I realized that I couldn’t live my life for other people. We lost a friend suddenly to cancer in 2008 and it really made me change the way I live my life. I stopped beating myself up and worrying about what others thought. I don’t know how long my life will be, but I do know that I’m now living it authentically rather than putting off happiness for another day.

I would love to hear how it felt to walk away from a career you had invested so much time and money in!

The day I quit was a mix of negative and positive emotions. I felt shame, guilt, relief, anxiety, happiness, worry…you name it (see my I Quit post).

Do I regret the 7 years I spent in university? Not a chance. I now know what will make me happy in a career and what won’t. I may have figured it out the hard way, but I’m happy I did at all. An education is invaluable, even if not used in the traditional way that its intended (is it ever these days?). I still feel like I’m fulfilling my goal of helping other people (which is what drew me to psychology), but perhaps not in the way I initially imagined. The twists and turns of life are often the greatest.

How do you deal with isolation when making the change even though you know it’s an unhealthy career for you?

Losing contact with my coworkers was very isolating, especially during the first few months when I was feeling a gamut of negative emotions and questioning my path in life. In the workplace, coworkers are great for venting about problems, forming friendships, and leaning on when you need some support or advice. When I quit my job, I was on my own during workday hours. No one could figure it out but me and that was really scary.

Whether you are having a baby, moving, or taking on another big adjustment, surrounding yourself with supportive people helps so much. I talked to Eric, close family, friends, and on the blog. My mom always tells me that there is no greater joy than knowing your child is happy. If you can wake up each day and feel happy about where you’re going, you’re already a success.

“It isn’t necessary to know exactly how your ideal life will look; you only have to know what feels better and what feels worse…Begin making choices based on what makes you feel freer and happier, rather than on how you think an ideal life should look. It’s the process of feeling our way toward happiness, not the realization of the Platonic ideal, that creates our best lives.” ~Martha Beck

What she said.

~~

For a recap of how I changed careers and my full story, check out my ‘A Year Can Change A Lot’ Series:

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3,  Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, and Part 10 (1 year later)

Hello there Hope your morning is going faaaabulous.

More rainbow sorbet swirls for breakfast…

In this juice: 1 carrot, 1 large beet, 1/2 lemon.

I wanted greens in my juice too! It is Operation use up the spinach week after all. I find that spinach doesn’t juice very well (or maybe I am not doing it right?), so I decided to take the juice from above and throw it into the blender with spinach. I also threw in a banana for sweetness and some Amazing Grass protein powder!

Ta-da!

It was all fun and games until I saw how many dishes I had to wash… *faints*

I’m thinking tomorrow is a vegan overnight oats kinda day.

I had this juice along with a delicious apple smothered in a tablespoon of chunky peanut butter.

If I should ever create my final meal, apple and chunky peanut butter shall be on it.

Negative Comments From Others: Do They Light A Fire Inside You?

Some of you were asking about Eric’s Kick the Coke Habit challenge. He is doing really well and has not had Coke despite craving it like a mad man. He is now buying 100% pure orange juice and mango juice as a substitute when he craves something sweet. He is also drinking a lot more black tea for his caffeine kick. I am so impressed!

He has been getting his share of teasing at work though! Eric and the guys were in Subway yesterday and after Eric ordered water (instead of his usual Coke) his coworker said, ‘This is the last straw!!!!’ It doesn’t phase Eric because he can dish it out like the rest of them and he knows the joking relationship that him and his coworkers have. It is not done in a mean spirit at all.

Last year he switched from meat subs to ordering all veggie subs (*swoon*) and did he ever get razzed for that, but he stuck with it! He is not the type of person who caves to peer pressure, so I have no doubt that the comments will only make him more dedicated to seeing his goal through.

He really appreciates your comments and support and could not get over how many of you wanted to try this challenge with him. Whether it is pop, diet pop, or artificial sweeteners that you want to kick, having a support system is very helpful!

Eric’s experience made me think about comments from coworkers that I used to get. I used to get a lot of teasing about the way I ate (I was a vegetarian at the time). One of my coworkers used to tell everyone in the office, ‘All she eats is lettuce and bird food.’ (while he ate McDonalds every single morning for breakfast!). Another coworker said, ‘Soon your body will become so weak you will have to start eating meat again.’

It is never a dull moment in the workplace when you have all kinds of personalities driving each other nuts everyday…

Sometimes comments like this would annoy me and sometimes I could brush them off. It really just depended on the day and how much stress I was encountering with my job and to-do list. If it was a bad day (which it usually was), I was more likely to let the comments sting, but if I was feeling great, I could laugh it off or retort with my own witty comeback.

Negative comments that I have received in my life have only made me more determined to stick to my goals. Once I had a ridiculous comment from someone who said my bakery would never succeed so I might as well go back to a miserable desk job- at least that paid well. 

Negativity lights a fire inside me to be successful with my goals. If someone tells me I can’t do something, I will see to it that I prove them wrong. Everything is possible when you commit to a goal.

Comments from others can light the ‘I’ll show you’ fire. I think that fire has been lit inside Eric because he wants to prove to everyone that he can do this.

What about you- Have you ever received negative comments that have only lit your fire to succeed? Do you have any strategies for dealing with negative people in your life?

On that note, I am off to train my first Glo Bakery Employee this afternoon! Cya later!

~~~

Avoid destructive thinking. Improper negative thoughts sink people. A ship can sail around the world many, many times, but just let enough water get into the ship and it will sink. Just so with the human mind. Let enough negative thoughts or improper thoughts get into the human mind and the person sinks just like a ship. ~Alfred A Montapert

Possibly the two most liberating (and scary) words that have ever come out of my mouth.  

Today marks the 1 year anniversary of quitting my old job.

One year ago today, I was not in a good place. I was unhappy, depressed, anxious, and fearful of what the future would hold. Despite these feelings, I knew that I wanted to be happy with my career.

One year ago today was quite possibly one of the lowest moments in my life. After quitting, I walked down the office hallway in shock, literally shaking from what just happened. I sat at my desk in shock. I called Eric on the phone and whispered, ‘You’ll never believe what I finally did’, my hands still shaking.

What was I going to do?

Despite all of this, there was a small, glowing flame inside me that started to light up. It burned a bit brighter the day that I quit my job. Each day thereafter, it burned brighter and brighter. After 7 years in university and a few unfulfilling research jobs, I was finally able to sit down, take a deep breath, and really think about what makes me happy.

All of this time, this was the one crucial thing that I had not done. Yes I had written the exams, the GRE’s, gotten letters of recommendations, and straight A’s, but the one thing I did not do is stop to think about what I wanted.

I always did what I thought was expected of me or what career I thought would pay the most money. Both of which, would never make me a happy person, but kill that glowing flame inside my heart until it is no longer burning at all.

I have grown up a lot in the past year. I have struggled with self-doubt and worries that have almost paralyzed me from moving forward with my dreams. There were several times when I almost called it off because I was scared. There have been a lot of tears over the past year, but there have also been many more smiles and exciting moments than I have had in the past 7 years combined.

The past year has really shown me that I can choose a life that I will be happy with. I can make choices every single day to create happiness in myself. I can work my ass off at something I love and feel extremely rewarded.

And most of all, I never have to settle for something that isn’t a right fit for me.

Sometimes it takes us to experience a career field before we know that it just isn’t right for us. Or, we go to law school when we really secretly have always wanted to open up a cupcake shop. Most of the time, we figure out things as we go. There aren’t really any ‘mistakes’, but experiences and the key is to make them learning experiences.

We make the best choice that we can at the time.

When we lost a family friend, Chris, to cancer just prior to our wedding in 2008, I started to question a lot of things in my life. Chris was the same age as Eric and he grew up with Eric. Losing someone so young made me question my own life, choices, happiness, and goals. I decided that I would do something to change my situation. I realized that my time on the earth was not something to take for granted any longer.

While it took me another 6 months to finally get the courage to leave my job, once I said those two words, it was instantly a new beginning for me.

I don’t want to think about what my life would be like today, had I not had the courage to take a leap of faith.

Today I celebrate stepping outside my comfort zone, challenging myself as a person, and deciding that I deserve to be happy.

Have you ever decided to leave a bad situation or a job/college major because it wasn’t a good fit for you?

~~

For a full recap of how I changed careers, check out my ‘A Year Can Change A Lot’ Series:

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3,  Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, and Part 9

Reach for the stars, even if you have to stand on a cactus.

~Susan Longacre

Meet the new holiday Glo Bar….called PRESENT.

Cranberry Pumpkin Spice and so festive. It smells like Christmas!

Present, to me, is all about living in the moment especially during the holiday season. It is about taking a moment for yourself each day.

The new Glo Bar Variety Packs are now up for sale and are 10% OFF!

This is the first variety pack to feature two completely new flavours- EMPOWER and PRESENT!

The first 10 orders will receive a free Heaven Glo Bar. As always quantities are limited…so first come, first serve.

~~~~

With Doubt Comes Motivation

Missed Part 1, Part 2, Part 3,  Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, or Part 8?

Last night, Eric and I were driving each other nuts.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the guy, but sometimes living with the opposite sex can drive a person a little bonkers, ya know? I decided to go our separate ways last night- I went up to the bedroom to write. I instantly felt so much better zoning out and typing away on my laptop while covered in comfy blankets.

I believe it was Part 6 where I left a cliffhanger. I left my job and then Part 7 and Part 8 were sort of abstract posts, which did not really continue the story. So let me get back on track, my friends.

Grab a Green Monster or stale office coffee, whatever you have on hand.

So I left the job.

I drove the final, 2 hour, horrid commute home.

The drive home especially sucked that night and thus solidified my decision of why I was leaving.

I came home, put the keys down, and brought in my boxes from work. Ikea paintings- which I had hung on my cement office walls to cheer the place up. One of which was a dock looking over the water and another was a beach with footprints in the sand. They didn’t really work, just as they didn’t work in my grad office either. The paintings only made me wish that I was on vacation, really. The paintings are now buried away in our basement. I don’t like looking at them anymore as they remind me of two unhappy times in my life.

I want to say that I threw a big party when I got home that night, but I didn’t. I actually felt quite empty inside.

I felt like a huge and utter failure.

I spent 7 years in university and another year busting my ass for that job, and now here I was.

Jobless, unhappy, depressed, and unsure of my future.

I believe I came home and cried. Tears of joy and also what-the-hell-am-I-doing tears.

I honestly wished that I could go back in time and re-do my university career. I would have done things differently, but that is life. None of us can foresee the decisions that we make. We need to let go of the guilt, live, and hopefully learn from our experiences.

I can now tell you with 100% confidence that I am not meant to have a career in academia. I didn’t know that before! See??? Progress! Baby steps, people….baby steps.

I felt very scared after leaving my job. I had some very dark moments lying in bed at night and wondering what I was going to do with my life.

Luckily, I had Eric’s support to leave my job. We did a lot of number crunching and figured that we would be ok….for about 6 months or so and then I would have to sell my soul to the devil and beg for my job back (only joking). I had saved a lot of money from my job so I had that cushion to help get me back on my feet.

I instantly started looking for a research job…I mean, that’s what researchers do, right? I sent out some resumes, but the truth was none of the jobs appealed to me in the slightest bit. None of them. They all sounded so boring and I didn’t feel excited when I pictured myself doing that for a career. This is when some alarm bells started to go off inside me. I told Eric that none of the research jobs sounded like something I would enjoy doing. He said, ‘Well, apply to the ones you think would be fun then.’ Sounds easy enough right? I ended up sending out several resumes, but I can honestly tell you my heart was not in any of them. The pickings were very slim during the recession, that is for sure.

During my first month off work, in February 2009, I started to ask myself some hard questions.

For the past several years I had been on autopilot. I didn’t so much as stop to ask myself what I ENJOYED and what I actually wanted to do. I just did what I thought was right. Successful students got accepted into grad school, so I wanted that too. I was doing it for all the wrong reasons and trying to impress people in my life.

In Feb 2009…jobless…I asked myself, ‘What would make me happy if money didn’t matter?’

I have always been money focused. I always dreamed of a job that would have me making a ridiculously huge income. I researched the fields in psychology and decided that I would pursue the ones that made the largest income (I/O consulting can get you 300K + a year!) and this was a huge mistake. One of the biggest lessons I learned was that if I pursue a job for the salary, I will never find what I am looking for.

Because the truth is, the money really doesn’t matter if you are unhappy. And if you are HAPPY, it still really doesn’t matter.

I was making decent money at my job, but I was so depressed that I didn’t even care. I just put it into savings hoping for a better future. I didn’t have much of a desire to go out and have fun because I was unhappy on the inside.

When I pretended that money didn’t exist, that is when I really started to find some answers.

If money didn’t exist, I would:

1) Open a bakery

2) Write, write, write

3) Blog, blog, blog

4) Learn photography

5) Help women overcome disordered eating, self-hate, etc

6) Rescue animals

These are the things I truly ENJOY to do. I could do these things above and not get paid for it, and I would still enjoy it.

Now of course, I did need to find a way to make my passions turn into something lucrative. We just purchased our first house, and our money was quickly going to run out if I didn’t start making money.

So that is when I started to think about opening a bakery…seriously.

I am the type of person who, once committed to an idea, will dive headfirst into the idea and give 110%. I fear failure so I give my entire heart into projects that I commit to. I try not to look back. I work, and work, and work. Giving up is not an option for me. You can see why leaving my job was so difficult.

My days were filled with bakery plans. I decided that if I was going to do this I was going to do it right and professionally.

My only problem was that I failed to clearly communicate my intentions with Eric. In my mind, I had, but when I talked to him, he told me he was a bit upset that I had just decided and not talked it over with him. In hindsight, he was right and if I could do it over again I would have him more involved in my decision process.

First came the name ideas. Oh there were a lot. GLOW conflicted with too many other business names so I went with GLO. I ended up liking it better anyways. Seems a bit fancier.

Then I applied to have my business Federally Corporated. In Canada, this is the highest level attainable for a business and it is also the most difficult to get. The application process was huge and very technical/legal, but I did it on my own. I had no money to hire a lawyer and still haven’t to this day, even though it would have made things much less stressful for me.

Once my business was corprated, this was my green light to proceed with serious planning. Since February, I have logged 60-90 hour work weeks. People in my life have asked me why I don’t take a break or time off, but to me that isn’t really an option during the start up phase. So many business ventures fail, and I do not want to be a statistic.

The hardest part was dealing with all of the doubt that comes with starting up your own business. I had to deal with serious doubts in my own mind and others in my life. I also had some wonderfully supportive people in my immediate family who really helped me through. My mom and sisters were very supportive and encouraged/helped me as much as they could. Eric helped me even when he was tired after a long day of working.

I remember one comment my mom said to me in March, ‘You know Ange, I really have a good feeling about your bars. I have a feeling that your bars are going to take off and really be the driving force behind your business.’ (Note: This was before I had even created my Glo bars!)

At the time, I didn’t really share this vision with my mom, but lo and behold she turned out to be right. How do moms do it? She still has mother’s intuition to this day.

While I was building the bakery, I also poured my heart into my other passions: writing, blogging, helping others, and photography.

I made a checklist with my passions and how I was achieving each goal:

1) Open a bakery- recipe formation + testing, safe food handler certificate, research, etc.

2) Write, write, write- I wrote a lot on the blog with a focus on my Hot Topics/series

3) Blog, blog, blog- OSG + created Green Monster Movement, and Glo Bakery websites

4) Learn photography- Started to learn and use our Canon 30D SLR camera late Spring

5) Help women overcome disordered eating, self-hate, etc- Kept writing about these topics and being open about my experiences

6) Rescue animals- I haven’t done this directly, but I think I have started to indirectly with education about slaughterhouses, Food Inc, etc.

It felt amazing to do things I loved. It is a huge myth that it really isn’t work if you enjoy it. I disagree. It has been a ton of work and yes, it often feels like work when I am baking for 10 hours a day or being responsible for my business paperwork, taxes, receipt tracking, baking, etc. The only difference now is that I have motivation to do it and I enjoy the creative aspect of it.

Writing is one of my favourite ways of connecting with others. I think it is nothing short of amazing to be able to type words on a page and create an emotional charge in someone reading it. I still get a kick out of writing posts and having readers comment that they were in hysterics laughing or getting a tissue to wipe a tear. The power of the written word is so intoxicating!!!!!

Even though I was filled with doubt, overall I was much happier.

I was my own boss. I called the shots, and for once in my life, I had the creative control of my life. I am not a believer in fate. I firmly believe that we create our own experiences in life.

Our actions, every single day, add up to what our lives will become.

I made every single decision about my business.

It was one of the most fulfilling, yet extremely fear-provoking, feelings I have ever known.

People sometimes ask me if I am afraid that I will fail and I always tell them that any fears that I do have are much less than the guilt I would have felt looking back on my life and doing something that I did not enjoy. To me, you have to take risks to be happy.

Now, 8 months later, I am finally feeling like things are coming together, but I also know that I still have a long ways to go. The only difference now is that I feel excited about the journey, instead of wishing I could derail off the tracks.

Never continue in a job you don’t enjoy. If you’re happy in what you’re doing, you’ll like yourself, you’ll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined. ~Johnny Carson

and Happy Halloween to all!!!!!

It is hard to believe it has been 1 YEAR since I started Oh She Glows! A year really CAN change a lot.

Missed Part 1, Part 2, Part 3,  Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, or Part 7??

If anyone is looking for a last minute Halloween costume- you could go as an Operation Beautiful note!

Here is the one I wrote today on my big ‘post-it’…

It’s going by the door!

One thing blogging has taught me over the past year is that being true to myself has dramatically changed my life for the better.

I realized that the ‘real me’ WAS good enough! In fact, the real me is what everyone wanted to see all along, but I didn’t know that.

I always thought I had to hide who I really was- a goofy, silly, shy, yet fun-loving and IMPERFECT woman.

Once I took my wall down and was true to myself I realized that good things started happening to me.

I was happier, less anxious, motivated, and peaceful. I fell asleep quickly at night. I woke up eager. I dreamed big.

People around me seemed to like me more, probably because I wasn’t walking around stressed out and counting every calorie in my head over and over again or thinking about how unhappy I was.

Oh She Glows got me through one of the most difficult times of my life. It is what made me realize that I could do something that I loved to do. I could touch people with my words. I could help other women overcome their disordered eating, obsession, and negative self-image. I could be silly, and weird, and goofy, and basically do whatever I wanted on this blog. I could take a picture of a beautiful flower and post it. I could vent about a problem or talk about ideas, goals, motivations, aspirations, and visions…

Oh She Glows made me finally feel in control of my happiness.

I started to think outside the box. I dreamed big. I knew that I deserved to be happy.

Things inside me started to click.

I had spent the better part of my graduate program miserable and now I was miserable in my career. What would have to change until I decided enough was enough? When would my life be a HAPPY life?

Well, something happened along my blogging journey. I realized that nothing was ever going to change unless I did something about it.

Opportunities don’t just happen to people, you have to MAKE them happen.

When I realized this, my whole perspective changed.

I knew that unless I took action, I would be miserable my whole life. I pictured myself in the same job until I was 50. Is that what I wanted, to be a passive recipient of what life gives me?

Absolutely not!

None of us know what cards will be dealt to us. I don’t know if I will be around next week, next year or for my 50th birthday. It would surely suck to piss away these amazing years being unhappy. Where is the fun in being miserable all the time? It was the same sort of realization I had when I decided to give up obsessing over my weight, exercise, and food. Was it working for me? Hardly- I was stressed out and unhappy day in and day out. I was hungry all the time. Eric broke up with me for a few months in 2003 because things got so bad. Being miserable did NOT work for me with my eating disorder or in my career.

Each positive step that I took, I felt like I jumped a mile. Positive things breed more positive things. As soon as I broke the cycle of negativity in my life, I was a changed women.

It just takes a series of small actions and then one BIG action (think- KABOOM!) to finally break away from the chains that you have in your life.

My KABOOM! moment was when I decided to tell my boss, in a heated moment, that I was done. I felt like a bomb went off inside me. Suddenly everything was changed.

I thank my lucky stars that I started Oh She Glows exactly 1 year ago. I was a very unhappy and guarded person. I felt like a drone. Some days I didn’t feel anything except nothingness and a void. This blog didn’t just turn a light bulb on in my head, it turned on an entire football stadium of lights. Everything started to click. I had these amazing women who read my blog and believed in me. After a while I started to believe in me too.

After a bad day I logged on and just wrote. Sometimes light topics like fashion or make-up and sometimes more serious ones. It was sort of like cheap therapy for me. I was on the couch indeed typing my heart out.

This isn’t just a healthy living blog to me.

It represents HOPE for change.

Hope that each and every one of us can find our own personal definition of happiness. To be true to ourselves, and to believe in our own authentic power.

I still feel like I have a lot to learn, but the only difference now is that I feel like I am slowly on my way, and better yet, I am excited about it. I am no longer stalled or going in reverse like I was for so long.

I truly think that all of us have the same basic goals…to feel loved and to feel like we have a purpose on the earth. To feel like our true self is in harmony with what we do day in and day out.

The power within all of us is so great. If we only touched on it briefly each day we could all do amazing things.

~~~~

And now it is time for Oh She Glows birthday giveaway!

HOW TO ENTER:

Close your eyes. Picture yourself on October 31, 2010. Now leave a comment and tell me how you picture your ideal life 1 year from today. Maybe you have goals or hopes. Tell me what you want to be doing, living, breathing…The first step is writing it down.

The giveaway is for one lucky US or Canadian reader to win everything below! (Click to enlarge).

All of this is from the Health food trade show I went to. Tons of teas, bars, beauty healthy products, etc! I’m not naming it all, but you get the idea.

I also added some of my favourite products to share: Glo bars, Mary’s Crackers, Organic raw Cacao nibs, and PC Sun-dried tomato no salt added seasoning (the LBD of seasonings!)

YUM!

Contest closes: Tuesday Nov. 3, 2009 at 8am.

Bonne chance!

~~~~

Thank you to each and everyone of you for your amazing support over the past year! If there are any of you out there who have followed my journey since the beginning- well, that is quite awesome.

ONWARD and UPWARD!!!!!!!

Now, BED TIME at 1:20am. Tomorrow AM: Finish making up the fake house, costume + party planning, and baking!

PS- There is also a giveaway for GLO BARs over here! Leave a comment to enter!

Knowing Yourself Is The Beginning of All Wisdom

Missed Part 1, Part 2, Part 3,  Part 4, Part 5, or Part 6?

I would not be where I am today had it not been for the wonderful women in my life. My mom and sisters in particular have been such a great support system for me over the past 3 years as I went through many highs and many lows.

Just prior to my graduation, my mom sent me one of the most touching and memorable gifts that I have ever received.

She sent me a time capsule filled with memories and articles from my childhood. I was just shocked when I opened my gift to see a beautiful wooden, engraved memory box.

It reads: ‘Angela, Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.’

When I opened it up I found this poem:

She included her own high school graduation picture:

Isn’t she beautiful?

Inside the box are tons of pictures from when I was a child, all complete with captions of the date and who I was with. We lived in Georgia and Florida when I was ages 4-8.

We were so 80′s! This was my all time favourite outfit- a pink and black polka dot ensemble:

I’m sure I was wearing a snap bracelet to go along with my high top sneakers.

Including a drawing of me when I was just 3-4 years old done by a local artist:

And Eric and I at our high school prom in 2000:

Everyone joked that we were getting married and not going to prom!

Well, 8 years later we did.

There are tons of school assignments I did , including one from 1990 (man I feel old!!!) where I wrote 5 special things about myself:

They included:

• Everyone is special and different
• I am healthy when I get good sleep
• Parents and a dog that love me
• My sister who plays with me

I rocked long division (bahahah!)

But the best part of this entire capsule were the words that my mom wrote in it.

She wrote:

I know….just amazing!

I teared up when I brought it all out last night to read over again.

When I first read it, I didn’t really know how to apply it to my current situation. I felt stuck in a job where I was unhappy and I felt like I was destined to do work that I didn’t really enjoy. Perhaps, this letter planted the seed for me though.

Reading it over last night, everything sort of clicked for me.

Over the past 8 months, I have learned these lessons. I have learned that money doesn’t bring happiness and it sure as hell won’t give you self-esteem or character. I have learned that being true to myself is possibly one of the most beneficial things that I could ever achieve. I have learned that if you do something you love and are passionate about, the money will eventually follow.

I used to be this guarded person who was afraid to open up. I was shown time and time again that being a sensitive person, especially in the workplace, was strongly discouraged. I was to be a brick wall, tough, and hard. But that isn’t me and I felt a huge internal conflict because of this.

Once I took my walls down and let myself be vulnerable, I felt free. I decided to stop hiding who I was and instead of working against myself, I worked with myself and my strengths and abilities.

I now believe that one of the keys to pursuing your dreams is to let go of all those walls. Stop hiding who you are because society is telling you to be someone who you are not. Each and every one of us has some unique ability to share with others. A way that we can contribute and feel that our purpose for life is fulfilled.

~~~~

Do you know yourself?
Do you have any influential women in your own lives who have given you the strength to dream big?

Good evening!

This post is coming straight from the heart!!!

So I am just going to write everything I am feeling right now. Bear with me!

~~~~

Make Your Dreams Comes True…Yes, YOU!

Today ranked up there in the top 5 moments of my life.

I am so grateful for the support I have received with Glo Bakery, I can’t even begin to describe it.

I was so overcome with emotion when I saw how excited you were to be ordering my bars. I just kept wanting to pinch myself and truly savour this moment today. One which I will never forget. To have other people be excited, enthusiastic and supportive of my business, is only something I dreamed of early in 2009.

I thought, "Even though I have this vision that I want to do with all my heart, I just have so many doubts that I have what it takes to make it come to fruition."

My negative thoughts were indeed daunting at times and I would be lying if I still didn’t have them.

As I was furiously baking my heart out in the kitchen, lugging 50 pound bags of oats, cleaning, packaging, and trying not to let my head spin off, something occurred to me.

And you know what that was?

It occurred to me that if you keep the faith and work your butt off, you can do anything you want!

One of my favourite quotes says it all:

"The only place where dreams are impossible is in your own mind." ~Emalie

Just think about it for a moment. Had I not silenced those negative thoughts in my mind, I would never have had the courage to start up a business. You know where I would be? Stuck in my old job, miserably unhappy, saying to myself, ‘I just am not lucky with my career like some people are.‘ And oh yes, I said that to myself many times.

I am here to tell you that you don’t need to be stuck in a miserable job or pursuing a degree that makes you unhappy.

When I was in grad school, I felt it in my heart that it wasn’t the right place for me. I didn’t feel like I was being true to myself from day 1.

I had that little voice inside my head telling me that I would not be happy doing this for my career. I saw other students who lived and breathed the program and my heart just wasn’t in it like they seemed to be. And you know what? I felt extreme guilt over this. Why couldn’t I get into it like them? Why couldn’t I be as passionate about grad school as they seemed to be? Why couldn’t I sit in a lab for 14 hours a day and enjoy it?

The guilt doesn’t come from that voice inside of us. The guilt is what silences the voice!

Guilt tries to tell us that we are less of a person and that we are not worthy of being happy. It tries to tell us that something is wrong with us.

The guilt also largely comes from the expectations that we think others have of us. What society expects of us. What we think is expected of women in general. Whether those expectations that we feel are true or not, they only serve one purpose- to divert us from listening to our hearts.

Guilt is a distraction from finding our authentic selves.

I think so many of us women feel that we have to prove something. I know I did. I felt like I had to prove to everyone that I could get my degrees, make lots of money, and be successful. Well, none of that matters if it isn’t what you truly want to do in your heart!

No amount of success matters when you are unhappy. For me, it just added to my guilt. I co-authored on a book chapter straight out of grad school. Very exciting, right? Well, I couldn’t appreciate it because my heart wasn’t in it. I felt like I was regurgitating some unauthentic psychology babble instead of being able to speak from my heart. Yes, I may have written the book chapter, but I can’t truly say that I am proud of it in the full sense of the word.

I have received so many emails from many of you who feel stuck in your current situation.

I think the first step is taking a moment to reflect on the little voice inside of your head. It may be difficult at first because it has probably been silenced for a long time.

When I did this last year this is what I heard:

1) Help women love themselves and stop depriving themselves. Show them how to be healthy, to eat good foods, and to nurture their bodies and minds. Teach them what you have learned!

2) Start an online healthy bakery.

I think the this is a crucial first step that everyone should reflect on.

I want you to tell me what the voice inside you is telling you.

If you knew you could not fail, what would you do?

While the question seems simple, it is very telling.

If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader. ~John Quincy Adams

PS- More Glo Bar variety packs have been added!!

 Missed Part 1, Part 2, Part 3,  Part 4, or Part 5?

One might think that I felt this huge sense of relief after I finally got the courage to quit.

Well, I didn’t. At all.

Quitting was very hard, but after the fact I actually felt more anxious than ever. Now I had to tell my coworkers. I had to tell Eric, my family, my friends. And aside from that, I had to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.

It would have been so much more safe to just stay at that job. And that is why it is so hard for many of us to leave a bad situation. Even as crappy as they are, bad situations are SAFE.

I knew what to expect everyday I came into work. Generally, that my day would be stressful. But that is what I got used to. And the days turn into weeks, and the weeks turn into months. I woke up unhappy each morning, but I just went through the motions.

Being someone who loves consistency, my biggest fear has always been not knowing what each day is going to bring. When you quit a job, all sense of consistency is thrown out the window.

After I quit my job and returned to my office, I called Eric. I was so shaken up I could barely get the words out.

He didn’t believe me at first. I mean, I had told him about a thousand times that I was going to quit. And I never found the guts to do it. I think he seriously thought that he was going to have to put up with me being miserable for the rest of our lives.

So when I told him, I did feel relief. I think I may have even smiled.

I just asked Eric what exactly he was thinking when I told him and this is what he said:

“I thought, ‘Bullshit. I’ve heard this before.”‘

Do I know him or what? He also said that he was really happy for me once he realized I was being serious.

Telling coworkers is always interesting.

Many people were excited for me and I think were living through me vicariously. They told me they couldn’t wait to get out of there too and that I was awesome for standing up for myself.

Then there were the Debbie (or Donald) Downers- the coworkers who look at you with horror in their eyes and gasp, ‘Gee, in today’s economy I sure hope you find a job…’ and then their voice trails off. Try to avoid these people!  Those are most likely the people who will be stuck in that job for the next 30 years and will still be miserable.

After the secret was out, I started to feel a bit more calm. It was still an awkward situation, but I started to feel a sense of relief. I could see the light at the end of the tunnel whereas before all I saw was a big, black hole.

They tried to get me to stay much longer than 2 weeks. I had to stay firm. I knew that the hardest part was over, so I had to stick to my guns.

I’m a Taurus and when I make a decision, I stick to it! Once I make up my mind about something, I will see it through, even if that means I am stubborn. So, no I didn’t waver on my two weeks. That was something that I would not let anyone take away from me. To be quite honest, they were lucky they got the 2 weeks.

And oh were those last two weeks absolute hell.

Do you ever get the feeling that someone is trying to suck you dry and take every last ounce from you while they have you? That is how I felt. Those last two weeks were some of the longest days I put in. I had a huge list of things that I ‘must’ complete before I left (or so I was told). I absolutely could not leave any loose ends. If I didn’t get everything done, I would have to stay longer than 2 weeks (yes, I was actually told that!). I probably would have walked out the door and never came back, but I didn’t want to leave things on a sour note. I held my head up high and worked my ass off those last two weeks. It was stressful because I knew there was no way in hell I had time to tie up everything.

In my job I was responsible for the research, analyses, written reports, and presentations for about 9 different divisions, in addition to managing the internal stuff. I was also given many editing, research, and data analysis tasks each week on top of all of this. The amount that I was responsible for was ridiculously huge and should have been designated to a whole research team. I knew there was no way in hell that I would be able to tie up the ‘loose ends’ in 2 months let alone 2 weeks.

Eric kept reminding me to just put in my 8 hours a day and try not to let it get to me. After all, I was leaving, right? He got me through those last 2 weeks. Eric and my family were my rock during those last 2 weeks.

On my last day, I was mixed with so many emotions. I had become friends with many co-workers and it was really bittersweet to leave. But ultimately, I knew that I was doing what was best for me.

And you know what I realized?

That stressful year really aged me.

I felt much older than I was.

My skin didn’t glow, my hair and nails were brittle, and I just felt plain old tired all the time. I was starting to notice fine lines on my face that hadn’t been there before. I know it was a result of frowning and crinkling up my forehead from the stress. I literally felt like a walking zombie. People at work asked me if I was sick and some of them told me that I needed to gain weight. I knew all of it was a result of the stress. Stress affects every single pore in our body. And I certainly could ‘see’ it when I looked in the mirror. I shuddered to think of what it had done to my insides.

On my last day, I packed up my desk, took down my picture frames, and walked out that door. I didn’t look back.

And that is when it hit me.

I felt free.

I smiled all the way to my car. I smiled all the way home. I had absolutely no idea what tomorrow would bring, but at that point, I didn’t really care. I suddenly, knew everything would work out. I surfed the radio stations because I was desperate to hear ‘Life is a Highway’ so I could rock out to it.

It never came on, but that didn’t stop me from singing it anyways.

I knew that I had to believe in myself. I was on my own. Well, not really since I am married, but in the sense of where I would take my career, it was now up to me. I realized that no one is going to look out for me, but me.

I think my biggest lesson of all was that I had to take control of my own life.

As much as I wanted to be ‘saved’ from my situation, it never would have happened. I secretly hoped that justice would be served and suddenly I would be in a happier position, but it doesn’t tend to work out like that. The truth is, had I not taken action, I would still be in the same situation almost 1 year later. It chills me to think that.

The simple answer to it all is this: If you want to wake up to a happier tomorrow you need to take control of your destiny. You need to take small steps each day to get there. Even if that tiny step is simply applying to 1 new job each night after you get home from work or taking a couple night classes in a subject area that you love. It is much better than doing nothing.

As I drove home that night, I said, “If you got through that, you can get through anything.”

And that has been my motto ever since.

In Part 7, I am going to talk more about the specific things I did that helped me take the leap. A lot of you have been asking for some concrete things you can do in your own situation, so I will tell you what worked for me.

~~~~

Enjoy your Tuesday!

“The first step to getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.” ~unknown

“Making the beginning is one third the work.” ~Irish Proverb

Hey there!

Be sure to check out Caitlin’s huge giveaway for Operation Beautiful! I donated 20 variety pak Glo Bars for the contest. There are also tons of other great prizes to be won so check it out and submit your OB notes!

~~~~~

A Year Can Change A Lot: Part 5

Missed Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, or Part 4?

Last week, I showed you the post that started to change the way I thought about my career. Actually, it wasn’t so much writing the post that started to change the way I thought, but it was some of the amazing comments that you left for me. I also remember getting several emails from some of you offering your own personal stories and a ton of encouragement. For the first time, I had hope.

This comment, by Limberskimbers, struck a chord with me:

I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason… so these experiences are making you stronger and teaching you something along the way. When the time comes to make a change you’ll know.

About 4 years ago I got a promotion at work that was ultimately the worst thing that could have happened to me. After about 4 months of dreading going into work and then being miserable all day once I got there, I got fed up one morning and went home in tears. I had just bought a house but was so unhappy that I wanted to quit. After a long talk with my bf I calmed down and went back to work with the intention of starting to look for something else. The next day I got fired!

In the end it all worked out. Getting fired was the best thing that could have happened to me because it put me on the path that I am now and I can honestly say that I’m happy.

Sooner or later you will find that happiness too.

I read it over and over. Sooner or later you will find happiness too. Her words gave me hope that I wouldn’t always be in this situation. That it was possible to have more good days than bad days.

I started to think that, yes, I too deserved to be happy with my career. I was also starting to realize how much I was being taken advantage of.

This comment from Erin was a ray of hope:

My advice, Take it one day at a time, and when the days of unhappiness are beginning to affect who you know you are then I hate to say it but it’s time for a change. The motto, “It all works out” has helped me have the courage to risk it all for my dreams! I hope this helps!

Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen. – Emerson

I loved this sentence, “When the days of unhappiness are beginning to affect who you know you are then it’s time for a change.”

I teared up when I read that sentence because I knew that I was not the same person anymore. Eric could see that I was not the same person anymore.

I was losing myself big time.

Winter 2009:

My commute over the winter got worse. I remember one day it took me 4 hours to get to work in a brutal snowstorm. I had called my boss that morning asking if I could possibly work from home and she told me, No, I was to come in. I remember being so filled with anxiety as I left the house that morning. We had already gotten over 30 cm of snow, and it was only getting worse outside. As I drove to work that morning, I called Eric sobbing.

My car was sliding all over the road and I was risking my life….and for what!?!! Eric was absolutely furious that I had to go into work and told me to stay home, but I felt obligated and left anyways.

Make a Plan And Take Small Steps Each Day:

I decided to take small steps each day that would help me achieve a happier situation. I am not impulsive by any means and I knew there was no way I could just up and quit a secure job without a plan. I knew that I had to have a plan to succeed.

I spoke to a financial advisor and made a plan. I opened up a high interest savings account that I could not remove money from even if I wanted to.

I was able to save a good chunk of my income as a security blanket should I ever leave my job. Every two weeks, I put a portion of my income into savings.

I highly recommend speaking to a financial planner. It is amazing how clear they make things seem and how they can help you cut your current costs to allow for savings. I stopped going out to eat, movies, bars, etc. I didn’t spend any money on myself. I cancelled my cell phone plan. I brought my lunch to work and never went out with co-workers to buy tea or coffee. I carpooled when I could, etc. All of these sacrifices added up. It was not a happy time, but just knowing that I was taking steps made me feel better.

Having money in savings gives you the power of choice.

I also started to research other job options. I applied for jobs steadily throughout the winter. I had very few calls, but I persisted on. I also started to research starting up a bakery. It was more of a fantasy at that time, but it was fun for me to learn about the industry and if it was right for me.

At the start of 2009, I set a ton of goals and resolutions to distract myself (one of which was start an online bakery oddly enough!). It kept my hopes alive and kept me dreaming. No matter how unrealistic I thought my dreams or goals were, I knew that I should never lose sight of them or I would be giving in and accepting unhappiness as a way of life.

One of the biggest lessons I learned was that I was often my biggest hurdle. My mind was my biggest hurdle. I was filled with so much stress and doubt that I didn’t have much confidence in myself to pursue other aspirations. Let me tell you this: I never ever thought that I could start up a business, let alone leave my job. That was something that other, successful women did…not me of all people.

My moment of impulsive clarity:

And then something happened that I now call my Moment of Impulsive Clarity.

I had a really, really bad day at work.

I’m talking worst of the worst. I can’t go into detail of course, but it was bad.

I remember being so anxious that I felt like I was going to have a panic attack (something that has never happened to me before). I was sick with anxiety over it. I was also angry, very angry. I was being blamed harshly for something that was not my fault.

And then my boss called me angrily and told me to come to the meeting room.

Picture this as I walked down the hallway:

My heart was pounding…

I wiped away a tear that streamed down my face…

I was almost shaking I was so upset.

The walk down the hall felt like a mile.

And you know what I did?

I had a moment of clarity.

I finally saw what my job was doing to me. PHYSICALLY!

I sat down in the office and got yelled at.

And you know what I did?

I told my boss that I was leaving.

Yes, I QUIT.

Me, the people pleaser of all people pleasers found the courage to quit. My hands were shaking like a LEAF when I told my boss. And embarrassingly enough, I started to CRY. I wish I could say that I was strong and I just walked out of there, but I didn’t. I cried. In front of my boss.

I was so overwhelmed.

I was also mortified, but the tension had been built up inside me for so long I just couldn’t compose myself.

And you know what? I was finally being true to myself.

I am a very sensitive person. I had denied my feelings for so long that eventually something will give. You can only deny who you are for so long before something snaps.

I told my boss that I couldn’t do it anymore and the stress was just eating me up inside. I was finally honest about everything. I couldn’t stop talking. It was as if a trigger in side me was released and everything just came out.

My boss’s jaw literally hit the floor when I said I was leaving. It was one of those surreal experiences where you feel like you are outside of yourself watching a bad movie or something and you can’t quite look away. I wanted to crawl under the table and die.

I told my boss I was giving my two week’s notice, officially. She tried to persuade me to stay for a couple months to tie up loose ends, but I knew I couldn’t. I stood up for myself.

After our meeting, I walked down to my office in a haze. I was still shaking like a leaf. I was in shock.

I walked into my office, closed the door, and told my coworker what I just did. I was still shaking and sat at my desk in a haze.

And little did I know that my final 2 weeks would be amongst the unhappiest of all…

Stay tuned for Part 6.

The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. ~C. DuBois

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.

~A. Cohen

Last week, I left you with this cliffhanger:

After the wedding, the honeymoon, and the graduation, I thought that our life would actually return to normalcy.

Boy was I mistaken.

Little did I know that within just a couple weeks, we would be packing our bags and hitting the road for another huge life change.

And then I didn’t get around to posting Part 4 on the weekend like I said I would. Oops! I finally got a chance to sit down and do some serious writing.

This is definitely one of the best posts I have ever written so…

Sit back, relax, get some popcorn, and enjoy the next installment…

~~~

Missed Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3?

After we got back from the Honeymoon, it was back to work.

I remember not even having time to unpack my suitcase for over a week. I was suffering from the post-grad school, post-wedding, and post-honeymoon blahs big time.

When I got back to work in late September 2008, I found that instead of easing back into everything, my work had piled up while I was away and things that were supposed to be taken care of were not. It was extremely stressful because I now had 3 weeks of work to catch up on and do the normal assignments that were being thrown on my desk.

On the home front, Eric and I had planned to sell our condo as soon as I was done school. The only reason why we decided to move to Toronto was because we wanted a place that was close to my school while I was doing my Masters.

With the approaching recession and forecasting of a condo market crash in our area, we knew we had to sell fast.

During the time that we lived in the condo, there must have been over 50 condo buildings go up in our area. We were reading all these stories about condos that were being built and had huge vacancy rates. This was absolutely unheard of only 2 years ago when we purchased it. Financial forecasters were predicting a condo market crash, with huge price drops in the average price of units. We knew we had to sell now or we could stand to lose a lot of money.

So we got to work. Every night after work for a week, we worked on staging our condo to make it look as appealing as possible. We finished painting, removed a ton of furniture and put it in storage, added plants, etc. We basically moved out 50% of our junk to make a very small space look much more spacious.

We met with our realtors and our condo went up on the market immediately. She warned us that our condo could take a while to sell because she was not having the quick sales in our area like she used to.

It was now clear- the recession was hitting and hitting hard. We knew we had to put it up on the market before the cold winter months hit.

We had a lot of activity the first 2 days and on the 3rd day we were presented with two offers. We accepted the second offer and just couldn’t believe our luck. Within a week, our lives had now undergone a huge change once again. The buyers wanted a quick closing date, so we had to start packing immediately and were out within the next month.

During this time, the stress at work started to get worse. As a way to escape, I started up Oh She Glows on October 31, 2008.

It was such a great release for me and I found myself coming alive whenever I wrote. Unexpectedly, it was also helping me with my struggles with disordered eating. I found that writing about my experiences was extremely therapeutic for me and actually helped me commit to a healthy lifestyle rather than letting the stress get the best of me.

I wrote, and wrote, and wrote my little heart out.

On the work front, I told my boss that we had sold our condo and were moving. My plan was to stay at the job until I found something else that was closer to home.

Where would our new home be?

Eric’s parents had their house on the market for almost 2 years with no bites. The recession combined with a less desirable area for commuters, made the house a tough sell. The house also needed a lot of repairs and renovations, which discouraged many home buyers.

Thankfully, his parents offered to let us live in the house until we found something else. We moved in in November 2008 and were very happy to have a place to stay. How humbling it was to be newly married and living with the in laws!

Things were a bit crazy to say the least- our stuff was still in storage and I was now enduring 4 hours of commuting each day. I was absolutely miserable.

Of course, I couldn’t really talk about my situation much on the blog for privacy reasons, but November and December 2008 were two very, very low months in my life.

I was miserable every single day I woke up.

I often cried on long commutes home, getting home late and exhausted only to go to bed an hour later to start it all over again. The stress of the job kept getting worse as did my commutes during the brutal winter season.

During this time, Oh She Glows started to take off. I was receiving positive feedback and I was feeling inspired. I had so much encouragement from my readers and it gave me such hope for the future. Looking back, I now see that my blog got me through one of the hardest times of my life. After a crappy day at work, I could write out my thoughts and start to feel a bit better about things.

My blog also gave me confidence that I deserved to be happy with what I was doing. I never had that before. All I thought about was what I should be doing, what would give me the biggest paycheck, and what others would think.

I started to plan for success:

During the time at my research job, I was planning behind the scenes. I knew I had to be smart about my income, so I pinched my pennies for the entire time. I didn’t go out to eat, didn’t buy clothing, nothing. I opened a high-interest savings account and saved over 60% of my income. I knew I needed some sort of cushion should I need it.

It was the best thing I ever did.

After this post in particular after a bad day at work, the wheels in my head started to turn.

Below is one of my favourite posts I have ever written. It was purely from the heart. I have to share this post with you today so you understand a better grasp of where I was coming from. You may have noticed that I have chosen not to reveal too much detail about the job. I decided to do that to protect the privacy of the organization as well as the workers there. Maybe some day in a ‘tell all’ book perhaps.

Here is the post I wrote back in December after a horrible, horrible day at work:

Good evening everyone!

I fully intended to start this post with Celebrity Beauty Secrets, but I had to listen to my heart and vent for a few lines (paragraphs) first. Please bear with me…

Boy, did I have one of those days at work. Everything was going wrong at work and I was in tears today it got so bad. I was pulled in a million directions at once and no matter what I did, no one was happy with me.

I feel like I am in an abusive relationship.

Something has gotta give…

It got me thinking a lot about my tendency (and many others I know in life) to sacrifice my own happiness for the sake of something else- like a steady income. I know so many people who stay in jobs where they are unhappy for years because they are afraid to leave something secure. It is really a horrible way to live.

Many people in my life know that I have passions outside of what I am currently doing (baking/cooking, health/fitness, etc), and I am trying to pursue this with my blog, but it is really tough when 12 hours of your day is devoted toward something that makes you in tears and mentally and emotionally drained at the end of the day.

Some days I come home and I have nothing left to give to the people who matter the most to me in life.

I have no energy to give to Eric, to pick up the phone and call a loved one, or to look forward to the next day. All I feel like doing after a day like today is lying down on the couch in a foul mood.

The big question is- why do I put up with something that makes me unhappy? Why do we as humans accept a crappy job and then dedicate half of our days to it?

I am able to appreciate the opportunities it has given me- like co-authoring a book chapter- however, symbols of success in my field (i.e., publications, conference presentations, etc) are merely fluff, much like the degrees and thesis that sit on my bookshelf.

These symbols of success represent the blood and sweat of what I do each day (research).

However, symbols of success are merely that- a status symbol of something you think will make you happy once it’s there, but they really don’t.

What matters is that you are happy with who you work with and what you are doing. That you have people who support you and are a positive influence on your career. This is the good stuff, and I think without it we will never be truly happy in our jobs.

We need to feel like what we are doing is consistent with our personal goals and aspirations and that our efforts are truly recognized and appreciated.

We’ve all heard the stories on Oprah about women who have a mid-life crisis and finally decide, at 50, to pursue their life long dream. They claim that they worked in the same miserable job for 30 years, and damnit, they are sick of putting everyone else before them. Women do it in their relationships too. I admire anyone who can do it, because it is scary as hell to think of leaving security in today’s uncertain world.

Many people in my life know that one of my dreams is to open a bakery.

Will it ever happen?

I wish I could say for certain that it will. There is so much uncertainty with the market and the recession right now, how could I ever leave a secure job where I am making good money? Sure, I’ve seen the stories of women who quit their job and went back to school or opened their own business to achieve the greatest success of their lives, but what about the ones who quit and then can’t find a job and have trouble making ends meet?

These are all the things that I think about.

I am not a pessimist by any means, although this post may come across that way. I am actually a realist. I think about all sides to something before I make a decision. I have never been an impulsive individual who throws caution to the wind and follows her heart, although I often wish I was.

So what has to give before someone stops accepting a negative influence in their life?

When is the breaking point determined?

How unhappy in a job (or situation) does one have to be before they say enough is enough?

Obviously it varies by the person. I often worry that if I left a secure job that others would look down upon me for being a quitter or shake their head and say to themselves, Many people can’t even find a job and you quit a good one. How could you?

Yes, the need to please is still something that is very much ingrained in me, and is something I hear slowly dies as we mature into wise and experienced women. I am looking forward to that.

Have you ever been in a job or situation that you were unhappy with but felt that you couldn’t get out? What prompted you to stay and what prompted you to finally change your situation?

Being someone who is so concerned about well-being and health it still eludes me why I would put up with anything that clearly contradicts these goals.

WOW.

Had major chills reading this.

Stay tuned for Part 5…