At the end of her talk, Iylana left us with this quote:

“Don’t forget…success is the best revenge.”

The more I think about the quote the more I feel conflicted about it. For me, “happiness is the best revenge” fits better because I know from experience that success doesn’t necessarily equal personal satisfaction. I’ve been successful and miserable at the same time and I didn’t feel like I was proving anything to anyone. Success has to be personally – not outwardly -  defined. I used to think that success was about the degree on the wall, the size of the paycheck, and the job title, but now my mindset has flipped 180. It doesn’t matter what other people think you have or don’t have…you have to feel it on a personal level above all else. Whatever it is that you find your passion in, don’t ever let yourself feel like it’s not good enough.

Here is a comment from Sarah in my first post that I really enjoyed:

Sarah said, “I’ve always gotten through tough times using a very similar quote straight from the mouth of Mom: “the best revenge is a good life.” It’s very freeing to think that we don’t need to feel, think, or act negatively to get ahead.”

The best revenge is a good life.

Man, I love this quote. Thank you for sharing Sarah (and Sarah’s mom)!

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Up next is motivational speaker, life coach, TV host, and author Tony Robbins. You may have heard of him? To be honest, I didn’t know much about him until I saw his interview on the OWN network several weeks ago. I was really blown away by his story and how much he has overcome in his life.

Tony also knows how to make an entrance. The music was pumping and everyone was on their feet. He loves to get the audience clapping and having a good time. He’s just about one of the most high-energy people I have ever laid eyes on. It’s really contagious.

Tony’s speech was all about how we can get over our fears to live a better life. He says that many of us are scared, angry, and holding onto patterns and stories that hold us back from living the life we are meant to live.

Here are some lessons from his speech:

“Success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure.”

I completely agree that success without fulfillment is pointless. However, it’s often necessary for many of us to go through periods of time when we don’t feel fulfilled in order to grow and figure out where we should be. A lack of fulfillment has a definite purpose in our lives, so it’s important not to get down on ourselves if we feel lost. There can be a lot of pressure to always have our life and career figured out, but it’s totally normal not to. Moments of discomfort will propel you to figure out what it is that will make you happy. Sometimes it just takes longer than we expect.

“We are all deathly afraid that we’re not enough.”

I’ve struggled with low self-esteem since I was very young so I can relate to this a lot. I’m only now starting to realize that I’m already enough. You are all enough just as you are. We don’t need to DO something to prove that we are enough…we just are. When this clicked for me, I started to ease up on myself and appreciate the beauty in my life regardless of what I did or what I had. No matter who you are or how much you think you’ve failed, the recognition that you are already enough is freeing on many levels. Try it.

“We need to take risks to succeed and grow”

This is often hard for me to remember, but I do agree with it so much. The things I am most proud of in my life are the times when I stepped away from my fear and tried something that pushed me outside of my comfort zone. Tony says, instead of taking risks, we often make up a story as to why we can’t do something. How many times do you tell yourself you can’t do x, y, and z because of this or that? Start changing those thought patterns and replace them with I CAN TRY.

“It’s healthy to say ‘this is not good enough’!”

Many people fear complaining about their situation if they are unhappy. Tony reminds us that it can be very healthy to say ‘”this is not good enough for me” and “I deserve better”. In fact, it can be the most freeing thing you ever admit.

“You need a breakthrough when you decide it’s no more”

How to make a breakthrough:

1) Change your STATE. Emotion is created by motion in the body. Hold your head up high, smile at other people, walk with confidence! Don’t sulk, hunch over, frown. The fastest way to change your state is to change your body.

2) Create a strategy that’s effective

3) Change the story you have been telling yourself (change your story…change your life!)

On a successful relationships:

“Do what you did in the beginning and there won’t be an end!”

You didn’t measure and take score in the beginning of your relationship, so don’t do it now either.

“Stressed is the adult word for scared shitless.”

and last but certainly not least…

How to change your state in seconds…celebrate like a kid for no reason!

Tony says society teaches adults that we should only celebrate when there is a reason (e.g., New Year’s Eve). Well, what would happen if you just celebrated for no other reason than your life?

Your life is a reason to celebrate. Tony cranked up the music and all 8,500 of us started jumping up in the air and screaming like we were at a rock concert. It was hilarious…and you know what? I was amazed by the surge in energy I felt afterwards.

Make no mistake, this audience is now alive. Thanks Tony….I got my voice back a couple days later.

Shortly following Oprah’s departure from daytime television, she & her team took on the huge undertaking of starting up the Oprah Winfrey Network, known to many of us as OWN. One of these shows, Lifeclass, focuses on spiritual growth, discovering our passions, and making the most out of life. I’ve watched quite a few of the Lifeclass episodes and have found most of them to be inspiring and helpful for my own life. You know I love a good quote!

Recently, Oprah announced that Lifeclass was going on TOUR and I almost fell off my chair when I found out they were coming to Toronto! This would be Oprah’s first time ever doing a show in Canada and by a stroke of luck, I got two tickets for Ange and I before the evening show sold out. The tickets sold out so fast, they opened up a second show in the morning, with each show maxing out at approximately 8,500 attendees.

Lifeclass was hosted at the Toronto Convention Center, which initially seemed like a decent spot, but we quickly realized one snag. The room, holding 8,500+ attendees, is a 1/4 of a mile LONG…without balcony seating:

As you can see, it wasn’t the best venue to see the stage…unless you paid a premium for the Emerald seating or you lined up for hours and hours on end to get in first. Ange and I got to the convention center about 1.5-2 hours early, but we were still behind about 8,000 people in the line up! We ended up sitting about 15 rows from the back of the room by the time we got in. Hopefully next time they will host it in another venue…perhaps the ACC would’ve been a better choice.

Other than the seating issue, it was a GREAT show over the course of 5 hours. I was just thankful to be there at all no matter where I was sitting.

Here we are ready to learn!

From 5pm-8pm, we were treated to talks from the following life coaches:

• Iyanla Vanzant, spiritual teacher, author & television personality
• Tony Robbins, motivational speaker & self-help author
• Bishop T.D. Jakes, spiritual leader & author
• Deepak Chopra , spiritualist & author

And from 8pm-10pm, the LIVE taping of Lifeclass began with Oprah and the coaches.

We took pages and pages of notes! [Ange, your writing makes me look bad!]

Oprah says it’s important for all of us to teach what we know to other people.

I can relate to this because much of the joy I get from the blog is when I try to share things I have learned or struggled with in order to have a better life. Most of us are looking for a better life, improved relationships, happiness, passion, better health, and purpose in all shapes and forms. It’s a wonderful thing to share the experience with other people along the way as we learn about ourselves and those around us. Eric got into Lifeclass too and we found that it got us talking about all kinds of topics that we normally wouldn’t have taken the time to talk about.

With that in mind, my goal for this show was not to only benefit on a personal level, but to share what I learned with you.

First up, I’m going to tell you about Iyanla Vanzant’s talk.

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This lady knows how to make an entrance!

Iyanla felt bad for all of us at the back of the room, so she entered through the back and danced her way to loud music all the way to the front! Everyone was on their feet dancing and cheering loudly! It was a blast.

She started off her talk by saying that each of us attending Lifeclass would touch somebody who wasn’t there and she echoed Oprah’s message to teach others what you know.

Here are some of the things I took away from Iyanla’s talk:

1. Have a Vision.

Iyanla saved her own life by having a VISION within herself. Her vision included what she wanted to do with her life and where she wanted to go. She says that we all must have a vision where we see our lives unfolding in a positive way. A vision will pull you forward! What unfolds is often better than we could have imagined. Once we have a vision and we start taking steps to get there, greater and better things tend to open up for us, bigger than our wildest dreams. It reminds me a lot of the Law of Attraction.

2. What you see or believe isn’t always reality

Iyanla began with a story about her eyes. After getting her eyes checked out by an optometrist, she found out that she needed glasses. “What do you mean I need glasses? I can see just fine!” she told the doctor. All along she was living her life thinking that her vision was just perfect because her eyes adjusted to it.

She said in life, we often convince ourselves that what we see is all there is. She said, “Your eyes will adjust to the level of deficiency present”, meaning that we adjust our expectations and desires to what we tell ourselves we can and cannot do. If we don’t think we can do something (e.g., be an entrepreneur), then we will adjust our behaviour to fit that story even though it’s not reality. In life, we make up these deficiencies that we think we have. She asks, how often do we adjust ourselves to fit what someone else tells us we cannot do? These stories eventually become such a habit we forget they can actually be wrong.

She asked us, “What deficiencies are we holding about ourselves and adjusting our lives to fit them?” It’s a powerful reminder to challenge the things we tell ourselves each and every day. For example, I used to believe that I couldn’t do yoga. So I adjusted to this “deficiency” and never gave it a real shot. Then one day I got sick of thinking I wasn’t any good and gave it a chance. The rest was history. This is just one small example of a way we can change the stories in our minds.

3. How to bring your vision to life:

• Affirm your vision every day (use “I am” which is the creative force of the universe)
• Know why you are doing it (clarity)
• Have a daily spiritual practice of stillness & listen…don’t beg. Instead of ASKING or begging for answers, just listen and be still.
• Know how you will do it

We need to “Listen for the instruction instead of begging for the direction.”

4. Never judge your vision based on the reaction of someone else

Iyanla says we are often scared to pursue our vision because we are scared of what others will think or say. She says never let others be your guide in life! Often, when someone has a vision for their life, other people just aren’t ready to see it or accept it when you want them too. Sometimes it takes time for other people to see your vision and that is ok…do it anyways! Never judge your clarity based on how someone else responds. Just because other people can’t accept your vision doesn’t mean it isn’t the right vision for YOU.

At the end of her talk she reminds us…success is the best revenge.

I have a thing for lemons.

It’s pretty rare that I don’t have a couple lurking in the fridge. Lately, I’ve been finding more and more ways to fuel my addiction. Lemons are not only packed with antioxidants and rich in vitamin C, but they are detoxifying for the body and are said to contain cancer fighting compounds. You can read much more about them (along with limes) over at World’s Healthiest Foods.

Today, our mission is to compile the world’s biggest list of the many ways to use lemons. Or at least a long one! I started us off at the bottom of this post, but it’s up to you to add to it if you’d like.

But first, I’m sharing with you one of my all-time favourite ways to use lemons with a couple ingredients you probably have lurking in your pantry. I’ve been making variations of this hand scrub for a couple years now and it never lets me down!

My hands (and elbows, feet, knees, etc) can get very dry and this scrub exfoliates and seals in moisture like nothing I have used. I like to keep a jar in the fridge and whip it out a few times a week to give my hands a good scrub. It also makes an amazing facial scrub and body scrub too!

You can make a basic scrub using just a few ingredients. I personally like using:

• 1 part oil
• 2 parts sugar
• lemon juice + zest

Glowing Lemon Sugar Hand Scrub

Print, Email, or Text this recipe. (update: Sorry guys the recipe isn’t loading in Recipage at the moment!)

Adapted from my previous scrub.

Ingredients:

• 1/3 cup olive oil (or oil of choice)
• 2/3 cup sugar (see tip)
• Juice of 1/2 a lemon (about 1.5 tbsp)
• pinch of two of lemon zest

1. In a jar or small container, stir together the oil, sugar, lemon juice, and zest. Store in the fridge with a lid for maximum freshness. Feel free to use this scrub on your hands, feet, elbows, knees, face, and total body whenever it needs a burst of moisture and shiny glow.

Tips:

The finer the sugar you use, the less rough your scrub will be. I like using a fine white sugar if I’m using it on my face and hands since those parts tend to have thinner, more delicate skin. If I’m making a body scrub, I like using a coarser sugar like brown or turbinado or even coarse sea salt.

If using this on your face, be sure to use a cleanser afterwards to remove the oil.

You have to try this.

Rub it all over your hands and give yourself a good massage!

My hands aren’t normally very soft, but this scrub makes them feel like a baby’s bottom! Or maybe even softer…

I used it yesterday morning and I can still feel the difference on my hands this morning. Truly amazing.

Looking for others fun uses for lemons? Check out this list I compiled below. Special thanks to Green Living Tips and Eco Knowledge for some of the tips.

Other ways to use lemons:

1) Homemade detox drink. Juice a lemon and mix it with water. Drink it on an empty stomach as soon as you wake up. It will aid in digestion and give you a great start to your day. Just be sure to drink it with a straw as the acidic nature of citrus can wear the enamel of the teeth.

2) Clean silver, chrome, and tarnished brass.

3) Clean your microwave: Juice 1 lemon and add to a bowl of water. Place in the microwave and heat for about 5 minutes on high. The steam will help soften any gunk on your microwave so you can easily wipe it down afterward.

4) Freshen your garbage disposal. Instead of throwing out your lemon scraps, toss them into your garbage disposal to freshen it up and deodorize.

5) Make potpourri.

6) Scrub your kitchen. Mix lemon juice and salt together for an all-natural kitchen scrub.

7) Deodorize your humidifier. Add some lemon juice to your humidifier water to deodorize.

8.) Prevent spoilage. Add some fresh lemon juice on an avocado or fruit salad to prevent browning.

9) Homemade fruit and veggie wash. Mix 1 tbsp lemon juice, 2 tbsp vinegar, and 1 cup water together to make a natural fruit and veggie cleaner.

10) Chop, chop. Use lemons to clean your chopping boards.

11) Baking and cooking. The obvious one here, but lemon is a fun ingredient in many recipes. One of my favs are these Tropical Lemon Cranberry Chia Bars! I also have 53 recipes that contain lemons!

What are your favourite ways to use lemons? Do you ever make any homemade scrubs or other beauty products?

I recently made the connection that gratitude and practicing gratitude are two entirely different things. I feel very grateful for the blessings in my life, but on the other hand I know I’m not putting my gratitude into practice very often. It’s one thing to know I’m grateful, but it’s another thing to claim what those things are and bring them to my awareness on a daily basis. For a lot of people, this can mean the difference in feeling apathetic about ones life or feeling happy, grateful, and blessed.

As I mentioned in my Goals for 2012 post, I was struggling with more internal negativity than usual. Shortly after writing that post, I realized that my goal of reducing negativity wasn’t the best goal because I didn’t say how I was going to overcome it. Great goals always have a plan, right? I decided to change my goal up slightly. Instead of saying that I was going to reduce negativity, I now say that I’m going to reduce negativity by incorporating a daily gratitude practice in my life. My goal now has a plan!

When I told Eric about my plan, he was eager to join me. Initially, my plan was to write down 5 things that I’m grateful for each day, but after telling Eric about it, he suggested that we do it together. Instead of writing it down, we would just talk about 5 positive things from our day with each other. It’s now a daily gratitude conversation. Not only does this keep us accountable (it’s like having a workout buddy!), but it allows us to share the goods things that went on that we otherwise may not have known about.

I’ve tried in the past to keep a daily gratitude log, but I always found that I could never stick with it. Having someone as my gratitude buddy will help me commit to this practice each day. We’ve been telling each other 5 things we are grateful for before bed and I’ve been blown away by what a difference it makes in our outlook. Not only do I enjoy hearing about things that have made him happy in his day, but I love to share things with him. I like to relate it to gift giving; is it better to receive a nice gift or is it better to watch someone open a gift you gave them? Sharing joy, increases the joy in our own hearts.

As an added bonus, it’s a great way to tell your partner something that they did to make you happy. How often do we do things for each other that go unrecognized? It’s the perfect time to say “I acknowledge what you did and that makes me feel grateful”. Of course, this can be done any time of the day, but sometimes all we need is a quiet moment to reflect on things.

For all of you who have a hard time sticking with a daily gratitude practice, my challenge for you is to find a gratitude buddy. It can be your partner, mom, sibling, roomie, best friend….anyone you love and trust. Pledge to share 5 things you are grateful for each day. Some days will be easier than others to come up with the list, but that is the point. If you don’t live with the person, you can call them on the phone, Skype, or even just commit to emailing each other your list each night before bed. Or maybe once a week works better for you. You come up with what will be realistic for your life!

Sketchie is thankful for boxes.

Since we started this daily gratitude practice, I’ve felt significantly happier and more positive than I have in a while. I totally underestimated how much of a difference it would make and now I’m a believer of the positivity daily gratitude can create. I find myself thinking about good things throughout the day because I know that I will have to come up with 5 things before bed. In turn, my positivity is increased all day long.

In my mind, practicing gratitude is simply bringing all of those daily experiences that we all have to the forefront of our minds. Gratitude does not negate the bad things that happen to us, but it’s a conscious choice to bring our attention to the positives in each day.

I’d love for you to join us with this challenge!

~~~

For other Daily Glow posts, see:

Graduation Fears

The Silly Things We Say

Do What You Can…Today

What’s Your 6-Word Love Story?

Without Self-Love, I Have Nothing.

Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain

Kicking the Pop Habit: Eric 1 Year Later

Weekend Inspiration

How to Reframe and Negative Thought with a Thought Record

~~

It’s no secret that I love Pinterest. One of the reasons why I love it so much is because there are so many cool tutorials for DIY projects! No matter what you are looking for, chances are there is someone to guide you through it. It’s also a great place to find inspiration for all kinds of hobbies like photography, cooking, travel, fashion, house & home decor, and more.

Here are some of the things I’m loving on Pinterest right now. It’s pretty random, so strap on your seat belt!

DIY dry erase board from Makes and Takes

Fun mason jars- Use a glue gun to write/make designs on plain jars before painting them. – from Pure and Noble

Funky Clock from Doug’s Word Clocks

Bored jar: if a kid complains of boredom they have to pick a slip & do the activity, good or bad. it might be going for ice cream, it might be cleaning their room.  from Shaydes of Life

Beautiful entryway

Pink Chest from Tumblr.com

Kitchen Chalkboard from My Ideal Home (<—really cool site)

Kitty shadow from Pretty Life

Umbrella from Urban Outfitters:

Leg Warmers from American Apparel:

How to make Boot Socks from a sweater by Made By Lex:

Red rain boots from Target:

How to tie the perfect scarf:

The Vegan Food Pyramid

How to keep salad fresh? from Salad In A Jar

How to swirl coloured icing tutorial from Our Best Bites

Portable snack idea…love this! from Choose to Thrive

Cranberry Margarita by Ezra Pound Cake…so making some kind of cranberry cocktail like this soon!

Motto from Inspired by this feeling (originally from Gracie)

Happiness from ache.

Elizabeth Kubler Ros quote:

and Pogs from here:

hahah…oh memories!

What are you loving on Pinterest? Feel free to link to your boards!

Many of you have asked me if I could talk about things I have learned in therapy since I announced back in the summer that I was going back into therapy for my struggles with anxiety.

Well, first off, I didn’t end up going right away. It took me about 1.5 months to find a therapist who would fit my budget. After a long search, I found a very nice lady who offers a sliding scale because her therapy office is based out of a church. I had almost given up on it and then was thrilled when I found her.

My therapist uses a multimodal approach with a focus on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, which helps us understand how our thoughts and feelings influence our behaviours. CBT was also one of my favourite forms of therapy that I learned about in grad school.

We all have thoughts that tend to be so automatic we don’t question or challenge them. For example, “I’ll never be able to find a job that I love because I’m not exceptional at anything.” or “It must be my fault that they don’t like me because there’s something wrong with me.” It’s amazing when you stop and think about how many negative thoughts go through the mind each day.

CBT helps bring awareness to these thoughts that lead us to have incorrect beliefs about ourselves and our situations. In the past, I’ve had great success when using CBT methods, especially when in recovery for my eating disorder.

In therapy, we’ve been able to identify that a large part of my anxiety is due to personal issues from my past and also that I make false assumptions and predictions about events in the future. I tend to predict that a situation will go poorly, when in fact, I have no evidence that this is the case.

One of my favourite forms of CBT is the Thought Record. The great thing about it is that it can be used by anyone, anywhere.

The Thought Record has been very helpful for me to reframe automatic thoughts. The more you use it, the easier it is to fill out and catch your negative thoughts in the process. Once you practice, you can even start doing it in your head if you find yourself in the middle of an anxiety-provoking situation.

If you click the image below, the Thought Record will pop up in PDF format that you can print for yourself.

Here’s an example of what each column means:

1. The situation/trigger. Briefly describe the situation that led to your unpleasant feelings.

For example, “a work presentation”.

2. Feelings. What do you feel?

For example, “Anxiety, guilt, doubt, fear.”

3. Unhelpful thoughts/images. Identify the negative thinking (or “hot thought”) behind your feelings.

For example, “My presentation is going to go horrible and my boss is going to think that I’m bad at my job. I’m a failure.”

4. Facts that support the thought. Find evidence that supports your unhelpful thought.

For example, “My boss has told me in the past that she’s disappointed with my presentation skills.” and “I didn’t prepare as much as I should have.”

5. Facts that don’t support the thought. Facts that provide evidence against your unhelpful thought.

For example, “I have worked on my presentation skills since my poor review and I have improved.” and “I’m not a failure and I’m doing my best.” and “Everyone has bad days at work.”

6. Give an alternative/more balance thought. Now that you’ve considered the facts, write down a healthier way of thinking.

For example, “While I have struggled with presentations before, I’ve practiced and prepared for this presentation and have no proof that this will not go well.”

7. Outcome. Re-rate how you feel now.

“Less anxious” “calmer” “reassured”

That’s just one small example that it can be used for, but it can be applied to so many different types of situations, thoughts, and personal struggles. It’s a really helpful tool to use for body image issues because many of us tend to have automatic negative thoughts about our body that can impact our entire day. Sometimes all you need is to re-frame your thought and move on with your day.

Of course, it takes a bit of practice to be able to reframe a thought (and find evidence that doesn’t support it), but it will get easier over time. Also, not every thought record that you do is going to be life-changing, but I can assure you that some of the ones I have done have really impacted me.

The first time I did the thought record with my therapist, I had this major ‘a-ha’ moment. She helped me write a more balanced thought (I actually couldn’t think of one, so she filled one out for me) and it brought me to tears because something just clicked inside of me. It was amazing how it helped me see a situation in a new light that I’d never thought about before. That one moment has had a huge impact on how I now think about the situation.

The Thought Record makes my thoughts more realistic and balanced, when anxiety tends to make them very up and down and unbalanced. With practice it helps you slow down or stop those automatic thoughts in their tracks. I find that I can “catch” them fairly quick now, recognize them for what they are, and realize that my thinking is not realistic or fair. It sure beats going along in life accepting every negative thought that comes to mind.

If you feel yourself stuck on an issue, try using the Thought Record. It may just help you see something in a new way!

If there’s one thing that unites us all, it’s that we all suffer. We all triumph. We face obstacles in our lives and encounter things that throw us off our course and challenge our inner strength. That’s life, with the lesson often seen in retrospect. Without the difficult times, there would be no great times. Everything would just seem flat and uneventful, plain and boring.

There would be no impactful change without struggle. The beauty of life is overcoming what we think we cannot. Our self-esteem grows and we find strength in ourselves that we never knew existed.

This very point had me thinking about various struggles that I’ve been through in my life. I remember focusing mostly on the negative aspects of the situation. How badly I felt, how crappy the situation was, and how much I didn’t think things would ever change. Blah, blah, blah. It’s a vicious cycle.

But what if we focus on how our struggles change us and our lives for the better?

Would it be possible to improve negative situations, if we thought about how we might benefit from them?

When I was unhappy with my research career, all I could think about was how much I screwed up my life. I went to university for 7 years training as a researcher only to discover that I basically loathed it. So many days I would curse myself for making such a huge mistake in my life and going down the wrong path.

My negative thoughts were so powerful, I almost convinced myself that it was better to just live the rest of my life unfulfilled than face the alternative (change). I told myself that I could do what I wanted when I retired. I was 25 years old at the time!

That’s when I realized that I could rot in my own negativity or I could see things in a different light. Instead of cursing myself and “mistakes” (I’d rather call them “learning experiences”), I searched for lessons and meaning.

What was my unhappiness trying to tell me?

How was this discomfort nudging me to make a change in my life?

Without taking the wrong career path, I wouldn’t have found the happiness I have with my career today. I started this blog as a hobby while I worked as a researcher. It was something I could work on during my own free time and it brought me so much happiness that I spent most of my free time working on it. What started as a distraction from my real life became the thing that gave me life.

Little did I know, this hobby would not only serve as the catalyst for eventually leaving my unfulfilling career and starting my own business, but it would also lead me to discover my real passions in life.

Most surprisingly of all, I now see struggles in a new light. Instead of cursing an uncomfortable time, I see it as a message to change. Whether I listen or not is up to me.

~~~~

Previous Daily Glow posts: What is Daily Glow?, Graduation Fears, The Silly Things We Say, Do What You Can…Today, What’s Your 6-Word Love Story?, Without Self-Love, I Have Nothing., Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain, Kicking the Pop Habit: Eric 1 Year Later, Weekend Inspiration

I may feel anything but dressed up during the week, but I must say, I LOVE getting dressed up when the occasion arises! I’m such a girlie girl at heart.

This morning, I thought I’d give you a peek in my closet and show you what I pulled together to wear to my brother-in-law Steve and future sis-in law Joanne’s wedding today! I’m so excited for their big day!!!!

My father in law Ken, Steve, & Joanne:

My bday celebraton 2009 (remember those pink walls??)!

With Brother in law Dave…more SHOTS!

The first time I met Joanne I KNEW she was the one for Steve. I even told Eric after we met her that they would get married. What can I say, I can see love a mile away!! I’ve never seen Steve happier.

Joanne is going to make a STUNNING bride. I can’t wait to see her! The wedding is held at a winery in Niagara on the Lake. The setting will be breathtaking no doubt.

Here’s the outfit I put together…

I found this dress in the nick of time last night at Le Chateau. It’s pinky and floral- and if you know me, you know I love that! Luckily, it fit me like a glove, which doesn’t happen often at Le Chateau…usually I can’t find anything for the life of me in that store.

The ruching is extremely figure flattering and hugs the curves (or creates some!).

I thought I was going to have to buy new shoes to go with the dress, but my girlfriend Ashley offered to lend me her wedges. I’ve worn stilettos at outdoor weddings before and it ain’t pretty walking on grass! These will also be much more comfortable too.

My gold clutch is from 2008 from Aldo. I think it was $19.99!

My jewelry is from Swarovski which was a gift from Eric last Spring.

Shimmery eye shadow is from Chanel. I bought this set in 2008 for my wedding and I just love the colour palette.

A shimmery wrap if I get chilly outside. This was a gift from my mom last year. Need to iron this!

Painted my nails with this old bottle of Revlon ‘Pure Pearl’ which goes with my dress nicely.

One more coat to go after this.

Now I‘m off to try and pack LIGHTLY. This would be a first…

See you tomorrow for a wedding recap. Have a great day!

“With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now.”  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

When I think about my struggles with anxiety, I realize that I live in the future too much. It’s crazy how much I worry about things that haven’t happened yet and probably never will happen. I’ve spent my entire life battling the anxiety monster and I’ve missed out on so many great opportunities due to debilitating fear.

Not knowing what will happen makes me anxious. I like predictability and when I’m in situations without it, I can feel it creeping in.

So what does my mind do with the unknown?

I predict what will happen. And anxiety dictates that it’s mostly negative. This creates more anxiety. It’s a vicious cycle.

Control is an illusion, anyway. I can’t ‘control’ what happens to me, but I can learn how to deal with anxiety in a positive manner. I studied psychology for 7 years in university and I’ve read countless studies about the effectiveness of therapy. I’m a believer in it, but I’ve never taken the time to really apply it to myself as much as I could. I can learn coping mechanisms, countering thoughts, breathing techniques, mantras, and visualizations to help. I can work with a Cognitive Behavioural psychologist to work on changing my thought processes. I can talk to people about it. I can write. I can be creative. I can run. I can do yoga. I can be honest about how I feel.

I can laugh about it with Eric when I tell him what I’m anxious about and the look on his face makes me burst into laughter, realizing how ridiculous my worries sound out loud.

Insanity can be defined as repeating the same behaviour over and over and expecting a different outcome. Well, lock me up and throw away the key! If we don’t change our behaviours, thoughts, and actions, we will never grow. If I keep doing what I’m doing now, my anxiety will never get better. However, when we’re struggling with something, we can always open other doors and explore other avenues…

That’s why my goal for July is simple:

To live in the present as much as possible.

I want to get out of my own head, fears, and negative stories on loop. I want to stop losing so much time to the future (and past) and be present in the moment. Of course, it’s good to think about the future and past sometimes- that’s part of the excitement of life- but I also think being present is something that I must work on.

As someone whose mind is always spinning constantly about the past and future, I’ve never had a clue how to go about living in the present. After some research, I’ve come up with an action plan. I’m going to print this list off and put it in a couple places where I will see it daily- my bathroom mirror and my desk.

How I will live in the present:

1) BREATHE

Breathing fully and deeply does not come natural to me. Well, I’m sure it did at one point, but somewhere along the line I became a shallow breather. The more wound up I get, the less I breathe. I’m trying to be mindful of my breath, especially in those moments when I need it the most. Before entering an anxiety provoking situation, I try to stop and take at least 3 deep breaths before proceeding. I used to do this when I gave many presentations in grad school and it really helped calm me before jumping in.

2) Be a Minimalist

Remove your unneeded possessions. We just did this last weekend and Eric and I both felt a huge sense of calmness when we parted with half of the things we own. Physical clutter turns into mind clutter and removing everything but the essentials restores a feeling of tranquility and reminds us what is truly important in life. It sure isn’t material things. Minimalism doesn’t just happen overnight, but the more I approach this lifestyle, the more mindful I am when I make every purchase. This also applies to grocery shopping. Lately, I’ve been more mindful not to bring in new food before the food in the house is used up!

3) Smile

Throughout my life, I’ve been known for being a smiling, happy girl. My teachers even used to write that on my report cards. However, when I let my anxieties weigh me down, my face turns into an anxiety monster. Sometimes I catch myself thinking about something and I notice that I have a huge frown on my face just due to a mere thought. Thoughts are very powerful, but they don’t define who we are and we shouldn’t allow them to change our mood so instantly. Acknowledge your thoughts whatever they may be and then smile. One of my favourite things to do is to smile at a complete stranger because you never know how it will impact their day.

4) Forgive the past

I’ve been through some crappy things in my life and no matter how long ago these past hurts occurred, I will catch myself thinking about it as if it is happening to me now. Sometimes memories are so vivid and real. By failing to forgive things that have happened in my past, I fail to move forward and to be present in the moment. Forgiveness is a personal choice, but when I chose to forgive the past, I feel more free.

5) Dream big, but work hard today.

There is no better moment to accomplish your goals than right now. Planning is motivating, but it’s important to focus on what we can do in the moment and not get too caught up in the future. As we know, things don’t always happen as we predict. All we have is this moment right now.

6) Do one thing at a time.

I’m a chronic multi-tasker like many women. Sure, I make to-do lists occasionally, but that doesn’t stop me from tackling 8 things at once. Due to multi-tasking, I feel like my attention is never 100% where it should be. I may decide to work on a writing project for a certain amount of time, but I’m often composing emails, responding to comments, editing photos, shipping orders, and writing a blog post at the same time. I don’t think that all multi-tasking is negative, but I need to focus on being in the moment for the task at hand. If I tried to do one thing at a time, I think my goal for mindfulness would be easier and I would feel less frazzled.

7) Do less.

It seems like society is always encouraging is to do more, and more, and more. To fill our days to the absolute brim. Where does it get us in the end? Feeling frazzled with half-assed accomplishments? Doing less could mean that you accomplish goals with better concentration and better quality. Rushing things rarely leads to mindfulness. Sometimes, I like to start a writing blog post (like this one) and chip away at it over the course of 2-3 days. When I take it slow, ideas will often come to me over time. Had I hit publish on my first draft, I never would have fully developed my ideas.

8.) Add space

Along the same lines of ‘do less’, add space between your tasks. Don’t schedule things super close together for 12 hours straight. Give yourself a little wiggle room to breathe. If you write a to-do list, leave a few blanks so you can fill them in as things pop up during your day. Things ALWAYS pop up!

9) Cleaning as meditation

I tend to look at cleaning tasks as one dreaded chore after another. There never seems to be enough time for cleaning and when we tackle the list, it’s always a mad rush to bust through it. Cleaning can be a form of mindfulness though and rituals are often calming. Next time you clean, put your full attention into each task, concentrate, and do them slowly. Look at cleaning (and exercise!) as a stress relief in your day rather than a chore.

10) Spread the love

Do something nice for someone everyday. Smile at strangers. Hold the door open. Buy someone a coffee. Give to the needy. Call a loved one. Give someone your seat on the train. Compliment someone. Say ‘I appreciate you’. It just feels so damn good.

[For my research, I used one of my all-time favourite blogs Zen Habits. If you aren’t already reading this blog, you must check it out!]

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After I wrote my ‘We Are Never Alone’ post and talked about going back into therapy, I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. And then I read your beautiful comments and emails, and I was overcome with gratitude. I will never second guess posting something that is so much a part of who I am. Once we remove the shame from how we feel, true healing can begin.

And I must say, while writing this post I was really living in the moment. Writing is a great release!

“If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” -Unknown

I received this message from a reader named Serena and thought it was so powerful I asked her if I could share it with you.

From Serena:

If I have one Universal message for you it is this:

You are loved, supported, valued, cherished, appreciated, honoured, admired and respected. At every moment.

By the Source that holds you in love at every moment.

There is no moment here you have been left, nor could be.

You can do anything. The very best is wanted for you.

You are never alone. You are always loved.

No matter how difficult things seem, you are always being lifted up, even when you feel alone.

No matter how big a leap in life seems, you are greater than the distance you must jump.

You are free. You are able. You are complete.

Lots of love,
Serena

Coincidentally, Serena ended up leaving me this message on ‘one of those days’ when I was feeling pretty crappy and just needed to reframe my perspective. Lately, the anxiety that I’ve struggled with for many years, has started to creep back into my life and I’ve had a difficult time dealing with it on my own. Sometimes it’s anxiety about not feeling good enough or about my body; other times it’s about judgment from others or even feeling alone. If you’ve ever suffered from anxiety, you probably know that it has no limits and it can quickly impact your day to day life. To this day, I strongly believe that my eating disorder was a coping mechanism for my anxiety.

Anxiety usually breeds more anxiety which sucks. I feel more anxiety because I’m not supposed to be struggling with this anymore. I’m supposed to be past this. I’m supposed to be inspiring others. How can I do that when I’m struggling myself?

But I’m only human.

It’s easy to lose sight of the big picture and get bogged down by negative thoughts that loop in our minds, but often, all it takes is a positive message to set those thoughts on the right track again, or even give us hope that we can change. That is what Serena’s message did for me. Her message reminded me that we all struggle and even if we’ve made great progress with things in our lives, sometimes they need more care and attention once and a while.

I receive a lot of emails from other women (and occasionally men) who are struggling with accepting themselves, finding a career they enjoy, ending a bad relationship, illness/injury, or even feeling accepted by their own family. Our struggles may be different on the surface, but what remains true for most of us is that we want to feel love and support from the people that matter to us. That will never change.

And usually that love and support is already there, but we fail to see it. We fail to open ourselves to accept it. We have to be vulnerable to let love into our lives. We have to take risks to make progress.

I’ve always loved quotes. I’ve always loved writing with my heart on my sleeve, knowing that others will connect with words on a screen, in a way that I will never know. I’ve always loved the power that a simple message can have.

Serena’s message inspired me to start working on my struggles with anxiety again. But, I know that I can’t do it alone, so I’ve decided to start seeing a psychologist again to help me with some unresolved issues in my past. I’ve had great success with therapy, and I know I will again. It’s scary though- even for me who has done it before- to open up and make myself vulnerable, but I know that I’ll be just fine. I debated for a while whether I would write this post or not, but I realized that if I didn’t, I would be missing the point.

I’m sharing this with you today in hopes that it connects with you on some level, no matter what you may be dealing with at this very moment. Maybe you got up this morning and the first thing you did was examine your stomach and thighs in the mirror, cringing, while vowing to lose weight. Maybe you struggle with alcoholism, bulimia, abusive relationships, shopping addiction, or perhaps you have the life you dream of and just feel guilty over the thought that something is still missing. 

The best thing we can do when we’re struggling is reaching out to another person. The worst thing is to assume that no one cares or will judge us for our struggles.

We are never alone.

~~~

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”~Ambrose Redmoon

“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.” ~M. Scott Peck

“We are all functioning at a small fraction of our capacity to live fully in its total meaning of loving, caring, creating and adventuring. Consequently, the actual­izing of our potential can become the most exciting adventure of our lifetime.” – Herbert Ottto