[For my entire Road To Health Series see these links: My Road To Health: Part 1, My Road To Health: Part II, My Road To Health: Part III, My Road To Health: Part IV, My Road To Health: Part V, My Road To Health: Part Vb, My Road To Health: Part VI]
My road to health is never over, even though I can now tell you that I have been free from disordered eating for a while now.
Each day is a journey, not just with our Road to Health, but with all aspects of our lives.
What will happen today? Will I be good to myself? Will I treat others with respect? Will I hit a pothole along the way and slip up? Will I tell myself nice things and stay positive? Will I let negative thoughts or anxiety prevent me from succeeding? Will I be a good friend, family member, or partner?
A new day is quite exciting if you stop and think about it. Not everyone has this chance.
The beauty of each day is that we have a chance to start fresh.
For a long time, I didn’t believe this…at all. When I was deep into my disordered eating, no day was a fresh start for me.
It was simply one long, miserable journey that was going backwards and not forwards. With each day that I failed to take control of my own life, I crept back a few steps until I didn’t even know which way was the right direction.
Sometimes, when you fall into negative patterns for so long, you lose not only yourself, but your internal compass, that is supposed to guide you in the right direction. This internal compass, is also known as your heart or that little voice inside your head that tells you instinctively what you should do. Mine is always right.
Along the way, I stopped listening to my heart and my internal compass became a monotonous track of negative words and phrases.
You might be surprised to know that the #1 topic that I am emailed about pertains to disordered eating and the most frequent thing mentioned is binge eating. I have talked about binge eating several times in the past (parts: one, two, three) and I still believe that it is much more common than we believe and it is often an eating disorder that is swept under the rug and filled with great shame, much like bulimia.
For years, I couldn’t bring myself to even tell Eric that I struggled with binge eating at times. I could talk to him about the calorie restriction and over-exercising, but for some reason not binge eating. I was ashamed of myself and I was so scared that he was going to think less of me if I told him. Of course, that wasn’t the case. I was so scared for so many years to just talk about my struggles, but when I finally did I received support and understanding. Not once did I have someone turn their back on me.
Talking about it was the most freeing feeling in the world and it is always something I recommend to others in the same position. The secrecy, pain, and shame of an eating disorder creates this huge bubble of negativity in your life, but talking about it bursts the bubble and allows others to come inside to help. I saw a counsellor in university for a bit and I also started this blog and spoke openly about my struggles. Over time, I started to feel empowered and no longer like I was doomed by some negative fate.
Of course, this not only applies to those suffering from an eating disorder, but to most struggles in life.
The truth is, there is nothing to be ashamed of! We are human and we all have struggles in life. What we struggle with will vary by the individual, but we all struggle none the less.
The hardest part of my journey was admitting that I could claim happiness in my life.
For years, I believed that I was destined to be unhappy with myself and I thought that I would always struggle with food and weight until old age.
When you are struggling, the hardest part is always admitting to yourself that you deserve happiness. It is much easier to just believe that you don’t deserve happiness and remain stagnant in your life. Once you look yourself in the eye and admit that you deserve to be happy, you now must do something about it.
Doing something about it is the hard part, but it sure beats the alternative.
Each and every one of us has a special and unique light inside of us just waiting to be embraced.
My intention with this blog is to show you what makes me happy and then to encourage you to go find what makes YOU happy. We all have a unique journey ahead of us and that is the beauty of life.
[Sketchie recommends meditating sleeping in a box lid. That may also work. I think I shall try this tonight.]
“Once you look yourself in the eye and admit that you deserve to be happy, you now must do something about it.”
Thank you for that! I’m having a tough couple days. It’s really hard climbing my way out of it, but the alternative is definitely worse. What you wrote there is just another nudge in the right direction. Feeling a little more empowered, so thank you!
I spent nearly 15 years of my life as a secret binge eater. Along with restricting food on a daily basis. I was the furthest from happy and that little voice in my head was long long lost.
Until one day I too decided to reclaim my happiness. I decided that I could change. I decided to change. Step 1 was a combination of two things: accept me and love me for me right then and there PLUS have the experience of freely talking about my past. I finally shared with everyone what I had been there. The weight that lifted, the heavy weight that I had carried and hid for so long was gone.
It was incredible…
Wonderful post!
Amazing post. Just incredible story and journey you have and sharing it with all of us :) So inspiring. My sister and I suffered from food eating disorders along with obsessive working out, and your blog always helps remind us that we do have a unique light inside us waiting to shine! And to keep our heads up even on the bad days. Thanks!!! xoxo
~Lori
Beautiful post. I, too, was much more ashamed of my binge eating than my restricting. It made me feel…OUT of control as opposed to in control…fat instead of skinny. But opening up on my blog and letting people know has helped!
I have been following your blog for a long time and absolutely love the positivity you exude! I have to say that this post really hit home.. in a very positive way. My thoughts and feelings on my disordered eating mirror those that you talked about. It gave me the chills. From reading your blog, I know recovery is possible. I just need to make myself a priority and act upon life rather than reacting to it. Thank you so much for always being so open in your writing. It feels amazing to be able to connect and relate!
Angela, what a beautiful post. So honest, so poignant, so lovely that you have been generous enough to SHARE this all…with the world, with your closest “friends” and readers; it WILL help people. And Im sure in the hour or so the post has been up, it’s already helped people, just based on the comments :) You are an inspiration to so many….don’t ever forget that. But also as you said in the post, don’t forget to take care of yourself, to remember that you DO deserve to be happy, and have that internet compass point squarely in the direction of self-love, self-care, and self-compassion, too.
As women, as bloggers, as humans, some of us are wired to give and give and give…and I am so happy that you not only give to everyone, but that you have found a way to nourish that light within yourself.
“Each and every one of us has a special and unique light inside of us just waiting to be embraced. ”
So well said, such an eloquent post. Far deeper than my mental bandwidth can even travel today…thank you :)
xoxo
love what you said here averie :)
thank you my friend :)
Hi Angela :) I just wanted to take a minute and thank you for your blog. You helped me out so much and I am now eating for my health and not for calories. I was how you were with the binge eating and then going into a panic and getting too skinny. What’s sad is that I have always been at a healthy weight! Not exactly my happy weight.. but i was never overweight or too skinny. I just was dissatisfied with how I was treating and fueling my body so no weight was ever good enough; whether that being 114 pounds or 140. Thank you for shining the light on eating the right way and for the right reasons! I no longer am hard on myself with my food choices and don’t over think what I eat anymore, I am just eating right and loving it. YAYY GREEN MONSTERS IN THE MORNING!! Who knew that I’d be so excited to wake up each morning and it’s all because of a green drink! I am ready to live my life as a healthy and energetic person. I know this will be an incredible journey, and I’m happy to know that you and your blog will be here for me every step of the way! So thank you again, words cannot express how appreciative I am to you for helping me find contentment with food. I am ready and rarin’ to GLOW!!
With Love,
Kate
Thank you for sharing your story about binge eating. I think it’s more common than people think, and needs to be discussed.
Beautifully written. Thanks for sharing! :)
Thanks everyone, you are so inspiring!
Fantastic!!!
Thanks for the lift. It’s hard to imagine you ever faced these problems because you seem so healthy, balanced, and happy now.
And I agree that it’s a road. Every time I think I have it all figured out and I’ll never have problems again, I have a little stumble. I just learn to pick myself up and keep going!
Such an uplifting post. You are an inspiration to women everywhere!
Thank you so much for sharing this, Angela. You are so inspiring and have definitely helped me with my recovery. You usually seem so put together, balanced, and healthy that it’s almost unbelievable that you have struggled with binge eating. I love that you are willing to talk about your struggle along with your daily, healthy life today :-)
Reading your blog definitely helps me get over the slight disordered eating habits I acquired after losing some weight healthfully. The other day I stopped weighing myself everyday and it is THE BEST choice I have made, to have confidence in myself to eat healthy and confidence in my body to stay at a healthy weight. This one small change has already made me love my body about 100 times more! I’m still finding my way to perfect happiness concerning my body, but everyday I get a step closer. Your blog is a HUGE help. Thank You!
Angela,
I have been reading your blog for a few months now and I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for having the courage to talk about your disordered eating. Thank you for showing me that I am not the only one who secretly binge eats. Thank you for showing me that I am not the only one who feels ashamed and out of control. Thank you for showing me that there is hope for me and that I can conquer this problem. I look to Oh She Glows for encouragement and inspiration every day, so again, THANK YOU!
Amber
i love coming to your blog for your awesome recipes and am truly enjoying these types of posts….they are deep, meaningful and encouraging!! beautifully written. i like what you said “there is nothing to be ashamed of.” no fear. we all deserve joy, happiness and love :)
I love when you write posts like this , and sometimes they come at the perfect time. This was beautifully written and I love coming to your blog every day because I can relate so well. Your beauty shines from the inside out Angela and I’m so glad you’ve found happiness and are at peace with your struggles. You have, are, and will always continue to help so many out women, including myself, and I thank you for that :)
your inner strength and beauty always shines so brightly and in such a way that helps me trust everything will be okay.
thank you!
Thank you for sharing this. I definitely needed to read something uplifting and inspiring today!