On October 31, 2008, I was just a girl grasping for hope.
I was struggling with disordered eating that still lingered despite my best efforts to beat it. I felt like I had made a lot of progress, but there was still a missing piece to my puzzle.
Self-love.
I fought a daily battle of self-acceptance, depressive thoughts, and anxiety. Despite the smile on the outside, most days I felt like I was crumbling on the inside. I was simply going through the motions of life and the days were passing me by. Indeed, I was truly thankful for so many wonderful people in my life, but the one thing I couldn’t be thankful for was myself.
I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to get to that place of self-acceptance or happiness, but I decided the first step was going to be writing about it.
And so it all began with a simple Boo on Halloween day!
I have always loved writing because it comes to me easier than expressing my thoughts out loud. It is just me and a keyboard or piece of paper talking to someone out there and thinking things through. Writing is a way for my inner voice to be heard when often it is silenced by all the thoughts swirling through my mind. Writing gives each thought a chance, each thought a moment to be heard and I often clear my mind or work things out as I write.
I guess this is why I was never meant to be a researcher. While I did spend most of my time writing in grad school, my writing was very very formal, scientific, and sterile in many ways. I felt suffocated when I wrote a research paper and I always felt like I couldn’t express my true self. In a paper, there was little room for jokes, sarcasm, stories, or occasional curse words (trust me, I could have used them many times!). It was all too structured.
I wanted to set my thoughts free.
Starting this blog was a way for me to have a creative outlet at a time when my creativity felt stifled in many areas of my life. OSG was the one place where I felt like I could express myself fully. I would simply write about what I wanted to write about, just like in my Creative Writing class in high school that I loved so much. My teacher had us make Creative Writing journals in high school and we could write whatever we wanted to in them. Personal stories, clippings, drawings, poems, deep thoughts, jokes, and anything that we wanted to share. I absolutely loved this journal and I would talk about my struggles with disordered eating, my love for delicious healthy food, animals, exercise, running, the desire for happiness, and whatever else I wanted to talk about.
Over the past two years, I have found that missing piece of self-love. Even on the days when I can’t find it and I am having a bad day, I know that it isn’t far away and it will come back to me. I have met amazing people along the way and I have been touched by the support and kindness of others.
Today, I write because I am truly thankful for these past two years, for sharing my life with you, the ups and the downs, and the discussions, inspiring words, and support. My hope for the blog going forward is to give back as much gratitude, love, and inspiration as I get from writing each day.
Thank you for letting me come into your lives each day and also, for allowing me to come into yours.
As a small token of my appreciation, I am going to do some giveaways!
1) Draw for $25 Glo Bakery gift certificates to be given out to 5 random people
2) Draw for a homemade batch of cookies, Glo bars, or muffins (any from my recipes page!) shipped to your doorstep.
3) Grand prize draw for $100 Glo Bakery gift certificate to one random winner
If you’d like a chance to be entered in the giveaway, please leave a comment below telling me anything about your own passions, journey, or perhaps something you have grown to love about yourself. Contest closes Monday Nov 8th.
I’m off to the kitchen to shoot my video for Challenge #7! Hopefully there aren’t as many flops as last night. ;) Happy Halloween!
One year ago I struggled with anorexia. Glory be to God– today I weigh 135 lbs!! (At 5’8″ tall.) He is so good :) I’d love to win this– I am soooo curious to try a Glo bar!
I have struggled with an eating disorder all my life. Binge eating, fast diets, you know what I’m talking about. But ever since I was little I said to myself.. “One day I’ll just cook everything myself and it will all come from the earth beneath my feet and I will be stronger and healthier eating the foods that were meant to be eaten”. Citric acid, high fructose corn syrup, yellow dye #2, where do those things come from? Animals don’t eat that stuff, why should we? What is it even doing to us? I stumbled upon your blog one day from another blog someone had posted as their facebook status, yours was their “favorite health blog” (Smartprettyandawkward.com). I couldn’t BELIEVE it, I had found the key to living the rest of my life. Not only did we share the common opinion of tylenol, but I now had access to this secret healthy repipe shrine. Every morning I open my computer and see what your daily recipe is, and gain a little more inspiration each day. I’ve found exercise to be fun, and delicious food that I always knew would someday find me and open my eyes. I want my life to be long and useful, and not to mention a GLOW to go along with it. :)
I realize I’m reading this post a bit late and I have missed the giveaway deadline (shoot!). No difference really though, just wanted to let you know, Angela, what a lovely post that was on your Oh She Glows 2 year anniversary! Keep up the great work and delicious recipes!