Toot, toot!
All aboard, the Operation Beautiful Virtual Book Tour!
I am excited to be talking about a body image topic that is very near and dear to my heart this morning- Happy Weights!
But first, a delicious, healthy, and energizing breakfast!
YUM!!!!
Morning Glow Vegan Overnight Oats
Ingredients:
- Classic Vegan Overnight Oats (1/3 cup oats, 1.5 tbsp chia seeds, 1 cup Almond milk, 1 tbsp Amazing Grass chocolate Amazing Meal powder)
- 1/2 apple, chopped
- 1/4 cup blueberries
- 1 dried apricot, chopped
- 1/2 Raw Energy Cookie Bites
- 1 tbsp peanut butter
- Drizzle of maple syrup, optional
Directions: Mix classic vegan overnight oat ingredients and leave in fridge overnight or in fridge for 1-2 hours. When VOO is ready, stir in mix-ins (chopped apple, blueberries, apricot, 1/2 cookie bite, peanut butter. Serve and enjoy!
This was soooooo delicious.
Revved up and ready to roll!
Fun fact about the OB book- OSGMOM has the very first note in the entire book!
You can also find me on pages 25 (my OB note) and 129-131 (I talk about the Superwoman Syndrome). I am so honoured to be a part of this great book!
OK, let’s begin.
I went on a post-it spree in Wal-Mart in honour of this post!
Happy Weight: What It Means To Me
The term Happy Weight seems like an oxymoron, doesn’t it?
I mean, who is ever happy with their weight?
I define a Happy Weight as a weight that your body can maintain with relative ease where you feel healthy, energetic, and sane.
How many women do you know who have said to you, ‘I am at my happy weight?’ and then 2 months later they still say the same thing? And a year later they still say the same thing? It is usually along the lines of, ‘In 10 pounds I will be at my happy weight’ or ‘Just 5 more pounds to lose until I am happy with myself.’
At least for me it always was.
Part of the problem is that the weight we think will make us happy is often not the right weight for our body.
The weight that we desire and the weight that the media tells us we should be is often NOT the weight our own body is happy at. This happy weight will be different for every single one of us. My Happy Weight is not the same as yours and your Happy Weight is not the same as your sisters or your best friends. We are all unique.
It took me years to figure this out. In the process my weight went up and down and up and down.
Many women pick a specific number on the scale that they want to reach. We chose our goal and we do everything in our power to get there and stay there. Often in the process, we lose ourselves and forget that we have worth outside of this goal.
An ‘unhappy weight’ is a weight that we do not feel our best at energy wise, health wise, and hunger wise.
For years, I used to battle with myself, with food, and with the scale to maintain my weight. I fought the battle every single day to stay at that weight. Every morning when I opened my eyes, the first thought in my mind was about my weight. I vowed to eat less and to workout more. To stop bingeing. At night, I would often cry into my pillow, ashamed at myself for eating ‘too much’ food or for being weak and bingeing on junk food. The cycle of shame, guilt, and desperation went on for years.
I always told myself in 10 pounds, I would finally be happy. All I had to do was lose 10 pounds and achieve ‘x’ weight and my life would fall into place. In 10 pounds, I could eat normally, binges would stop, and I could stop hating myself. All I had to do was lose 10 pounds and my problems would be solved.
I would love myself in 10 pounds….but not yet.
Not yet.
For myself, and for many women, the number on the scale is sadly a barometer for our own self-love and self-worth.
If the scale tipped higher, I hated myself a bit more. If it tipped lower, I was a better person worthy of at least a small amount of love, but of course not fully until I achieved my goal weight.
Not yet. Some day though.
I promise.
Well, I finally did lose those 10 pounds and when I got there I realized that the number was actually not my happy weight. I couldn’t love myself yet because- wait for it- I actually had a new goal weight! I was mistaken before. I thought my happy weight was 10 pounds less, but I was wrong, it was actually in another 5 pounds.
I guess I was wrong.
I would love myself someday, but….
Not yet.
Not yet.
5 more pounds, and I promise that you can be happy again. You can eat more in 5 pounds. I can eat normally again. I will love myself. I will be able to concentrate on my school work. I won’t binge when I lose 5 pounds. I will be free of the monsters that tell me I am no good.
These thoughts are easily justified in the mind of someone suffering with disordered eating. You are never good enough. Life passes you by as you chase after happiness in a number.
The problem- and I didn’t figure this out for years- was that when I allowed the scale to be a barometer for my happiness, the number will never be good enough. I will never be happy living this way. Happiness is not derived from some extrinsic factor, it has to come from within to have a lasting impact.
So many women chase a specific number on the scale. When we approach it, it slips away from our grasp like a wet bar of soap. We try desperately to cling harder to it, and it shoots in the opposite direction. We trip and fall many times chasing it. The harder that I clung to my strict diet and exercise regime, the worse my binges got and the more the scale climbed and climbed which only perpetuated the negative thoughts and desire to restrict. It is an extremely hard cycle to get out of.
So how did I find my happy weight?
It took me years and a lot of hard work to find my happy weight, but I can now confidently say that I am there. I attribute this to several choices that I made along my journey. These are my own personal choices and I do not assume that they are necessary for others. It is simply my own experience and what worked for me.
1) I claimed responsibility for my happiness
- For so long, I felt powerless about my own happiness with myself and my body-image. I felt like I couldn’t change myself, my thoughts, or my actions. One day it occurred to me that I had to finally accept responsibility for my happiness. If I didn’t, who would?
2) I ditched the scale
- While I don’t think scales can make us unhappy (ultimately, we have the power to decide that!), I do think the scale was negative for me. To this day I do not weigh myself. The scale can be a useful tool for many people, but it was poison in my life and I chose to stop weighing myself. I have never been happier since ditching the scale.
3) I got professional help
- Having suffered from an eating disorder since the age of 12, I strongly believe the only way I could beat the negativity and find my happy weight was to seek out the help of an experienced professional. I tried and failed many times on my own, but things started to fall into place when I had the counsel of a loving professional. You have to want the help first though. My commitment and determination + a loving professional = the right tools for progress. There is no shame in talking to someone!
4) I stopped counting calories
- Just like scales, calorie counting can be a useful tool for weight loss. However, in the hands of the wrong individual (like myself) calorie counting turned into an obsession. I couldn’t stop even when I tried and it took over my life. I had to get rid of calorie counting and I instead chose to listen to my body’s hunger signals. It took me years to be able to do this successfully. For so long I had denied my hunger that I found it was almost impossible to listen once I tried. The worst part was that I continued to binge even when I stopped counting calories because my body didn’t trust me. However, overtime my body trusted me again and I became in-tune with my body’s needs. This does not happen over night…patience is a virtue.
5) I exercise for FUN and for a healthy personal challenge (not just to burn calories!)
- I never focus on how many calories I burn during workouts anymore. I focus on how I feel and I do things that I enjoy like racing. Find what you enjoy and stick with it. Set goals. See what your body is capable of! Make it an adventure.
Today, I can’t tell you how much I weigh (because I don’t know), but I can tell you that I am at my Happy Weight. I know this because I eat healthy foods when I am hungry and I exercise in a moderate amount. Some days I overeat or indulge in too many sweets, but other times I pass up on dessert. It is all about finding a balance. I don’t starve myself anymore and my body feels no need to binge. My body is happy because it stays about the same size and my clothes fit how they should. If my pants get a bit tight, I know to pass up on a few desserts or extra servings here and there. Nothing extreme anymore.
For the first time in my life, I don’t care how much I weigh because I know that I am healthy and happy. As long as I have this, no number will ever be able to dictate how I feel about myself again.
I decided that all scales should come with a disclaimer when you open up the package…
Half way through writing this disclaimer, I was overcome with emotion and I broke down into tears. I wasn’t expecting to feel those intense emotions after all this time. I guess my heart still remembers the pain I went through for many years.
The fight was worth it.
I am worth the fight.
And so are you.
If you would like to be entered in a random draw to win a copy of the Operation Beautiful book, please leave a response below.
What would your ‘Scale Disclaimer’ read? What does a happy weight mean to YOU?
Congratulations on your progress Angela~ Very well-written post!
My happy weight is any weight my body needs to be! I am happy to be alive :)
What a wonderful post. I am still in the big fat middle of self worth only coming after being X weight or X size. I’m seeking out professional help and am beginning therapy in the next few weeks. I’m just SICK to death of feeling this way.
Great post Ange!! I love your scale disclaimer! Happy weight to me ultimately means a weight where I feel my best and where I am healthy. I used to count calories too, and I agree 100% that it can become an obsession. Giving it up was so liberating and without doing so, I would be eating the same foods over and over again. Can you say boring!?!??
Amazing story – I love this post!
My happy weight is when I feel great, am great as a mother, my clothes fit, I have energy to power thru each day with 2 kids under the age of 4 and just have a general overall sense of happiness. The scale has no measure of anything that is important to me. Its just a number and that number means nothing in comparison to all the other things in my life that I have to be thankful for.
Awesome….love the disclaimers!!
Mine would read:
140.6. Thats how many miles this body got you through (in my recent ironman). Does any other number really matter???
This post spoke to me so much, Angela.
Word for word, it was describing me. It makes my heart hurt to remember all the crap I put myself through just to attain something that didn’t matter, and that wasn’t making me really happy in the first place.
The scale tells you how much you weigh. And how much is that? You. You weigh you, and nothing else. It does nothing but spit out a number. How crazy are we to let that control our lives?!
A happy weight to me is a weight where I feel comfortable, athletic, energized, and well-fed. I don’t feel tired all the time, lethargic, starving, or weak. I have reached complete “homeostasis” so to speak ;)
I hope more people will take the same path you’ve taken!
Can I steal yours? I loved your scale disclaimer & wanted to print it off & put it in a prominant area so that I see it often. :)
this post brought tears to my eyes. My disclaimer would be about how little daily fluctuations really mean. Think about it, just drinking 2 glasses of water (16oz) will add a lb to the scale! yet that could totally ruin someones day.
I can relate to this. I had an eating disorder when I was thirteen and I’ve struggled with food, weight, and body image ever since. Weighing and counting calories took over my life, so I had to give them both up and I’m so glad I did. I’m not sure what my happy weight is. I may be at it right now but I’m still learning to listen to my body and exercise for fun. I’ve made a ton of progress and I can say I’m well on my way!
Scales should come with a disclaimer. Actually, I think our society needs to get over the stigma of weight in general. Weight doesn’t tell you a think about health, fitness, body composition, and especially worth as a person. If you genuinely want to track you’re fitness, test your body fat percentage. See how far you can run, how many push-ups you can do. Still, none of these goes any deeper than the surface. After all, we have bodies, but we are not our bodies. We are souls who possess a body, and the state of the body has nothing to do with the value of that soul!
Wow, great post. Thank you so much.
My scale disclaimer would be really simple. “Warning: Your levels of grace, beauty, and power will cause harm to the appliance. Please discontinue use.”
Fantastic post Angela. It gave me goosebumps and brought tears to my eyes (at my desk at work!)
I’ve never really struggle with me weight until recently. I’m currently trying to come to grips with the concepts of healthy weight vs happy weight and trying to lose weight and find happiness (separately from each other). Reading about your experience reminds me that achieving balance, health and happiness is totally possible no matter what the circumstances.
I love reading your blog. You are such an inspiration. Thank you.
Amazing post! Unfortunately, I am still struggling with scale and finding my happy weight.
My scale disclaimer would read “The number below does not recognize the growth you’ve become as a runner and a soon to be marathoner!”
I feel like this post was written directly for me. I am currently trying to get to my healthy weight and it is such a struggle. I am trying to find a healthy balance to lose the weight, but I struggle with binge eating as well. What I try to remember is how I feel after I binge on a bag of chips, lethargic, sluggish, weak and thirsty; and then I think about how I feel after I eat a healthy lunch- energetic, strong, happy and healthy! Most of the time I am able to make the right choice, but when I do make those unhealthy choices I tell myself it is a journey I am taking and we are all human and make mistakes so I just have to get back on track to nourish my body.
My Scale disclaimer would say ” These numbers do not define the powerful, strong woman you are! You are loved by many, just be you!”
I saw the scale disclaimer over on Caitlin’s blog – It’s so funny yet so true! I also like the first note/poem in the book! Great post!
I haven’t weighed myself in ages. I am happier without it.
I exercise to build muscle and be toned so I know the scale would be misleading me with a high number. I simply rely on how my clothes fit and how I feel.
I enjoy the foods I eat. No food (vegetarian) has ever passed my mouth
and been branded bad. I eat clean most of the times.
I feel empowered to plan my indulgences.
I enjoy food. I experience food. Food and I have a karmic, loving relationship.
I am the food I eat.
I don’t own a scale. But if I did, I’d put this disclaimer on it:
—————————————————————————————–
Hi,
I’m a modern-day gadget designed to weigh the water, muscle tissues,
and fat-cells in your body at this moment.
Like your age, I’m just a number.
I cannot measure the beauty in your eyes,
the love in your heart, or the depth in your soul.
I cannot measure the number of times you’ve laughed.
I cannot measure the number of lives you’ve touched.
I cannot measure the number of lessons you’ve taught and learned.
I can only measure the weight of your innards as of this moment.
Say, did I just disclose how pretty much useless I am?!!
Darn.
But it sure was a pleasure having you mount me.
You are one hot babe ;)
This post made me cry. I feel like I’m at that exact point where you said you were, where I’m mini-binging almost daily, being frustrated with myself as I recover from anorexia, telling myself I’m going to be a fat binge-eater and everyone will make fun of me as I rocket from underweight to healthy weight to overweight to obese. It’s a vicious cycle as it makes me eat more and more, and mindful eating goes down the drain. Oh, man. I hate feeling like this. Thank you so, so much for posting this. My scale wouldn’t come with a disclaimer. My scale would come with a “poisonous” sign. And no batteries.
I wish I could talk to someone.
Wei-Wei
Great post! This is something I am still right in the middle of struggling with. I really think reading this book would be tremendously helpful for my poor self image. I know I have an unhealthy attitude and I don’t currently love myself, but I’m working on it!
What would your ‘Scale Disclaimer’ read? What does a happy weight mean to YOU?
Great post Angela. Your post and blog reignites so much with me because I have gone through a similar struggle. I actually think over the past two weeks I have realized that I found my happy weight. I was working so hard to get to my goal weight when I realized that no matter what my goal weight is it will never be “good enough”. Instead I have been eating healthier then I ever have and exercising for fun and I actually feel great! If it takes extremes to get that extra 3 pounds off then maybe my body is happy where it’s at! To me my happy weight is a weight where I feel my best at without having to go to extremes with diet restriction or exercise. Let your body guide you.
My “Scale Disclaimer” would read: Warning what you see on the scale is just a number. It is not a gauge of how your body feels or how happy or beautiful you are.
I love your post and very much relate to your struggles. I think for me, changing from the inside out has been such an incredible journey, and yet I know the changes are lasting. My scale disclamer would say, “You are not defined by a number, you are already priceless.” My happy weight is when I feel powerful. I love going for a run and feeling like I could run forever. Then I know my body is completely at peace and balanced.
I couldn’t agree with you more Angela! For years I struggled, thinking that I need to reach a certain weight to be happy. The truth is, the two times in my life I have been at that weight I felt tired and weak. That is not a happy or healthy place to be! I am slowly learning to accept that my body is happy right where it’s at…and that is a weight that is going to be a little higher than the media’s “ideal” because… I’m 5’11!