Toot, toot!
All aboard, the Operation Beautiful Virtual Book Tour!
I am excited to be talking about a body image topic that is very near and dear to my heart this morning- Happy Weights!
But first, a delicious, healthy, and energizing breakfast!
YUM!!!!
Morning Glow Vegan Overnight Oats
Ingredients:
- Classic Vegan Overnight Oats (1/3 cup oats, 1.5 tbsp chia seeds, 1 cup Almond milk, 1 tbsp Amazing Grass chocolate Amazing Meal powder)
- 1/2 apple, chopped
- 1/4 cup blueberries
- 1 dried apricot, chopped
- 1/2 Raw Energy Cookie Bites
- 1 tbsp peanut butter
- Drizzle of maple syrup, optional
Directions: Mix classic vegan overnight oat ingredients and leave in fridge overnight or in fridge for 1-2 hours. When VOO is ready, stir in mix-ins (chopped apple, blueberries, apricot, 1/2 cookie bite, peanut butter. Serve and enjoy!
This was soooooo delicious.
Revved up and ready to roll!
Fun fact about the OB book- OSGMOM has the very first note in the entire book!
You can also find me on pages 25 (my OB note) and 129-131 (I talk about the Superwoman Syndrome). I am so honoured to be a part of this great book!
OK, let’s begin.
I went on a post-it spree in Wal-Mart in honour of this post!
Happy Weight: What It Means To Me
The term Happy Weight seems like an oxymoron, doesn’t it?
I mean, who is ever happy with their weight?
I define a Happy Weight as a weight that your body can maintain with relative ease where you feel healthy, energetic, and sane.
How many women do you know who have said to you, ‘I am at my happy weight?’ and then 2 months later they still say the same thing? And a year later they still say the same thing? It is usually along the lines of, ‘In 10 pounds I will be at my happy weight’ or ‘Just 5 more pounds to lose until I am happy with myself.’
At least for me it always was.
Part of the problem is that the weight we think will make us happy is often not the right weight for our body.
The weight that we desire and the weight that the media tells us we should be is often NOT the weight our own body is happy at. This happy weight will be different for every single one of us. My Happy Weight is not the same as yours and your Happy Weight is not the same as your sisters or your best friends. We are all unique.
It took me years to figure this out. In the process my weight went up and down and up and down.
Many women pick a specific number on the scale that they want to reach. We chose our goal and we do everything in our power to get there and stay there. Often in the process, we lose ourselves and forget that we have worth outside of this goal.
An ‘unhappy weight’ is a weight that we do not feel our best at energy wise, health wise, and hunger wise.
For years, I used to battle with myself, with food, and with the scale to maintain my weight. I fought the battle every single day to stay at that weight. Every morning when I opened my eyes, the first thought in my mind was about my weight. I vowed to eat less and to workout more. To stop bingeing. At night, I would often cry into my pillow, ashamed at myself for eating ‘too much’ food or for being weak and bingeing on junk food. The cycle of shame, guilt, and desperation went on for years.
I always told myself in 10 pounds, I would finally be happy. All I had to do was lose 10 pounds and achieve ‘x’ weight and my life would fall into place. In 10 pounds, I could eat normally, binges would stop, and I could stop hating myself. All I had to do was lose 10 pounds and my problems would be solved.
I would love myself in 10 pounds….but not yet.
Not yet.
For myself, and for many women, the number on the scale is sadly a barometer for our own self-love and self-worth.
If the scale tipped higher, I hated myself a bit more. If it tipped lower, I was a better person worthy of at least a small amount of love, but of course not fully until I achieved my goal weight.
Not yet. Some day though.
I promise.
Well, I finally did lose those 10 pounds and when I got there I realized that the number was actually not my happy weight. I couldn’t love myself yet because- wait for it- I actually had a new goal weight! I was mistaken before. I thought my happy weight was 10 pounds less, but I was wrong, it was actually in another 5 pounds.
I guess I was wrong.
I would love myself someday, but….
Not yet.
Not yet.
5 more pounds, and I promise that you can be happy again. You can eat more in 5 pounds. I can eat normally again. I will love myself. I will be able to concentrate on my school work. I won’t binge when I lose 5 pounds. I will be free of the monsters that tell me I am no good.
These thoughts are easily justified in the mind of someone suffering with disordered eating. You are never good enough. Life passes you by as you chase after happiness in a number.
The problem- and I didn’t figure this out for years- was that when I allowed the scale to be a barometer for my happiness, the number will never be good enough. I will never be happy living this way. Happiness is not derived from some extrinsic factor, it has to come from within to have a lasting impact.
So many women chase a specific number on the scale. When we approach it, it slips away from our grasp like a wet bar of soap. We try desperately to cling harder to it, and it shoots in the opposite direction. We trip and fall many times chasing it. The harder that I clung to my strict diet and exercise regime, the worse my binges got and the more the scale climbed and climbed which only perpetuated the negative thoughts and desire to restrict. It is an extremely hard cycle to get out of.
So how did I find my happy weight?
It took me years and a lot of hard work to find my happy weight, but I can now confidently say that I am there. I attribute this to several choices that I made along my journey. These are my own personal choices and I do not assume that they are necessary for others. It is simply my own experience and what worked for me.
1) I claimed responsibility for my happiness
- For so long, I felt powerless about my own happiness with myself and my body-image. I felt like I couldn’t change myself, my thoughts, or my actions. One day it occurred to me that I had to finally accept responsibility for my happiness. If I didn’t, who would?
2) I ditched the scale
- While I don’t think scales can make us unhappy (ultimately, we have the power to decide that!), I do think the scale was negative for me. To this day I do not weigh myself. The scale can be a useful tool for many people, but it was poison in my life and I chose to stop weighing myself. I have never been happier since ditching the scale.
3) I got professional help
- Having suffered from an eating disorder since the age of 12, I strongly believe the only way I could beat the negativity and find my happy weight was to seek out the help of an experienced professional. I tried and failed many times on my own, but things started to fall into place when I had the counsel of a loving professional. You have to want the help first though. My commitment and determination + a loving professional = the right tools for progress. There is no shame in talking to someone!
4) I stopped counting calories
- Just like scales, calorie counting can be a useful tool for weight loss. However, in the hands of the wrong individual (like myself) calorie counting turned into an obsession. I couldn’t stop even when I tried and it took over my life. I had to get rid of calorie counting and I instead chose to listen to my body’s hunger signals. It took me years to be able to do this successfully. For so long I had denied my hunger that I found it was almost impossible to listen once I tried. The worst part was that I continued to binge even when I stopped counting calories because my body didn’t trust me. However, overtime my body trusted me again and I became in-tune with my body’s needs. This does not happen over night…patience is a virtue.
5) I exercise for FUN and for a healthy personal challenge (not just to burn calories!)
- I never focus on how many calories I burn during workouts anymore. I focus on how I feel and I do things that I enjoy like racing. Find what you enjoy and stick with it. Set goals. See what your body is capable of! Make it an adventure.
Today, I can’t tell you how much I weigh (because I don’t know), but I can tell you that I am at my Happy Weight. I know this because I eat healthy foods when I am hungry and I exercise in a moderate amount. Some days I overeat or indulge in too many sweets, but other times I pass up on dessert. It is all about finding a balance. I don’t starve myself anymore and my body feels no need to binge. My body is happy because it stays about the same size and my clothes fit how they should. If my pants get a bit tight, I know to pass up on a few desserts or extra servings here and there. Nothing extreme anymore.
For the first time in my life, I don’t care how much I weigh because I know that I am healthy and happy. As long as I have this, no number will ever be able to dictate how I feel about myself again.
I decided that all scales should come with a disclaimer when you open up the package…
Half way through writing this disclaimer, I was overcome with emotion and I broke down into tears. I wasn’t expecting to feel those intense emotions after all this time. I guess my heart still remembers the pain I went through for many years.
The fight was worth it.
I am worth the fight.
And so are you.
If you would like to be entered in a random draw to win a copy of the Operation Beautiful book, please leave a response below.
What would your ‘Scale Disclaimer’ read? What does a happy weight mean to YOU?
A happy weight to me would be where I feel comfortable with myself and my appearance. I know I still have some work to do with accepting myself for who I am- but you are helping me along the way!
Great post! You made me tear up at work…good thing I’m alone in here.
I love your disclaimer and it’s one I should use myself. It’s hard to break the cycle you describe above, but it’s achieveable with the right support system. You are an inspiration Angela!
Love, love, lovedddd this Angela :)
It’s sad to me that women are *still* in this mentality that lower weight = better self-worth. I feel like we’re suffering from a national eating disorder: people are becoming more obese and more & more people are becoming obsessed with being thin. It’s almost unheard of for a woman to be confident & completely satisfied with themselves at their happy weight! So I’m really excited for this virtual book tour :) Oh, and I want to win a copy!
My scale and I have had a rocky relationship – and in the middle of it all, my darling hubby actually hid it from me so I couldn’t find it! He was so tired of my mood being affected based on what I saw on the scale when I woke up in the morning. A few years into our marriage, we knew that we might want to start having a family, and secretly in the back of my mind I was SO scared about what pregnancy would do to my body – how would it affect me, how much weight would I gain during, and how would I look post-pregnancy. And then it happened – that little plus sign, and it occurred to me that this new stage of my life was not going to be all about ME. And through my pregnancy and since having my daughter, I have become much less concerned about ME and more focused on what really matters – my little family and being healthy. While pregnant I had to focus on eating right for the both of us, and toning down my exercise routine (previously I had a goal of burning at least 1000 calories a day through exercise, which in turn would make me really hungry, so I would eat more, then want to exercise more, and the cycle would go on).
I am happy to say that I am more at peace with my body and myself than I ever have been. I am happy about this for multiple reasons, including the fact that I want better for my daughter, and I want her to learn to LOVE herself (and not take 29 years to get to that point!). I want to focus on feeling healthy and happy, and not become fixated on clothing size or what the scale says. I want to remember also what Mama Pea said (peasandthankyou.com), as I think she put it perfectly when she made a post-it note that stated that her girls think she is beautiful, and so should she. If I don’t love myself, how can I expect Taylor to learn to lover herself.
My scale disclaimer would say – this scale shows nothing more than a number, do not give this number more attention than it is worth. Focus on the number of friends and family members you have, the number of happy memories you remember, and the number of things you can say about yourself that you love.
I am at my happy weight – and that happens to be a number that is less than I weighed before I ever got pregnant. But ironically enough, this weight comes naturally without struggle, without tears, and without worry. It is not from counting every little calorie or exercising hours every day. This weight comes from just living and loving being a wife and mommy each day.
My scale disclaimer would read: “This device will not tell you how sexy others think you are!”
It’s painful to read this not from my own experience, but from that of my ex-boyfriend, who had what is now called orthorexia- he was obsessed with “eating clean.” Missing a day in the gym was NOT an option, nor was breaking his diet if it was not a “cheat meal.” When we first got together, we could have a bottle of wine together or have some chocolate while watching a movie. As it got worse, though, even one glass of red wine became a HUGE indulgence. I strongly encouraged him to get help because it was so difficult for me to see him filled with self-hatred. He went to a therapist for a little while, but ultimately he ended up breaking up with me and moving out of our apartment so that he could work on his problems on his own. Not surprisingly (because HE doesn’t really want to deal with it), his problems have only gotten worse since we broke up (a year and a half ago) and from what I hear, his obsession is worse than ever. It really breaks my heart- not just because it drove us apart and I was madly in love with him, but because it is so painful to see someone hate themselves over something so trivial as their appearance.
Unfortunately, after living with him, I began to pick up on his habits and now struggle with being really hard on myself if I don’t eat “perfectly.” I guess the moral of my story: be aware that not only is disordered eating and obsession with one’s weight/appearance destructive to yourself, but it’s also incredibly hard on those who love you.
To end this on a lighter note, Angela, I love your blog and look forward to every post. It’s such a beacon of positivity amidst contrary messages and really does help me when I’m feeling down or hard on myself. Thank you!
Angela, thanks for this post. It really resonated with me as I’ve also struggled with disordered eating. Slowly getting better, though and learning that life WILL pass me by and I will be no happier having focused on an arbitrary number. This is an inspiration.
Maria
Thank you for such a wonderful post! I have been keeping up with Caitlin’s VBT, and this has been the best and most rewarding post (to me) so far! For years, I have struggled daily with the number on the scale and obsessive calorie counting. Just recently, I decided it wasn’t worth the pain and tears and head games anymore. Although I still weight myself daily and count calories (I tend to binge if I don’t… I need that constant reminder that I do these things to stay healthy), it is not obsessive and I have come to realized that fluctuations in weight happen. I have stayed the same size for years, even with days of bad eating and bingeing. I have become to love my body for it’s size and strength. I am a competitve runner, even though I am not built like Kara Goucher, but I know that my musculature (even with the “extra” weight) makes me the strong and fast runner that I am.
Again, thank you for the wonderful post! You just gained yourself another loyal reader!
I loved this post!!! Angela, reading your blog for the past year has helped me change some of my disordered eating habits. While I do still count calories and weigh myself occasionally, both to better gauge my maintenance, I have also transitioned to eating mostly vegetarian and whole foods. I have also started running and racing more, while still trying to love my body and do good to it. My binges have definitely decreased dramatically now that I am not in a restrictive diet mindset. I am at my “happy weight” now, despite the fact that I have been at this weight (approximately) for 3 years now (maintenance from weight loss from college pounds). I am at my “happy weight” because I don’t beat myself up every time I get a little too full or eat more than a certain amount of calories. I am at my “happy weight” because I don’t feel guilty when I eat dessert. I am at my “happy weight” because I choose to be happy with myself and my body every single day!
Over the years, my weight has fluctuated all over the place, but now I have maintained my healthy weight range for over 3 years. I try to use the scale to my advantage. Weighing myself keeps me in check and let’s me know if I am going too far in one direction. I use the scale to see trends over time or to see what types of foods affect my water retention. The scale would say, “I am just a guide, one of many, to help you stay fit, healthy and strong.” You could say the same thing about a pair of pants or a measuring tape. Anything you use as a measurement tool can make you feel badly about yourself if you let it.
Thank you for such a beautiful post – this is why I love Oh She Glows so much :) And I also got tears in my eyes when I read your scales disclaimer!
Your post brought tears to my eyes–i’m serious! So, so beautiful.
This time last year I was starting to become obsessed–with how I looked, what I ate, EVERY ingredient that went into my food. Seeing oil go into my food made me upset, calorie counts consumed me and I constantly found myself making excuses for indulging–EXCUSES for enjoying food and good company. “I’ll just eat less at my next meal” “i’ll exercise longer”. I dropped to a very low weight. THEN…I found blogs, and everything went up hill. I still have negative thoughts often, but I do NOT let them control me or my decisions anymore. I accept that I have a large appetite but I can prepare healthy, delicious foods that satisfy me and make me feel wonderful. (Unlike when I eat potato chips now and the grease literally makes me feel physically ill..i’m just not used to it!) .
My scale disclaimer would say; “A number means nothing. How do you FEEL?”
This is a fantastic post! I was at my happy weight once for about a month, after a year of calorie obsession. I remember how great it was to be that weight, but I can’t seem to get back there again now that I’m on the intuitive eating + exercise plan. Funny thing is, even though I’m MUCH heavier now I’m still healthy and energetic as long as I get enough sleep and exercise daily! My scale disclaimer would be “This number doesn’t define you and it’s not worth crying over!”
I just want to say THANK YOU for this post and all of your posts. Thank you for opening your heart to us and sharing your personal experiences. I love you Angela–you are the BEST!
While reading this, I realized that I have not used the phrase “I can’t wait until I get down to (insert weight here)” in months. I also realized that I haven’t binged in months, counted calories in months (well, not the entire day’s worth, I’m still working on it!), or been obsessed with the caloric burns in my workouts in months. And I still weigh the exact same as I did seven months ago. I truly believe that I have found my happy weight. My eating disorder will take a long time to get rid of, but I feel confident and beautiful around 80 percent of the time, which is a HUGE spike from where it was a few years ago. Thank you for all that you do!!!
Wonderful post, Angela – thank you for sharing. I find myself putting off life until I reach that “happy place” or my “happy weight” and I know that drags me down. Ultimately what I seek is balance – being able to feel productive at work but still have a life, to enjoy eating well but not feel deprived, to spend time with loved ones but still have my house in order . . . I come from a long line of food rewarders where a bad day deserves a pizza, or a good deed should have an ice cream – and then deal with the guilt and the not-feeling-so-rewarded-after-all feelings.
Thank you for your blog and updates. I just started to follow you on Twitter and catching your posts on my phone have been little daily reminders to strive for better decisions, better nutritional balance, to GO for that run even if my goal is to the end of the driveway (an achievable goal I can BREAK most days) and just to think positive. Thanks!!
Thank you for your post today and thank you for OSG! I love reading your blog every day.
To me, a happy weight means eating when hungry and eating until satisfaction. It means not being a slave to the scale — and not caring what the scale says. It means knowing on the inside that you are healthy and happy and that you feel good. It is accepting the fact that your body may not look like a supermodel’s (because they are all airbrushed anyway!) — and its ok. You are a real human being and you are beautiful.
I completely agree that there is no shame in seeing a professional. I love my counselor and she has helped me get my confidence back and my self image is very much improved over the past few months.
My scale disclaimer would say “no matter what the number is, you are beautiful, you are healthy, you are happy and you are loved”. In the past I have felt that until I lose a certain number of pounds, no one would love me or that I wasn’t worthy of being loved. I do deserve to be loved and to be happy!
This is a beautiful post. It really resonated with me, and I have a feeling (from all of the comments) that most of us feel the same way. I too have a history with disordered eating–We had a lot of negative thoughts in common. It’s so sad that so many women our age are suffering or have suffered from such mental turmoil surrounding food.
One of the reasons I’m becoming a health counselor is so that I can help young women develop healthy relationships with food and more self confidence around their weight. I can identify with the guilt associated with disordered eating, and how that guilt affects EVERY aspect of one’s life.
After being enrolled in my health counselor training course, I feel like I’m finally on the road to being happy with myself as I am– in the present. I’m not quite there yet, but these things take time.
Angela… um… I just love you. A lot. Your blog is so near and dear to my heart. Whenever you write a post (especially ones like this), you bring me peace, inspiration, self-love, hope, and so so much more. I am so grateful for “Oh She Glows.”
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Those two little words will never be enough, but they’re all I’ve got!
Love,
Desi
I started to tear up when reading your ‘disclaimer’ on the scale..I was like, WHY am I tearing up?? Your comment about making a stranger melt with a smile, that really struck me. I think so often us women get wrapped in our emotions and negative feelings, always feeling like we have SO much to do, and have to get done right NOW, and then we have to do this and that and it never ends. We are so hard on ourselves, never thinking were good enough at things or skinny enough. We have to remember how much we mean to other people, we can even affect a stranger’s life. You write the most inspiring words, Angela, thank you. xo
I have never visited your blog but decided to after reading Caitlin’s Operation Beautiful post for today. Wow! I am totally inspired by your post!! It was beautiful. After suffering from disordered eating myself, I can definitely relate to a lot of things you have said. It’s so important to remember that the number on the scale does not define the person you are or want to become. Thanks for the post!