Toot, toot!
All aboard, the Operation Beautiful Virtual Book Tour!
I am excited to be talking about a body image topic that is very near and dear to my heart this morning- Happy Weights!
But first, a delicious, healthy, and energizing breakfast!
YUM!!!!
Morning Glow Vegan Overnight Oats
Ingredients:
- Classic Vegan Overnight Oats (1/3 cup oats, 1.5 tbsp chia seeds, 1 cup Almond milk, 1 tbsp Amazing Grass chocolate Amazing Meal powder)
- 1/2 apple, chopped
- 1/4 cup blueberries
- 1 dried apricot, chopped
- 1/2 Raw Energy Cookie Bites
- 1 tbsp peanut butter
- Drizzle of maple syrup, optional
Directions: Mix classic vegan overnight oat ingredients and leave in fridge overnight or in fridge for 1-2 hours. When VOO is ready, stir in mix-ins (chopped apple, blueberries, apricot, 1/2 cookie bite, peanut butter. Serve and enjoy!
This was soooooo delicious.
Revved up and ready to roll!
Fun fact about the OB book- OSGMOM has the very first note in the entire book!
You can also find me on pages 25 (my OB note) and 129-131 (I talk about the Superwoman Syndrome). I am so honoured to be a part of this great book!
OK, let’s begin.
I went on a post-it spree in Wal-Mart in honour of this post!
Happy Weight: What It Means To Me
The term Happy Weight seems like an oxymoron, doesn’t it?
I mean, who is ever happy with their weight?
I define a Happy Weight as a weight that your body can maintain with relative ease where you feel healthy, energetic, and sane.
How many women do you know who have said to you, ‘I am at my happy weight?’ and then 2 months later they still say the same thing? And a year later they still say the same thing? It is usually along the lines of, ‘In 10 pounds I will be at my happy weight’ or ‘Just 5 more pounds to lose until I am happy with myself.’
At least for me it always was.
Part of the problem is that the weight we think will make us happy is often not the right weight for our body.
The weight that we desire and the weight that the media tells us we should be is often NOT the weight our own body is happy at. This happy weight will be different for every single one of us. My Happy Weight is not the same as yours and your Happy Weight is not the same as your sisters or your best friends. We are all unique.
It took me years to figure this out. In the process my weight went up and down and up and down.
Many women pick a specific number on the scale that they want to reach. We chose our goal and we do everything in our power to get there and stay there. Often in the process, we lose ourselves and forget that we have worth outside of this goal.
An ‘unhappy weight’ is a weight that we do not feel our best at energy wise, health wise, and hunger wise.
For years, I used to battle with myself, with food, and with the scale to maintain my weight. I fought the battle every single day to stay at that weight. Every morning when I opened my eyes, the first thought in my mind was about my weight. I vowed to eat less and to workout more. To stop bingeing. At night, I would often cry into my pillow, ashamed at myself for eating ‘too much’ food or for being weak and bingeing on junk food. The cycle of shame, guilt, and desperation went on for years.
I always told myself in 10 pounds, I would finally be happy. All I had to do was lose 10 pounds and achieve ‘x’ weight and my life would fall into place. In 10 pounds, I could eat normally, binges would stop, and I could stop hating myself. All I had to do was lose 10 pounds and my problems would be solved.
I would love myself in 10 pounds….but not yet.
Not yet.
For myself, and for many women, the number on the scale is sadly a barometer for our own self-love and self-worth.
If the scale tipped higher, I hated myself a bit more. If it tipped lower, I was a better person worthy of at least a small amount of love, but of course not fully until I achieved my goal weight.
Not yet. Some day though.
I promise.
Well, I finally did lose those 10 pounds and when I got there I realized that the number was actually not my happy weight. I couldn’t love myself yet because- wait for it- I actually had a new goal weight! I was mistaken before. I thought my happy weight was 10 pounds less, but I was wrong, it was actually in another 5 pounds.
I guess I was wrong.
I would love myself someday, but….
Not yet.
Not yet.
5 more pounds, and I promise that you can be happy again. You can eat more in 5 pounds. I can eat normally again. I will love myself. I will be able to concentrate on my school work. I won’t binge when I lose 5 pounds. I will be free of the monsters that tell me I am no good.
These thoughts are easily justified in the mind of someone suffering with disordered eating. You are never good enough. Life passes you by as you chase after happiness in a number.
The problem- and I didn’t figure this out for years- was that when I allowed the scale to be a barometer for my happiness, the number will never be good enough. I will never be happy living this way. Happiness is not derived from some extrinsic factor, it has to come from within to have a lasting impact.
So many women chase a specific number on the scale. When we approach it, it slips away from our grasp like a wet bar of soap. We try desperately to cling harder to it, and it shoots in the opposite direction. We trip and fall many times chasing it. The harder that I clung to my strict diet and exercise regime, the worse my binges got and the more the scale climbed and climbed which only perpetuated the negative thoughts and desire to restrict. It is an extremely hard cycle to get out of.
So how did I find my happy weight?
It took me years and a lot of hard work to find my happy weight, but I can now confidently say that I am there. I attribute this to several choices that I made along my journey. These are my own personal choices and I do not assume that they are necessary for others. It is simply my own experience and what worked for me.
1) I claimed responsibility for my happiness
- For so long, I felt powerless about my own happiness with myself and my body-image. I felt like I couldn’t change myself, my thoughts, or my actions. One day it occurred to me that I had to finally accept responsibility for my happiness. If I didn’t, who would?
2) I ditched the scale
- While I don’t think scales can make us unhappy (ultimately, we have the power to decide that!), I do think the scale was negative for me. To this day I do not weigh myself. The scale can be a useful tool for many people, but it was poison in my life and I chose to stop weighing myself. I have never been happier since ditching the scale.
3) I got professional help
- Having suffered from an eating disorder since the age of 12, I strongly believe the only way I could beat the negativity and find my happy weight was to seek out the help of an experienced professional. I tried and failed many times on my own, but things started to fall into place when I had the counsel of a loving professional. You have to want the help first though. My commitment and determination + a loving professional = the right tools for progress. There is no shame in talking to someone!
4) I stopped counting calories
- Just like scales, calorie counting can be a useful tool for weight loss. However, in the hands of the wrong individual (like myself) calorie counting turned into an obsession. I couldn’t stop even when I tried and it took over my life. I had to get rid of calorie counting and I instead chose to listen to my body’s hunger signals. It took me years to be able to do this successfully. For so long I had denied my hunger that I found it was almost impossible to listen once I tried. The worst part was that I continued to binge even when I stopped counting calories because my body didn’t trust me. However, overtime my body trusted me again and I became in-tune with my body’s needs. This does not happen over night…patience is a virtue.
5) I exercise for FUN and for a healthy personal challenge (not just to burn calories!)
- I never focus on how many calories I burn during workouts anymore. I focus on how I feel and I do things that I enjoy like racing. Find what you enjoy and stick with it. Set goals. See what your body is capable of! Make it an adventure.
Today, I can’t tell you how much I weigh (because I don’t know), but I can tell you that I am at my Happy Weight. I know this because I eat healthy foods when I am hungry and I exercise in a moderate amount. Some days I overeat or indulge in too many sweets, but other times I pass up on dessert. It is all about finding a balance. I don’t starve myself anymore and my body feels no need to binge. My body is happy because it stays about the same size and my clothes fit how they should. If my pants get a bit tight, I know to pass up on a few desserts or extra servings here and there. Nothing extreme anymore.
For the first time in my life, I don’t care how much I weigh because I know that I am healthy and happy. As long as I have this, no number will ever be able to dictate how I feel about myself again.
I decided that all scales should come with a disclaimer when you open up the package…
Half way through writing this disclaimer, I was overcome with emotion and I broke down into tears. I wasn’t expecting to feel those intense emotions after all this time. I guess my heart still remembers the pain I went through for many years.
The fight was worth it.
I am worth the fight.
And so are you.
If you would like to be entered in a random draw to win a copy of the Operation Beautiful book, please leave a response below.
What would your ‘Scale Disclaimer’ read? What does a happy weight mean to YOU?
I stand on a scale; it shows that I’m 3 kg “bigger”. “Don’t let yourself be upset by it… don’t let…” – repeat I like a mantra. I put my clothes on (oh they fit me fine but scales are more precise measure OF me, right?)
I pass by the window. Look sides, behind… “Nobody is watching me… the moment of truth: do I look FAT?? Oh, yes, yes, scales were right. I need to loose some. Just don’t get upset.. Just don’t feel like crying. Smile, smile will win the world, right?”
My scale disclaimer: “Beware: I can spoil your mood. And your husband’s mood too because he will be so upset to see you unhappy. I will paint world in black for you because you will never (do you hear me?) n e v e r be your happy 57 KG!”
It still makes me cry. 4 year after ditching the scales, it still brings tears to my eyes.
I think this is one of my favorite posts so far! Many people admire and look to you as inspiration and I think that it is so amazing that you were willing to share these thoughts and emotions with all of us. Thank you so much for that! And I am so glad that you were able to overcome your struggle with body image and disordered eating and thinking and become the positive inflience that you are today.
Thank you for this post, Angela. I’m still struggling with disordered eating these days, but really to beat it. Scales are terrible, and even if someone is trying to lose weight, I think taking measurements is a better way to go, but as long as it doesn’t turn into an obsession I guess they could be beneficial.
Anyways, on with the contest entry:
My ‘Scale Disclaimer’ would could read ‘You are worth more than a number’. Anything simple like that and I feel like it would make me smile, and realize that beauty is NOT measured by a number. To me, a happy weight means one that I can maintain easily, not obsess over, and just be happy and healthy with.
Thank you for being so awesome and inspiring, Angela!
Wow…I felt like I was reading words that could have been my own when you wrote “I thought my happy weight was 10 pounds less, but I was wrong, it was actually in another 5 pounds.” I felt the same way at my thinnest. I struggle with still feeling the same way now. I’m not sure I’ve found my happy weight, but I have found a more balanced, uplifting relationship with food and exercise that I know is the key to getting there! Your words resonate, and they’re very inspirational!
Your disclaimer should have this disclaimer: This will make you cry. (At your desk at work. Well, that’s what happened to me! Though I’ve been like this all week. Perhaps it’s all the Operation Beautiful posts!) I struggle every day because I’ve tried for years and never get close to my “happy weight.” I feel bad when I eat too much junk or miss a workout, and I tell myself so. Thank you for this post; it is very inspiring and meaningful. Your words are always so powerful, and you’ve definitely made an impact on so many people.
P.S. I already have Caitlin’s amazing book! It’s fantastic.
Excellent post! I too chose not to use a scale and instead ‘weigh’ myself based on how my clothes fit, how strong I feel after a workout, how I can sprint to catch the train without feeling out of breath etc. My happy weight is the weight at which I am happy with the reflection I see looking back in the mirror. It’s not a number but a commitment to making healthy choices and being my best self.
If I had a scale, I’d want it to say ” You are so much more than a number.”
Your post was really inspiring! Women have such a hard time with their weight nowadays! A happy weight is in no way related to the number the scale gives you! It is the weight that you can keep for the rest of your life, by eating healthy, listening to your body and exercising to stay in shape!
My scale disclaimer would say:
Don’t forget that fat weights less than bones and muscles.
This tool doesn’t give perfect numbers. It helps you to stay on track but is not an indicator of overall health.
thanks Angela, I LOVE your scale disclaimer!!!
I just moved into a new house and during the move of boxes and items, our scale stopped working properly. The other day, it said I was 10 pounds more than the next day. I hate that it made me *panic*. I knew the number was not right (how could it be 10 pounds different from one day to the next) and quite irrational to let that number control how I felt that day… but it did. I let it ruin my day and didn’t take responsibility to own my happiness like you say.
I plan on throwing my scale away today :) I want to be happy every day regardless of the daily fluctuations (be them real or fake).
i never got the true meaning of happy weight until I reached it. When I was thin I though “I’m skinny..I *should* be happy. That’s what every girl wants, right?” but I was miserable. Now I’m healthy, have the strength to weight train, love food and life..most of all I’m happy!! All because I’m at a better weight.
Congrats on being in the book! It’s pretty cool your mom has the very first note! :D And my sclae discalimer would say “It will not tell you how beautiful you are on the inside or out” :)
This is a beautiful and important post! Thank you Angela. I too am living proof you don’t need a scale!
Wow! You are such an encouragement! It’s so refreshing to hear that women are worth so much more than their dress size! I’ve been learning this over the past few months and am excited to see other women realizing the same thing. Two years ago I lost 60 pounds in 9 months. It was way to fast and left me with the mentality that only if I lost another pound was I worth anything. After ditching the scale like you did, and getting married to a wonderful man who loves me no matter what, did I realize how much I am worth. Keep the encouragement flowing!
Love that disclaimer! I may use it as an OB note for the scale at the gym :) If I were to write my own scale disclaimer it would include: “Warning: Numbers may appear more important than they are. Frequent use may cause undue unhappiness.”
Reading about your journey and struggles while on your journey are so inspiring to me! It helps to see that someone with such a great self esteem was not always that way. I hope that didn’t come out wrong, I just meant it gives me hope! Thank you for your inspiration, not just today, but everyday. You’re the first site I check in the morning and the last at night because no matter what you’re talking about that day, your confidence radiates through!
My disclaimer:
Body weight is not a personality trait!
I would love to win this inspirational book :)
This Book looks fantastic!!!!
My scale disclaimer would say: Underweight is not a healthy weight, happiness should not depend on a number!!
Everything you’ve written in this post is so true and speaks so much more than meets the eye. After ditching the scale and calorie counting I can agree that it has made me saner and happier. I still work to listen to hunger cues from within my body, and you’re right – it takes time and does not happen over night. I used to always think I’d be happier when I’d lose another 5-10 lbs. and I found myself in the same cycle of never being happy with it.
The scale disclaimer is by far one of the best ideas I’ve ever seen, and I truly believe something like that should be included within the box of each one sold. Fabulous post, truly inspiring and a very enjoyable read. Thanks for sharing! ^_^
WOW. I LOVE your scale disclaimer. I wish I’d had one in college. I went through a similar experience to you (and millions of other women) with using a scale to measure my self-love. It was actually only recently that I even realized or acknowledged that what I had experienced was, in fact, an eating disorder. Thank you so much for all the positivity you put forth each day!
This is such an inspiring post and ive gotta say, the whole operation beautiful thing is an amazing idea that i am SO glad caitlin brought it out for the greater world to recognize….
we shud be content knowing that we are all unique individual beings, but its never enough. we always strive for something more. I am in the process of recovering from a ED and ive gotta say that the positivity that flows out of this blog is a great source of comfort and help in my journey. I would love to win a copy of this book because it reminds me of all the reasons i want to be a healthy, happy person… not one driven by weight and vanity!
:-)
Thank you for such a wonderful post, Angela. I try to not weigh myself anymore, as well, because I just don’t see the value in it – who cares what the number is? A number does NOT define me, or anyone else! :) I also have stopped worrying about how many calories I burn during a workout… I’d rather do what I enjoy and feel good than worry about yet another useless number. xoxo
Scale disclaimer: This number will not land you a better acting job, nor will it give you the confidence you need to walk into an audition and wow them.
This number will not help you be open and honest on stage, it will only distract you from what you are up there to do.
This number is/was never relevant to those who love you or those who left you.
This number does not account for those lovely calf muscles that have been building all summer from running your heart out.
This number is not you.
Happy weight for me is the weight where I can feel healthy without spending every moment of the day thinking about calories in/calories out. Once upon a time I never thought about my size- I would like to get back to that weight- the weight I maintained with ease for three years before I started eating my feelings.