Toot, toot!
All aboard, the Operation Beautiful Virtual Book Tour!
I am excited to be talking about a body image topic that is very near and dear to my heart this morning- Happy Weights!
But first, a delicious, healthy, and energizing breakfast!
YUM!!!!
Morning Glow Vegan Overnight Oats
Ingredients:
- Classic Vegan Overnight Oats (1/3 cup oats, 1.5 tbsp chia seeds, 1 cup Almond milk, 1 tbsp Amazing Grass chocolate Amazing Meal powder)
- 1/2 apple, chopped
- 1/4 cup blueberries
- 1 dried apricot, chopped
- 1/2 Raw Energy Cookie Bites
- 1 tbsp peanut butter
- Drizzle of maple syrup, optional
Directions: Mix classic vegan overnight oat ingredients and leave in fridge overnight or in fridge for 1-2 hours. When VOO is ready, stir in mix-ins (chopped apple, blueberries, apricot, 1/2 cookie bite, peanut butter. Serve and enjoy!
This was soooooo delicious.
Revved up and ready to roll!
Fun fact about the OB book- OSGMOM has the very first note in the entire book!
You can also find me on pages 25 (my OB note) and 129-131 (I talk about the Superwoman Syndrome). I am so honoured to be a part of this great book!
OK, let’s begin.
I went on a post-it spree in Wal-Mart in honour of this post!
Happy Weight: What It Means To Me
The term Happy Weight seems like an oxymoron, doesn’t it?
I mean, who is ever happy with their weight?
I define a Happy Weight as a weight that your body can maintain with relative ease where you feel healthy, energetic, and sane.
How many women do you know who have said to you, ‘I am at my happy weight?’ and then 2 months later they still say the same thing? And a year later they still say the same thing? It is usually along the lines of, ‘In 10 pounds I will be at my happy weight’ or ‘Just 5 more pounds to lose until I am happy with myself.’
At least for me it always was.
Part of the problem is that the weight we think will make us happy is often not the right weight for our body.
The weight that we desire and the weight that the media tells us we should be is often NOT the weight our own body is happy at. This happy weight will be different for every single one of us. My Happy Weight is not the same as yours and your Happy Weight is not the same as your sisters or your best friends. We are all unique.
It took me years to figure this out. In the process my weight went up and down and up and down.
Many women pick a specific number on the scale that they want to reach. We chose our goal and we do everything in our power to get there and stay there. Often in the process, we lose ourselves and forget that we have worth outside of this goal.
An ‘unhappy weight’ is a weight that we do not feel our best at energy wise, health wise, and hunger wise.
For years, I used to battle with myself, with food, and with the scale to maintain my weight. I fought the battle every single day to stay at that weight. Every morning when I opened my eyes, the first thought in my mind was about my weight. I vowed to eat less and to workout more. To stop bingeing. At night, I would often cry into my pillow, ashamed at myself for eating ‘too much’ food or for being weak and bingeing on junk food. The cycle of shame, guilt, and desperation went on for years.
I always told myself in 10 pounds, I would finally be happy. All I had to do was lose 10 pounds and achieve ‘x’ weight and my life would fall into place. In 10 pounds, I could eat normally, binges would stop, and I could stop hating myself. All I had to do was lose 10 pounds and my problems would be solved.
I would love myself in 10 pounds….but not yet.
Not yet.
For myself, and for many women, the number on the scale is sadly a barometer for our own self-love and self-worth.
If the scale tipped higher, I hated myself a bit more. If it tipped lower, I was a better person worthy of at least a small amount of love, but of course not fully until I achieved my goal weight.
Not yet. Some day though.
I promise.
Well, I finally did lose those 10 pounds and when I got there I realized that the number was actually not my happy weight. I couldn’t love myself yet because- wait for it- I actually had a new goal weight! I was mistaken before. I thought my happy weight was 10 pounds less, but I was wrong, it was actually in another 5 pounds.
I guess I was wrong.
I would love myself someday, but….
Not yet.
Not yet.
5 more pounds, and I promise that you can be happy again. You can eat more in 5 pounds. I can eat normally again. I will love myself. I will be able to concentrate on my school work. I won’t binge when I lose 5 pounds. I will be free of the monsters that tell me I am no good.
These thoughts are easily justified in the mind of someone suffering with disordered eating. You are never good enough. Life passes you by as you chase after happiness in a number.
The problem- and I didn’t figure this out for years- was that when I allowed the scale to be a barometer for my happiness, the number will never be good enough. I will never be happy living this way. Happiness is not derived from some extrinsic factor, it has to come from within to have a lasting impact.
So many women chase a specific number on the scale. When we approach it, it slips away from our grasp like a wet bar of soap. We try desperately to cling harder to it, and it shoots in the opposite direction. We trip and fall many times chasing it. The harder that I clung to my strict diet and exercise regime, the worse my binges got and the more the scale climbed and climbed which only perpetuated the negative thoughts and desire to restrict. It is an extremely hard cycle to get out of.
So how did I find my happy weight?
It took me years and a lot of hard work to find my happy weight, but I can now confidently say that I am there. I attribute this to several choices that I made along my journey. These are my own personal choices and I do not assume that they are necessary for others. It is simply my own experience and what worked for me.
1) I claimed responsibility for my happiness
- For so long, I felt powerless about my own happiness with myself and my body-image. I felt like I couldn’t change myself, my thoughts, or my actions. One day it occurred to me that I had to finally accept responsibility for my happiness. If I didn’t, who would?
2) I ditched the scale
- While I don’t think scales can make us unhappy (ultimately, we have the power to decide that!), I do think the scale was negative for me. To this day I do not weigh myself. The scale can be a useful tool for many people, but it was poison in my life and I chose to stop weighing myself. I have never been happier since ditching the scale.
3) I got professional help
- Having suffered from an eating disorder since the age of 12, I strongly believe the only way I could beat the negativity and find my happy weight was to seek out the help of an experienced professional. I tried and failed many times on my own, but things started to fall into place when I had the counsel of a loving professional. You have to want the help first though. My commitment and determination + a loving professional = the right tools for progress. There is no shame in talking to someone!
4) I stopped counting calories
- Just like scales, calorie counting can be a useful tool for weight loss. However, in the hands of the wrong individual (like myself) calorie counting turned into an obsession. I couldn’t stop even when I tried and it took over my life. I had to get rid of calorie counting and I instead chose to listen to my body’s hunger signals. It took me years to be able to do this successfully. For so long I had denied my hunger that I found it was almost impossible to listen once I tried. The worst part was that I continued to binge even when I stopped counting calories because my body didn’t trust me. However, overtime my body trusted me again and I became in-tune with my body’s needs. This does not happen over night…patience is a virtue.
5) I exercise for FUN and for a healthy personal challenge (not just to burn calories!)
- I never focus on how many calories I burn during workouts anymore. I focus on how I feel and I do things that I enjoy like racing. Find what you enjoy and stick with it. Set goals. See what your body is capable of! Make it an adventure.
Today, I can’t tell you how much I weigh (because I don’t know), but I can tell you that I am at my Happy Weight. I know this because I eat healthy foods when I am hungry and I exercise in a moderate amount. Some days I overeat or indulge in too many sweets, but other times I pass up on dessert. It is all about finding a balance. I don’t starve myself anymore and my body feels no need to binge. My body is happy because it stays about the same size and my clothes fit how they should. If my pants get a bit tight, I know to pass up on a few desserts or extra servings here and there. Nothing extreme anymore.
For the first time in my life, I don’t care how much I weigh because I know that I am healthy and happy. As long as I have this, no number will ever be able to dictate how I feel about myself again.
I decided that all scales should come with a disclaimer when you open up the package…
Half way through writing this disclaimer, I was overcome with emotion and I broke down into tears. I wasn’t expecting to feel those intense emotions after all this time. I guess my heart still remembers the pain I went through for many years.
The fight was worth it.
I am worth the fight.
And so are you.
If you would like to be entered in a random draw to win a copy of the Operation Beautiful book, please leave a response below.
What would your ‘Scale Disclaimer’ read? What does a happy weight mean to YOU?
Angela, a beautifully honest post. Thank you for sharing your healing journey. So many of your insights resonate with me. I’m so happy that you have found balance (and lots of joy) in your life. It is always a pleasure to spend a few minutes with you via this blog.
I love the notes you posted in WalMart. Fantastic!
xo
Amazing post Angela!
I’m actually not really sure what my scale disclaimer would be because I’ve never even owned a scale. I believe that I am currently at my happy weight (and was reassured a month ago when I wore my high school graduation dress to my brother’s wedding rehersal and it still fit like a glove!) If I were to ever get a scale in my house however the disclaimer would read something like: “Remember, what shows up here is only a number. It’s how you feel inside that matters.”
Oh wow this is such a powerful powerful post. I too spent years feeling devastated by what I saw on the scales. It is only very recently that I have gotten into fitness and began feeling good about my body. I do still weigh myself occasionally but not every day as I used to. I am also paying more attention to how my clothes fit and how great I feel, rather than numebrs on a machine.
Thanks so much for sharing.
Alice
xx
Thank you for such a beautiful and important post! I struggled with borderline eating disorders throughout late teens/early 20s- it seemed whenever I was not 100% happy with my actual life and where it was going I would begin to starve myself, because that was one thing I could control. It was a vicious cycle, but then I fortunately ended the cycle and became fit, healthy and happy. I was a little worried this past year about falling back into that trap because I had my first baby (he is AMAZING), but he came with a lot of baby weight, I was worried I would begin to starve myself again b/c I was a little obsessed with losing the weight fast. I am so thankful that I didn’t fall into the trap and all of the weight came off in under 3 months by just eating healthy, being active and nursing my little guy- NATURE and God know what they’re doing :) Thanks again!!
Your second bullet point under point 2 is so important, and I find it very sad that anyone would believe they were only deserving of love if they weighed the ‘right’ amount.
I used to get hung up on reaching a certain number on the scale and every figure (140, 120 etc) would have meanings and feeling attached to it e.g. that is what a slim, attractive person would weigh, I would be happy with myself and how I looked if that was my weight. Then I did a simple thing – I switched my scale to kilograms. Suddenly the numbers were just numbers – I could keep track of my weight but the figures had no meaning or emotional attachment anymore.
Only once I made this switch was I actually able to lose weight! I was able to reach a healthy weight for me, because it just became a mechanical process with no emotional attachments.
This is a great idea! I don’t own a scale, and never have, but I can totally see how this would help. Similarly, I’ve started tracking my slow beginnings of becoming a runner in km. While I know certain markers (like 5k) and I can certainly do the math in my head if I want, it helps me focus on the process of jogging and not the “must get to X miles” or “why am I so winded after only X miles?”
What a beautiful post! I truly wish that more people could reach the level of awareness about their bodies that you have reached. It is so important to learn to listen to our bodies and eat when we are hungry, and stop when we are full. Our bodies are wise and if people would just slow down a little and listen, they would be amazed at what they hear! I credit my experience with a wonderful yoga teacher for teaching me this. I have always been into fitness and am a nutrition professional, but trusting one’s body wisdom can be a difficult thing to learn. Congratulations on being part of this wonderful book!
My happy weight gives me the opportunity to have the energy to be healthy and active. Nourish and benefit my organs.
Super fantastic post and thanks for posting in Walmart.
This is a great “mirror statement”!!! Thanks Jodie :-)
It’s exactly what I believe to be the main goal to achieve concerning your body.
If you really listen to what your body needs and learn what’s good and healthy for yourself, you will be able to achieve your happy weight and be a happy person.
Happy weight is one that powers you and supports your physical and mental goals. But your happy weight is also about your mental state.
My scale dislaimer would say: Why do you care what number I read? You are beautiful, loving, kind, a good person, and you and other people should love you for who you are. I think I am starting to realize, I am at my happy weight for my body. I am 5′ tall. I am small, but i weigh more than what people would guess… I am not skin and bones, I have some curves to me and I am healthy, and i LOVE me this way…
Thanks Angela for this very inspirational post!
Having been dealing with anorexia for more than 10 years now, body image discussions hit very cose to home for me. I’m so grateful to have amazing blogs such as yours to turn to when I feel discouraged in my recovery. I know that just a few minutes of reading from such strong women who overcame their negative thoughts gets me back on track every time.
For me, my happy weight is a weight at which food no longer needs to be the priority. at which I will not only have the energy to be the best wife, friend, daughter and sister that I can be, but a weight at which my body will allow me to have a child.
I am working very hard to get to that point and I feel the extra boost I am getting right now from all the Operation Beautiful discussions is just what I needed to get me through the last stretch of my recovery.
Thank you again Angela for being part of this,
Viviane xoxo
Wow what a wonderful post, thank you so much for sharing more of your story and struggles with us. You are right, You are a beautiful loved person and a number doesn’t change that. Have a wonderful weekend girl!
Kisses
Rach
My Scale Disclaimer will be “This number does not define the quality of my life.”
To me, happy weight means that I can move through life easily and comfortably, and not worry about what others think about my shape and size. (And not letting my Mother into my head about my weight.) I’m not there yet, but am moving in the right direction.
My disclaimer would read: Numbers may appear larger than they are. I find that when I weigh myself and whatever the number is, it’s huge. I’m trying to break free of the scale. My daughter in law has severe ED. I have learned a lot and I would do anything to help her beat this. I would like to give both of my DIL’s operation beautiful, because I want them to realize that they are loved and they are beautiful.
Angela, this post brought me to tears and while I was reading it I kept nodding and nodding … yes, I went through the same stages!! A fight each and every single day … all those notes in my diary “I have to be better with food & sports” over and over again, waiting for the day where I’d be “perfect” in my eyes!!
It was also really hard for me to learn that other people canNOT see that I have gained a pound or that I haven’t trained in a week … no, they only might see the unhappy face and notice and feel the unhappy and “haunted” vibe and wonder why it’s there.
My “scale disclaimer” would say exactly this:
this scale doesn’t tell you what people see in you or what you see in yourself – it’s up to you to make things happen and make things real!! Weight has nothing to do with this! Smile each and every single day!
And for me a happy weight is a weight that my body feels most comfortable with … and I am sure that every person is able to find his or her happy weight – and it’s up to each and every single one alone!
You have to FEEL this … (intuitive eating comes in here) you should be able to move freely and without breathlessness, your body will let you eat loads of healthy food with some indulgence thrown in and it will make you feel strong, it will enable you to conceive and have a beautiful, healthy baby (or more than one :-)) …
And you should never forget that each one of us just gets ONE BODY !! This body will carry us through everything! The good times, the bad … being parents, being grandparents, being ill, being old.
So I think our body deserves to have the best treatment and all our love!!
Most days, I can now leave my weight to fitting in my clothes. I have not sworn off the scale, but it doesn’t dictate me. I remember vividly just before graduation in HS BRAGGING (and, how funny is that to think of) to someone that I was UP to 117 pounds. After being much too thin for much too long, reaching a healthy BMI was a big deal. By no means did my struggle stop when I was 18, but it is a moment in time that the number meant entirely too much to me.
Great post! Very inspirational and was nice to read. I have a problem accepting my healthy weight. I don’t know if I am quite there but almost, i have to work on the mind side of things. Your website has actually helped me a lot in learning to listen to my body, do things that are good for it, and forget about the number on the scale. My disclaimer for the scale would be
“The number shown does not define who you are, how much your body can do for you, how smart you are, or how beautiful you really are.”
I love your post Angela. When I was in the depths of my eating disorder I used to say “Just XX more pounds and I’ll be happy.” Of course, I always lost those pounds and was never satisfied. I think every time I reached whatever the goal weight was, I felt worse. I was always expecting to get to that weight and all of a sudden I’d feel good and start loving myself. Now I realize how ridiculous that sounds!
what a beautiful post, angela! thank you so much for sharing your past experiences so freely and honestly. you’ve come such a long way! you really are a positive example for so many.
a note i would/should/could place on my scale is “just get off of me and go enjoy your day!” :)
Oh my gosh Angela, this brought me to tears. I’m in recovery for anorexia and just recently got rid of the scale but have seen my weight at the dietician and it does dictate my whole day, what I eat etc.. I think all scales should come wrapped in the yellow tape that says hazardous with a warning that says “this machine does not determine your self worth”.
Because to me yah that scale has measured if I was being good enough(not eating my full meal plan), or being bad(following my meal plan). i recently had a breast cancer scare and sitting there with all those women who are in treatment made me realize wow how they just are thankful to be alive everyday. I need to be grateful I have the energy to lift weight, the appetite to eat and learn to love a fit, healthy, strong body not a skinny waify one you’d expect to see on a runway because if i keep trying to keep my weight there eventually my organs are going to give out and i’m going to be sitting there like those women.
Happy weight to me is when I’m as comfortable in front of the camera as behind it. Happy weight is when I look at myself just like my kids and husband do – I’m the MOM/WIFE they love to spend time with – They think I’m great just the way I am. Focus on a healthy body and a content spirit.
My scale post – Why do you care? This number does nothing to represent how you feel inside. Slow down, quiet down – listen to what your body is saying. You are surrounded by love and support. Take advantage of it. You are beautiful and have so much to offer.