Good morning!
Eric and I got sucked into The Marriage Ref again last night! I hope they never cancel the show. We may or may not have a crush on the host, Tom Papa. ;) His little grin is so cute!
I was up around 5:30am and was off to work!
I still have about 200 bars to make today!
breakfast called…
A fresh juice composed of cucumber, ginger, carrot, beet, and apple:
I buy a lot of my juice produce from the discount bin at our grocery store. It saves a ton of money. This is a beat up apple that was going to be tossed had I not saved it. :)
Beets make everything look pretty… Or like blood splatter as one reader commented. Ew.
Rainbow sorbet!
Use your good glasses… Also, use your good towels. ;)
I got a set of these wine glasses from my sister (they gave them out as favours at their wedding) and I fell in love with them the first time I used them. I bet she never thought they would get so much use! I use them for green monsters, juices, wine, cantaloupe margaritas, etc. :mrgreen:
I had my juice along with a GF + Raw Glo Bar.
A very energizing breakfast!
Pressure In College
One of the things I get emailed about the most is my A Year Can Change A Lot Series (found here). This series documents how I was able to leave a miserable situation and find a career that I was passionate about. This led to quitting a stable job and despite all fears, deciding that I would do whatever it takes to be happy.
It is not an easy road. Many of you have emailed me with your stories. I received this email a while back and with Becky’s permission, I will share it with you:
“Hi Angela, Thank you, thank you, thank you for your AYCCA series. It really hit home with me. I have been miserable in school for a while now. You see, I started off doing what I thought I should do– a hard science degree– because my parents have always wanted me to pursue medical school like they did. I took hard sciences because everyone said that it opened the most doors for me even if I did end up changing the idea of going to med school. I am almost finishing up my 3rd year of my science degree and I have to say this has been the most miserable 3 years of my life. Instead of embracing the college experience like all of my friends I am stressed out and unhappy. Sometimes I tear up in the middle of class because I am so lost in the coursework and I feel so in over my head. Sciences just don’t ‘click’ with me!
I have to spend all my free time studying, just to pull a B average and even that disappoints my parents. They tell me I need straight A’s or I will never get into med school. I just feel so depressed right now. In my heart, I know that science is not for me. I don’t have a burning fire to do this. I feel like I would be a huge let down to my parents if I didn’t at least get my degree and then see what happens. They tell me, ‘Becky just stick with something once in your life and finish it.’ How could I do otherwise?
For the past 3 years, I have been going through the motions of college.
So many times, I have wanted to switch my major. I have always had a love of the arts. I am creative and I love to write poetry. I have notebooks and notebooks filled with my poetry. I also love to draw and I have been designing logos for friends on the side for a bit of extra money. This stuff keeps me sane.
Luckily I have a supportive boyfriend during all of this time. He has told me from the beginning to switch my major and go into the arts. He doesn’t really get along with my parents because he sees how unhappy they can make me. I know they just want the best for me, but I am having a hard time figuring this out for myself when they have such strong opinions about it all.
This email is way too long and I will be surprised if you are still reading, but thank you for putting yourself out there and giving me hope that I can do something now before it is too late. I feel like I am either going to make the change now or 30 years from now. What is worse? I just feel stuck and I wonder if you or any of your readers are going through the same situation or have been through it?”
Luckily I have never had pressure from my parents to pursue a specific degree, but I can imagine how hard it would be. I personally feel that it is always best to listen to your heart. I feel that many people ignore it and then when they are 50 they decide to finally make a career change and do what makes them happy. I say don’t wait. Life is too short to delay your happiness. I could be hit by a bus tomorrow and I would have died knowing that I was doing what I loved. If you know in your heart right now that you hate what you are doing, take steps to change that. See a career counselor at your college. I could have saved myself 7 years pursuing something I knew wasn’t for me if I had listened to my heart. I would probably have a heart to heart with my parents and tell them how I felt. I don’t think you can ever communicate too much. Maybe if they knew how unhappy you really were, they would be open to discussion?
Today’s question: Have you ever been in Becky’s shoes? Have you ever felt pressure from parents to go into a career you weren’t passionate about? What did you do?
~~~
Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then, do what you need to do, in order to have what you want. – Margaret Young
Oh dear, Becky, listen to your heart!!! I truly believe we are all meant to do special and amazing things on this earth, but we can only truly do them if we are following our guts. If you think about the schooling you are doing now, and the kind of job it could lead to, how does your body feel? Probably like a tensed up lead ball! Then think about something you’d enjoy pursuing, something creative. I bet your heart and body feel so much more freedom!
Your parents probably think they know what’s best for you, but you are 100% the only person who can ever really know! If anyone (family, friend, or professional) every tells you they know what’s best for you, run the other way!
I think you already know what you want…go for it! Your parents will still love you, and even better you’ll feel like yourself again.
yup– ‘I truly believe we are all meant to do special and amazing things on this earth, but we can only truly do them if we are following our guts’
Believe me, I’ve been there. I hated my Psychology major for the first 3 years of college, switched into Marketing in my last year and thought I would love it. Got a job in Public Relations and HATED it. Throughout those years, those my parents were supportive, I could tell they weren`t completely happy with my choices.
I am now pursuing a my RD and they`re still not happy. They want me to go to med school. But I know, that the pressure only stems from them wanting me to be happy and successful. I also know that I have to do what I want to do, not what someone else wants me to do. I guess it`s something you learn in time. YOU are the only person who can make yourself happy. You can`t live your life to please others.
Yes! My parents definitely had me pegged to be the academic kid who would go off to University, get a degree etc. but I opted instead to pursue ballet with the idea that I can go to University anytime but you can only dance for so long (it’s a super short career) The whole time my parents have continued to push me to quit, and go to school and just dance on the side but to me that is giving up and letting go of my dreams. For the past few years we kind of had a compromise going on where I was taking correspondance courses while continuing to dance, however this year they basically told me I needed to pick; full-time school or dance. We have had MANY discussions, involving lots of tears, about the situation and while they don’t like my choice they ultimately have accepted it and it made me so happy when my dad said (after another one of those phone calls) “we might not agree with everything you choose to do, but we will support you in whatever you end up doing”.
I would recommend talking to them, maybe even write up a list of points. I think deep down, all parents just want their kids to be happy and successful, so if you bring it to them in a mature way and point out various options etc. I think they might just come around (or at least to the extent my parents did).
Good Luck!
-K
I never had a strong drive like Becky does, never had a strong interest in any particular area. My parents let me study what I wanted, though my dad did always express concern about my French major. Now I’ve figured out what I want to do, am back in school, and feel terrible having wasted my parents’ money on one degree when had I taken a slightly different direction, I’d only have to take a few major specific classes to get my new one. I seriously wish I had the money to start paying them back, but I’m stuck in a boring, low paying, dead end job.
Basically, if Becky knows what she wants and knows how she wants to apply that degree to a real life job, she should go for it, but writing and art is something you can always do on the side and slowly shift over to once you build up a bit of a nest egg.
I think you ultimately have to do what makes you happy! I switched majors 4 times before finally graduating with a nutrition degree. I was always in the sciences though, so it didn’t set me back all that much. Is there a way for you to pursue another science degree that you may enjoy more? Then maybe minor in arts?
It’s tricky because you want to do what makes you happy, but there is a lot more to think about. You don’t want to make your parents unhappy, and you do have to think about the added expense of starting over in another major.
It is your life, and you can’t live it to make others happy all the time. If your parents only want you to be successful and happy, then in time, they will understand if you change your major.
Life is short, don’t spend any amount of time doing something you hate!
Good luck, Becky!
oh my! story of my life! I have absolutely been in Becky’s shoes and I still am. Last may I graduated college with my BABA, just to have a degree basically to make my parents happy. Talk about going through the motions! However, I could not decide on a job that I could see myself doing for the rest of my life (sitting in a cubicle isn’t for me). Recently I decided to go back to school (starting from scratch) to pursue a physical therapy assistant program. Of course the parents love this idea, until more recently that I also decide I would like to be certified to teach yoga (which is my true passion). Parents like this idea? nah, not so much. However after seeking out a path that makes them happy for so long, and not myself, I decided that I have nothing to lose by pursuing my dreams. Life’s way too short. I think the moral of the story for all of us (most of us making the transition to or from college specifically) is that we want our parents to be proud of us, but more importantly, we want to be proud and happy with what we choose to do in life and hopefully given the choices that we make, our parents will follow. It’s really tough sometimes to separate what we THINK we should do from what our parents say, and what we FEEL we should do in our heart.
“Find something you love to do and you’ll never have to work a day in your life”
Harvey MacKay
I consider myself pretty lucky & have never felt pressure from my parents to pursue any specific career. However, many of my friends have and I’ll tell you why. They are in the exact same shoes as you are. I was a science major in college and I am currently in the process of applying to medical schools. Naturally, many of my friends from college are in the same boat. Some of them by their own choice, others not-so-much. I’ll ask you the same question I always ask them: Would you ever want to be treated or seen by a doctor that didn’t have a passion for being your doctor? I know I wouldn’t. In the end, your happiness is way more important. Be true to yourself. It is your life, not anyone else’s. Spend your time doing what you want to do, not what you think you should be doing. Best of luck. It will all work out :)
I will tell you a story a very wise high school teacher told me over 30 years ago. He had a friend whose parents wanted him to be a doctor, even though this is not what he wanted he went through school and became a doctor. The day after he graduated from medical school he had a nervouse breakdown and was never the same again. As a parent I know you want your children to respect you but I do not believe we have the right to dictate what you do for a living. I say follow what you are passionate about and you will be successful. Also what is the point of spending even more money on a degree you do not want.
YES. My parents wanted me to go into a “solid” field – something where jobs were guaranteed for the long haul. I didn’t know what I wanted to do going into college but soon discovered that I loved Psychology (I did realize the career implications attached to this major). However, my parents were not comfortable with my pursuing that so, instead, I went into Accounting. Toward the end I really disliked it and questioned many times what the heck I was doing, but I finished my degree because my parents were paying for it and I figured I’d be able to fake it til I made it – act the part until I eventually enjoyed Accounting.
After college, I got a job as a staff accountant at a small tax firm. I loved the people I worked with, but after a year and a half of tax accounting and taking FOREVER to study for just one piece of the CPA exam, I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t take being in a field I had zero interest in. I found a new job and resigned from the firm.
My parents weren’t crazy about the idea but by this point I was 100% on my own and I was ready to face them and say, look, I love you and I appreciate the sacrifices you made to put me through school, but this isn’t working. I’m sorry, I know this is what you wanted, but I can’t stand it. I am not happy.
I took a position as an Executive Assistant (some accounting knowledge was required so at least I’d used my major for something!) and haven’t looked back. Now, I’m not saying this is my idea career. It certainly is not and I still have the occasional minor breakdown wondering what I ultimately want to do with myself. But it’s livable. I’m actually making more now than I did as a beginner at the tax firm and I am content to be here for now while I figure things out.
One thing I wanted to say that doesn’t get covered in a lot of these “should I finish my degree even if I hate it?” discussions is that I have definitely found my degree to be a detriment to my current situation. Don’t get me wrong – having SOME degree is important. However, having a degree in something that I hate and having to put it on my resume pigeonholes me.
Potential employers say, oh, I see you have an Accounting degree, well, you’d be great for this other position and we’ll come to you whenever we have accounting questions.” And when people ask, so what’s your degree in? I say, Accounting, and they say, oh, that’s awesome, let me ask you about this. I can’t escape this darn degree.
Long story short, if I had a college redo, I’d either major in Psychology and deal with the consequences, major in Psychology and then consider going all the way to PhD, or major in something versatile but useful like Management. I would not finish the “good” degree just to have it because that opens up a whole new can of worms once you get into the work force.
Btw, my parents got over their disappointment pretty quickly once they saw just how unhappy I was. I should’ve confronted them sooner.
Best of luck with whatever you decide.
I’ve never felt…say SPECIFIC pressure from my family – but definitely pressure in general…to have a degree and a white collar job. My entire family works in either banking or law. They don’t expect me to necessarily go into those specific fields but it’s expected that I work a corporate type of job – I honestly don’t know what my parents would do if one day I was like “I want to pursue acting” or something like that.
Its interesting to think about isn’t it?
Wow, Angela! What a great opportunity for Becky to get a lot of advice.
I was never forced into doing anything I didn’t want to, but I always felt that I had to take whatever job was available.
Only recently I’ve started doing what I really love, and it has made such an amazing difference in my life. My work does not feel like work! I love doing it, it is rewarding on so many levels, and I wish I would have started this a long, long time ago!
My advice to Becky is this: Sit down with your parents and have a heart-to-heart talk with them. Explain how you are feeling. You need to follow your heart, and do what makes you happy! If science isn’t your thing after all this time, chance are, it never will be. If you know what you love to do, pursue that.
Good Luck!!! and let us know what happens!
Angela, thanks for your blog, I love it!
Thank you Dawn :)
I had a similar experience choosing between a performing arts college where I could excel at dancing or a business school to pursue an actual career. My parents were supportive of ANYTHING I wanted to do which was amazing, but for me it came to being honest with my goals, abilities and future plans. I knew that I wanted to have a family and a comfortable life, but I also wanted to be inspired by whatever I was doing. Right now I am studying marketing and dancing on the side, which is making me very happy at the moment. I think it is all about balancing your wants and being honest with yourself about your capabilities.
Oh Goodness can I relate! I did come out of college with an English degree with honors….but have spent the years since wandering and miserable. Last summer my therapist had me take a personality test, and when I came up as an “Artist” I had a lot of bells go off. The intellect was very important in my family, and starting in middle school I forced myself to academic excellence because that was what was expected of me. Denying my creativity…or limiting it to ‘hobby’ was probably the worst thing I ever did to myself! At 36, I’m only now allowing for the possibility of a more creative lifestyle….and after denying that for over 20 years, believe me it’s hard to let go and play with that idea. But it’s never to late…and at least I’m now finally moving in the right direction!
You HAVE to do what you want to do. I studied accountancy for three years. The first two years were okay and I just trundled along but I did find the course extremely boring. Third year was terrible. I was swamped with the workload and finding the coursework hard and STILL with the boring.
I felt sick, ill, stressed and depressed. I knew what I had to do. I managed to switch to another course and I made sure to finish up my study year. I knew that my parents would be disappointed but I know that they would rather have me doing something I would be happy in rather than make myself unwell over it.
Anyway to cut a long story short I am now studying law and I love it! I just wanted to let you know that you have to do what is best for you. I hope you get to switch majors if you choose to do so. Staying on and doing something that you don’t like just isn’t worth it, trust me! x
I’ve never had pressure from parents, but I definitely am miserable. I left college after 3 years of not knowing what I wanted my degree to be. Flirted with audio arts, and right when I switched it to journalism, I left school. I was going through an identity crisis.
I have moved all over because I want to constantly move. Now I am with my boyfriend in Ohio, working as a receptionist at a salon and spa. Love the people here, hate the job. I don’t quite know what I’d like to do. I love baking. I love health. I love photography. I love motorcycles. My dream job would be photojournalism. Or doing photo shoots for magazines. Anything that would be creative and demanding. I just don’t know how to get to what I want. Don’t know the steps I should take. I feel so lost.
Whenever I am lost about ANYTHING the first thing I do is google it. You may be surprised how much info is at your fingertips!
I can definitely relate to Becky’s story!
I spent the past 3 years in an undergrad program for biomedical science and I hated it! About a month ago I realized that my true passion lies in health and nutrition, and so I made the switch to Nutritional Studies. I have to do an extra 2 years of undergrad, but it’s totally worth it because I know I’m on my right path now. :)
Good luck to Becky! I really hope you follow your heart and do what you want!
I have to remind myself to look before I leap and not get ahead of myself.
I want to start my own business, but I know now that my day-job subsidizes my other interests. As long as I stay focused it won’t get in the way and it allows me the flexibility to pursue lots of different things.
My heart goes out to you Becky! I agree with Angela. I know it’s hard, I KNOW, to change the direction of your life, especially when you feel you will be letting others down. But I bet you if you have a heart to heart with your parents and tell them how you really feel, they will understand. They love you, after all! I was in school to be a teacher and I HATED it but I stayed because I thought it was the “right” thing to do. Bad decision. I ended up depressed, unhappy, moody, etc. until I woke up and realized that hey, life is too short to be unhappy!! I was afraid of what my parents would say but I went to them and explained it all and told them what I wanted to do, go to culinary school, and they supported me 100%! I quit school 1 semester before I was supposed to graduate to pursue culinary school. Some may think i’m crazy but I followed my heart, and that is what is important. Parents want the best for their children so they will push them to be all that they can be but they also love you and want you to be happy!
I didn’t have that sort of pressure thankfully as I grew up in a very blue collar family and was one of the few to actually go to school beyond high school!
But, I have to say Angela, THANK YOU for posting the link to your journey from hell and back. I’ve honestly done NO work this afternoon from reading it all. This year I went back to school to finish up my degree (ten years later) and was contemplating on getting my Masters afterwards. Recently, however, I have come to realize that a) I’m not prepared to commit my life to it, and b) I don’t think I actually need it. Reading your experience has confirmed that my time and money are best left to put towards things that will actually HELP my career and life in general. Like you, I’ve always wanted to help people but never knew exactly what it was, specifically, I wanted to do. But I’m starting to slowly figure that out and reading your posts today as cemented the fact that things are changing for the better in my life in regards to figuring that out. You and your story truly give me hope that I’m not crazy and that I CAN and WILL do this! Thanks!
Thank you so much Therese. I am glad you enjoyed it. Good for you for making the first steps to creating happiness in your life!
I must say I did giggle when I read ‘your journey from hell and back.’ I guess it is true what they say ‘some day we will laugh about this’?? lol
I am going through Becky’s situation right now!! I finally broke free of the pressure my family put on me and while it has NOT been easy, it has been totally worth it because I am finally making decision that I want to make for myself!
I would love to exchange emails with Becky so please tell her to contact me if she would like and we can talk about it!
I love when you post about your story Angela. Since I am living in the middle of a similar situation, reading your story again and again gives me the strength and courage to keep pushing out of my miserable career and into the right career for me. I can’t wait until I am on the other side like you and can share with people my story!