Happy Olympics! yawhooo!
Sketchie had a long, hard week! ;)
Amazing response to the Glo Bar coupons yesterday- I added more and those went too.
Now onto breakfast…which was delicious oatmeal!
Quick and Easy Chia Banana Kiwi Oatmeal
Ingredients:
- 1 cup almond milk
- 1/2 cup water
- 1/2 cup regular oats
- 1 T chia seeds
- 1/2 T cashew butter
- 1 t pure vanilla extract
- pinch sea salt
- 1 ripe banana cut into chunks
Directions: Throw all ingredients into a pot and stir on high until it boils. Reduce to low temp and whip like crazy. Pour into a dish and add your desired toppings.
I enjoyed every bite!
Do Your Friends Keep Tabs On Your Weight?
The other day I was talking to a girlfriend of mine. Kara (not her real name) is upset because one of her friends makes constant comments about her weight.
I’m going to talk a bit about Kara’s situation (she gave me permission to talk about it on the blog):
Kara’s friend always asks her questions about her weight such as how much she weighs. Her friend also makes comments when they go out to eat such as ‘You are getting dessert? I thought you were a healthy eater?’ or even criticizing her for ordering a salad and soup telling her she needs to ‘stop eating like a bird’.
Kara feels very self-conscious about these comments and she isn’t quite sure what to do about it. She said that she feels like her friend is keeping tabs on her weight and is always watching and monitoring whether she is working out, eating healthy or unhealthy, or losing or gaining weight.
Kara said, ‘I am starting to feel obsessed with my weight because I have these hawk eyes on me all the time.’
‘In a way, I almost feel like I am being scrutinized like a celebrity, even though I know that what I am going through is nothing like a celebrity! I just feel like I am always being watched…and if I slip up or gain a few pounds this person is secretly happy or is going to make a comment about it. I feel like she is always waiting for me to do something wrong so she feels better about herself .’
Have you ever been in a similar situation as Kara?
Do you have friends who keep tabs on your weight or make comments about what you eat/how much you workout and turn it into a competition?
What do you do about it?
There will likely be a Part 2 of this topic as I want to add my own thoughts but this post is already a bit lengthy. :)
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Coming up on OSG a dramatic before and after of a room in our house!!!!
I feel your pain, Kara! I have a friend from college that does this to me! The moment she sees me when we get together, I can actually see her eyes looking me up and down to scrutinize my outfit, if I’ve gained/lost weight since we last saw each other, etc. and it’s very uncomfortable for me. If she thinks I’ve gained weight she’ll go on and on about how much she’s been working out, and will never compliment me if I’ve lost weight. It makes me feel very self-conscious because I can feel her comparing herself to me and competing with me (which I know she does with a lot of her other friends). I feel like she brings out the ugly competitive side of me in return, so I’ve come to stop hanging out with her as much. If I tried to talk to her about it, I think she would accuse me of being paranoid.
I work in a field with very few other women and I often notic how instead of acting sisterly and helping one another the relationships between women are competitive and quite brutal….as elenor Roosevelt once said there is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women. I don’t know how we got to be so
competitive and catty but I have noted that it stems from disatisfaction with ones own body…
That kind of behavior really fires me up. My Mom does that to me. She is constantly commenting on my weight, what I eat, how much I do or do not work out. UGH. It is very frustrating and I know it comes from her own self esteem issues. I’ve tried to talk to her about it, to no avail.
I agree with everyone in that Kara’s friend clearly has low self-esteem and is outwardly projecting that on Kara, unfortunately. It’s so difficult when you feel like you just can’t win- If you try to eat healthy and are mindful of portions then you’re obsessive and not eating enough, but if you choose to eat something that others might see as unhealthy then you’ve fallen off the wagon. I hope that Kara is able to recognize that her friend is wrong to be so critical one way or the other. Someone who loves you wouldn’t make you feel so judged.
Great topic of discussion, Angela!
i have relatives in the South who says things like, you’re only eating salad?! its gets pretty annoying after awhile but i just ignore it. what else can you do?
This person is not a friend and she should really stop going out to eat with her. However I do have a few suggestions if she does.
To the “your having dessert” she should reply YES and I am going to enjoyt every bite!
To the ” you eat like a bird” she should reply I practice intuitive eating and right now my body wants soup and a salad.
But personally I think this other person is insecure and it make her feel better to think this way. I say only keep positive people as friends the others just bring you down and life is just TOO short to put up with it.
Ugh..this is such a tough topic for so many reasons.
I started to write yesterday about my experience with emotional eating and what it has done to my body image and my self talk. It’s hard enough to be in our own head but when someone you care for or trust starts to make comments like that- I don’t think we know how to process it. Especially if we are struggling already on our own.
I’ve been through similar situations and I think the best way to respond is this: part of relationships is the ability to be open and honest. If the comments are upsetting her or making anything tough for her, she deserves to have an open talk with her friend about what is happening. Often a friend may be jealous, upset or struggling with her own issues regarding weight already so focusing on someone else can relieve some of that pressure.
But I would imagine that if Kara was honest with her words, merely conveying how her friend’s comments are affecting her. A close friend, a good friend would be willing to listen and then change her behavior. Weight and body image is such a hard area for so many women and we all deal with that struggle differently. I always wonder that if we were more open about this with each other, with our friends we might find more support than we think!
If this friend is defensive and upset…then that is a topic that needs to be off limits b/w them and she needs to respect how Kara feels.
I have friends who claim I eat like a bird when we go out to dinner and claim that I never eat enough. What they don’t see is how much healthy food I eat everyday. I use food as fuel, and why would I pound down restaurant food that is loaded with crap and not even tasty? It’s annoying.
However, to play devil’s advocate, I was at my friend’s birthday party last week and she looked anorexic/sickly. I never realized how skinny she became, but I asked her if she was “ok” and she said they thought she was really fat. That is when I interjected, only because I cared. She looked so thin that her veins and bones were sticking out but she thought she was fat. That’a a problem, and I thought as a caring friend, I had to say something.
What a great post! I don’t have any friends like that and thank god. My friends are very supportive no matter what I eat, how much I exercise, or what I look like.
I would tell Kara that she needs to talk to her friend about the way her comments make her feel or stop spending time with this “friend”.
Life is too short to be spending your time with someone who makes you feel bad.
Oh Kara how I feel your pain.
Last year I lost 75 lbs. (I’m the running story girl) I am still working on the last 25 lbs and all the time I get questions from well-meaning friends or relatives
“Have you lost anymore?” “Are you still losing?”
When you are sitting on a plateau – guess what you DO NOT need to hear? Then I get the joy, of saying, nope but I’m keeping it off so… It makes me feel bad. I know they mean well but when they say things like
” Keep it up” ” Don’t give up”
All I hear is: ‘YOU ARE STILL FAT DON’T YOU STOP LOSING’
But ya know what? I am still working on it and just this week I lost 5 lbs.. bye bye plateau :D
Let that go. I think that people are encouraging you and I KNOW from having lost 100lbs, and then gaining 25lbs back..to know trying to lose it again..how incredibly frustrating and exhausting it can be at times.
Perhaps take that encouragement and light a fire. Keep doing what your doing..spice up your eating and exercise perhaps.
You’ve already done such an amazing thing.
Thanks Michelle for the encouragement. You are so right.
My friends don’t keep tabs on my weight.
I would honestly tell your friend to dress the girl down…polietly. “I appreciate your obvious concern for what I am eating and how much I weigh. However, what I eat and how much I way is my own personal business. I would appreciate it if topics regarding my consumption of food and/or my weight directed towards me could stop. It’s frustrating that I need to have this conversation, but I am feeling incredibly disrespected and defensive about my own personal choices.”
(pause)
“Want some cake, I love my ass and it’s round shape. You?”
that’s funny.
Oh my goodness– I’ve been in a situation kind of like that before, and when I finally set myself free of that “friend,” it was like a twenty pound weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
No, my friends don’t, thankfully! Sometimes they make jokes about what I eat, etc, but I don’t let it bother me!
I feel so sorry for your friend, that is not a fun situation. Obviously her friend has some eating/body issues and unfortunately is displaying that by criticizing your friend. If I were her I would definitely say something about how it makes her feel uncomfortable. I know I am guilty of scaling my eating at times to the others I am with, like if someone gets a salad I’ll be more likely to get a salad. If others don’t eat their entire plate, I won’t eat my entire plate. I have gotten better though as now I try to do what is best for me in my food selection and the amount I eat. My running and my workouts are important to me, I need to fuel myself accordingly and not eat according to what others are eating or think I should be eating.
I have had comments that stuck with me….. Being teased when I was younger and a bit heavy, to even recently when I lost some weight and my MIL made a comment about me looking more like a runner….. What did a look like before? A running blimp?
I don’t get comments about my weight, but my coworkers (who are mostly men) often comment on or make fun of what I eat. I consider myself a healthy eater and I always bring my lunch to work. I am often invited to eat with my coworkers and when I do, I feel as though they are scrutinizing what I eat. For example, they will act disgusted and ask “What is that” or say “That looks awful,” usually in reference to a salad or yogurt or vegetables. It’s mostly just annoying, but can be hurtful. I used to get defensive, but now I ignore it or laugh it off. To be frank these are guys who are overweight and are sitting there eating fast food while enjoy a delicious and nutritious lunch, so I just try to keep it all in perspective.
Now, having friends, especially female friends scrutinize your weight and what you eat can be a different story. I think there’s a chance Kara’s friends may feel jealous (they want to look like her) or maybe they even admire her and want to emulate her eating habits. I say she tries to ignore it and keep in mind she eats for herself, not others!
I don’t know if it is a generational thing or if older people feel they have the right to treat younger officemates as children, but the comments I get at work about what I eat/don’t eat are out of control. It is hard to bite your tongue when people say rude things about you in front of you. I got a “what’s THAT?!!??!” the other day about… an avocado slice.
I’ve had friends and family who’ve commented on my weight and it’s been good and bad. When I was in the midst of some pretty unhealthy eating/exercise habits, their concern was obvious. However, their comments weren’t really helpful; they just made me feel more self conscious and intent on losing weight. They were right though – I wasn’t being healthy – and I think they were only trying to help.
On the flip side, I also get lots of comments about what I eat, but I find most of those now are made by people who are struggling with their own weight/diet issues. We had cupcakes at work one day and, unlike the 10 other times, I decided to have one. Everyone on my floor kept commenting “oh my gosh, you’re having a cupcake?? i never thought i’d see the day! blah blah blah” It made me really uncomfortable, until I realized they are all dealing with their own issues. More often than not, people comment on other people’s actions b/c they are afraid of looking INWARD. I can’t fix their problems, but I can choose to keep their comments in perspective and surround myself with those who are a positive influence in my life.
I hope your friend can find a way to deal with her friend soon!
I don’t have friends who comment on my weight, but my boyfriend comments on my eating habits/weight/whatever all of the time. I don’t think he means to be mean or to make me feel self conscious but he really does. (It may also be a cultural difference as he is Japanese and I am British)
I’ve tried to talk about it to him before and let him know that his constant comments about stuff (even if they are good!) just make me focus more on something which I know isn’t THAT important, and isn’t really something that I should be worried about, as I am a healthy weight etc. In fact, all of his attention on that particular issue makes me much more likely to come home and binge on something, rather than continue to eat healthily like I try to do most of the time! Hmmmmm…
That’s awful for her.
Obviously that girl is extremely uncomfortable with her own body image that she has to keep tabs on her her friends every bite of food.
I actually did have 2 friends who would make comments about my weight/ food consumption. But I didn’t have to wonder why, I knew that they were both struggling with their own body images and self esteem do I didn’t let it get to me.
The only comments I get now about what I eat is when people see me pull out my lunch that is full of veggies. They always ask if I am a vegetarian and they always say, wow you eat so healthy! It never seems negative, and since I know I am eating well and not depriving myself at all, I do not feel self conscious.
My mom and dad often comment about my weight and ask about what I am eating. My dad assumes that I never eat fried food and my mom is constantly commenting on how my weight looks in pictures. She will say, wow, you put on weight, yuo look good. When the truth is, I haven’t gained a pound! So I never know what to think with them. They both know that I struggle with being healthy, so I know their comments come out of concern.
Sometimes comments like those uttered by Kara’s friend are out of concern, especially if Kara has gone through an ed or a similar struggle. But if the friend is just turning this into a competition, that that is just rude, and she clearly has her own body and health issues to work through.
Those are my two (three, four….) cents!
i didnt read all the comments so i might be repeating something already said but…
although i dont think this is kara’s situation, sometimes it is a GOOD THING that your friends are keeping tabs on your weight. i have said things to friends who i believed had lost too much weight. i think it’s ok and important for a friend to feel like they can speak up if they need to. you should be able to talk to your real friends about these things.